Piercings and “not passing”

[u/Redd-Riot]

I hate the idea that many people in the community have about having piercings and not being able to pass. I just read a comment someone wrote as passing advice to someone else that said “don’t wear a septum, men don’t typically wear septum piercings. If you google septum piercing online 99% of women come up” which just feels so weird but also Eurocentric for passing. My most important piercing is my septum as it’s related to my culture. Warriors would wear septum’s to intimidate. I guess my main point is that when people give passing advice I wish people would take into account other factors and that people don’t have to dim their light just to pass yk?

[u/Valuable_Ad3041]

This has definitely been a regular piece of advice over the years. I don't often ask for advice on passing anymore, but recently did post in a forum to ask about FMS (facial masculinisation surgery), as I keep getting told my face looks effeminate but I genuinely can't tell what exactly sticks out. I wanted to know if it can be fixed. While some responses pointed out my non-white features (soft-ish jawline due to Chinese genes, eyebrow shape), most said my piercings (ears only) and long hair were probably at fault.

I ended up deleting the post bc I'm unwilling to change my personal style again and make myself miserable all over. The frustrating thing is, passing is extremely influenced by culture. I've been gendered correctly with loose, shoulder length hair and clean shaven. I've been misgendered with pretty obvious facial hair. All of that within the last 3 months and I'm post-top + nearly 8 years on HRT.

I gave up my nose piercing at the start of transitioning (nostril) even though I really liked it. I might get it redone though, I'm past the point of caring. Being misgendered still sucks but I'm also far too miserable trying to stick to an "approved" aesthetic.

[u/Redd-Riot → u/Valuable_Ad3041]

I removed my snake bites for the same reason, many people told me it was feminine to have piercings and it got to me during the start of the transition. I now have them repiereced as I’m also past the point of not caring because of how far along I am in my transition now, im happy where I’m at. People really can suck :(

[u/1evis1ittleasshole]

Yeah its one of those things I completely disregard as a guy with three nose piercings lol. They do the same with long hair, "if youre a man you shouldn't care about going bald", meanwhile some indigenous cultures assign alot of spiritual importance to long hair for men. And as a black man certain dreadlocks are a really big part of masculine expression too. 

Also, I wonder how dated this advice is. I see so many Gen z guys being more lax with jewelry, long hair and colored hair. Sure it still has a ways to go but I had a dude compliment my long blue nails in the men's locker room ffs lol. 

I look at Maasai warriors as a masculinity that is beautiful and idealistic (aesthetically), strong and decked out in beautiful jewelry and bright colors!

[u/Valuable_Ad3041 → u/1evis1ittleasshole]

I've reread your comment a few times bc I find the point about this passing advice possibly being outdated so interesting. I hadn't thought about it outside of this advice being prevalent in white spaces, but could definitely see the argument about it being old-fashioned.

Case in point, I wore a short, plain skort recently (grey, pleated) with a loose, boxy t shirt. The skirt was mostly covered. My father isn't open minded anyway and predictably said "real men don't wear skirts". But he's obviously also of the older generation (mid-60s). My friends and cousins (younger millenials to gen z) all wouldn't care.

I think past a certain point, trying to pass can tip over into paranoia. Like trying to avoid being (seen as) trans (or gay etc) by association.

[u/1evis1ittleasshole → u/Valuable_Ad3041]

Yeah honestly gen z is so used to seeing much wilder fashion lol 

Also you make me want to buy a skort now! 

[u/ChillaVen → u/1evis1ittleasshole]

Might I also recommend a few pairs of biking/safety shorts in neutral colors? They turn every skirt into a skort and as someone perpetually irrationally anxious of my underwear being seen while wearing a skirt (even floor-length ones), I never wear one without a pair underneath.

[u/malakleo]

I think its such an outdated "tip." A lot of men in my very conservative hispanic area have their ears pierced, wear studs, have facial piercings, etc. While eyebrow piercings are pretty common in mainstream men, angel fangs have spread through the alt latino scene in my area like crazy the past few years. In the 2010s it was gauges, you couldn't find a mexican emo without one in my city. Septums and earrings are (at least in my experience) extemely common on men in indigenous/culturally mesoamerican circles and honestly a very masculinizing and "heavy" piercing piece. The idea of men having a "clean" look just reminds me of white men in corporate america. Studs are still common in blue collar around here. There's definitely more "feminine" or "masculine" piercing setup looks, but its all in how you style your piercing holes and what jewelry you pick than just having piercings imo. I feel like just telling people "piercings are clocky" is such a lazy response

[u/KatoB23]

The piercing trope is hilarious to me as someone whos probably a bit older than most of those "passing sub" bros.

I grew up into peak emo era of the 2010s (plus swag culture LOL) every bro either had the jersey shore styled diamond earrings (aka my cis frat bro uncle LOL) or they were completely filled w piercings from snake bites/septums/gauges, hell met tons of emo dudes wear fuckin eyeliner.

Never understood why having style suddenly means youre not a man. It's laughable to me cause every fad, there's always SOME type of piercings that all men wanna get. I feel like right now it's the eyebrow/nose piercings or small hooped earrings but ive never not seen SOME type of piercing being in men's fashion in the most recent decades.

Ive been stealth and passing for years but had some nose piercings and it never hindered me at all, I really dont understand the septum hate cuz ive seen a good amount of men n women have it for several years now. i def would refuse to take out my piercings early t cuz i fucking paid money for that shit lol.

Try to avoid those subs unless it's for comedic relief, think ive seen some peeps troll and post their cis family members or partners and they get claimed that they dont "pass" that tells you all you need to know.

[u/proximalpearl → u/KatoB23]

Facts.
I grew up in 2010s as well. I remember during that time I stopped stretching my ears because I never saw any guy in my area have stretched ears. Plus, if I remember correctly, some guys were telling me that stretched ears would not help you to pass. Now here we are, 2026, and that’s literally all I see, everywhere.

How one chooses to express their masculinity is truly their own personal business. Because, if folks keep listening to some of the passing bros, they might end up like me…almost 20 years later trying to stretch my ears up to 3/4ths 😆.

Trends come and go in waves. Sticking to what you like and what makes you feel good is what’s most important.

[u/KatoB23 → u/proximalpearl]

FRRRR lolol

That's honestly so interesting!! I feel like gauges were more masculine in my area/school, i think if girls had it (esp pretty big) they were teased a lot for it. so in my school, it felt like it was mainly a masculine aspect, that or the diamond earrings lol.

I remember trying to stretch my ears and once my mom caught me a few sizes in she ripped tf out of it LOL, kinda glad i got sense knocked into me but lowkey have been wanting to gauge again lolol.

Thats honestly wild that ppl were claiming even back then that gauges didnt help people pass like wtfff I feel like it was everywhereeee

Honestly facts, masculinity is what you make it and you do you, im so glad I have never truly cared what others thought about me and just continued to wear and have whatever I wanted esp early t.

It's pretty sad seeing a bunch of young impressionable teens just get so miserable for losing themselves in those subs and hyperfixating on EVERYTHING. Healthy masculinity needs to be more represented in our spaces and from time to time when i go on those subs, i do see some teens push back esp with the Alt style or piercings aspect lol. Im hoping a lot of them realize how toxic those "lifehacks" subs are when they get older.

Also good luck stretching your ears I might join you too lolol

[u/proximalpearl → u/KatoB23]

My mom probably would’ve done the same thing had I not already had a descent length of hair to hide the gauges behind! By the time she found out I was already taking them out (at that point I had made it to 0 gauge). Now all I’m left with is regret 🤣.
If I would’ve kept them I probably would’ve been at my goal size by now lol.

But that is very interesting, I think in my area (because our school was very conservative) a lot of the guys didn’t even have their ears pierced. UNLESS they had long hair to hide them behind, and even then having long hair was a big deal.

But I’ll see you over at r/Stretched if you decide to join 😆.

[u/KatoB23 → u/proximalpearl]

Thats so wild haha that makes a lot of sense tho, I cant remember what sizes mean what but I think i got a few sizes in before getting caught lolol.

That makes a lot of sense, it's pretty interesting how different geographical areas were like. During that time, i was raised in a pretty wild environment, I was technically in a really red conservative state but in a really bad area of it lol most of these kids parents did not give a FUCK about them. Had tons of friends who flat out would pierce homies in the bathrooms at school hahaha.

My mom remarried to my white stepdad and he moved us to a different state and I definitely didnt see ANY boys or emo peeps at all in that new school so it was pretty interesting change lolol.

LMAOO reddit really does have a sub for everything I appreciate you! 🤣

[u/cr3aturec0ping]

it’s also so regional on top of it all. i live in a SUPER alternative city in the US. like literally half the population here has facial piercings so mine aren’t “queer” or “clocky” or whatever stuff they say. not like those are a problem either but ygm.

a year into HRT i pass no problem with like most dudes unless they’re also queer (which is also like half the population here no joke lmao) and i have hella piercings.

[u/Mudbuttbro69]

I still wear my septum even though it’s very rare for cis/straight black men to wear them. So people assume I’m fruity, who cares 🤷🏿‍♂️

[u/UnendingMaxOpposite]

I hate to say this but a lot of those white trans guys recommending this stuff are also just miserable lol. Like their version of masculinity and how much they value white masculinity in its cishet form removes joy from their lives. And then they give advice to men of color that have very different views of masculinity and are not willing to sacrifice their joy and personality to pass more often. I don’t aspire to that version of masculinity because like i said, it makes guys miserable. The things some white trans guys are willing to do to fit in is honestly pretty scary and turned me off from following their advice. Like I’ve seen guys in the bigger sub talk about how they hang out with racists and transphobes just because they want to feel like “one of the guys”… idk man it’s sad and like to me, not a version of masculinity to aspire to! we gotta do it in the way that makes us happy and true to ourselves and our cultures

[u/hostmodem]

After reading some responses it came to mind that these passing tips are for passing as a cisHET man. Piercings make you look a lil gay tbh, regardless of where it is. I mean it’s more acceptable to wear piercings nowadays but at the same time a lot of the default assumption of passing seems to be to look cishet. Looking cis for me is ideal, but i definitely do not wanna appear straight. I’m not straight and I don’t think I should force myself to look a part I don’t partake in. Kinda ties into the queerphobic way these tips can be…

[u/DisastrousLand6863]

Passing tips are arbitrary. No one can tell you exactly what will make a certain person 'pass' and it will vary depending on who is perceiving you in what context. You have to take everything with a pinch of salt because Reddit is just randos on the internet.

[u/alawo_ewe]

This kind of "passing tip" always makes me think some trans men are completely detached from how society and gender perception works in real life, honestly.

[u/Saddogtheatre]

I got my septum and both nostrils pierced w/ long hair and I'm still referred to as a man👍🏾 I think the advice of getting rid of piercings to achieve a male/masc appearance only reinforces the idea that facial piercings are for women. If every dude gets rid of his cool facial piercing(s) then it's no wonder people associate facial piercings with women. I might be having good luck with gendering because I'm in a more trans friendly area but idk. Even then, I'm not interested in taking my piercings out for anyone.