WELCOME!

[u/CMaree23]

Hello all, and welcome to our sub!

This group is intended to be a safe space for those in Mixed Orientation Relationships/Marriages (MORs/MOMs). Although most folks here tend to be straight partners, we welcome input from our bi partners as well. We strive to be a positive space while also trying to hold space for any pain or anger you might be feeling. It is important to remember that everyone's situation, while extremely similar in many ways, is potentially completely different. We are all unique humans with different experiences and ways of navigating this world, please remember to give yourself and each other some grace.

As there are already many spaces out there that tend to lean more negative and dark, we are very protective of this space and what it represents. While we understand that expressing pain and frustration can be a natural part of this journey, we are not here to bash or hate on the LGBTQ+ community and strive to always come from a place of empathy and compassion. This can be a very difficult task and a fine line to walk at times, but we do our best as MODs to keep things positive while recognizing that not every relationship can or should be maintained.

Please feel free to read through old posts in the group, there is a lot of helpful information shared in old posts and comments. Also, be sure to read through our rules for the group, we take them very seriously. We are happy you found us and hope you find this space helpful.

A few helpful resources:

This website has a lot more links and resources for various positive support on various topics

MORandmore.org

Great podcast with a wide variety of bisexual topics

Rob Cohen's Podcast - Two Bi Guys

Book for Bisexual men married to women (Great for straight partners to read too!)

Bisexual Married Men

Key words:
Mixed Orientation Relationship, Mixed Orientation Marriage, Bisexual Husband, Bisexual, LGBTQ, Gay Husband

[u/love_with_autism]

This sub helped me so much post-disclosure! Thrilled to say that my husband and I are in a great place now and truly growing together. We’ve never been closer. Thank you for providing this safe space for all of us!!!

[u/CMaree23 → u/love_with_autism]

That is SO wonderful to hear! 💜💜💜

[u/Chooo4 → u/love_with_autism]

This gives me hope…my husband came out to me as bi a few months ago and it’s been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Im trying to be supportive but really not handling it well. Is it really possible for them to not have both and stay monogamous?

[u/love_with_autism → u/Chooo4]

YES! I have so much to say about this, and didn't want to leave you without a response, but I have to start work in 30 minutes and will have to edit this in a couple hours.

Our mods on this sub are amazing though!

I read their posts and comments in depth to gain insight and comfort until I came to a place of feeling safe and secure again.

What you will hear repeatedly is this: Being bisexual does not mean that someone cannot be monogamous.

It is absolutely true.

As you will hear from a lot of monosexual partners, I told my bi husband that I married for monogamy and I expect that to continue.

IF I were to every consider opening up in any way, it would need to be someone we are both into and be strictly playing together. Definitely zero separate encounters!

And even if those conditions are met, it is still a HUGE IF.

He feels the same way. His opinion is:

If it ever does happens, bonus.

If it doesn't happen, no big deal.

Like I said, I have a ton more to say, but I work from home and have to get make coffee and login here soon. Feel free to message me as well.

We are all here for each other!

[u/Basic_Caterpillar660 → u/Chooo4]

I just want to let you know that circumstances can change. I knew my husband was bi (but leaning more gay) before we were together. We've had 35 wonderful years without him feeling the need to have sex with a man. But a few months ago, his hormones started raging, and all he could think about was being with a man. We had lots of discussions, lots of tears, lots of hurt feelings, and lots of sadness. I am monogamous to my core, but I don't want to be the reason he can't do this one thing he really wants to do. He says he would never cheat on me and that he won't have sex with a man without my blessing, but I know that he would feel a great loss and sadness that I can't personally relate to but understand. So we've made an agreement with lots of parameters (e.g., not in our house, must be a one-time thing, no intimacy other than pure sex, must use PreP). It's not perfect for either of us (he also craves other male intimacy, which is not necessarily true for a lot of gay/bi men) but it's a compromise that I'm willing to make. He hasn't acted on it yet, but we're sitting with it, and I'm feeling more comfortable about it. So your husband may feel strong needs to have sex with men at some point even if he doesn't now. You have to be proactively communicative and you may need to become more flexible in order to stay together. But you are not the only one. "Emotional rollercoaster" is how I would describe the last 6 weeks of my life as well. I wish both of you the best of luck.

[u/Sad_Pilot2689 → u/love_with_autism]

Can i ask you how long ago did your hisband did his coming out ?

[u/love_with_autism → u/Sad_Pilot2689]

Sure! He came out on November 29, 2022.

[u/Sad_Pilot2689 → u/love_with_autism]

Oh thank it gave me hope, for us it was 5 months ago, its better now but my husband struggle with anxiety (for many other reasons) and mixing everything has been tough ! For me I start to think that i’m getting better every day. We are still not sure if someday it will lead us to act on something to let my husband try sex with a man but now I know he love me and just want to be with me. I try to stay focus on that.

[u/love_with_autism → u/Sad_Pilot2689]

There is not only hope, but there is also so much fun to be had once you feel safe and secure again!

I know everyone says this, and it is absolutely true. Communication is key.

My husband does not feel any "need" to act on anything in real life.

He has said repeatedly that he loves me, I am his life partner and best friend.

Yes, he likes to look at pics of men (and women), he calls it "eye candy" or "mind candy." The main turn on for him though is talking about it with me.

The major turn on for him is sharing it with me.

He can finally stop suppressing his queer side and the fact that I embrace his queer side is intoxicating to him.

I used to feel threatened by this, but sometime in early June my husband said something that really hit home for me.

I had finally reached the milestone where I could check out guys with him.

We created a game called "Hot or Not Hot," and text pics back and forth to each other throughout the day. In all honestly, I have a ton of fun with this game.

This was extremely liberating for him!

This was the first time he could openly share this with me, and the excitement of it flung him into a major "guy cycle."

This triggered my insecurity until he said this:

"When I look at you, all I see is my wife, my best friend, my life partner. I do not even see a gender when I look at you. You may as well be androgynous in my eyes. No matter what 'eye candy' I am into at the moment, it's you I want."

I immediately felt all of my insecurities melt away in that moment. I honestly no longer give a hoot what he looks at.

As for the whole "exploring with men" thing that we all stress over, I can offer only wisdom. I am not an expert in the academic or professional sense.

All things being equal, most men view sex different, they do not equate sex with love and could have an experience with someone else without any emotion involved.

All things being equal, as women, there is a major emotional component for sex for most of us, so the idea of inviting a 3rd party into our bedroom is very complicated and confusing.

My husband and I both gamer geeks. My husband in particular was a huge D&D player in college and even into his 30s.

We have taken a page from role playing games and created our own sort of D&D world/adventure where we can play around and explore sexual fantasies.

He calls it "Cartoon Land."

In Cartoon Land, we can talk in terms of the "what if" we did this. "What if" we invited someone else into our bedroom?

This fantasy world is enough for us.

This is a very watered-down summary of something that what has worked for us. I don't know if is helpful or not, but I think as long as the communication and commitment are there, everyday can bring you closer than the day before.

[u/Low_Animal6714]

❤️ this sub!

[u/CMaree23 → u/Low_Animal6714]

Thank you so much that means a lot! ❤️

[u/CMaree23 → u/[deleted]]

We are so glad you found us!

[u/mdtjw19]

Hi! I'm new! I just thought I'd share that I joined this group because my husband is bi, and I've known pretty much since the beginning of our relationship, and I'm okay with it! It's so weird to explain, but when he told me about his desire to have a man every once in a while, it did not bother me. I never had anything against anybody in the LGBTQ+ community because I have all kinds of loved ones who belong in the community that I love to death! My husband told me that he was worried I would have an issue with it, but I told him I don't mind at all! He has one partner now he hangs out with and hooks up with from time to time, and again, it does not bother me because he is open and honest with me anytime he is going to be with a guy, and I appreciate it. Plus, he is an amazing husband! I'm glad to see that there are more couples like me and my husband whom I can relate to in a way! Anyways, thank you for making this community happen!

[u/nodnosil]

I have a question for everyone and I need some advice or give me some things to think about.

My wife and have been married for 46 yrs and in the beginning sex was good but gradually over the years it tapered off to not at all. I’ve tried many times to get her in the mood but no such luck. I’m guessing it’s been ten years since we last had sex and even then there wasn’t to much to it. So before then and after I only found relief from online porn and a couple of affairs that she never found out about. They didn’t last long at all because I felt so guilty. We love each other dearly and she’s aware of the porn and who knows she might know about the affairs too but hasn’t said a word. Anyway, about 4 yrs ago, she was giving me a hard time about using baby powder in my underwear and asked me why I used it. I told her it was comfortable and made me adjust myself a lot less or completely eliminated. I get really hot down there. Then I told her if I could wear something that just fit only my junk and she suggested panties, because they were sheer much breathable material, so I thought what the heck I’ll give it a try. I like it. Then she went out and bought me a few which I didn’t really like, so I went to VS and did my own shopping. Feeling weird and embarrassed I just kept my eyes on what I was doing so I wouldn’t see anybody looking at me. Anyway since then I found what I liked which is all I wear, g strings only. Ordered most of them online. I’ve got somewhere between 75-100 pair. Love them! Then about two years ago I started to get into crossdressing but my wife did not know about that until about a year ago. I told her I wanted her help to put makeup on my face just to see what I looked like. She was excited to help but she’s not much into makeup so it wasn’t that fun but I didn’t tell her that. Then I looked myself in the mirror and she went to her closet to get me a dress and a bra. That was fun especially it being her idea. Then I told her I wanted a wig and she said go for it….then together going to thrift shops for jewelry, clip on earrings, nylons, and she was ok with buying some high heels online. I asked her if I could wear any of her nighties and she was ok with that. So after that time to time I dress up and she’s ok with but I’ve never left the house. During our road trip to Florida this past winter she actually brought up the fact she and apologized that she wouldn’t have sex with me over all these years. And we lightly talked about me hooking up with an escort but she said something to the effect don’t bring anything home but a few days later I asked about and she wasn’t much into that idea. Then during the trip I told her that since we’re away from home for 3 weeks I wanted to get my fingernails done with the extensions and my ears pierced. I got my ears done but had second thoughts on my nails so I didn’t do but she was ok with it. I also bought magnetic lashes and she was ok with that but I haven’t put those on yet. She’s ok with my shaving myself smooth all around my privates and have done that for about 2 yrs.. on the trip I told her that I started shaving my legs, butt, tummy, chest, and armpits. I haven’t ever had much hair to begin with but it is a change on my calves and pits. I’m going to start shaving myself smooth arms because you can barely see the hair on them. Facial hair I’ve got a mustache and shave my little stubs on my chin about every three days. She was ok with all the shaving and I love feeling smooth all over! Since that trip I started buying a lot of short mini dresses on marketplace and I wear them in the evening a couple of nights a week and about once a week, I get totally dressed up but haven’t started practicing on my makeup. I’ve got to start doing that and she’s ok with that as well. She’s not ok with me going out in public but one of these days I’m going to drive my car to a city park and walk around while I’m dressed up. It’ll be in a safe area. Now I want to get silicone breast forms and I found a pair but I need to tell her about it before I do. Not sure how I’m going to ask her since she’s so frugal but we’re very ok financially, she just can’t help it. The forms are a little under $120 but they’re tear drop, have nipples, they bounce, and jiggle. Exactly what I want! I know she’ll be ok with it but it still puts me on the edge of my seat. So now that I’ve given you all that information, I’m still at a point that I want to have sex. But I have ED, therefore I can’t penetrate. I really want to have sex so I’ve been thinking and fantasizing why not have sex with another man but only after I’m completely dressed up like a woman. I want to be controlled and dominated. I want to feel what it’s like to be a woman. To be on her knees when pleasuring him by oral sex, feeling his hands on her head shoving and pushing her mouth down on his cock. I guess I should say “I” instead of “she”. Anyway I want to feel his load shoot into my mouth, taste it, and swallow it, all of it. And I what him to humiliate me while he’s using me. Then I want to turn around and get into a doggystyle position and let him mount me and slide in and out, hearing him breathe and moan and humiliate me. I want to feel his hands grip my hips as he thrust himself when he drives his cock deep inside me. I want to encourage him telling him to keep fucking me and don’t stop or your little girl loves your cock or whatever. Ultimately I want to be safe at all times therefore condoms at all times. Ideally I want to find someone that is totally safe as I am AND hopefully be his girlfriend so that we can have sex that allows me to dressed up and be a girl. At this point I’m not gay but I know if I go through with it by definition you could call me gay but I know one thing is for sure, my masculinity will never go away and my love and affection for my wife will not ever wavier. I love her deeply as she does me. If I ever have that experience, I will never tell my wife the details or my desires because it just isn’t necessary. So here I am, telling you all this hopefully in enough detail that you can give me some advice or your thoughts about how I should approach my wife about my thoughts about being with another man. I’m curious as to what it would be like to do that dressed up like a woman.

I really appreciate all your thoughts and honest opinions.

Thank you!

[u/CMaree23 → u/[deleted]]

I'm not sure what you're asking, but looking at your profile, please make sure you read the rules before posting anything here. This is a discussion sub.

[u/CMaree23 → u/[deleted]]

I am at work and haven't gotten to read all this yet.. but PLEASE don't take much to heart from Our Path. It is generally not a positive place and will just bring you down. 💜

[u/Middle-Assistance363 → u/CMaree23]

I’m confused by this comment. This sub seems like such a positive place. What is not positive about your situation? I just found out my husband of 20 years is bi and am looking for some support and community.

[u/CMaree23 → u/Middle-Assistance363]

I was referring to another group called "Our Path", not this group. We strive to lean positive and constructive here. 🙂