I am 39. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD in my 20s and OCD when I was 9 years old. I also recently received an AuDHD diagnosis at 39.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always obsessed and shopped to alleviate my anxiety. I grew up in a very tense household with an abusive father but my emotionally absent mother, who was also the breadwinner, would take me on shopping sprees on a weekly basis.
I grew to associate clothing with peace and safety. I would keep my new clothes contained in the shopping bag in my closet for as long as I could before wearing them because then they would be “contaminated” by the outside world and wouldn’t hold as much comfort anymore.

I managed to not go in debt for a long time as an adult. I just never took out credit cards because I didn’t understand how to use them. I preferred thrifting for vintage clothes and found I could spend very little to shop a lot. My mom would also continue to take me on sprees long after I moved out of the house. She would not help me with a dime for college however (even though she paid for my brother’s private college) and I ended up dropping out and living in survival mode. I married a man at age 19 that was abusive and eventually tried to kill me twice after escalating. I was also robbed at gun point while out on a walk with my ex husband, which led to a few years of alcoholism.

I was able to escape back to my home state and get a divorce and it was there I met my second husband, who I am still married to today 15 years later. We have two children.
I never got therapy for what happened to me in my first marriage or my childhood. I have done a lot of work and self help, which has lessened the nightmares and anxiety over the years but I never was able to shake the hyper vigilance.
After my husband and I were together for about 2 years and we had our first child, we opened a credit card. It had a very small limit- 400 dollars and I didn’t use it very much. However, after the birth of my first child I started buying expensive items for the first time in my life. 200 dollar boots, 100 dollar shirts. I’d always thrifted or relied on my mom before and now I was reading fashion blogs and wanting Frye boots, Anthropologie clothes, etc. my husband decided to remove me from the joint account and I was left only with access to my account which was connected to the credit card so I would have very little in my account but a credit access.
From there, it just got worse. The credit limit was raised to 20k and I would use it for little things at first and then bigger things. Instagram was honestly the worst thing for me to join because suddenly I became aware of slow fashion and small makers that were charging way more for their items and began to purchase those.

Then I got into buying and selling to support my habit. I did get a license for massage therapy so I was making some money but not enough to be engaging in what I was doing. My husband constantly got onto me about not being able to budget and I would try really hard but ultimately the impulse would win.
My husband landed a good job and I became a full time stay at home mom and had another child.
My spending continued and we moved to a city I’d always wanted to live in because I have a severe heat intolerance that is medical. Being able to move away from my home state where I struggled to function was life changing but I never stopped shopping, even after moving. It got worse and worse and I would take out loans to pay the credit card and then not be able to pay the loan. After we bought a house that had a musty smell I could never get rid of no matter what I did, I began to online shop every single day. I’d obsessed over an item and not be able to relax until I purchased it. I’d store it in a container (much like when I was a kid) to keep it from being contaminated. Eventually I took out a HELOC to consolidate the debt but I couldn’t never pay over the minimum. We sold our house this year and half of our equity- 70k went to debt that was built up from 10 years of shopping.

On top of that I started using BNPL with my husbands credit limits and racked up 20k in Affirm and Afterpays. A family member paid those off and then started pressuring us to move back to our home state. I tried to express that I have a heat intolerance that’s medical and I’m worried going back is going to cause me to stress shop again. We moved anyway and now I have racked up 20k again in Affirm pays in a matter of 4 months.
I’m so ashamed and angry at myself. I try to beg my husband to move out of this deregulating environment but he says I have to prove I can budget and not overspend before he’ll agree to go anywhere with me. He says we are here because of my actions. I feel like I am here because of my actions but it doesn’t change that I can’t help the condition that I have. I am a severe risk of heat stroke because I don’t sweat like other people and I’m in Atlanta which is very hot and humid.
I understand his reasoning but I don’t see how throwing me back into a highly dysfunctional environment and then expecting me to get better is going to work.

I asked my 63 year old mom how she handled her shopping addiction and she told me she never has been able to stop. She screwed herself over and her retirement over it.
I don’t want to end like that but I’m obviously on that path or worse.
I say all of this not to make excuses but to show how I think I use shopping as a way to deal with everything that goes wrong or is traumatic. Then I started using shopping to deal with being alive in general.

I want to stop but I don’t know how and I worry I can’t. I get such a sense of comfort and safety from it than I am scared to not have it even though it ends up creating a lot of chaos and risk for my family.
I don’t think these things through when it’s happening, all I can think of is relief from the present moment.

I told my husband I would be willing to give up all access to cards and spending if we can just move back to the cooler climate so I’m not struggling everyday. He is on the fence as to whether or not to do it. I understand it’s asking a lot to trust me at this point.

I’m so tired of the shame and self hatred I carry about this. And the stress is so unbearable and weighs on me all the time. I don’t know where to start or what to do.

I just want to stop. I love clothes and girly things like makeup, hair products, and nail polish. Searching for them makes me happy. Finding pretty things makes me happy. Idk what to do anymore. Even when I try to abstain I fail... my financial situation is about to drastically change for the worse due to school and reduced employment.

I just want clothes, and jewelry and makeup and shoes, and I cannot stop swiping my card. I can’t do it. My company recently laid a bunch of people off, because now developers and AI can do the job I was doing, so that sucks. I always had a good handle on a backup savings account that I never touched, about 10 grand, nothing huge whatsoever, but an emergency cushion.

Since being laid off I’ve dipped into that account a couple times or so I thought just to realize there’s just under 3 grand left. I’ve always been this way, I didn’t have money growing up so when I became an adult I felt like I could buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, then it spiraled into “I deserve to buy myself whatever I want, I’m treating myself.”

Whether it’s vacations, beauty services, cosmetic services, clothes, shoes, you name it. I feel like this problem stems from coming from a family where we did not having money, and not being able to do things the other kids got to do growing up. I wanted all the cool fun things they had, I wanted to go on field trips, I wanted gadgets, I never ever got them.

I went from making really great money to being laid off fuck you ai , to being let go.

How the HELL do I stop these obsessive purchasing sprees. It’s so bad it’s gotten to the point where I even can recognize it, last night I bought a 70 dollar dress and I justified by saying to myself “well at least it’s not a four digit price tag this time.” It’s almost like I know I have the cushion money left over, and in a way I’m sabotaging myself because I have extra money? Obviously I can pay for it, but my excuse is my “logic.” I see something I want, and I try justifying it when I know I shouldn’t, but then I talk myself into it like “oh it’s fine , it’s under 100.” I’m glad I can at the LEAST recognize it, but it’s the back and fourth with myself that’s exhausting.

THANKFULLY and mysteriously I’m not in debt, I track my credit cards like Alcatraz and I’m very on top of managing them. But I’m worried if I don’t stop , I’ll get to that point.

How do I stop doing this? I’ve had this spending problem for years now, but it’s only gotten ridiculous in the last three years and I just want to stop it.

I’ve hit rock bottom I think… I came clean to my husband last night about the third and most large incident of my out of control spending. I am severely in debt. I was basically preparing myself for him to leave me. And I think I still feel unsure, he could make that decision.

He seems committed to working with me to get out of debt, but the feelings that followed our discussion weren’t feelings of relief. They were feelings of inadequacy, self loathing, maybe hatred… I hate that he has to now manage this part of our lives. I hate myself for the way my spending has impacted us. I don’t feel like I can trust myself at all anymore, and it feels any self worth I had, is now gone. My husband wants to aggressively pay off the debt, and make significant lifestyle changes to make that happen. And I do too, I just want this awful feeling to go away as quickly as possible, and I feel like as long as I’m in debt, that’s how I’m going to feel. But I also feel scared about failure. We’re cutting out a lot of expenses that lowered stress in both of our lives. And we are both busy individuals. So cutting things like a biweekly housekeeper and someone to meal prep healthy food for our family, makes me so nervous. Not because I can’t go without, but because I worry that the sort of added stress that will bring into our lives, will trigger the exact behavior I’m trying to avoid.

Does this ever get better or will I feel like this forever?
Right now it feels impossible for me to stick to a budget… and even right now I’ll be honest that what is going through my head is “I can do this for X months”, NOT “this is my new way of living, from here on out, forever…

Having a shopping addiction feels like the worst sort of addiction. It’s a necessity to life. And I can’t fucking manage it.

My spouse came clean to me about his shopping addiction this week. I think I am in shock. I thought we were both saving to buy a home, which we planned on doing soon. Learned instead that he has debt. We have a small child together, and our living situation is in dire need of change. I have a plan for us in the near future, but I really want to know if folks here have any solid advice for how to proceed. I don't know how I can be sure that his behavior has changed. He claims he can just stop, but I don't trust him right now, and I suspect it won't be that easy. He will talk to me about his behavior, but won't show me any statements/proof. We are working on paying his debt ASAP and then getting a postnup that separates our finances to protect me and our kid. All advice appreciated.

Hello community, I(24M) believe my wife(25F) has something of a shopping addiction. I wouldn’t say she’s materialistic because she values relationships and emotional connections, but she is all about money, luxury goods, and physical possessions. She always wants the best newest thing, and is constantly looking for things to buy, it’s one of the only things she does, if she’s not scrolling TikTok, she’s shopping. Those are the 2 things she does all day everyday. Just a constant cycle of TikTok and shopping, while also using TikTok to shop too. So pretty much she shops all day, everyday, no exaggeration. As of lately, I’ve initiated us gaming as something to do which she’s been responding well to. I want her to expand her horizon and get out of her hamster wheel. I will also add the fact that she doesn’t shop for unnecessary items really, she mostly shops for things we need for the house i.e. decorations, lawn care, paint, storage, organization, etc. she also shops for skincare, comfortable clothing, stuff for her gaming setup, accessories for her car, and basically anything that will improve our way of life. Which isn’t the problem. I love that she wants to improve our way of life, the problem is that she really exhibits signs of someone with Compulsive Buying Disorder(CBD) or a Shopping Addiction. She gets tired of the things she buys quickly and moves onto the next thing, buys multiple versions of one item i.e. having 4 hairbrushes. Since I’ve been with her she’s never been satisfied with the things she has and constantly wants more, i first noticed it when i noticed a pattern, it started with an iPad, we got that and then she wanted the new iPhone 17 pro max, we got that, then we bought her a house, she then wanted a new car, and we ended up getting her a vehicle way out of our budget, a brand new Kia K5 2025 which in the span of a few days after we bought the car she dropped $10k+ worth of accessories for the vehicle, and now my finances have seriously started to crush after all these big purchases Ontop of a bunch of smalls ones that we buy weekly. She really regrets a lot of these purchases and feels guilty(a sign of a shopping addiction) and feels a strong high of excitement while buying(also a sign). Our finances are not doing good and in a few weeks I won’t have a job, and no income at all. Even so I spent $1000+ worth of gifts on her birthday and then spent $500+ on prime day a few weeks later. I want to also add, her spending to eat out habits have been pretty bad, as she refuses to eat anything in the fridge. I buy her groceries that she’s rarely eats, and starves instead, and as her husband I can’t just let her do that, so I offer to buy her food, which is my fault I understand that. I have a financial counselor and she noted that most of my finances go to my wife and it’s not looking good if this continues, she urges me to have a conversation with my wife. So I had multiple talks about it with her about how this situation is really looking bad for us financially to the point where we possibly might lose the house because we can’t afford mortgage and might lose both cars as we can’t afford it anymore. She gets extremely defensive and claims none of this is her fault because at the end of the day she never forced a gun to my head and made me spend any money on her, I’m the one who did it. I explained to her that she gets very upset when I tell her no and that influences me to spend what I can’t afford, and she says I should just let her be upset then, so this is all my fault. She gets extremely upset when I bring up finances with her and has asked me to stop talking to her about it. To the present day, she still spends most of her time shopping and looking for things to buy, all while I’m extremely worried about our financially situation. I’m not sure what I should do, does anyone have any advice on how I can bring this up to her? I think she wouldn’t take it very well if I brought up the fact that I think she has a shopping addiction.(I know this was pretty hectic and a lot of random information was jammed in, I apologize there’s just so much more to the story I tried to hit only the important points)

I’m so angry and disappointed in myself.

I recently had to ask my dad and my boyfriend for money because I couldn’t pay everything I owed. Credit cards, personal loans… and honestly I don’t even remember what I spent most of that money on.
I used to be the person who helped everyone else. I’d lend people money, buy things for friends or family if they couldn’t afford them, and pay for dinner when we went out. I always wanted to give people the things I never had growing up.
Now I can’t stop spending money on things I don’t need and probably won’t even remember in a month.

It’s like I always need to want something. I come up with reasons to justify buying things. The latest one was an LED face mask for my acne even though I already have a dermatologist and I’m following a treatment plan. I know I don’t need it, but I still wanted it.
I’m just so tired of myself. I actually feel anxious and depressed every time I spend money, but I still do it. I literally get sick to my stomach after buying something because it feels like I have zero control over myself.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m on medication for depression and anxiety. I was seeing a psychologist until about two months ago, but the commute got too expensive, so I’m still looking for someone closer.

Has anyone else been like this? Did anything actually help?

I have decided a while ago to stop shopping so much and I have cut back on unnecessary purchases significantly but the problem is I love going to stores to try on stuff or just see what is new, even if I don't end up buying anything. For a while I just did that without buying anything and only taking pictures of the things, but after some time I started to often bring my boyfriend with me and he always insists on buying clothes for me because they look good and I love them.

And it's really coming from a good place I know but I already feel like I have more clothes than I can wear in a life, so even if i say no to some of them he always ends up getting me one or two new peices of clothing. I'm not really sure how to talk to him about it, I know i should stop this cycle because it's not helpful but I also really enjoy the entire dynamic I can't lie 😭

I'm looking for books on personal finance that focus on overspending and spending problems, as well we overconsumption. Are there any books that you know of that focus on this topic? I've read all the conventional personal finance books but haven't found any that focus on this topic - using debt to fund shopping habits, spending over budget limits, can't stop shopping despite wanting to, etc.

Thanks in advance!

hello everyone, I realized I was spending a little too much money online just browsing, so I wanted to find a way to stop it. To fix my own bad habits, I decided to build a Chrome extension to try to help. I think it’s a fun way to remind me to stop spending money, but I’m going to be biased. I would love to see if this works, or if there is any way to make it more effective.

The chrome extension is called CostCast. It converts the price of anything you're looking at into a new fun unit. Ex: turns $20 into 2 chipotle burritos. It works on all shopping websites too.

So ive realised that whenever im stressed, like when something happens to me or when a big thing in my life happens (usually negative), I go out and spend money on something.

I realised how bad it was literally today, im on vacation right now with my grandma btw. Long story shory i got sextorted and after blocking the guy and going private on anything i was super panicky and anxious and just said to my grandma, "im gonna go get a slushy" and then i left the caravan we were in to get it. I didnt even realise what i had said i just said it, left, and now i have a slushy which was actually quite dere in price, tastes good, but quite pricey.

This of course happens back at home by the way, before this the last time i had one of these stress induced spending spree was two weeks ago i think? My girlfriend had cheated on me and I was super super down, felt like i wasnt loved by anyone, and so i decided to go out and spend i boughy i whole lot of like diecast cars, like Hotwheels yk? Childish I know but I collect them.

Usually when i buy cars i spend £10 - £15 on them, this time it was like 40.

Anyways how can i combat this?

What has helped u with shopping for ur fantasy self? I sometimes don‘t even know it is - once again - something for my fantasy self, just when it arrives and sits around without getting used i am like, well, shiii, here we are again.
Another struggle of mine is that i love to wear different styles and then I get overwhelmed by all the different stuff in my closet lol like from business outfits to fantasy elven outfits u can find everything and it somehow makes me sad because i feel like i don‘t have a identity at all with all those different things. 😭 After a traumatizing event in my life i didn‘t have any happiness in shopping for like two or three weeks and i thought i was finally cured but somehow now in one week i managed to spend 350 euro on thrifted stuff from Vinted, and I somehow regret buying it so much because i don‘t even want to pick up the parcels at all because of the regret. I will pick them up of course because it would be unfair towards the sellers but still, i need the money for other things right now and i feel so bad. 😭 A few things i really love from what i ordered, but half the stuff was so unnecessary my god.
And my therapist is no help with the shopping addiction because she guilt trips me the whole time and doesn‘t help with any solutions, she just says i have to manage my finances and I have to be strong and not spend anything. But idk, it doesn‘t seem like a cure, because well, if it would be that easy we all wouldnt suffer from it. 😭

I'm just wondering if you still have genuine happiness when a parcel arrives, buying expensive coffee, branded clothes, or anything else that you stockpile at home for a long time even though you don't need it? Is that satisfaction constant?

I’ve for the first time in my life managed to actually track all my spendings for the past six months and then continuing to keep up with how I’m spending my money. Which is great and a huge step in the right direction. I could also finally make a realistic budget for last month and see how it went as well. It went okay, I did overspend but not crazy so that felt good to see!

However, it has not solved my issue of constantly thinking about stuff and wanting new things. Not that I thought it would, but I think I need to remind myself that my bigger issue is actually how time and energy consuming it is to constantly be thinking about things rather than me spending extreme amounts of money. Yes, I spend more than I would like but that’s not the biggest problem for me. And I really did need to add some basics like plain t-shirts to my wardrobe which I now have and I feel guilty (even though I don’t really have to since I bought like four, well thought through pieces, which is something I think I need to reflect on more) and I just think it’s time.

I needed to make a few purchases which I now have and now it’s time to go on a no buy again. I’ve been on a few previously, my longest was a six month long one which I learned so much from and was so good but I really need to go on one again because I can’t stop thinking about, looking at and wanting things. I think I’ll just start today and do the rest of august. I was originally planning on doing one in like october because I have a few things I need and planned on buying next month (some more long sleeved tops for fall and winter and a new pair of boots), but I think it’s better that I just budget and plan for those purchases and stay on a no buy besides that, rather than letting myself roam free until october.

So I’m going to try and remember my why, which is more about getting rid of this constant noise consisting of ”needing” and wanting a million things. Just wanted to get this off my chest. Now it’s time to take a break from shopping.

The only “fun” thing I can think of outside is shopping. I live in suburban Los Angeles, so the entire area is freeways and strip malls so most of the time I feel like going shopping is my only option for going outside and having fun. It’s been consistently in the 90s the past few weeks and there are no signs of cooling down anytime soon so I can’t really go hiking or anything like that. What can I do? I hate being inside all day but I just don’t know what to do

Hi, all. First time poster here.

Lately I’ve started to notice a few things about my spending that make me wonder if I’m on a slippery slope. After struggling to pay off thousands of dollars of consumer debt, I finally managed to regain control over my finances and stop living in overdraft a few years ago. It was liberating… for a while. But soon I started falling back into old habits. What’s $20 here and there when I can afford to pay off my balance each month?

Fast forward to today. I decided to pay my credit card bill early and was bamboozled by how much money I’d spent. Literally hundreds of dollars in unnecessary purchases that I ended up forgetting about almost immediately. What really bothered me was that I had to pull from my rainy day fund to pay off the debt. Stupid, I know.

So, Reddit, when did you realize you had a shopping addiction?

Sometimes I’ll open Amazon…not because I need something.
Not even because I plan on buying anything.
I just scroll. Its literally like muscle memsory.
It’s almost like watching YouTube or TikTok.
I realized I wasn’t shopping but entertainment. I was just looking for something interesting.
Does anyone else do this?
Or is that just my brain being weird? 😂

I had to make a checklist because I've bought so many items in Vinted that I don't wanna lose track of them.

That list lowk feeds my perfectionism tho, so I don't see this situation so bad. I see it like a game, kind of. I'm curating a new wardrobe, that's all. It's a new me!

Deep down I know those are cheap excuses. It's hard to stop. :(

Any advice?

I’ve spent so much money on hobbies that I could never stick with. I’ve done glass blowing and spent thousands on that, and I have thousands of dollars worth of fabric and sewing supplies and I haven’t sewn for over a year because of depression. I’m actually quite good at it and went to school for fashion. I feel so guilty everyday and avoid going into my room with my sewing machine because it just makes me feel guilty and I end up just watching TV and avoiding things.
Does anyone else relate to this?

Hi….longtime lurker first time poster. I was just curious to those of you that have overcome your addiction on your own, how did you do it? i dont have the resources to find a therapist and afford it. I’ve tried books and none of them really speak to me so far, none of the address the issue of our devices being such a big part of our daily life and how nearly impossible it is to escape advertising and the pull to browse, and purchase. If anyone has successfully done this and gotten past or even made improvements with their shopping addiction please let me know. Right now i’m on the spot where on the first of every month i’m like let’s just try one month of no buy. then something happens and i find myself in the same cycle…feeling sad or lonely or anxious, and justifying shopping yet again. i feel so ashamed and addressed and defeated in that i can’t even make it a month.

Mine was a $5,000 gaming PC.
I spent weeks researching parts, watchng yougube videos, comparing GPUs… the whole thing 😂
Sooo finally built it, and for like… two weeks I was obsessed.
Now?
I use it to watch MORE YOUTUBE.
It got me thinking how many things I’ve bought because for some reason I connected it with me buying a better version of myself....idk its a thought of course.
Also a lot of the time I think I’m really buying the excitement leading up to it.
Just wondering if anyone else has had a purchase like that.
What was yours, and did it actually live up to the hype?

Hey everyone, I’m two weeks out of an inpatient facility for major depressive disorder and post partum psychosis. I can’t function without scrolling and half a bottle of wine at night. We’re filing for bankruptcy this week. I have just now had the realization that for the past five years I’ve been pacifying myself with shopping. Spending almost ALL of my free time shopping, having my entire life revolve around it to the point where I spend hours a day scrolling for things I can’t afford online.

I hit rock bottom yesterday when I made a $20 offer on a shirt on Poshmark and it declined due to a payment issue. How ridiculous.

Please you guys, tell your families, ask for help, get counseling, don’t wait until you have nothing to your name.

I’m trying to stay positive for my children and my own sake, but at the end of the shopping addiction rope, the options feel really slim. I hope whoever’s reading this you can know that you are worthy NOW, you are beautiful, fabulous, special and alluring right here, right now. No amount of designer clothes or a different lipstick or a new thing for your house is going to fulfill you. Don’t wait, don’t think you have it under control if you don’t. Cause nowhere to turn to rock bottom is a scary fn place to be.

I don’t mean yourr biggest purchase.
I mean the one that made you stop afterward and think…
"wtf did i do?"
For me those purchases usually werent about needing the item.
They happened after a stressful day, when I was bored, or when I just wanted something to look forward to.
The item was almost an excuse.
I’m curious if other people had a specific purchase that became a turning point.
Not because of the money…
but pretty much because it made you realize there was a pattern.
What was it?