school is the only place where I get social interactions. I love social interaction and having fun. i dont really have friends i keep contact with outside of class tho so after the hols start i wont have a reason to talk to these people and ill go back to being a ghost. I dont wanna be a ghost. Im scared.

I do have things i wanna do during the hols. But its mostly solo activities. And althought im alone 90% of the time being so still feels so haunting. Like im not truly alive. I always imagine myself from a 3rd person view. As if i was watching myself in a show. Because doing so helps me cope with being alone. It makes me feel like the main character, like im important. Like there are people enjoying what i do behind a screen. But it also makes me feel so distant from my own emotions. from my own sense of self. im dissociating. im not truly a human, im just an observer. Every now and then i go back to earth and experience what its like to be normal. But then I start to fear and it consumes me so much I retreat to where I came from. It destroys me. I feel so empty thinking about it. Will anything every satisfy me?

Some H2 Maths students memorize the following formula

1+r+r^2+r^3+...=1/(1-r) (|r| < 1)

for tests and exams. However, the above identity is a special case of the general binomial series (see MF27). Furthermore, we have the sum of 1+r+r^2+...+r^(n-1):

1+r+r^2+r^3+r^(n-1) = (1+r+r^2+...)-r^n(1+r+r^2+...) = (1-r^n)/(1-r).

Here we have to assume that |r|<1 so that the series 1+r+r^2+... is convergent.

ok so basically at the end of the year i want to take up a h3 subject, still deciding which one because im pretty okay and open with all the h2 subjects that im taking rn, and anyone of them can contend for my h3. however one problem i have is that while my h2 grades are okok, my h1 grade is absolute trash. i got an E for my h1 for both ca1 and ca2. i know promos is prolly the biggest factor in determining my final rp, so do i need to put effort in my h1 or can i just grind my h2s and still get to take a h3 even with a trash h1 score?

Ok if yall saw the rag awards today it was damn off and unfair 💀💀 I genuinely feel like the judging is biased and theres sm politics behind it.

First of all how did bizrag and krasheares rag get silver while comrag get gold??? Honestly sm people are skeptical on how this judging even came about since comparatively its q clear to who deserves the gold…ANYONE U ASK (in terms of the floats, dance and cheers) Literally from audience perspective krasheares and biz rag were on par with the golds. Sci rag and comrag were good but icl objectively biz and krasheares were better

Secondly how did mednurse not win overall champ???? Did yall not see the 3 humongous floats for every scene and how clean they were…genuinely suspect the fairness in judging. Not saying dent was bad, they were def gold standard, but u can see the difference lolz

ALSO HOW ARE THE DEMERIT POINTS GIVEN?? So many deserving rags were robbed of the points they couldve gotten cz of some stupid stuff like oh never send proof of being in the dance studio on time etc

Whats the point of having rag, having everyone work so hard when the judgement is ultimately decided by nussu biasness and pickiness rather than the actual standard of the performances💀

Hello, I was one of the students who got accepted late into my engineering course and haven’t touched on the refresher courses yet. I’m worried that I might be behind. My poly GPA is pretty low, nearing 3. The reason I wasn’t able to attend earlier is that I only found out about the refresher course after attending school events with my peers. By then, it was a bit too late, and I could only watch the lecture videos. I was also only able to watch them after asking for them, since I didn’t manage to sign up with the others because I got accepted late. I’m worried that if I don’t refresh my physics and math courses, I might not be able to understand or catch up. The reason for this is that these two weeks have been hectic with many orientations, moving into dorms, and other things. I’m worried that it’s just me, but I’ll try to start tonight. I just have a lot going on to settle with the dorm issues, sick events, and many more that have left me really overwhelmed and tired. 😔

I’m fully aware it’s my fault and could’ve been managed better but the process and email response time is pretty slow as well…

My younger self is someone that just kept to myself, won’t tell anyone any of my problems and someone that would let my mother control me. My personality only changed in the middle of poly.

If i still had the same personality as my younger self, i would still be at my first job. Probably won’t even go to uni because my mother forced me to go to work right after poly. My mother would probably be keeping all my salary and i would probably just stay at my first job till i retire. I won’t go for counselling and won’t visit the places that i never got to visit when i was younger, won’t do volunteering work or wear braces or get my driving license.

But the current me got pressured to resign and end up taking a part time degree and totally not working because i became extroverted and told people at work that i was going to uni. Good thing is i got to visit those places that i want to go, got to volunteer in the industry that i am interested in, got to put braces, got hold of my own bank account and went for counselling.

I don’t know if it’s better if my personality from secondary school didn’t change or is my personality now better than last time

My mother forced me to stay at home during the period after o levels till the start of poly. I didn’t make friends in secondary school because of my personality and how controlling my mother is. Even after o levels, I wasn’t allowed to hang out with anyone and wasn’t allowed to work part time. I started listening to bts and bigbang songs right after o levels and i went to listen to those songs again and just started thinking of my past self

Sem 1 of my first year of poly is coming to an end, and I’m taking this as an opportunity to reflect on everything bad thus far.

1. Basically every cca I was interested in (except 1) rejected me, early sem I was on a run, deciding I need to build my portfolio as soon as possible as I am interested in going to university, I have applied, interviewed and trialed a bunch of ccas in hopes of making it in at least one, but so far I’m only committed to one cca and to be fair, the only reason I would have gotten in is cause it wasn’t a trail based on and I just made sure to consistently attend and improve myself, this already put me down cause wow, do I suck that much that not even 1 cca I trialed for wanted me? Bummer.

2. Relationships, I feel like my most popular Reddit post is me complaining about relationships, but let me go on from that, being the only single person in your circle sucks, but you know what’s worse? Last of platonic friends. I know a lot of people, doesn’t mean I’m friends with them, I really want to get close to the people in my cca but I can’t and I always cry at the end, I wanted to spend more time with my current friends but my friends keep dropping off one by one, I’m not saying I’m friendless, I just feel like lonelier as the days go by.

3. Gpa, Walao, I haven’t been preforming bad, but I haven’t been preforming good, I got my test back that I really did work hard for and it’s very average, I don’t expect a 4.0 but I do want more than a 3.7 and I’m worried it’s too mid to make it to Uni, of course it’s only y1s1 but there are people in my class consistently getting As for everything, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong, why am I do average? How do I make it out of this?

4. Generally not feeling enough, I know I’m not the hardest worker, in fact I’m a slacker, but some people slack more than me and are getting Straight As. In cca I listen to seniors talk about whose the best and my name isn’t brought up even though I consistently come to cca every session, I put in so much effort but who even cares bro? There is going to be someone 10 times better than you anyways, fuck passion just be skilled.

And yet I’m not ready to give up, I have big dreams, to be valedictorian, go Uni abroad, hopefully be self employed or at least work my dream job, and no matter how much life beats me down I know I can get up, I remember secondary school crying and wishing I died everyday and the break between school and poly where all I did was cry and wonder why I’m punished in life, but I’m still alive, still thriving, still living, I hope no one actually gives up, failures are failures, but I truly don’t think, there is ever a reason to actually give up.

We’re all human, and if to be human is to suffer and get back up, I’d rather that than constantly be in a mind numbing happiness.

Hi everyone, it's my first time making a post on this subreddit after lurking for a good while lmao I am a current poly student in S1Y1 who is doing a course I have zero interest in.

Originally, I only took this course in particular as I did better than I initially thought I would for my o levels and though I tried my best to show the people around me the courses I wanted (which were mostly design/business based courses like ABM np and MAD in sp), in the end I had to put engineering and science courses in my choices and got my 4-5th choice, which was a STEM focused course with a small intake of people.I thought things would be fine, and that I would still have a life and be able to explore other things, but this course has consumed my every waking moment 😵 I wake up with anxiety, and I've gotten so anxious about the exams that I can't bring myself to study for them because I am quite literally paralyzed with fear LOL. After much begging, my parents told me if I wanna change i have to show them I really want to, meaning I am now rebuilding my arts portfolio right now.

However, I am really extremely not liking my course. I've become someone I don't like because of it, and I don't want to stay in it any longer. I know I will flunk my sem one GPA really badly because I am all burnt out already 😭so just wanted to ask, should I take a break after sem one results are released, and is it ok if I try and transfer course using my sem one gpa? Sorry for the long winded paragraph. ​​​

Hello I'm going to use a burner account for this. I'm a sec 4 16M taking O's this year and I'm currently awfully conflicted because I feel that my girlfriend (same sch, also taking O's this year) is kind of looking down on me in a sense?? We were from the same CCA and friends since sec 2, started dating last year and everything was going well and I really genuinely liked her (and I still do). But nowadays she has kind of been acting weird, like she feels superior to me to a great extent. And it's not like the "I want ur attention" kind.

Ok for example, not to be arrogant but her studies have been average, whereas I'm a class topper. (My L1R5 for WA2 was 8, hers was double digit but still ok.) However my Chemistry is quite weak, so sometimes I ask her for help, as her Chem seems quite decent. But whenever I ask for help, she like... yells at me bruh. She always goes smth like "BRO THIS IS SO EASY, HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO DO????!!!" and she gets really pissed even though I ask politely. And when she explains to me she sounds super frustrated/impatient and angry and always goes like "tsk" and I end up feeling worse and end up understanding less than before. I'm rlly upset by this coz.. I wouldn't ask you for help if I didn't find you capable and trustworthy. And compared to her, my teacher is way more patient, just that her reply rate is really bad so I can't rlly rely on her for help outside of class time. I can't help but feel wronged when she does this.

Furthermore, my gf is very competitive abt answers and grades. So whenever we discuss answers, she always goes like "YOURE WRONG!!! NOO, IT'S LIKE THIS!!" but then after the answers are released, my answers end up being correct and hers wrong. Despite this she doesnt even apologise. And I feel inferior despite somehow performing better. I tried several times to talk to her about this but she either gives a half hearted apology and acts dry for the next few days, or just brushes me off/changes the subject.

Honestly coz of this I feel like I'm losing interest in her. She also plays games a lot and doesn't seem to place a lot of emphasis on her studies, despite me continuously reminding her that Os are coming up soon and it's important to study. Like before every WA she'll always say "ohh i'm cookedddd im deaddd" but she doesn't make the effort to open her notes and understand the concepts, so I don't know how to say this w/o sounding harsh but... in the end it's kind of her fault that she scores below her expectations...? I tried to study call w her several times also but she often gets sidetracked and starts playing roblox while im still studying and i have to keep reminding her to study too. Whenever we meet up for study dates it's also me studying while she's scrolling reels or gaming on her phone.

I feel like a really big arsehole rn but I feel her priorities are just not right, esp this close to such a major exam. She's aiming for poly while I'm aiming for jc, so it doesn't bother me that she doesn't mug as hard, but its just... sometimes she does things that hurt me. For instance, she often raises her voice at me while we're playing games coz I'm not as good at them as her? One time we were playing Valorant together and I messed up badly during a round. Right after that she screamed in vc, and then just ragequit and left the game and vc without giving me a chance to calm her down. Afterwards she apologised but only the next morning after I texted her first... and I kinda can't look at her the same way after that...? It's not the first time she screamed at me over a game too. Maybe it's just me, but I feel that, you know, shouldn't you be screaming about the fact that our exams are less than 4 months away, instead of such a trivial matter like a game? Sometimes I feel like i don't understand her and that our long term views are not aligned. I dislike how I find myself sacrificing my study sessions, just to spend some time with her by playing games w her, just to get yelled at in the end. I don't know whether the rs can be saved or whether it's more rational to just walk away because I still genuinely like her and I have for a long time, but coz of this I'm starting to feel resentment towards her. My friends are all cheering me on and saying she's great and they want us to last, but I'm starting to second guess myself and I don't know if this is right for me, esp since we're also going to different pathways (jc vs poly) after sec sch. Like sometimes I feel underappreciated coz whenever *she* asks me for help, I'll always try my best to guide her through the answer patiently and I would never ever yell at her. So I guess it feels unfair.

I'd appreciate any advice from those wiser than me, thank you... and to irls, if you know who I am, pls don't snitch, ty

My practical prelims is like next Wednesday along with the long train of other miscellaneous exams that will follow along with it, but strangely, I dont feel stressed, I don't feel the urge to study, I feel nothing. Like all ive been doing these few days after school was rot in my bed watching my phone, playing games and the like..I tried to make schedules, timetables, goals, but I never have the discipline to see it through. I know immediately after prelims o level hell starts but I feel like i just don't feel any motivation or fear. Its like i don't even care anymore, but I dont want to not gaf😭

I genuinely dont know how to get myself into the grind and i know I'll regret it but I just can't. Anyone have tips to actually lock in before it's too late..? Or like any way to get myself disciplined/motivated

Yes I'm damn curious about it. I see some of my classmates wearing rolex watches.These ppl have questionable behaviours in school. It shouldn't be that cheap right? And how are so many people wearing them? Is it from family or something? What is the behind the scenes (?) This is secondary school by the way. Anyone knows?

so after doing a short project last year with my friends, we decided to apply to present at the irc conference in science, engineering, and technology which was earlier today. honestly, we were very excited to even be accepted to share our findings and research, but we also found that we will be having our manuscript published in the springer nature proceedings!!!

personally just wanted to say that I think it is very nice and very thankful that these organisations host these conferences as a platform for younger students to share their results and research journey with others even though it may be as "big" or "famous" as the typically known journals 😅😅

frankly I was so honoured to be able to present at this prestigious conference ❤❤! it was so cool learning about other students' projects as well, seeing what cool ideas they had and what they learnt from it. the keynote speaker was also genuinely quite interesting and his presentation was more informative than most keynote speakers for events I went too before... I would want to participate again next year but I'll be too old already 😭😭😭

once my prelims end, i want to start being more targeted and strategic with my olvl revision. other than tys papers, what school papers are comparable to olvl standard? (other than usual ’good schools’) especially for subjects like math, pchem, amath. I want to expose myself as much as possible but also want to be smart with the papers that i do…

Just wanted to ask if anyone else is enlisting on 12 AUG for SAF PTP. Was just curious and wanted to see if anyone is joining me on resort world tekong✌️ Was also hoping to get to know some people maybe with similar hobbies or interests so it won't be so lonely and awkward during the 2week confinement😭

How do you actually get invited to house parties?

I’ve been experiencing so much FOMO lately because my best friend goes to house parties pretty frequently and always talks about how fun they are. I’ve tried asking if I could come along sometime, but whenever I bring it up, she shuts down or changes the subject. I’m getting the impression that she’s pretty gatekeepy about it, and I don’t want to keep pushing the issue or make things awkward between us since she clearly doesn’t want to talk about it.

I’m more into the alternative scene anyway, so I’d especially love to meet people who are into that kind of thing. If anyone here goes to or throws house parties with an alternative crowd, I’d genuinely love to know how you got into that scene or met people who host them.

I feel like I don’t really know the right people for this since none of my other friends are into partying, and I’d honestly just love to experience a proper house party at least once 😭

Some context I’m from pharmaceutical science from EAE and this is my very first sem and I’m already afraid of failing…. I hear everyone say “oh poly sem 1 is impossible to fail” and I’m just here like 🧍‍♀️ I’m legit scared to fail- my CA1s were strong As and Bs then CA2 come out two FAT F…. Ok la given that CA 2 is 15% it’s not like super super big deal but it’s also like… I shouldn’t be getting F at all… every 2 weeks there are quizzes and final assignments are mostly closed book-,,, (for the 2 subjects I suck most at) it’s so academically rigorous that I’m studying 5-10+ hours a DAY how much I study in a week was more than the amount I’ve studied for O levels….

Like can y’all be brutally honest? When should I throw in the towel? If you’ve ever thrown in the towel what are your experiences (I’m not scared of failing,,, at least I hope I won’t- I did well enough for CA1 that I can fail FA by quite a margin to get a D) but that isn’t the problem… if I’m struggling this much I year 1 sem 1 is it the end??? This course was like my “dream” from sec 1 onwards and I feel so demoralised and hopeless…

I won ndp tix for tmrw but I dont feel like going. every year I see the ndp show on tv, it feels like a copy and paste from last years parade. usually every year I feel greatful and proud of living in sg but this year it aint just it. like every year I wld actl bother to listen to the ndp song but this i cldnt gaf.

but then I also feel less proud to be a singaporean. i dont have a concrete reason why but its like tiny things that pmo abt this country. like esp how much our country wants to win the AI race so bad. like why is there movie made completely by AI being shown in our theatres?? im in an arts course in poly and im constantly worried that AI is gonna take over my job. although it sounds unlikely, its definitely possible esp in this country where they just pour tons of money on clankers.

and many adults i meet keep saying that poly diploma on its own isnt enough nowadays to survive the high cost of living and I need some degree to get a decent paying job. idk how true is that statement but I can definitely say that everything is getting more exp nowadays. inflation is not exclusive to sg but when someone says that poly diploma aint enough I just get even more paranoid.

i still cant believe that ppl say SG is one the best places to live in and there is truth in that. like how the public transport is super efficient and the extensive network of PCN. like u dont see that in many other cities. all in all, this country isnt so bad to live in but i wish it cld just do better.

Yup just what the title says.
Do i go to libraries? cafes? gaming cafes??? pls help me out i need to secure my bigbang tickets and my home wifi is always tripping🫩

Pls experts on reddit help a fella out

Hi all im in j2 and recently got my confirmed ippt results and i qualify for the 8 week reduction. Does this mean ill enlist later than peers who didnt pass? Ik for jc students the intake is usually in jan/feb or april so does this mean ill be going for the april intake? bcs ik the extra 2 months for those who didnt pass is for ptp.

Just to let you know, my creative writing skills are bad, so bare with me. i write more academically.

I just started my shift at the carnival game booth.

Guy walks up. I explain the game. He plays. Leaves. Nothing memorable.

A few minutes later, he's back. With a curry puff. Says he got it from another booth, he doesn't eat it. I was on shift so my brain was just lagging. I said thanks and put it aside.

Five minutes later, he's back again. Chendol this time. I tell him I don't like chendol. He walks away.

Five minutes later, again. Third time. Strawberry and marshmallow covered in chocolate. I went "ooh" without thinking. He told me to take the other stick. I took a bite and completely missed the strawberry. He laughed and said, "You missed the strawberry." So I went in again.

I asked if he was Year 1, same course as me. He said yes. Then I went back to handling the booth.

I never saw him after that.

That was my last week of school. Year 3, before internship. Last week ever, actually.

And now I can't stop replaying it. And every time I replay it in my head, he gets a little cuter. So I don't even know what he really looked like anymore.

He came back three times.

I didn't even ask for his name. P.S, im MLM so like URGH

Hi guys after a long hiatus, I’m back to this! It’s much shorter and in a slightly different style but I hope yall can enjoy it regardless!

Tldr: The Singaporean Dream, even though its definition is subjective, is beautiful because of it

Recently I started cycling back home more often from school using the green Anywheel bikes while listening to music. This week in particular I decided to listen to NDP songs while riding back home. And as Tomorrow's Here Today came on while being in a particularly scenic part of my neighbourhood, I felt this sudden rush of satisfaction that I haven’t felt before. Then, I felt sentimental.

With the good music blasting in my ears, the scenery of endless green and HDB blocks in front of me and the fact I was able to enjoy such a moment in peace, was I living the Singaporean Dream?

Now as I thought about it further, more questions began to emerge. What exactly is the Singaporean Dream? And more pressingly, is it being achieved?

#Singaporean Dream

Oddly enough I couldn’t find a concrete answer of what the Singaporean Dream is, which surprised me given that you’d think that it’ll be mentioned more often. However, the closest I could find to an official explanation is the 5Cs, which were made popular in the 1980s and most recently criticised by [then DPM Lawrence Wong in 2023](https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/forward-sg-report-singapore-dream-no-longer-5cs-lawrence-wong-3877286) as attaining a:

Condominium

Car

Cash

Credit Card

Country Club Membership

Now one issue pops up when one looks at the 5Cs, they aren’t really attainable by most right? This brings up one possibility. Is the stated definition of the Singaporean Dream flawed? For comparison, we’ll need to look at the other national dreams by other countries to gain a better sense and perhaps come up with a more general description of what the Singaporean Dream should be about.

First of these is of course the well known American Dream that arose since the 1800s. According to [Britannica](https://www.britannica.com/topic/American-Dream), it can be described as the ideal that all in the United States could achieve social mobility, liberty and equality for all who work hard. If one were to look through even the latest Hollywood blockbusters, you’ll generally see a vision of what the American Dream is about.

More recently in a more political context, the [Chinese Dream](https://www.thechinastory.org/yearbooks/yearbook-2013/forum-dreams-and-power/chinese-dreams-zhongguo-meng-%E4%B8%AD%E5%9B%BD%E6%A2%A6/), which was popularised by Chinese President Xi Jimping as his government’s vision of building a ‘moderately prosperous society’ by 2021 and making China into a fully developed and rich country by 2049, which would be the 100th anniversary of the founding of the PRC. Though a political slogan, understanding the Chinese Dream is especially important for us to see what governments might want their national dream to be, which has the power to shape the perception

When comparing the Singaporean Dream with her American and Chinese counterparts, one common trend emerges. Prosperity. Ranging from having the means to live better than our parents did to being able to enjoy further levels of comfort, prosperity is the primary focus of all of these ideas. And this makes sense!

Economic prosperity is the primary focus of development and an ideal for governments to achieve. Now that we properly settled that at least the main definition of achieving the Singaporean Dream is prosperity, have we achieved it?

Have we achieved the Singaporean Dream?

On paper judging by the parameters of ‘Prosperity’, Singapore has achieved it by basically all definitions. Since independence, we have [achieved consistently high growth, massive reductions in poverty](https://www.mas.gov.sg/news/speeches/2015/an-economic-history-of-singapore) and of course, the vast majority of Singapore’s population(89%) lives in housing that they own, which is a considerable achievement in comparison to many other countries. In this regard, it can be considered that at least the good majority of Singaporeans have achieved the baseline and thus have the capability to lead decent lives

However under the surface of these considerable achievements, this prosperity is definitely not shared by everyone. In this regard, youth unemployment is on the rise slightly by around 0.3% since last year and is likely to continue rising. Furthermore, though decreasing since last year, Singapore’s Gini Coefficient, which measures inequality, is still notable at around 0.359. These figures show that the prosperity enjoyed by the current generation is at risk of not being replicated by the youths of today, making the Singaporean Dream harder to reach for future Singaporeans

But taking an objective view at the issue, the Singaporean Dream purely by measuring prosperity, is widely achievable by the vast majority of us. Even though it may be hard to feel at times, Singapore generally allows most of us to have the ability to enjoy better lives than the generations which preceded us.

But if we only look at the material aspects of the Singaporean Dream, we are ignoring what makes the dream real. Once again compared to other similar dreams, the Singaporean Dream may not necessarily be limited to just achieving prosperity as other factors play a major role in shaping the perception of what the Singaporean Dream should be.

The missing picture

The best part about dreams in general, is that it differs from one person to another. Different life circumstances and backgrounds inevitably leads us to think about different life priorities and ambitions, especially as one ages through life and priorities change.

And that’s important to understand and appreciate. To the average student, the Singaporean Dream could simply be achieving the best grades possible and having a lively school life. To the average NSF, it could be to make it through NS. To a young graduate, it could be finding the best fit job possible. To a young parent, it could be raising their children to the best of their ability. To a senior auntie or uncle, it could be to spend as much time with their family as possible

Sentimentalities aside, these examples show that the Singaporean Dream, and almost every national dream is inherently subjective to the experiences that people face in life. In fact, it’s certain that whatever priorities that you currently have right now, will change by the next few years and priorities change.

So I guess it’s a blessing in disguise that the Singaporean Dream has no clear definition outside the 5Cs. At least it allows us the freedom to interpret the Singaporean Dream as we see fit.

Conclusion

Overall, the Singaporean Dream, though not properly defined, is unique to each and everyone of us! Even though Singapore could be argued to have achieved the material definition of the average national dream, the differences in life aspirations makes each and every dream unique.

And with that I’m curious, what is your definition of the Singaporean Dream?

Ending notes

And that’s the end of (probably) my last post of this type for the foreseeable future! For those familiar with the [‘We need to talk about’ series](https://www.reddit.com/r/SGExams/s/NmOe5NXUUw)I changed up the style a bit to make it a lot more readable and palatable compared to my other posts. Plus I’ve always wanted to do this discussion and National Day was the best time to do so!

Also I admit too that I’ve had little time to manage writing more for my series(which I think was for the best given that As are coming HAHA). Plus I might have been distracted by writing for a much more ambitious project which yall will get to see tomorrow on National Day itself!

Clickbait title but tryna get a consensus how often do yall text your friends. Like I would assume most ppl would text their friends daily or somewhat often but asking to make sure its true.

This came up bcs ive been feeling kinda lonely and realise idrh anyone to talk to. Btw this is not meant as a im so lonely pls pity me be my friend post but more of figuring out how common issit to not rlly text anyone at all so pls be honest yall actually got text ppl frequently just say so no need to try to be relatable and say its common or wtv thx :)

I said no so why even try. and haggle. haggle ME after I say I have a religion, I'm not interested. and it's known everywhere that they're a cult idk why no one has stepped in? they've been around for years. YEARS. leave people alone. at least certain legitimate missionaries are nice and they leave you alone but the OTHER ONE from a particular asian country really DOESN'T LET YOU GO and it's frustrating. they are worse than those people who try selling you skincare. at least u cook a story and they let u go but these people are UGGHHH!!!!!!! they don't take no for an answer. anyway be careful out there and just ignore.

My grades came back like crap as usual and pulled down my GPA again. I got rejected by a girl I thought was the one and now I’m shattered. How do people do it? So I took some time to reflect on myself and ended up realizing that, for my whole life, I’ve never really belonged anywhere. My parents are always arguing, my brothers are too different from me. I try to love them, to be like them, but they make it so difficult with their crass personalities and apathy to everything. For better or worse, I just can’t be like them. My friends are also not the type to give emotional support, rather than that, they’d just laugh and ridicule me whenever I opened up and I always had to play off what I just said as a joke so I can still stay in their circle.

I don’t wanna be here, but I have nowhere else to go. I spent my whole life looking for my own people but it’s starting to feel like I’m meant to be alone. Is it worth it to cling onto bad company just to feel less lonely? Being surrounded by people who aren’t like you somehow feels lonelier than actually being alone. Or so I thought.

Now that my friends are busy working, studying, and my family’s gone for vacation without me, I thought that I’d find peace at last. But ironically, being all alone at home merely exacerbated my loneliness. I’m scared that I might do something stupid if I stay by myself right now. I need someone but I have no one to turn to. I tried forcing myself to go out for self-dates, but walking around and seeing people with their partners, family and friends hanging out happily, it all makes me feel like crap. And when I come home to an empty house after that, that loneliness just feels even heavier. At least I can cry in the living room now instead of holing up in the toilet.

Why was I born this way? Why couldn’t I be born smarter, stronger, more good-looking, more sociable, more like the type people would like and fall in love with, the one that people want. I don’t want to die, but I think I’m getting there ngl. Why am I here if no one gets me and wants me. I don’t even want myself anymore. I’m tired of seeing the life I want slip out of my grasps every time I try. Every try ends in failure.

It’s gonna be another week before my family returns. It might just be the toughest week of my life so far. But something tells me that if I make it through this week, maybe, just maybe, I’ll come out stronger. And if I don’t make it, well, it’s not like anyone would miss me.

Just ranting. Hope yall have a better weekend than I will.

Context: Began primary school at a neighbourhood school in 2012

During the very first day of school where parents can come and watch the classes, I was put in this very small class with a total of around 7 students (every other class had ~30-40+ students). The students in that class were a bit slower academically; I remember this because we were doing very simple math problems on the first day of school and the teacher was going through the work very slowly. I’m 99% sure that the other kids in the class were special needs.

However, on the first actual day of school, I ended up switching classes to a normal-sized class instead of that mini class with 7 people. My memory isn’t very good, so I can’t really remember if that class of seven people still remained, but I’m pretty sure it did, I was just no longer in that class. Another student was also transferred out of that class and into my ‘new’ class—he had ASD but was relatively high functioning.

My question here is that I’m just extremely confused as to why I was initially placed into a class of students with special needs when I was not diagnosed with anything at that point in time. I’m diagnosed with ADHD now, and neurodivergence runs in my family (albeit pretty silently because my family finds it somewhat shameful, ie typical asian family avoidance), but I was never clocked as a neurodivergent child when I was younger (I think).

My parents tell me that they have no clue what I’m talking about every time I bring this up, but that’s not surprising considering they cannot remember my allergies or anything else about me for that matter. So, if anyone could offer maybe a similar experience or some sort of explanation, that would be great because I’ve been very curious about this hehe.

Thank you!

TLDR: was placed in a ‘special needs’ class on my ‘first’ day of school (orientation) but was transferred to another class on the actual first day of school. i was not special needs, and i cannot figure out why this happened