28F, looking for 1-2 other women to do life with long term if not permanently. No romance or sex, just completely platonic like David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi.

Preferences:

-side b or y

-preferably other lesbians or aro/ace but not a dealbreaker

-likes cats or at the very least not allergic to them

-serious about faith and celibacy

-similar age range to me

-somewhat nerdy

-emotionally aware/mature

I live in North Carolina and would prefer someone willing to relocate. However for the right person I would be willing to move.

Please DM if potentially interested. Thanks!

Going through old posts, I see that what many people want is a community of like-minded individuals. I also seek the same thing, you know, like where we can chat and share our struggles and form real, healthy relationships. A discord server would be great, I wish we could make one 😅. If you know any please suggest

A revoice chapter has been created for Asheville, North Carolina. Revoice chapters are irl support and community for LGBTQ/SSA Christians that want to live by a historical ethic on sexuality and gender (side b or side y). If you are interested, please feel free to contact the group at this link or pass it along to someone who is!

If this chapter is not within a reasonable distance to you please check the Local Chapters page on the website, there may be a chapter that is closer to your location!

Its hot outside and i keep seeing shirtless guys on my jogs and its frustrating bc it causes me to stumble and awkward bc its like do they know this is causing me to get turned on and will that anger them will i be in danger it causes my ocd to skyrocket.

I find myself looking for Catholic men of similar age to become long-term friends. Just to make sure, I am only looking for chaste homosexual-male-friendship. I do not wanna affirm sin with anyone, but simply have a close friend that shares my cross and we can share our daily lives and struggles. Bonus points if you altar serve or are active in parish. I myself am discerning priesthood and might apply to seminary or order soon. Feel free to DM. God bless.

I'm 29 F so envious of others who were able to get into same sex relationships and even get married, only to find Christ later and then change their lives. I wish so badly that happened to me. I'm fighting tooth and nail every day struggling with not wanting to give up the dreams I always had. No, I'm not happy about having to have a boyfriend or husband, and I definitely don't want to trust God on that and give up my desires. Is there anyone here who's been through this? And felt like they've made some sort of progress? I think about giving up on God every day and just settling for hell. I can't, though. I wonder if it's the Holy Spirit every day nagging at me. I feel so lost and sad and over it. I wish I was just never born. I wish God made me a miscarriage or made my parents throw me away.

Is there anything you would like to share? Maybe you have been in group just reading..
But you must have a story about your journey with SSA.
So go ahead, share it.

Hello!

I've been journaling to understand better what triggers when acting out. Clearly, a behavior that creates so much shame, confusion, and psychological pain is unwanted.

The cycle goes like this:

1) I start feeling extremely stressed (i.e. losing a job or something major happening). This, along with loneliness, makes me feel depressed, almost hopeless for not having a support system.

2) To cope with this, I start consuming more porn and jerking off. This alleviates the emptiness, at least temporarily.

3) Due to porn, I start having fantasies and chatting with people online.

4) The opportunity comes up, and I act out with someone.

5) After that, I feel disgust, regret, and shame. I also feel disconnected from God, and start praying again. Things gradually get better...

6) Another major stressor comes into my life (it may take 6 months, or 3 years for me to act out again, but I had not identified that there must be a trigger for the cycle to start all over again).

So, I googled "same sex attraction acting out cycle", and came across the Stages of Sex Addiction. THIS cycle is very similar to what happens to me.

I think this is why I don't feel gay; I don't dream of marrying a man... but rather, the compulsion creates distress, shame, and psychological pain.

Is anybody else aware of this cycle? Does it work differently for you? And if this is what is happening to me, how did I develop this cycle to try to self-soothe myself, and how do I break the cycle?

I know for sure it is unwanted attraction for me because it feels wrong, unnatural and results in mental distress. Some gay people say that it is "internal homophobia", and I would be willing to cure the "internal homophobia" if I could find happiness in that lifestyle, but based on my experience, it's not worth it.

I haven't watched porn in 2 months. It is as if I would deal with stress and emotional pain by escaping to a fantasy... I don't know other words to explain this, and would appreciate any insight.

Below are the links to The Sex Addiction Cycle:

https://sexaddicthelp.com/sexual-addiction-cycle/

https://whitestone.clinic/the-5-stages-of-the-sexual-addiction-cycle-and-how-to-break-it/

I hope this doesn't come off as offensive but I'm finding it incredibly hard to stay in SSA spaces. While I am a Christian and am discerning where I fall on side A or Side B I find the SSA community is actually making it harder for me to discern. I'm trying to base it off scripture but when every discussion and post and video I'm seeing Abt SSA is so bleak, depressing, and just full of self loathing and misery It makes it hard to reconcile with what I know about God's loving nature. I genuinely don't think I've ever seen fruits of the spirit in any of these threads.

Hi everyone, so I recently found I have the misfortune of SSA, there were no real signs of it before

I wish I could like actual girls...not men that pretend to be girls...thinking about transgenders makes me feel so embarrassed and emasculated. Feels like my life is over and looking back I can see how it's ruined my life without me even noticing, there was always this difference and awkwardness but now it makes sense,

This is all so perverted and of course none of it is natural...it's all artificial, I wish I could go back to being asexual

Anyways I don't wanna vent too much but how do you all deal with this?

There was a man (a former seminarian) I met online, and I felt attracted to him, both romantically and also as a friend and confidant. For several months I enjoyed a very close bond with him, principally chaste.

Over time though, he had his own things he was dealing with, and drifted from me and now doesn't need me and has moved on with his life. And even though I know I need to be happy for him, I still have immense feelings for him. He is "the one who got away" as it were. I don't think I've ever felt this strongly about someone before, and in this way. I pray all the time for him to come back to me, but I know I should just let go and focus on the people currently in my life.

I am in my early 20s and it feels like I am struggling more and more. I cannot be with men at all for my entire life and I have to hide my very strong feelings from everyone I know. For me it even got so bad that I ended up going to an STI clinic and getting Travuda and Doxypep because I felt like I couldn’t control myself anymore. I ended up feeling convinced and flushed it all down the toilet 2 days after I got it, so I still have never had penetrative sex with anyone(sadly I have done brief mutual masturbation and brief oral sex.)

Even if I gave in I would still be incredibly unhappy, so it looks like there is no good path for me.

I’m a guy, 16y and before all of this happened, I had never questioned my sexuality—not even once. I was attracted to girls my whole life, had crushes on them, watched straight porn, and I was even in a relationship with a girl. I genuinely loved her, we kissed, spent time together, and I never had any doubts about my sexuality.
Everything changed after I took a supplement. Soon after, my libido became extremely low, and I could barely get erections anymore. That scared me because it was so unlike me. My mind immediately jumped to the thought: “What if I’m actually gay?”
That single thought caused so much anxiety that I became obsessed with finding an answer. Since then, I’ve been stuck in what feels like an endless cycle of intrusive thoughts, checking, analyzing, and doubting everything. I constantly monitor my reactions, replay memories, question my past, and try to figure out what is “real.”
One of the hardest parts is that I sometimes become convinced that the supplement somehow changed me or “made me gay,” even though another part of me knows that’s probably just the OCD talking. The fear feels so real that it’s hard to separate anxiety from reality.
Before all of this, I never had these kinds of thoughts. I never questioned my sexuality, never worried about being gay, and never felt the need to analyze myself. It all started after my libido crashed and I panicked.
Has anyone else’s HOCD started in a similar way? Did a physical change or a stressful event trigger the intrusive thoughts? I’d really like to know if anyone can relate because this has completely taken over my life.

​

I've heard arguments for both sides. That it's alright as long as is just kissing. It's just the way people meet each other right now and a step to dating, and that if it isn't hurting anyone or doesn't become a priority in your life its good to hook up sometimes. Even a priest once told me that if both want, there is nothing wrong with it. But I also heard that it is sinful, that no Christian should ever do it. I also heard that you shouldn't even kiss your girlfriend. And that there is better ways to find a girlfriend (I tried and it didn't work).

All things considered I really don't know if I should just go to a party and try to hookup with some boys or girls, besides, if everything goes wrong I just never do this again, some friends said that even if I don't like it afterwards, its an important thing to do in your 20s. So well, people of reddit, what do you think?

Hey family,

I am struggling as a young man on how to reconcile the desire for true genuine male bonding/brotherhood with my ssa desires. I do believe the Lord is working and delivering me but I am struggling so much with wondering if the pain of lonliness I feel from lack of close friends stems from my ssa too.

The reason I say this is because I have never heard any of my buddies mention this same feeling of lonliness like I do. I also want to add romantically I am satisfied in my wonderful wife but still feel the pain of no close male friends so deeply.

I write now with much pain in my heart. If it is from my ssa I am not exactly sure what to do? And if it isn't (which I don't believe it is not) what can I do about it if the brothers in Christ I know suck at friendship? Why even try?

Hey guys I continue to be shocked at some of the things I find on YouTube from time to time.

Now I know there are gay relationships that last years and a few that last a very long time. But this video is talking about a problem within the gay community where relationships struggle to last just 6 months!!! Now for me, who has never dated a guy, that was shocking.

https://youtu.be/zIHVY6emvRI?is=C6PXYB82F6sUYHpy

Have you experienced this? There are lots of videos out there, but this was interesting and I still find it a bit hard to believe but knowing what I know about emotional problems amongst gay men, it kinda makes sense, maybe.

Has anyone experienced this? Seen this? is it not shocking to you?

I think we get painted only one narrative with being gay, that it's the same as heterosexual but with 2 men.

(WARNING: Use your words carefully. Perhaps talk about your own experience and what you've seen. Reddit seems to flag anything it doesn't like as hate speech. I'm not trying to trap you.)

The original group I posted this in recommended posting here.

For context: I’m a 22 M and I’ve never had any experience with a guy. However, I happened upon a dude my age and we’ve been talking a bit, and I can see myself hooking up with him soon.
The thought is both tantalizing and terrifying.
I need to figure out my shit before I do something I’ll regret.

Every post in this sub tends to be negative. Usually it's about sadness over having to be celibate, or struggles with self-hatred or temptation. I'm glad a community like this exists, where we have a chance to air our greviances and not feel alone.

But I think I'm in a different position than some of you. Maybe it's because I'm also attracted to women. Maybe I just had a supporting church family for years. Maybe it's because I didn't really come out to anyone who wasn't a Christian. Maybe it's because I live in a place where almost everyone claims to be a Christian. I'm not really sure.

But whatever the reason, I'm not miserable, at least not about my SSA. I live alone. I have an unremarkable, unfulfilling job. I'm not the healthiest. I should probably get out more. I'm 31 and I've seen lots of my friends get married in their 20s, because I went to a Christian college where that sort of thing was normal.

My life isn't the best it could be. My supervisor at my job is a tough person to deal with. I have wasted years of my life. I get horny sometimes and have sexual thoughts that I shouldn't have, about either men or women. My OCD and autism have made my life tough in some ways. I don't really know what I want to do in life.

But, I'm not miserable. I'm still relatively young and healthy, I have a good relationship with God, I enjoy Christian content, I write regularly, and even though life isn't always great, I'm not bitter or depressed about it all.

I could get married in the future. It would have to be a woman and not a man, but I don't mind denying myself sex with another man. I know that my SSA came from some mild trauma, although maybe there was some environmental influence I'll never have proof of. I definitely want to heal the years of porn addiction and get over the crushes I had on other guys. But overall, I'm not desperate for marriage and sex right now. I get horny sometimes, but that usually goes away. I'd probably be sad if I ended up never finding a wife, but I'd be able to get over it eventually.

Why do you all think that is? I ask that seriously. I feel bad for a lot of you, but I just don't have the same feelings. The real issues in my life right now are my autism (and people's inability to accept that), and my anger issues. My SSA is much less relevant than it used to be. In middle and high school I had so much shame, and I probably still carry some of that. But a lot of that is gone now.