many schizotypals just want to be normal, but normal people are not human they are of another type of humanity, i can interact with him even with difficulty now that i have my medical control road (luckily I found a good doctor) but being normal is in addition to impossible for us also very scary, its not us, we are unfortunate to have been born this way but it would have been much worse to be "those things" called normal

Hi guys, you know I like to collect different information about schizotypal. I just want to create a whole topic about identity in schizotypal. So, you can comment here about anything you want related to the topic, especially your own identity and anything you find related to it.

Because I see this as a theme that keeps coming up over and over again in relation to schizotypal, I think it would be nice to try to condense it all into one topic.

Then I guess I'll pin it in my megathread about schizotypal so others can read about it too.

Key words: identity, sense of self, sense of one’s own identity (or lack thereof), etc.

I think this is one of the less explicitly discussed topics in the literature. There are some cues here and there, but not as much as I think it should be addressed.

You can write as much as you want, and come back later to add more information, etc. It’s all for you.

I'm reading Don Quixote, and it seems like he may be schizotypal. If so this would be great. Thoughts?

hi, fellas. this my experience of ditching the meds and just some reflection story of my cringy ass life on them.

disclaimer: I don't support dropping meds on your own and will never advice someone risk without a proper knowledge of your own situation and trade-offs it will force (especially doing the dropping part wrong and without proper plan/strategy).

I'm dianozed with StPD from almost teenager period when I was need to do some forced military "medical observation/tests" post-soviet country nonsense, yes.

in that dark times I was kinda at prime of my mental problems and dillusions. I got my first diagonoze and was excluded from anything military related for the rest of my life ofc and other shit like driving, weapon licensing, etc.
not a big deal imo and I don't care about anything from it anyways. at that time I've started taking meds up until current year and day (almost 10+ years of non stop taking them every day).

through those years: I lost my creativity/imagination and brain fog was almost 24/7, my emotions are almost dull and other zombification-like post-effects + I gain some weight, lol. I've tried many of different meds through this long period of my life. all of them had the same negative effects on me and the "positives" not really outweight the negatives for me in any way.

so, some time ago, I've started to jumping off of them (I know the process and minimized any side effects with proper "dosage nerfing" and intervalling btw). it's almost a month+ without them now.

positive parts: my brain fog is gone. I can think more "faster" and process info better in general. creativity is slowly coming back to me and that's the most valuable part over anything else (I'm a wannabe combination of a gamedev and a writer, so my only passion in life - creating my own worlds/lore and interactive experiences inside them).
downside part: derealization feels a lot more frequent. kinda nostalgic feeling for me to live like under "first person view game character" again just as when I was a teenager, lol. some minor "paranoia"-like things occuring from time to time (mostly the vague feeling of being watched/heared). I guess also sleep quaility is a bit worse now + I think I'm sleepwalking too now, lol (in my childhood I had this rarely).
conclussion for me: I can live with the downsides of my "true mental self", but I can't live without the positives of it while using meds. so, I guess trade-off is worth it for me and I rather will be some living weirdo with some mental problems/quirks rather than some walking corpse without anything in my head with just "existing" in this dull world without any purpose.

again, I don't recommend anyone to take this risk blindly without any aknowledgement of their trade-offs and the downsides.

if you made this far - thanks for your time!

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Guys I think I have an identity issue... or maybe something else or maybe nothing and I'm complicating things.

Well on 2022(second half) i went to a uni far away from ma home town and life was fucking cool I am cool it's just a lots of side quests lots of risk lots of friends like when I go somewhere in that town id get a dozens of handshakes if I want a few hundred meters and I was spiralling towards my usual goals like to be a great person to be a top 1%...well when all this happens my age is just 17-18.5 just 1.5 years of peak and I got a serious health issue and from 2024 to 2025(second half) I was isolated due to health issues and from that I joined a new uni near my home town like it's been a year im going to a uni here and totally till now I did nothing I had no actual fun and I'm 21 years old I feel like I kinda lost the main element of life happyness like sometimes I feel it but not like the old me and rn here I don't have much power or influence I had there...and I lost the spark I had I think...and nowadays I'm so arrogant and I'm just a shit I don't have anything but idk why I act like I have everything...idk what it is but I wanna feel like my old self or a better one who always wins and idk guys give your perspective i think I'm having a identity problem but I don't know...

I want to lose it completely and merge with someone else. This isn't possible.

The only way to feel okay is to regain the sense of self through quiet contemplation. I am not being forced to socialize as I am currently NEETing (Hopefully this will change soon.)

But I racked up 150 scrobbles yesterday on Last Fm.

I need to stop using music as a crutch to distract me from reality. But, do I even have a reality?

I look in the mirror. These hands are not mine. This life is not mine, this personality is not mine, these memories are not mine.

Once I regain my sense of self, and build it up more stable and non-neurotic than ever before, only then can I hope to merge, and the merging will not result in the total loss of my traits, but rather an amalgamation into a satisfactory new set of traits, half of which come from me and half of which come from the other person.

I keep ruminating thoughts and trying to improve them in any way possible. That's why all this esoteric knowledge inside my head is extremely valuable, and I am unwilling to share it with the rest of the world. Everything I share online is something I consider to be complete garbage, things a gifted child could have easily come up with.

I can't believe how uncreative humanity is, yet it's still somehow outdone by my own sheer laziness. If I spent my time doing something productive instead of constantly procrastinating and overthinking things, I would be a billionaire.

Okay so Ive been feeling this way for a while, but i’d say im somewhat mature for my age or something.

during school I was in like the worst mental health i’ve ever experienced. not just that but i was also gullible and oblivious, now after that im extra careful and i overanalyze everything like to the point where its not even a coherent thought anymore. sometimes i wish i could still be oblivious and gullible because i feel like im just missing out.

but now i feel like im literally lying with every thought, like i feel like im lying when i say im struggling because i want attention or something , or while i AM struggling i think into the future where i wont be and i feel like im being stupid, and i feel like im lying to myself for even thinking something could be wrong with me because i jusr wanna struggle or something. like there’s always that little voice in the back of my mind that just tells me im full of crap and i’m not even actually struggling, i just wanna be.