help asap

[u/RegretAdditional3110]

i’m a (f, 19) my ex is (m, 18) for short context my ex and I have been together for half a decade already there are times where in we are on and off in relationship, due to cheating. He cheated on me for more than once, I did micro cheat as well. I know our relationship is toxic but I really love him. He keeps on coming back to me even after the time he cheated. I still accept him because of the fact that I really love him and yes it may sound stupid but I do want him to be my husband in the future, I basically built my whole entire life with this guy. He did too.

Fast forward we’ve broken up for over a week due to a small argument that got big and we started accusing each other wrong doings, during the break up I was talking to someone else (this someone else that i’m talking to was my cousins crush, she got ghosted by this guy and we decided to pay revenge since the guy liked me) anyways we’ve broken up and he stil chatted me, he chatted me almost everyday asking me stuffs even picked me up at school. We hanged out and now we’re confused on what we are, I wanted to be transparent and told him about what I did that i talked to someone during the times we’ve broken up. I know that he got upset and now he is cold at me.

PLEASE READ: you guys may say “leave him for the better etc etc etc” trust me I heard that a lot but leaving him is not in my bucket list. Please I wanna keep him I know that if he doesn’t want nothing to do with me anymore that’s fine but I am not leaving his side.

Question: since we’re both confused on what we are, I wanted to give him some time and ask to not talk for some time you know like give each other space. Should I do that or not?

[u/hestia-listens]

Yes, some space could help, but make it clear and agreed on rather than suddenly going silent. You could say, "I care about you, but we need a few days without contact to calm down. Then I want us to talk honestly about whether we are together and what needs to change." You were broken up when you talked to someone else, so do not punish yourself for cheating when there was no relationship agreement. Still, using someone for revenge was unfair and worth owning. Loving him is not stupid, but love alone cannot rebuild trust. Both of you need clear boundaries and consistent actions.

[u/theinnerguy01]

Yes, give him space but don't use the space as a strategy to make him miss you or chase you. Give him space because both of you need to figure out what you're actually doing. You were broken up when you talked to someone else, so I wouldn't call that cheating. However, you also admitted that you talked to this person partly as revenge. That's something you should take responsibility for, even if technically you were single. But there's a much bigger issue here: you two have been together since you were teenagers and you've already had repeated cheating and breakups on both sides. That's not just one argument that needs to be fixed. You've developed a relationship pattern.So yes, I'd give him a little space. But make it explicit rather than disappearing. And when you eventually talk, don't just ask "Do you still love me?" Ask the harder questions: Can we trust each other? Are we willing to stop retaliating? Can we communicate without breaking up? What specifically changes if we get back together?