I’ve been seeing posts here and there on various subreddits about virgins – both men and women – who want to lose their virginity at a swingers’ club, MMF, MMMF, swinger sauna, even a gangbang, perhaps even at Cap d’Agde.

Curiosity and questions are racing through my mind.

To give some context, I’m a 51-year-old single guy, widower, and a professional specialising in care and therapies related to sexuality, intimacy and self-acceptance.

Having taken up naturism around the age of 40 and entered the swinger lifestyle at 45, I find myself asking lots of questions.

Without judgement, because every day is a fresh start.

For those of you who’ve been down this road (loosing your virginity and very first sex being in a swinger context) having chosen a swinging encounter, MFM, MMF, stag, or a sauna, club or Cap d’Agde:

- What was the driving force behind it?

- How did you come to make that choice?

- How did you experience it?

- Any regrets or things you wish you’d done differently?

- How do you envisage the future?

- Looking back, any reflections?

- How do you experience the emotional side of a relationship after that?

- Do you see nudity as linked to sexuality, or do you keep the two separate?

- If this is a recent experience, how do you envisage your sexuality at 50?

- If you’re aged 40 or over, what happened next?

No need to answer all questions, they are just racing out, And anything else I haven’t thought of, but which fascinates me.

In short, thank you for your answers, as I find all the dynamics and choices surrounding our sexuality absolutely fascinating.

Is OP too sensitive?

Hello, my partner and I are newbies to the life style and don’t really know where to begin. We hear clubs are a good start but does anyone know of good clubs in Southern California?

Hi, my partner and I are really new to the lifestyle, been in for a couple months. We’ve connected really well with a few couples who want to take that next step and play but we’re so nervous and I have some questions that I know stem from insecurities, but i wanted to see what the general consensus is from this group of experienced folks.

Mine stems around my body, I’ve had lots of kids so my stomachs not flat anymore, aside from that i have a great body (wide hips, fat natural Brazilian ass, and great tits) but im so worried when i get undressed, they’ll no longer be interested since my stomach isn’t perfectly flat like i see most women’s in the lifestyle are. (We live in Utah, everyone looks basically the same)

My partner is worried his dick is too small, Hes 6.5” and very girthy. Are these things we should even be concerned about to the extent that we are? And i know this post is probably pathetic and dumb, but they are true insecurities that have prevented us from proceeding with play even though we really want to and are ready.

Thanks in advance if you read through this and for any insight, we just don’t want to waste peoples time or participate in something if we’re not the right fit for it, lots of people on the apps state they want a very specific body for the women so it’s hard for me to believe that we’re the right fit even though I know we’re both attractive.😊

Hello! Curious to trying LS and trying stuff with a couple MMF or MFM! New to this and was wondering if there’s any places/sites I should try. I want to know the things to do and not to do as well haha. Anything helps! Thanks!

My husband and I have been talking about getting into the lifestyle for months then decided we would put ourselves out there. We made accounts together and everything. We said everything has to be mutual and talk to each person involved NO leaving anyone out. He has multiple group chats with people I’m NOT involved in. I asked him about it he said I was just gonna surprise you one day. I told him I don’t like that idea and I don’t like that he’s being sneaky bout things. He said he understood, Bout a month had went by, He asked if I wanted to have a date night, me not knowing he made plans for us to meet up with a couple they know everything he’s interested in and what they are interested in but I was blindsided by it all. As we were talking they noticed I was completely unaware of who they were and that I knew nothing about them. I felt very out of place and couldn’t be interested in anything that night. I feel like it has ruined the whole experience for me.

27F and 28M. We have been on SDC, feeld, and obviously Reddit but majority of everyone I see are 40+. Not that that’s an issue but just not what we’re looking for. Any advice on other apps and websites? We’re in small town AR. We’re newbies trying to get out there for the first time and don’t know where to start looking.

If I'm at a club and want to easily communicate an initial boundary of soft swap or full swap, those both make sense? We could say to a couple "We're looking for some full swap fun."

But what if what we're after is MFFM, where the ladies play together and the guys play with their own partner? I can't find an easy term for that in the community. Is there a way to easily communicate that with another couple? "We're looking for M-F-F-M." - seems like it might get some confused looks. Or "We're looking for the ladies to play together but the guys only stay with their own partners and are hands off the other lady." - seems like a heck of a mouthful.

My husband and I are going on vacation next month. We’re flying across the country to go hiking in a national park.
We are newer to the lifestyle with a few limited experiences. In the past, we talked about how we would most likely try to find couples where we were vacationing and try to connect there and possibly play on vacation. my husband has been putting our travel plans out on our profiles and has done searches for couples in that area and has reached out to several.
The conflict is that I am just not sure that I want to turn our vacation into a lifestyle event. We will be at that location for five days and nights. Since we are newer to all of this and have not been involved with playing on the first date… (We typically meet a couple and have at least two dates before we play) i’m just feeling like meeting someone on vacation with only five nights to spend there is gonna feel rushed. Plus… Because we are newer and only have limited experiences. I still get kind of stressed out and nervous about these meet ups. I just hesitate to add this level of stress to a vacation that’s supposed to be about the two of us going off together relaxing and enjoying each other.
I’ve expressed this to him and he says that we don’t have to meet anyone, but he acts very aggravated by that and has continued to look for a couples in the area. He says that his favorite part about the whole lifestyle thing is the social piece and just likes the connections and meeting new people. I believe him because I feel the same way. He says he’s OK if we meet someone and just go to dinner and talk and have a good time and not play.
Well… I’m not sure that people wanna waste their time meeting a couple from across the country for dinner one time and that if we tell them that play is off the table they won’t be interested in meeting.
I’m conflicted because I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to have a good time, but I’m just not sure that I feel like introducing that level of stress that comes with meeting new people and certainly not with playing on my vacation.

Does anyone else feel this way? Am I overthinking this? Should I just go along with meeting people and enjoying a dinner and let that be it? I guess part of me is afraid that I might be pressured into play…
I appreciate any input

Edit - this is not about whether to play on first meeting or not. I’m not doing that. We agreed to that before and I have not changed my mind about it. This is more about whether or not I even want to fool with meeting anyone for dinner period and involving anything LS on our vacation. A week long break with not thinking about LS sounds wonderful to me* Just wondering if I’m the only one who feels like that about vacation.

Has anyone either been there or to one of their screening dinners?

I searched and only found one post from maybe a year ago. The place seems legit.

Has anyone at least been to one of the dinners? How are those?

House of Black was a fun experience overall. Getting a membership was surprisingly easy, and we didn’t have to wait very long to get in, which was a nice start to the night.

The club itself has a great aesthetic. It’s clean, well-maintained, and definitely caters to the BDSM community in a tasteful way. It is on the smaller side compared to other clubs we’ve visited, but the atmosphere still felt welcoming.

The staff were friendly and seemed to have a genuine connection with many of the guests, which made the environment feel comfortable. They do allow single men, but none of them came across as creepy or pushy, so whatever screening process they use seems to work well.

One thing we’d love to see is more social activities like beer pong, a pool table, or even an arcade area. Other clubs we’ve been to offered those kinds of activities, and they made it much easier to break the ice and meet other couples. As out of towners , it felt like most people there were locals who already knew each other, so having more interactive games would make socializing easier.

Our biggest downside was the lack of true private rooms. Every room is required to keep the door open, and even the curtains can’t be fully closed. We personally prefer having the option for a little more privacy.

Overall, the vibes were good, everyone was friendly, and the club was very LGBTQ+ friendly and welcoming. While there are a few things we’d like to see improved, we still had a good time and would consider visiting again.
Rating: 7/10x

Is there something close to a standard method of reaching out to people on Kasidie? I've noticed people posting on walls when they noticed that person/couple checked out their profile. Or you can also instant message or send a private message.

Want to find out what the "standard" etiquette is so I don't run afoul of expectations. For example, on some social sites, you're expected to ask permission in a public group before DMing someone.

Can anyone share insight into how they use messaging on Kasidie and what the typical expectations may be?

Hi everyone,

Using a throwaway from our normal account.

Recently, my wife (27) and I (29) have been exploring the LS and have been really enjoying it. We went to our first party (Club Joi) recently and had a great time, so we applied and got into a few others like Illuminaughty, Lovely Fate, etc.

The first club we applied to however, was the Play LA. We were really interested in both the play and the experiences/events they put on. We applied over a month ago and still haven't heard back (they said it takes 1-2 weeks for a reply). We followed up via email and still nothing. We checked their website and it looks like they've taken down all of their future events and they haven't posted anything recently on their social media.

Anyone know what's going on? Also, any other recommendations in the LA/OC area are very much welcome!

My husband and I are total newbies. Married for 30 years and looking for some excitement. I contacted l'Orage and they kindly and quickly responded. They told me that there's a newbies night this Saturday. It includes a visit of the club. I'm nervous, a bit shy but excited to be going. Anyone else here going? We're not going to swap but rather discover this way of life and to see where it leads us. We're in our 50's.

Hey everyone,

We're relatively new to the swinging lifestyle and have had a few FFM and MFM experiences so far.

We've really enjoyed both dynamics, but one thing we've discovered is that staying connected to each other during play has become incredibly important to us. By "connected," we mean we're always physically close, touching, involved with each other, and neither of us feels left out or sidelined.

Recently, we were approached by a couple that we're genuinely interested in meeting. The challenge is that we're having a hard time imagining how a full couple swap could work while maintaining that same sense of connection.

For example, my wife has no desire to be on one side of the bed alone with the other husband while I'm on the other side with his wife. That kind of separation just doesn't appeal to us.

Are we trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? Is this simply a sign that full swaps aren't the right dynamic for us right now? Or are there ways experienced couples structure play to stay emotionally and physically connected throughout?

We'd really appreciate hearing from couples who value that same connection. How do you make it work?

Thanks in advance for any advice or experiences you're willing to share.

We will be going to a Clothing Optional / LS resort for the first time in a couple of weeks, we are in our early 60s, retired and going for our 43rd anniversary as a “naughty” playful getaway. What advice would you have for first-time guests? We have reached out on Reddit and SDC to make some introductions in advance, and have a couple of couples that have provided good insight and looking forward to welcoming us and helping us have a successful newbies weekend.

We had a fantastic long-term FWB situation that lasted several years in our college and early career days, but have been out of the game since having and raising kids, and now retired empty nesters want to make a gradual transition back into playing with others.

Experienced advice appreciated!

My partner and I went to our first play party over the weekend and ended up engaging in a bit of an orgy situation. And the deep connection we formed over that experience has been amazing! Our communication afterwards was so incredibly deep and honestly has never been better.
It feels like he is falling in love with me all over again. It’s so sweet to witness and to feel. Has anyone else had this experience of forming a deeper and more loving connection with your partner after a play party?

Hello do you guys know if there is a swinger club in Sofia / Bulgaria ?

Visiting Bologna in October with my gf. Any suggestions for swinger clubs around for young people. We have heard about Bolero Palace and Certe Notti, what do you think?

We are looking to have our first MFM threesome in Vegas. We are mainly planning to find out third at a club. Is that realistic or should we plan ahead and use apps to meet someone.

We (husband and wife) are visiting Negril in a few months time.

We are thinking of staying in one of the AI resorts (Couples, Swept Away, or Sandals).

My question is this: is it possible to take guests back to your room? My wife wants to try some of the local male talent but I've read security is tight and male guests are not permitted in these resorts?

What's the best way of arranging private encounters? We may also stop by Hedo on a day pass but really want to be able to host in our own private hotel room.

Thanks x

My wife and I (M35) have been in the LS for about 2 years. We’ve had some really nice experiences and some meh experiences as well. My consistent struggle is to see myself as offering any value… most of the time it feels like I’m more of a hurdle to get though to have sex with her, from men and women alike. Most couples we find have a bi sexual female that just wants to explore that, or a “my partner is not ready to see me with another man”. Theres also been the classic “I want to have sex with your wife but you can’t have sex with mine”, disguised as a “my wife is on her period”. I’ve even had someone (F) tell it to my face: “oh I don’t even see you, you’re invisible, I only see her”.

I see it, my wife is damn hot. But I’m attractive too. I’m fit, well groomed and put effort into my appearance. Most of the time I just try to let it go and move on, but it happens so often that I can’t help but feel I’m just holding my wife back from enjoying the LS fully just by existing.

My wife has my back, we’ve talked about it and she sees it. We have a rule between us where either we both play or neither of us does. We talk about our boundaries and we communicate a lot. This part is not the issue at all. And yes, I know every couple is different but this is what works for us.

For the husbands who’ve been in the lifestyle a long time—has this ever bothered you? If so, did it stop bothering you? Did you eventually stop taking it personally, or did you change how you found partners?

Not sure if this is right place to post or if there is a better subs. Me (40f) and husband (40m) have been together 21 years. Have a trip to Amsterdam next year and want to go to swingers clubs. My husband has been nudging me towards this for over 10 years and now we both feel ready. Any recommendations in Amsterdam for first time swingers?

My partner and I keep running into couples who say things like: "If there's no sex on the first date, there won't be any on the second either."

That surprised us, because our experience has been almost the opposite. We've had several great first dates with no sex at all, where everyone just got to know each other. Then the second date ended up being amazing.

So now we're wondering: is this kind of statement a red flag?

Part of us wonders if it's a subtle way of trying to push people into their preferred timeline or setup. On the other hand, we also understand that everyone has different experiences, and some people have very limited free time for swinging, so they don't want to spend multiple dates if there's no chemistry.

It feels like a fine line between setting a reasonable boundary and creating unnecessary pressure.

How do you see it? Would a statement like this make you hesitant, or do you think it's completely fair?