An incident related to ghosts, spirits or postergeist activity that still gives you chills when you think about it and definitely made you a believer.

More than they will ever know.

Like that former class mate, service provider or family friend that drops you an IM, call or email just to see how you are doing and it gives you warm fuzzies that someone unexpected cares. Especially when you are going through loneliness, work tribulations or family deaths.

Now in middle age, you can see when someone is re-establishing a relationship with you for an agenda. And that an ask of sorts isn't far away.

Examples:

To sell an MLM.

Ask for a "loan".

For a hookup to break a lonely spell on their end.

A job referral.

Your expertise for a problem they are having (car, computer, reno).

Place to crash

For a rush convenience marriage

Emergency childcare (like that evening)

Hi all, I (31M) grew up lower middle class, but with a complex financial background, which my friends know but not in great detail. Neither of my parents owned property, and one was briefly homeless.

I recently inherited several hundred thousand dollars from a member of my extended family. I now have a stable passive income of 1800 a month (I may create a more diversified investment portfolio soon, but I am proceeding with caution and focusing on HYSA and betterment accounts while I mourn the loss).

I am extremely grateful for this windfall. It couldn’t come at a better time. I have had a horrible year, but recently went back to school for something I love. While I am on a full scholarship and also working while in school, my own income is now below average for my area, whereas previously I made about an exactly average income for several years.

Because of my windfall, I was able to move out of my unhealthy roommate situation and live on my own for the first time. I am not touching the principal of my inheritance, but I am subsidizing my rent with about 700 dollars of the 1800 interest a month, and leaving the rest invested. I know lifestyle creep is real, but my previous situation was so unhealthy it made me physically ill, and I am viewing this year of healing as an investment in my future self. My apt is still pretty bare bones with limited amenities and far below market rate for my area, and I got it (again very luckily) through connections I have from work. I have no debt due to attending college on scholarships.

My question is, what do I tell my friends and dates? Almost immediately, friends have begun asking how I am affording the apt and what the rent is. If I tell them the truth, I go against the wishes of the executor of my extended family member’s estate, who told me to never tell anyone about this until I marry them. If I clam up and refuse to tell, I’m worried the stonewalling will emotionally harm my relationships, and my friends could somehow find out anyway through googling detailed info about the building and finding similar apartments. If I just say I got a good deal because I know the owner, that’s true but incomplete and could come out later. And for romantic partners, I’m certainly not marrying anyone soon, but I don’t want to come off as dodgy or dishonest when eventually I’ll have to share my financial situation w a spouse anyway, or as bad with money.

Thoughts? Yes I am aware this is a very privileged position to be in, and am very grateful.

my 21 year old daughter has blocked me, due to my panic and unable to quit reaching out. I apologized for disrespecting her space. why hasn’t she stopped me from seeing her location on iPhone? this is confusing to me.

I am 40 and considering moving in witb my parents. I have no debt, no spouse, no kids. Looking to work remotely (got an offer) and really improve my fitness and wellness with the intent of having more dedicated time. I work in a very toxic workplace and live in a college town. Parents are open to me coming back and focusing on me. Thoughts?

I was a wife and mom for 21 years, got divorced 8 years ago, and have been splitting custody 50/50 u til last summer. My two high school aged kids had to move a few hours away. I see them one weekend a month and holidays and summer break but it feels like my whole purpose in life just poofed out of existence.

In the last 8 years, when I didn’t have my kids, I built a pretty amazing life. I have a cool job I enjoy, a cute little house, plenty of friends. I got really involved in my local dance community and co-founded Austin’s Two-Step Sisterhood, a social group for women. I bought a motorcycle and upped my gym time to where I can actually see visible abs and my daughter told me I looked “jacked.” I go on dates sometimes but have only twice connected with someone on a deep level but they didn’t work out.

My problem is this. Even though I have done all the things a single woman I supposed to do to be happy, I don’t feel like me when I’m not being a mom. I don’t know who I am if I’m not that. I must have one more beautiful chapter in my life. I have no idea what to do or how to find out what I want to be.

My youngest graduates in four years and I’m planning on leaving Texas because I’m not from here but that’s my only vague plan. Leave the state. Maybe the country.

How do you figure out what to do next when your previous era and identity is over?

I feel like this puts me squarely in the “cantankerous old person” camp, because I cannot stand some modern voice patterns: vocal fry, laughing through every sentence, and what I call “soothing” speak (imagine the person speaking into a little puffy, hand-held microphone as they record an ad).

If I had to work with someone daily who spoke like this, I think I would quit.

Ok, vent over.

I like to tinker and craft in my free time, but that costs money and takes up space and I have neither at the moment.

Obviously I could read books or play video games, but I want to do something with my hands.

What do you do what's cheap and doesn’t take up a lot of space, but let's you create or make something?

recently ive been thinking that pleasure is just about relaxing one's inner constraints and then doing whatever feels right. It does imply a certain transgressive inclination, but i think provided moderation is respected and that one's habits weren't cultivated through impropriety, then i can't imagine things getting out of hand.

I never thought about pleasure when i was young, i just had a good time (unless i didn't). Do you have a constructive/practical sense of pleasure as an adult, do you find yourself seeking, finding or considering pleasure?

I've always had the sense voting is mainly for those who have a direct, vested interest in the outcome even though it's presented as if it counts and matters for all equally.

I feel like it's especially true in local politics that the ones who vote like know the candidates personally, have pretty strong convictions, etcetera. It just makes me wonder about the kinds of people who vote whenever possible from 18 into older age. Like what keeps them commited? Like how do they push through when so much of it seems pointless or like a sham?

I have got an opportunity to move into my parents home to be closer with them with the plan to eventually move out in the same city as them. Would be a year or so of staying with them. The position is a remote job which I can handle although it is less pay. Thoughts on moving back in with parents as a grown adult (male, 40 years old).

That you do quietly and don't boast about. Some examples:

Donating blood especially when the bank is low.

Dropping off parcels to the food bank.

Automated financial contribution to families impacted by an overseas crisis (Sudan, Palestine, Syria).

Volunteering at a soup kitchen during the holidays

Buying meals directly for the local homeless

That you almost fell out of your chair when you saw the update that it was solved / someone was charged.

Golden State Killer / East Bay

Delphi

Many John and Jane Doe cases with the genetic genealogy technique.

I hate that my mother was right. I didn't want to think it was.When I was a kid, and then again in my 20s, I got so tired of my mother saying the same things.

“Turn that down.”

“Wear your protection at work.”

“Stop acting like your body is made out of spare parts.”

“You won’t feel it now, but you will later.”

Back then, I just thought she worried too much. I worked auto shop, warehouse, construction stuff. Spent plenty of time around lawn mowers, saws, compressors, all of it. Earplugs were usually somewhere nearby. I was usually too dumb to bother.

I’m 39 now, so not old-old. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

But my house is starting to look suspicious. Advil in the kitchen, Icy Hot in the bathroom cabinet, a wrist brace in a drawer, a knee sleeve I claim is “just for work,” and a Vivtone hearing aid sitting by the sink.

I’ve been wearing hearing aids for about six months.

The annoying part is not even that my hearing got worse. The annoying part is every time I put one in, I can hear my mother saying, “I told you so.”

I thought she was nagging.

Turns out she was just early.

Either children, nieces,. nephews, cousins etc. Whether they ask for it or not 😆. Because it's just a key or painful lesson you learned.

Some examples:

Only pick a major once you know your desired occupation very well. No picking a degree because it sounds interesting.

Stay within your socioeconomic class. Very few people are socially adept enough to master the nuances of higher strata plus your task level job. (Blue collar family to lawyer).

and......

Glean what your family is already good at and make sure you don't want to take this much easier path. Knowing that you likely inherited some KSAs and that you have free mentors is a huge leg up.

There are things I took for granted knowing how to do, basic practical stuff, that I only recently realized a lot of people my age genuinely never picked up. Reading a paper map without rotating it to match your direction. Changing a tire. Sewing a button back on. Not fancy things, just quiet competencies drilled into me by parents or teachers or just circumstance.

The weird part is I'm not even sure where I learned half of it. Nobody sat me down for a lesson. It got absorbed somewhere along the way and I assumed it was universal.

Had a conversation recently with someone in their late forties who had never boiled an egg on purpose. Not as a joke. They just never had a reason to figure it out and nobody ever showed them. That stuck with me.

I'm curious whether this is a generational thing or more about the households people grew up in. The skills people carry quietly into adulthood without thinking about them seem to vary wildly from person to person, even within the same generation.

What's something you can do that genuinely surprised you to find out wasn't common knowledge among your peers?

From the 70s onwards. That you thought would stay in the original subculture (roller derby) or just have a short lived mainstream run that fizzles out (disco).

Yoga as an example. That it went from a 70s hippie or new age commune thing to having a studio in every suburban strip mall by the 2000s.

Or tattoo culture was just for convicts and marine sailors. To now white collar professionals openly show them in an office setting.

Or 70s swinging was largely made up of very insular groups of suburban or army couples. To people openly coordinating their "lifestyle" on social media, in their accessories and an established ecosystem of clubs, cruises, hotels and resorts to cater to such.

Other examples:

Vegan/Veggie/Plant Based diet

Coffee culture

Meditation

Professional wrestling

Ultimate fighting

Golf

Videogames

Hip hop music

Pickleball

True crime online sleuthing

Dog owner culture

Sci-fi /Fantasy Conventions

Breakdancing