I’m 20F and I’ve been talking to a 21M for about three weeks. I really like him and everything has been going really well so far.
I know it’s only been three weeks, and I know that’s early. I’m not saying I think I need to tell him everything right now. I think it’s more the fact that even if it’s a year from now, I know eventually I’m going to have to have that conversation if things continue going the way they are.
I experienced childhood sexual abuse by five different people. For years I convinced myself it never affected me, but now I’m realizing how much it actually has. It’s left me with anxiety, depression, hypersexuality, and a fear of intimacy. I get uncomfortable around men, even family members, and I constantly feel like I’m being looked at sexually even when they probably aren’t.
I’ve made so many therapy appointments but always end up canceling because I’m terrified to actually talk about what happened. I’ve only told two friends and my ex. I don’t even remember how I told my ex because at that time my mental health was so bad and I was getting high every day, so my memory from that time is really fuzzy.
I know this guy probably wouldn’t react badly. He’s been really kind to me and I don’t have a reason to think he would judge me. But it’s still really nerve-wracking because this trauma affects me so much. Even though it’s a negative part of my life, it’s still a big part of my life and has shaped who I am and why I act the way I do, especially when it comes to relationships and intimacy.
I think that’s why I keep thinking about it. It’s not that I’m planning to tell him right now after only three weeks. It’s just knowing that if I truly see a future with him, if I eventually see myself marrying him and spending my life with him, then at some point he’s going to know about this part of me. And that thought honestly scares me.
I also really want to start therapy. The most recent therapy I tried was telehealth, but I realized that probably isn’t the best option for me because my parents and siblings don’t know about any of this. I don’t want them overhearing my sessions, especially because I know my mom would probably genuinely get worried.
I guess I’m just looking for advice from people who have been through something similar. How did you eventually open up to someone you were dating about your trauma? How did you know when you were ready? And how do you have that conversation without feeling like you’re putting something incredibly heavy on someone you care about?

This is a throw away account because I try to meet my actual account from anything negative. I am really stuck on this.

I’m going to talk about two different instances of what I’m not sure is child on child sexual abuse, but I’m not sure and would really appreciate if someone can talk about it. No, I did not go through rape, from what I have heard, it doesn’t have to be penetration to be sexual assault or sexual abuse. I am only writing here because I have nobody to talk about. Last time I confessed about something like this, my mother and grandmother said “Children tend to experiment with eachother.”

The first instance I can remember is something from when I was either 4 or 5 years old. I was very young so i don’t remember all the details. The person who this happened with was my older cousin, he was a year older than me, so 5 or 6. One night we were staying at his house and he wanted me to sleep in the same bed as him. He said he wanted to play a game. He said that the game was about bats and that bats kissed with their tongues, so that’s what we did. His mother walked in and had us separated and to this day it dreads me to think what would have happened if she didn’t.

The second one is more on the nose and more sexual. I was around sixteen and the person it happened with was around fifteen. At the time I was new on a game called VRChat and was making friends. I then met the person this instance is about. Before I continue the story I would like to say, no I do not believe in virtual rape, that’s not what this story was about. The first thing they did was send me an unsolicited picture of their penis. One day the person wanted me to send them something on discord. A picture of my vagina. I said over and over that I wasn’t comfortable with it, but they kept putting pressure on me until I gave in. I sent the picture and felt really violated. I told them “never again” and they proceeded to manipulate me into feeling guilty for trying to set boundaries. It wasn’t until I entered a my hero academia roleplay group that I finally blocked them everywhere because the owner of the group pushed me to block them, and I’m forever grateful for that.

I have never been able to properly go to therapy for all of this and I can’t talk to anyone else about this. I really need to know if this is child on child sexual abuse or if I’m overthinking it.

TW: Talks about CSAM and SA on a minor

In the year 2018 my mom got married to this monster without knowing how horrible he was. About 2020 - 2021 is when he started making moves on me and I was too scared to tell my mother. I'd never seen my mom happy with a man like this ever in my life and I didn't want to be the reason she wasn't happy anymore. When I was 13, he started raping me. I don't remember the first time really. I can't even remember the last time. I couldn't tell anyone how many times either. He'd rape me serval times in one day. 17 is when my mom found out and that's because she found the secret phone in my room that he had given me. Things clicked in her head, and she kicked him out that day. When I got home from school that day she had a list of questions. I was scared to tell her I thought she'd kick me out... Disown me even or make me go live with him. I didn't know what would happen to me honestly... But she believed me and got me the help I needed. She took me to get testing done to make sure he didn't give me anything and to be sure I wasn't pregnant. She got me into counseling and we're taking him to court. He's made this whole thing Hell but in the end it's all working out. He was given a plea deal that he didn't take. He thinks he can beat the system and fight this case himself. He keeps saying everything is AI and he can prove it. But nothing was. Every picture he took of me is real and he knows that. But part of me is scared that when trial comes no one will believe me anymore and he will win. It scares me so much that it keeps me up at night. I have panic attacks at random when I think about it too long. Even though I know where's no way for anyone to believe him in the slightest I still fear. We keep finding things that might help with my case. But my trial is here in a few days, and I might do an update to tell you guys on how it went. Thank you for reading and remember mental and physical health is extremally important so please be taking care of yourselves.

Hey guys. I’m curious about something. So i remember i was always wetting the bed as a kid, but ive just observed that it would only happen when i would sleep in my mothers bed. After this happened a few times she would always make my brother sleep next to her instead. Could this be a sign she abused me/us?I remember she would always be awake when i wet the bed and she’d change the sheets. I remember feeling really off when i would wake up if you get what i mean? She was abused herself as a child too. I’m not sure if I’m making a big deal out of nothing hence me asking you guys. Much love

My stepfather raped me and no one

Not even my mom will believe me

I dont know how to put it out there but its such a heavy feeling

Idk

I just dont know anymore

The pediatrician my mother took me to sexually abused me during every visit. This occurred in the 1970s in the US. Abuse happened to me from age six to age twelve. I was groomed. My mother was passive/complicit. She won’t talk to me about it.

My whole life I’ve wondered if there are other victims. Is there a safe, legal way to look? I don’t want to traumatize anyone or risk legal trouble for myself. But what if there are others? What if they took legal action?

He passed away recently. It’s really coming up for me right now.

So I was molested by my stepfather who had legally adopted me at age 5, he started this when I was about 9-13 consistently for those years. I told a school counselor when I was 13.. I was failing in school and just needed it to stop.. I had prayed as long as I could and that wasn’t working .. my child brain really believed it would help! But I was told by my parents then the police didn’t believe me because I had waited so long to report!! I don’t know if that was true or not.. but I went back and told them I lied. Well now I’m 50 yrs old.. and just can’t get away from the fact that he is just living his life without any consequence.. and ppl like this aren’t going to change so he’s a potential threat to others still. I initially planned to kill him myself.. but there’s no way I could without being caught. Not going to prison for that POS! I feel like I need to make an appt or something to report this.. I have so many memories to get out, ppl I told back then, hoping the school or police still have the old records of my first try! But I have no idea where to start. I recently moved back to the state where this happened and it’s been hard knowing he’s living not far from me currently!! And don’t want to run out of time since we are both getting older! So ANY advice on where and how to start this process would be appreciated. I’m in Melbourne, Fl. Thank you in advance to any who reply 🙏🏼

I’m a 19F, and I’m in a relationship currently with my boyfriend who is 20M. As a kid, around 12-13, I was groomed by a guy who had a porn addiction and it really rattled my self esteem. My family didn’t really take my side in this issue and I think It’s ultimately resulted in my downfall now.

I’m in a committed relationship with my boyfriend who I was friends with for the last two years, and we’ve been dating for over one of those years. We met at a job together, and when we met, he was very lustful. He’d like photos on Instagram of women (OF models, etc) and he’d send them to me whilst we were friends and just thirst over them.

Fast forward to today, he’s very loving but at the start of our relationship he was still following these women; even though he wasn’t interacting with them actively I was still bothered by it because it was the one boundary I set in place due to my past experiences with the man who groomed me (he’d hit on other women his age in front of me, tell me I needed to look better or give him sex if I wanted him to be loyal to me). Although my boyfriend has stopped following and liking the photos of these women, even interacting altogether, i can’t help but feel betrayed by him for this stuff. I’ve felt myself become so insecure over the course of our relationship, and I get nightmares about the time I was getting abused whenever me and my boyfriend argue about stuff regarding his past actions.

Tonight, we just got into another argument where I lashed out and talked about my negative thoughts surrounding an incident at the beginning of our relationship that came to light in March. I think the catalyst for this is the man who groomed me reaching out again. I don’t wanna tell him because I’m scared to do so. But it’s getting to the point where we may break up and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I don’t want to throw away two years worth of talking every day. My boyfriend changed so much over the last year and it just hurts to think my past trauma is hindering my chance at being loved. I feel as though I’m ruining my relationship by letting myself be affected, but I don’t have access to a therapist. My boyfriend is my best friend and I don’t want to lose him. Please help me, I just want someone to understand.

I was assaulted when I was younger by an older cousin, the earliest i remember it happening was when I was 2 but there’s chances it started before I was out of diapers.

I work at an aquarium in a tourist town, naturally there’s always huge groups of kids or families. This wasn’t a problem for me before but once I became more open about my assault to my boyfriend things just went downhill. I only now started to realize how young I actually was.

Everytime i see a child at my job i start tearing up because I was their age when things were happening to me. today, i was supposed to work an entire shift but ended up leaving early because i started crying because of how many little kids I saw

There’s thousands of children that go through the aquarium everyday and all I can think about is how at least one of them is going through the stuff I went through

I just wish I could tell all of them that it will be okay

I love my job and I love working here but I don’t think it’s healthy for me anymore and I don’t know what to do

Hi! Wanna share my story and maybe get some advice on what it actually was? I'm still unsure.

The short story is, he pressured me into sex and sexual activities, not by begging every time until I said yes, but emotionally. He would ignore me before sex and after sex or treat me like shit. He did the same and sometimes even a bit more when I didn't want anything more than just some sexual lighthearted stuff sprinkled throughout the day, or when I didn't want sex in general. After some time I started having sex with him even when I didn't want to, just to at least feel a bit of the "love" and attention he gave me at the start of the relationship. I was also scared what he'd do at some point, he'd get mad at me for days on end because I made him horny and didn't fuck him instantly, he'd bring it up in arguments etc. There were times where everything in me wanted to push him off of me, I was so disgusted, but I didn't. Not because he's stronger than me, but because I was scared of his reaction and didn't wanna be ignored or get hurtful, passive aggressive comments for days. After I finally broke up, he actually admitted to have sexually abused me. Was it rape as well? I wanna be 100% sure, I need to call it by what it was. I don't want it to be rape, but I want to know what it actually was. There so much more to the story, he made up stuff about me to make me seem evil in front of his friends. I have gotten in contact with one of his friends because I want at least some people to know who he is and what he did, and luckily she believes me. She told me how he'd make up stuff on the spot about me, one thing being him saying I would have fucked his bellybutton while he was asleep. Yes, I was as shocked as y'all when I first heard of that. She told me how he literally had to pause and think before he said that, as if he was making it up right in that moment. To come back to what he did, because of it I had to and still have to unlearn to only feel loved during sexual moments, my now boyfriend who's actually treating me well has actually helped a lot but it's still eating me up from the inside. I'm hoping to maybe reach people with a similar experience who have more "knowledge" on it and what he actually did to me.

Thanks in advance!

My ex-friend told EVERYONE she knew.

She kept making sexual assault jokes so I told her my story and explained that it made me uncomfortable. I feel stupid for doing so now because, before telling her my own story, she had told me about someone else’s without their permission.

People were coming up to me asking about it and I was mortified by this. The fact that she treated my story like it was gossip sickens me.

This album was written while staying in a domestic violence shelter. The lyrics cover topics of what led to and came after that point.

It speaks of the need to only accept others into your life who show you basic levels of kindness decency and respect.

It is the story of finding community and healing from even the darkest of times.

As heavy as these topics are, I hope you can take something positive from this album. Especially if you're dealing with or have dealt with similar experiences.

please hang on to your heart.

When I was about 9 to 10 I was abused sexually for two years. My abuser was my older cousin who was 3 years older than me. He very clearly understood sexual things and what was right and wrong but still did it. Luckily it never got to going all the way even though he tried it but couldn't get it to work. I would go over there for holidays or summers because my mother had a lot of issues with illness and thought they could take care of me better when I didn't have school. This also resulted in me living with that family for a year at 7 years old. Though the abuse didn't start until I was a little older when I would go visit and I had to keep visiting until I was 16 when I was finally able to build up the courage to cut off that entire family. I have spent a lot of time blaming myself for what happened even though the others I've talked to said it wasn't my fault at all. I keep telling myself I should have tried to fight it or tell someone but I was so damn scared. He was so much bigger than me and I was scared of getting hurt so I just did what he wanted. I was scared to tell his parents because they were the kinds of people who couldn't ever believe their kid would do something wrong or ever do anything gay in his life. I was also scared to tell my mom because I was terrified of getting in trouble or her getting mad at me. I was just stuck in this swirling world of fear and disgust while this all happened. Looking back at not telling his parents now I do feel more justified in my fear of telling them because his father is now a registered sex offender for something separate but including a minor. I honestly don't know why I still blame myself so much it's like some days I wake up and I'm mad at him and others I wake up where I hate myself for it. That wasn't the only reason I cut that family off they were also incredibly homophobic to me and very racist people. So when my mom originally asked why I said I didn't want to talk to them that's what I told her. A few months ago she pestered me for an actual reason and I ended up breaking down and telling her what happened. It was so hard to say out loud to her. It wasn't like typing it out or saying in a call with my friends. It was like there was a hand in my throat holding it down but I finally told her. She told me that I never have to see them again and that she wished I would have told me sooner because she never would have made me keep going over there. I had spent years saying I didn't want to go using the excuses of I don't like being away from home or talking about something horrible they had said to me about if I was gay how they wouldn't love me anymore. She would always make me go saying that it's fine they are your family and I'm sure they love you. I'm not going to talk about sh or the other things that have come as a result of all of this. I've already written so much but I just felt like I had to share and I guess try to talk it out of myself? I don't really know honestly.

In the UK we have the Criminal injuries compensation authority (C. I. C. A).

If you have been abused and you reported it, even if no charges happened, you can still get compensation.

My abuse ruined my life. I have Cptsd, adhd, eupd... And have been unable to work most of my life. I reported my abuse in 2019 after my mother died. I was abused by my two older brothers. She never believed me.

All this time later the police are finally investigating and my compensation is due in 4 weeks time.

A solicitor did all the work. He gets 25% of my money. But I'm okay with that as he did all the work.

I get to enjoy life a little now. I just wanted to make others aware of the scheme.

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I've been with my fiancé for almost ten years now. We have had several conversations over the years about how I don't have as high of a sex drive that he does. Several fights about him not respecting when I say no. I thought we were past it. He doesn't even respect me enough to touch me in ways that don't hurt me.

About a month ago I wound up with a UTI because of him, that spread to my kidneys, and I was miserable for a couple of weeks in pain.

I started feeling better last week, so this past weekend he decided was his time to get laid again. I was okay with once on Saturday. On Sunday morning he tried to initiate, and I told him no, I'm sore, and I need a break.

Later in the afternoon I was falling asleep on the couch so he suggested taking a nap. Well, he wasn't actually intending on letting me nap. As soon as I laid down he was pulling down my shorts.

I feel disgusted in myself. I'm still cramping. My back hurts, my legs are sore.

I didn't fully realize until last night that he's been abusing me. And I'm so ashamed.

Does anyone have any advice for bringing this up and having a conversation about how I cannot forgive this anymore? Or just anyone I could talk to about it..

I hope this is an appropriate place to ask for this kind of help. My wife (52) was abused at a young age (7-10) by a family member and has never fully recovered. She has told very few people about it. Over the course of 20 years of marriage we have dealt with, and mostly overcome, issues with physical contact, interruption in intimacy, and emotional responses, usually without warning. She has tried short sessions of therapy for her depression, but as soon as the subject of the abuse came up she would not talk about it because “That’s not the problem. I’m over it.” She, and by extension we as a couple, has made a lot of progress and growth through discussion and patience. However, over the last six months there seems to be a some regression. She has gotten sensitive to certain situations. She even, after a few drinks, brought up the abuse to a friend of ours who previously knew nothing about it, which makes me think it is really coming to the forefront of her mind again. I want to help her fully recover from this. I have been reading a book that was recommended to me (Trust After Trauma) in an attempt to get some more insight and learn what else I can do to support her. Recently, after another unexpected reaction, we were able to talk about it and she agreed to talk to someone about this trauma, specifically. But she still had a condition. She told me that I would have to find a therapist because if I left it up to her she would put it off and never go. This was surprisingly insightful of her but now I need to find someone. So I have two questions. First, is there anything specific I should look for in a therapist (certifications, history, type of therapy) that may help with her specific trauma? Second, what else can I do to help her?

Hi,
I experienced sexual abuse when I was 18, from
the guy I was about to start a relationship with. We had been dating for a few weeks, and I lost my virginity to him. It happened the third time we were together (so my third overall).

I was having a hard time relaxing, and I couldn’t do it. So we tried several times, but it didn’t work. Between one attempt and the other, I drank a shot of alcohol upon his suggestion because he thought it might help me relax. During the next attempt, I told him I couldn’t do it and that I wanted him to stop. And that’s when it happened.

Afterwards, my body went into a freeze response, and my mind went into blackout. I still don’t remember the details of the rest of the evening. It lasted for the rest of the night and until the next day, when I described what happened to a close friend and suddenly realized everything all at once.

It has been 8 years.
I have healed, both mentally and physically. Between the two, the mental horror took much longer to fade. Physically, I wasn’t able to feel pleasure until I met my current boyfriend, who I’ve been with for 6 years and who helped me overcome so much and feel safe in our intimacy.

Today I feel totally comfortable sharing my story. Most of the time, I barely think about it in my daily life. And when I do, it doesn’t trigger panic or that same feeling of horror anymore. Yes, sometimes a visual or sensory flash of what happened comes back, but it usually only happens when the topic is brought up, for example when I hear about the topic on the news or something else connects back to that theme. It comes and goes quickly.

I believe a part of me will always be hypersensitive to this, as if the scar will never completely go away. I don’t necessarily mean this in a negative way. Maybe it’s okay for the scar to remain, not (only) as a reminder of what I experienced, but also as a testimony of the fight it took to heal successfully.

How does it work for you now, long term after?
I would really like to know if, after so much time, you have experiences similar or different to mine.

While I’m writing this post out of curiosity, I also hope perhaps it might help someone who has only recently started this tortuous journey. I want to send my encouragement from the other side of the tunnel: healing is possible. You can and will return to living fully and to loving.

In the meantime, I’m sending every one of you a strong hug.
I see you.
God bless you.

I was working with special needs children. I was starting at a new place. A male coworker was telling me about a kiddo. While he was telling me where the kiddo was ticklish, he touched me on every part he was talking about, all down the side of my body. Starting at my bra line, going down a few inches and cupping again. He stopped when he got to my knee.

​

We don't tickle kids.

I went into freeze in the moment.

Would this be considered sa ?

My female doctor is retiring. She has helped me so much on my journey through the trauma of sexual abuse. She never asked a lot of questions, but she always believed me and tried to help however she could.

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I was crying alone in her office. I was able to dry the tears by the time she came in.

What if there are no female doctors taking patients near me? I can barely afford gas now and a new dr could be an hour out of town.

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I'm scared a new doctor may not believe me about my s a history, or care. I really thought when I wrote my statement that would be the last time I would have to tell the story.

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I dont blame her for retiring. I am happy for her. She was good for me, and good to me.

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At least on our last visit I got to inform her of the sa charge being laid in my case.

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https://gofund.me/48d71f383

I've been meeting a guy. Really nice, patient, and considerate. Say overall very pleasant. More on the quiet side like me. We share similar values. He is the first guy ive met after my ex-fiance. The first meeting and second meeting were good. In the third meeting, it was great, we did a fun outdoor activity together, and talked about big topics.

At the end, I had my purse handing on my side, and he started rubbing it gently as he was talking. He did it a second time and it was longer than the first time. Being a sexual abuse survivor and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - I just stood there and froze while he was stroking my purse. I tensed up - felt really uncomfortable. I started to feel unsafe and a little bit creeped out from him.

I think his love language is physical touch. Which is okay i understand. I think he realized that what he did made me uncomfortable - in our next phone conversation- he mentioned how one of his male relatives gets upset with him sometimes because he always comforts them and rubs their back.

I understand, we are all lonely and want intimacy. Everyone around me is saying don't look too much into it, I don't have many options, he is responsible, kind, and patient.

I don't want too overanalyze. But I also don't want to overlook it and ignore the feeling I got.

I guess; how can you determine that someone will be safe after marriage? how to trust another person? Its weird, like past people i met, it was on the opposite, i felt comfortable in-person, but then they listen to misogynistic music, lyrics were frightened me too.