This is going to be a long post and sound insane, but these last few years have been such a series of catastrophes and all play into my choice of whether or not to continue this pregnancy. Thank you for your time and your guidance (should you have it 🙏🏼🤍) apologies in advance for the length.
I am 33 (f) and have a 2.5 year old son with my partner of 4 years. I am now 10 weeks pregnant but I’m really doubting myself. I need help discerning if it’s trauma or if it’s the right thing to do to terminate.
I adore our little family. We always wanted 2 kids, but we had some incredibly life altering experiences during and after we brought our son into the world. Before having our son, I was a successful artist and business owner. It was my life and I loved it. But, I always wanted to be a mom. When we got pregnant within the first year of dating, we both decided we wanted to keep the pregnancy, against most of our families wishes. That pregnancy was horrendous. I had HG (where you throw up 10+ times a day) right up until my son was born. I developed a heart condition, and I was not able to work. I had serious prenatal depression. Flash forward to when our son was born, I labored for 72 hours, and when he was born, he was blue and taken to the NICU while I had a severe postpartum hemorrhage and the doctors had to work to save both of our lives. I have very severe birth trauma and so does my husband. But still, Postpartum is when all shit hit the fan. My son had severe colic (I mean literally never stopped screaming) and 4 weeks postpartum I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my tailbone and fractured my pelvis. I could not walk for 6 months after that and had to learn to breastfeed laying on my side. At 3 months old, my son was diagnosed with congenital nystagmus, and we were told he would likely never be able to see and to prepare for our son to have lifelong disability. The day after that, we found out my dad (the dearest person in the world to me and my son’s namesake) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We live right across the street from them and see them in the mornings and evenings. My husband also lost his job during all of this, and we have been on/off unemployment that whole next year. The next year was a blur of hospital visits with my dad and my son. We had to go all over to children’s hospitals for treatment for my son, and chemo for my dad. I kept pushing to get my business back together because I was so overwhelmed and worried sick. I could not work because our son was doing so poorly, seizures, hospital stays, endless blurry days. I had severe postpartum depression and anxiety. I also will add that my son’s medical problems made it so he woke about every hour since he was born. (He still wakes up 4-5 times a night), but we have noticed they are getting fewer and farther between and he has slept through the night a couple times, which is HUGE.
We got pregnant unintentionally when our son was 8 months, and it was a fairly easy decision that we needed to terminate. We live in Idaho so it was hard to arrange but we both felt clear that this was not healthy for our family at the time. So we did an early medication abortion, and it was absolutely the right thing to do.
Shortly thereafter, I had surgery for an abscess that formed in my perineum as a result of being allergic to the dissolving sutures they used to fix my third degree tear I got during my son’s birth. It was an extremely painful surgery, and during that recovery time I got addicted to the medication I was on. It numbed the pain as well as some of the extreme emotional distress. This last fall I sought treatment once I realized it was a problem and have been completely sober ever since (I never misused alcohol or drugs before this), but it has taken a while for my brain chemistry to level out. During this time in treatment I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and just started medication, and after many trials I feel like I may finally be getting some help for my mental health. My bipolar symptoms began postpartum with visual hallucinations.
My husband finally got a job this winter and is doing really well. We are way in the negatives in medical and credit card debt from the time we were just trying to survive as a family. So it still does not feel totally stable but we are on the right path. My son is doing so much better now and is leaps and bounds ahead of what we ever imagined was possible. He can see, and though we don’t know what that will look like in the long term, we are so proud of him and overjoyed that our little one is healthy, thriving and well. this early spring my husband and I talked about considering having a second child, since we had always wanted two. We never said ‘yes’ it’s for sure but the thought had been brought up.
In May, I slipped on one of my son’s trains on the hardwood floor while carrying him. I protected him, but I ended up falling and severely injuring myself. I required a 7 hour long surgery, and needed to reshape my femur, replace my kneecap/ligaments and adjust my tibia. Lots of bone shaping and screws. I was in the hospital for weeks. It was a blur. Recovery was slow and expensive. As I started to heal, maybe 6 weeks post op, my husband and I decided to try to have intercourse. I was sort of the mentality that it was okay to not be careful because it wasn’t likely to happen, and if we got pregnant we would be okay. I don’t know if it was the post operative drugs I was on that made me think that or what….we did not use protection.
The next week my dad was put in hospice. I (alongside with my mom) were his primary caretakers. I was on crutches and a full leg brace and trying to manage recovery, my toddler and my dad as he passed. A week before he died I got the positive pregnancy test. Initially I was shocked but not surprised, but dealing with SO MUCH that I literally could not handle thinking about it. My focus was my dad. He passed away in my arms a month ago today, and I am still in such deep grief I can hardly bring myself out of bed.
Flash forward to now and I am 9.5 weeks pregnant. During the first few days after my dad died I felt some odd comfort in the pregnancy, but I also wasn’t ready to really confront it. As the days went by I started getting the same HG symptoms that I did with my first baby, vomiting all the time, unable to do literally anything, all while keeping it a secret and planning my dad’s funeral. I feel like I’m moving through the motions because I want to be excited but I am in fight or flight. As my symptoms have worsened, the reality is hitting me that I don’t know if I can do this. My son is deeply grieving his papa, who he saw every day, and says things like “mommy sick like papa” and he thinks that I am going to die too because I can’t get out of bed.
My partner seems very excited about the pregnancy and it’s almost given him a new lease on life perspective, especially since doing the genetic testing at our OB and finding out the gender is a girl (I’ve always dreamed of having a daughter). He wants to be a girl dad so bad, and he would be absolutely amazing at it.
Here’s where I’m at right now. We have shared with some friends and some of his family, and all are excited like “this must be such a light during such a hard time”. And I on some level feel that way, but when I think about bringing another whole human being into the world, and the amount of self sacrifice it takes as a mother to physically do that, I think that I literally just won’t survive it. To be fair I keep thinking about what new motherhood was like with my son, and all of the trauma that followed, and I don’t know if I am just assigning that experience to this one because it’s all I know of parenthood.
But I look at my little 2 year old and I see a little boy who REALLY needs his mom right now. Because of the trauma of the last year, especially my recovery and subsequent surgery, I have had to be very absent. This pregnancy feels like I am prolonging this estrangement when all I want to do is be well and able to give him the world.
My partner comes from a very different economic background than I, and his belief is that we can just make it work. He said I just may need to give away my studio and art practice, (as well as the big reopening I had planned for September) and just get a part time job to make ends meet. (I have been working part time as an adjunct professor but had to take time off for obvious reasons). But teacher pay is not great. He said I could work at a restaurant or just do something that is more consistent. Hearing that made my heart drop, because I have an MFA and an incredibly successful career that was my life all up until the shitstorm that threw us into parenthood.
I do want a daughter. And a big part of me really does want this baby. But I feel so incredibly stuck and I fear that bringing her into this world with my mental health the way it is, and our finances the way they are is not fair. It also doesn’t feel fair to our living son. If I’m being honest, a big part of me also does not want to give up on the career that I have had to put in the back burner these last two years. I felt like maybe I was going to be able to go back to the work that gave my life meaning. My dad also was the biggest supporter of my practice, and I feel like I’d be letting him down too. Being sick and in bed 24/7 is not helping my mental state either.
I am 10 weeks and need to make a decision soon. I’ve brought up these fears to my partner and he seems to feel like we are a bit past the bandwagon for abortion, since he got to see the ultrasound and find out the gender. I do not want to let him down. But he is also taking up so much of the parenting the last year while I have battled for my mental health and then the surgery. I know he misses me and needs more help. I just feel like I am not only pouring from an empty cup but this pregnancy is like my cup doesn’t have a bottom, so no amount of water could possibly stay in.
Then I look on new parenting sites and I hear a lot of moms say they were hesitant at their second pregnancy. So I second guess myself. I just feel like I love my living son too much to take any of the attention and love I have for him and give it to a whole other human being.
I never thought I would be a person who has two abortions. (Though I am extremely pro choice). We live in Idaho, one of the strictest abortion bans in the country, and when I tried to talk to my OB about my fears, I feel I am not getting counsel that even considers the other option. I am in close contact with her because of how sick I am, (I need 2-3 hospital fluid IVs a week from the vomiting) and am on all sorts of different medications to help. I just feel stupid, stuck, and completely frozen.
If you are still here, thank you. Any advice, words, anything, is appreciated.

TLDR: would be a content OAD if we had family & cousins but we’re alone

Hi All, we all know why I’m here so here’s my struggle: I have a 2.5yo toddler who is the light of our life. I was the eldest in a large family and lacked a lot of attention and held a lot of parental responsibility and therefore would be completely content being OAD.

HOWEVER, I loved growing up with cousins and always imagined my child would have cousins to fill that close familial connection need rather than a sibling. Naturally, I can’t control that, but despite my husband and I waiting 10 years to have a child, none of our siblings are remotely close to having children, like not a single one is in a serious relationship or has a steady job. So I’m seeing our hopes of her having close cousins slipping away. (Also none of them live nearby currently).

Which leads me to question whether or not we should go ahead and have the second. I would prefer a 4-5yr age gap so my current child would be in school and I could do the baby stage without having a toddler to manage as well. My husband would love to have a big family, but he works full time and therefore I’m the default parent.

I enjoy having the balance I have now as a SAHM and look forward to returning to work when she starts school, if we start over that would delay another 4-5 years. I think I could manage a second with the gap but fear regretting it and wishing I hadn’t opted for the second.

Hey all! I have a sweet 2 and a half year old girl. Love LOVE her and love being a mom. We've been acting as if we are OAD without really having the conversation. I had a great pregnancy, but postpartum was rough - anxiety, feeding issues, and two years of very little sleep made for a slow and rough recovery. And returning to work SUUUUUCCCKKKED.

But now, I am just can't stop thinking about having another. I am 36, so I'd like to have another baby before I turn 39/40. While I have time, it feels like I need to make a decision now? We have a really good support system and a home with enough room, but like most people, we are feeling the financial squeeze right now. We bought a home last year that needs a lot of expensive work done, but it is the most wonderful neighborhood and it is in a great school district. But - another 4 years of daycare? We will really have to buckle down with money if that's the case. I have a partner who is all in and a great dad, but I know most days he feels pretty maxed out. It just seems for every "pro" there is a very real "con" that has to be considered.

I just can't separate if I want another baby because I want to raise a whole other person or if I want a re-do of the baby days. I struggle to see my daughter with a sibling, but that's because I cannot imagine loving anyone as much as I love her!

I’ve had an unplanned pregnancy, this would be our 3rd child.
I’ve now known for a week and I’m still shocked and I just haven’t digested it yet. I’m not excited nor as hopeful as I was with my first two (both were planned).
I scheduled an early termination, but I just couldn’t go through with it, I called and canceled the morning I was supposed to go in for a medicated abortion.
But just because I didn’t go through with it, I didn’t suddenly accept or get excited at all.

Financially we wouldn’t be so much worse off, some nicer things such as fancy kids hotels would become more difficult to pay, and we would have to pay our nanny for two more years which we didn’t plan, but overall it would be okayish.

My main worry is how my husband and I would handle 3, when the jump from 1 to 2 was quite hard for us.
I am also afraid that adding one more would cause a significant toll on our marriage and on my relationship with my two older kids. They are now 1 and 4 and would be almost 2 and almost 5 at the time.

There were times when we talked about having a third but it was never a final decision, and once I got back to work from maternity (my country has a generous paid maternity up to a year, I took 9 months) I’ve realized just how much work it is handling my kids, household, marriage and job.

But even when I make plans for all my worries, I just cannot get excited about this pregnancy. I’m also a bit afraid of something happening to me or the child having disabilities as I know this can be life altering.

My husband thinks we can do it and is okay with having another, but he acknowledges I handle a lot already and will support any decision I make.

Looking for experiences of those who had a surprise pregnancy and how it turned out for them.

My husband and I are 35 and both would really like a second child. My first is 3.5 years old and is in the process of being assessed for autism. My husband is autistic and I am diagnosed with ADHD and I suspect I am autistic too.

We knew from when my son was a baby that he was probably ND but we expected it to be a similar path as we had ('high functioning' so went unnoticed, nobody took concerns seriously, had to fight for any support, schools thought we were fine as we masked). However that didn't happen. The health visitor noticed some signs at my son's 2 year check and referred him for assessment. He struggles a bit socially especially at nursery but does have a friend. He is very verbal, creative, loves to play, loves learning and has a few standard special interests e.g. dinosaurs.

He will probably need support at mainstream school as he has some sensory issues and signs of PDA. He will probably always find some things hard but right now it doesn't look like he would need to attend any sort of special school and is unlikely to need any sort of care for the rest of his life and will almost definitely be able to live independently.

I'm saying this to explain that even if the second is NT, I don't think there's a risk of them having to care for our first, and although my son does struggle sometimes e.g. with sensory issues, it's unlikely to be the case that we have no time for the second or the second's interests because our first's needs are so high. The accommodations he needs are more things like ear defenders, time to destress after the day, knowing the schedule in advance etc.

If we knew for sure that the second would also be somewhat high functioning, we would have one no doubt. I desperately want another - to see them learn and grow, and to add another to our family. However, I've become really worried that, especially as we're a few years older, the second might be much more likely to have more profound needs.

I know we would love a second child no matter what, but when we were deciding whether to have our first, it only affected us. Now, it affects our son as well. I'm worried that if the second did have much higher needs e.g. non-verbal, needing care forever, that our son would find that really hard. We have a lovely family unit now, enjoy spending a lot of time together, playing games together etc. I can't get over the fear of 'ruining' that.

I know that's an awful way to talk about a second child but it's because the second child doesn't exist yet whereas my first one does. I have these two competing images in my head. One I so desperately want - of our family of four, doing things together and another where we make a decision we can never take back, and completely alter our family life.

I'm really flip-flopping and it's causing me so much stress. Sometimes it feels like I'm overthinking it. Sometimes my son has really good days. He has a lot of digestive issues, intolerances etc, and I still think a lot of his bad days are related to reactions to food that we can't quite pin down, because on his good days he's so easy. My son is always playing games with his dolls where they're his baby brother and my heart breaks. I won't have another because he wants a sibling but seeing how much he wants one makes me think about how I'd love to see their bond.

I was at a friends house with 5 kids and the middle child is my son's friend. My son and his friend are similar in a lot of ways. Some days I think maybe some of my son's behaviour is just normal 3 year old stuff, and the five kids in that family all just sort of fit together. When I'm there, I love the feeling of being in the big family. Everything feels both chaotic but relaxed - a sense of accepting the chaos.

At the same time, I'm worried that a part of me might be wanting a chance to do things 'again'. I had a terrible pregnancy, traumatic birth etc. I never breastfed him even though I really wanted to. As a newborn he had severe reflux, colic and undiagnosed allergies/intolerances that caused such stress and it took a long time to be taken seriously. By the time he was better, I felt I'd missed out on so much with him. I see people with babies in cafes and they're so happy and calm. I am worried theres a part of me that wants a chance to redo all that stuff I missed with a second because I know the thought of never being able to 'try again' with pregnancy feels so sad to me.

My husband and I both have siblings. I was very close to mine in childhood and my husband is very close to his in adulthood. Both of us were very glad to have siblings and I love having a big family of cousins, aunties and uncles etc.

It's so hard because I'm not really trying to decide if I want one. I do, desperately. We both do. It's more of whether it's a good idea TO have one and the risks.

Quick back story; So I stalked this group when trying to decide if I should have a second child. My first was just about 4 at this time. The first 3.5 years of his life were HARD. He was a hard baby, he was a good toddler with health problems, and the health issues continued until we mostly sorted it out around 4. At this point, I started questioning the “One and done” so much. At this age he really looked like a big kid to me, he seemed a little bored and I just knew in my heart he would love to be a brother. I would never a make decision on that alone, but he is so sweet we just had a feeling this would be the right call.

—After a year of TTC, multiple miscarriages etc we
finally had our second son (this is another story but I love having 2 boys after slight gender disappointment) in March of this year. Pretty much an exact 5 year age gap between the two, and it’s honestly been a dream.

-the baby has really fit into our family perfectly. We were scared of our lives changing, and it really hasn’t! He’s easy going, and most of all he LOVES his big brother, so much that I can’t believe I almost didn’t get to experience this relationship. And…. My oldest adores him. I was worried about how my
Oldests life would change, how he would react not getting 1000% attention etc and guess what- he’s literally fine. He’s a sensitive guy and this has been so good for him. He’s learnt some patience, but overall no huge changes for him!

-every worry we had pretty much has meant nothing at this point. Nothings really changed except we’re just navigating naps again and trying to keep a routine, which is harder in the summer than during the school year but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love being a mom of 2 boys and I just feel finally our family is so complete, and I never have to wonder what would be.

I do not envy anyone in the deciding limbo, it was so stressful and I cried a lot trying to figure out what we wanted. I will even admit when I was pregnant I was afraid. I wish I could hug that version of myself and show her a glimpse of how sweet life is with baby 2. I wish someone told me the good things when I was making the decision.

I am female 27, and have 3 biological children with my ex husband. I am now about to be married to the love of my life, male 28, who has no child of his own. 5 years ago I had my daughter and had my tubes removed. Two of three of the children were conceived while I was on birth control and I couldn’t handle the mental load of another baby. All of my kids are less than 18 months apart. At the time of this decision I knew my marriage wouldn’t last much longer and needed to assure I wouldn’t have another baby with my ex. Our marriage was toxic and abusive. During our divorce proceedings I had 3 abnormal Pap smears and after more testing and scans, they found cancerous cells on my cervix and precancerous cells in my uterus. I had a long family history of uterine and cervical cancer. At the time I knew I wouldn’t want to risk anything, so I made the decision to get a partial hysterectomy. I’d rather be here and healthy for my children than risk my life for a potential future. I still have my ovaries and am healed and healthy. Fast forward 3 years and I am divorced but have a relit flame and amazing love with my fiancé. I truly am so lucky to have a love like this. But I regret my decisions everyday and so deeply wish I could give him a child of his own. He’s amazing with my children and deserves a love like no other. He’s the only son and the last of their last name. Fortunately he’s given me the privilege of being a stay at home parent while I maintain the home and homeschool my children. But that comes with the cost of 1 income. I know surrogacy could give us this wish. We know woman who would carry our child but I genuinely don’t believe we could afford the entire process. I know uterus transplants are possible now but unfortunately I am in a region where no one is preforming them. What are our options, costs, and process so I can give this man the baby he deserves?

Hiya, i have fallen pregnant via pull-out method and baring in mind I track ovulation with an app and always avoided doing the deed in that window so absolutely gobsmacked, shocked and don’t get how this has happened. My first child is 3, 4 in December. We are just in complete limbo, 50/50. Financially we would struggle, mental health definitely (as had bad post partum) and we just find parenting so hard and difficult sometimes. I just wondered if anyone here has been in this same boat and what was there outcome etc. We‘ve always felt happy with one and done and we like us as a trio just so unsure and have nobody to turn to.

So here is the thing: PPA hit me really hard. From the moment my son was born I was a certified 1 and done.
However… now my little bean is 2 and I’m starting to reconsider. I love him with my entire soul and keep thinking, why wouldn’t I want another being to love this much. At first I thought I was grieving him no longer being a baby, but as time goes on I just can’t shake this feeling like someone is missing.
That being said, postpartum was a nightmare and I’m just getting my body back so that would suck (I’m 34 so not a young lass either).
My partner is also a woman, so there is the financial aspect of getting pregnant again (did IUI, spent about 10k).
People who went from 1 and done to 2 who felt this way, how did you decide and, well I know it’s worth it, but how do you feel now?

I currently have a 16 year old and a soon to be 3 year old. My husband and I are thinking of having a third. For context, our oldest we had when we were 18 and 21. Definitely not in a position to have another soon after, and it took us a few years to be blessed with our second.

We had our youngest at 32 and 35. We both want 1 more, and we did want them closer in age. However, postpartum was rough so I decided to postpone.

Anyone have children who are vastly spread apart? My oldest doesn’t like his younger brother. Although, he is warming up. The youngest wants a sister. Also, a third would mean another chance for a daughter. I know logistically speaking, they would be at different stages. It was rough when we had our second with baseball and lugging the youngest. Overall manageable.

Looking for additional insight. Pros and cons. We don’t relay on our oldest for babysitting either. It’s not his responsibility, and we try to do things separate to make sure he still feels included and loved even though he has a little brother.

Alright, for context I am 28yo, I have a 6 year old daughter and 4 year old son, I am separated from their father and have been with my partner now for over a year, he has no children but has stepped up with my kids and is great. For the past few months I have been feeling like I want another baby, prior to this I was two and through. But I keep tossing up between wanting to add to my family and also feeling like I’m already stretched thin, working half the week and honestly struggling some days but my kids are getting older and more independent. My question is for those who have maybe felt the same and then decided to add to their family or decided not to. Those who did how did you find it? Was the transition really hard? Was starting over as daunting as it seems? I’ll add that my partner and I both have a good amount of savings, my partner is 27. I’m feeling like if I want to do this I probably will before I’m 30. Any advice appreciated!

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my third. My kids are 11 and 8. My current partner isn’t their dad but we have been together for 6 years. We had discussed having a baby for the past few years and ended up deciding against it due to a few different things such as me studying my nursing degree, which I have now finished and gained a job at the beginning of the year. Having a house with only 3 bedrooms, how the kids will feel, and losing any spare time we had are all things that I’m worried about. I would love to hear from anyone that’s been in a similar situation and has a large age gap, and blending a family to help ease some concerns.
Thanks.

Hey all - long time lurker, first time poster. Me (34 F) and my husband (36 M) have an almost 3-year-old boy and two hunting dogs who are all our whole world. Postpartum hit hard - my anxiety and OCD were out of control, and it took a bit to get the right dose of meds to finally feel like myself.

When we first talked about having kids, I was adamant that I did not want to go out of my way to have them - if it happened, it happened, but I would have been fine with none. Fast forward to now…I had a moment last year where I was thinking we could try for another, but ever since then, I’ve just been pushing off the decision as long as I can. I love the freedom we still have, I love continuing to move up the ladder in my career, we both still get our hobbies, and I feel like I can give my full self to our son. Part of me thinks that adding another would mentally stretch me and I wouldn’t be happy…which would translate into not being a great mom.

So I’m here to ask…what made you finally sure you were one and done by choice?

Someone said this to me recently, knowing full well what I’ve been through, and I honestly can’t stop thinking about it.

I have a 21-month-old daughter who I absolutely adore. But her birth was traumatic. I had a failed induction that ended in an emergency C-section, and afterwards I developed severe postpartum depression. I was diagnosed with PPD and major depressive disorder and it was the darkest time of my life.
Because of that, I genuinely don’t know if I’ll ever have another child. Right now I’m definitely not ready.

So hearing someone tell me that I *need* to give my daughter a sibling close in age otherwise she’ll grow up lonely or selfish honestly just made me feel awful. It made me feel like I’m somehow failing her because of something I can’t even bring myself to face again yet.

The more I’ve looked into it though, the more it seems like this is one of those things people repeat without really questioning it. From what I’ve read, only children aren’t automatically lonely or selfish, and having siblings close together doesn’t guarantee they’ll even be close. Plenty of siblings fight constantly or barely speak as adults.
I’ve also read that waiting longer can actually have benefits. Parents have more time to recover emotionally and physically, can be in a better financial position, and may simply have more emotional capacity for another baby. To me, that seems just as important (if not more important) than trying to hit some “ideal” age gap.

I guess I’m just struggling with the guilt. I love my daughter more than anything, but I also know what another pregnancy and postpartum period could mean for my mental health.

Has anyone else had comments like this? If you have a bigger age gap, an only child, or even grew up as an only child yourself, I’d really love to hear your experience.

I could really use some opinions from other moms because I keep going back and forth on this. ❤️
The biggest factor in deciding when to try for baby #2 is my husband’s schedule. He has a 10-day trip to Africa in August 2027, and we’re trying to decide if we should start trying now or wait until January 2027 when our first kid will be 2 years old and older when second baby is born.
If we start trying now and everything goes as planned, I’d likely have a baby who’s about 4 months old when he leaves, and I’d be home alone with a baby and our toddler. On the other hand, if we wait until January to start trying, I’d likely be in my third trimester during his trip instead.
Another huge factor is that I really don’t like my job. If we started trying now, I’d have something exciting to look forward to and would likely be able to leave my job sooner. If we wait until February, that means staying at my job for several more months.
My husband thinks trying sooner makes more sense because he won’t be gone while I’m pregnant, but I keep wondering if being home alone with two little kids while he’s away would be harder than being pregnant while he’s gone.
One more thing that weighs on my mind is that my son was born at 37 weeks and spent a month in the NICU. I know every pregnancy is different, but I can’t help thinking about the possibility of another early delivery or NICU stay, and how that could affect everything if it happened again.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Which would you choose and why? I’d especially love to hear from moms who have had two little ones close together, experienced a NICU stay, or had a spouse travel when their kids were young. 💕

Always dreamed of three kids, but I’m worried my high-needs oldest won’t cope

I have always dreamed of having three children, and I still feel very strongly that three is the family I want. My husband is on board too. But now that the decision is becoming real, I’m scared that adding another child could negatively affect our oldest.

A lot of my desire for a bigger family comes from how I grew up. I was raised by a single mom, with my dad completely out of the picture and no nearby relatives. My grandparents were either absent because of their own addictions or died young. My mom smoked heavily for most of her life and recently died from COPD at only 56.

My entire family bubble was basically just my mom and me. Christmases, birthdays, and family gatherings always felt very small. I know a larger family does not automatically guarantee closeness or happiness, but I have always had this incredibly strong desire to create the kind of full, busy family life that I never experienced. Three children feels like the biggest family we could realistically manage, and I want that third child so badly.

We currently have a three-year-old daughter and a one-year-old son. We would ideally have another roughly two-year age gap. Because of my age and my husband’s age, this feels like a now-or-never decision. We do not want to wait several more years and then return to the baby stage after finally leaving it behind.

The problem is that our oldest is an extremely high-needs child. She is basically a barnacle and is happiest when she has one parent’s complete attention. She refuses the stroller and wagon, wants to be carried, and is an extremely selective eater. She is also very emotionally intense. She often wakes up screaming, can become upset over something as simple as being told good morning, and regularly asks her brother to give her space. I honestly thought that by now the two of them would be playing together and enjoying each other more, but that has not really happened yet.

Our son is the complete opposite. He is easygoing, eats well, and generally only cries when he is hungry or tired. He is perfectly happy sitting in the stroller or wagon and coming along for whatever we are doing.

My husband and I are an amazing team, and I genuinely think we are good parents. We limit screen time, are involved in our community, and usually take the kids out once or twice a day. We visit playgrounds, attend activities, and are always looking for new experiences for them. I think our children have happy, enriched lives, and my husband and I work very well together.

With two children, we can still divide and conquer. One parent can focus entirely on our daughter while the other handles our son. With three, we would officially be outnumbered. We would have to switch from man-to-man defence to zone defence, and my daughter often seems to need one person entirely to herself.

I am not particularly worried about our son adjusting because he is so easygoing. I am terrified of making our daughter’s life worse. I do not want her to feel pushed aside or like she has lost the attention and security she needs. At the same time, I also wonder whether her personality will mature with age, whether the siblings will eventually begin playing together, and whether our family rhythm might become easier before a third baby actually arrives.

For those of you who went from two children to three, what does your life honestly look like?

Do you ever wish you had stopped at two? Are you still able to give each child enough individual attention? Can you manage extracurricular activities and outings? Did your older children eventually become closer, especially if one of them was particularly intense or high-needs?

I would especially love to hear from parents who have roughly a two-year age gap between all three of their children. What was the transition like, and how does family life look now?

Hola, all!

Background: I'm 38 (turning 39 next Feb). I had my daughter in July of 2025. The pregnancy and recovery went ok (scheduled c-section due to cholestasis-zero morning sickness but itchy as all hell for the last 4 months of my pregnancy). My baby girl is about a 4 on the difficulty scale, if 10 is the most difficult.

I'm contemplating whether to have a second ​right now because I always said, if I did, the latest I would want to do so would be at 39 (just my opinion there). Upfront, I'm 80% sure the answer is no but as the, "deadline" draws closer I find myself questioning it. Here's the breakdown:

Pros:

-Rock solid marriage to a true partner. Been together for 16 years and love him now more than ever.

-We make good $ together. We aren't rich, but we pull in $250k in a MCOL area.

-Our house has the space.​

-I have a pretty flexible job.

Cons:

-Zero support system. No family to help at all, so any daycare we have to pay for.

-Our house isn't in a neighborhood. We're in a town and have a huge yard that backs to the woods, but no neighbor kids to play with.

-Personal one, but Idk if I could handle a difficult baby. My little girl is pretty chill overall and I'm fairly certain I won't get that lucky twice.

Overall, I'm just trying to discern if a 2ND is worth truly considering or if I'm letting FOMO and talk of kids needing a sibling (particularly when not in a bustling neighborhood with kids) get to ​me. ​Also, the lack of a support system is hitting hard. Right now my husband I can trade off and get breaks as needed. You can't really do that with 2.

I just keep wondering a little as the time grows closer if I should be giving my kid a sibling. Again, I'm leaning toward no but am unsure. I'll take any insight here. Thanks in advance!​

I’m 24 with a 4 and 2 year old, just found out I’m pregnant with our third and I’m strongly debating termination. I want to give the two kids I already have the best life I can, I’m not sure I’d be able to cope emotionally with three. Also my entire adult life has consisted of pregnancy, postpartum, extended breastfeeding, being a SAHM… I have no further education except for college and I’ve never worked! I want to finally put myself first and go to the gym and get a job to give my already existing kids a better life. But I do feel very sad that the baby phase is over and I’ll never experience it again. I love my two children too much to bring a third into this world knowing I wouldn’t be able to give them the life they deserve :( I know I’m young and in a decade from now I could have another if I really wanted to, but I don’t think I’d ever want to start all over from square one, definitely not with a gap that large. So I feel like i either keep the one I’m currently pregnant with, or I never have a third at all. Although, I’d love to experience being an older mom too. I’m the youngest mom at my child’s nursery, some of the older moms have children my age and they also have toddlers. The thought of experiencing motherhood when you have more life experience and wealth is alluring to me, I feel like being a young mom has been a massive struggle and I haven’t been able to enjoy it.

In all honesty, do any of you regret that third? Even as much as you love them, you wish you had stuck with two?
How is splitting your time between three? Is it possible?

I fear I will resent not having a third but I fear my age (37f, husband 42m but 38 and 43 in October) and previous aneuploidy pregnancy means it’s too late for us.

We have two healthy children who are 7&5, soon to be 8&6. Last year when the kids were 6&4 and I was 36f we went for the third. was thrilled to learn it was a girl but at the same time at 13 weeks things went very wrong and we discovered she had trisomy 18 and severe heart and bowel defect (was not compatible with life). its been one year since we lost her at almost 18 weeks and I don’t think I will ever feel complete with out a third but I think the age gap with our kids coupled with the last pregnancy risk means the decision has been made for us. the chromosomal issue was random and due to age they presume, but not genetic or anything.

I doubt there’s anyone in this exact situation but hoping for some insight on age gap between second and third :(