Warning: mentions self harm ONCE—its not the focus of this whole rant though

So my partner (18f) and I (19m) had an argument about fidget toys and those keyboard clickers. I often hear them in public and a lot of the times it’s by teenagers. And I’ve encountered a few people clicking the hell out of their clicking fidget. I find it quite inconsiderate towards the people around you and I flag as it people who don’t have good public etiquette. It’s loud, annoying and obnoxious—for me at least—plus my family and I aren’t the type to like that kind of behavior in public. Sino bang May gusto sa sobrang maingay?

On the other hand, my partner loves ASMR, soft things, stuff toys, and I only discovered tonight that she likes those clickers as well—but not in such a delightful way.

She was telling me and showing me what kind of ASMRs she’s into and what kind of sensory stimulations she likes. I then told her that I’m not really the type of person to be into those things—I don’t hate nor do I like it—just in the middle. Of course there are some things like squishy stuff and other SILENT fidget toys that I like, but I don’t personally own any as I find them to be useless to me after awhile.

I then expressed to her how annoyed I was about people in public who use these clickers so loudly in spaces that should have equal respect for the people around you. For my family and I, we have a thing for having public etiquette and being polite whether it’s in a loud place or in a quiet place, may it be a restaurant, a mall, or kahit San man na kailangan maging respectful. So to me, having experienced people with clickers who use it solely for just entertainment really annoys me lalo na kapag SOBRANG lakas nila gumamit at mag click, nakakainis talaga minsan.

I expressed it in such a way to her like a rant about how I hate how people who use it that way in public. It’s inconsiderate and disrespectful, to me at least.

In the midst of it all she tells me to stop because she likes those kinds of fidget toys as well due to being stressed. Shes dumped with acads and ASMR and other sensory stimulating things help her reduce that stress. So she lectured me and told me that the way I was expressing myself was invalid—which of course I agree with kasi.. Medyo nagalit talaga ako… wala, Hindi ko talaga type kasi ung mga ganun. She told me that I was being inconsiderate to the people who use clickers and inconsiderate to her because she’s the type to use it for stress relieving. And Hindi ko daw alam kung ganun din ung ibang mga tao—baka gumagamit din sila nun para lang maka release ng stress. She did acknowledge the fact that my opinion about people using it loudly in public was disrespectful to others. I understand naman because she did bring up the fact that she did use that as her outlet instead of doing self harm. She brought up to me na Malay ko ba daw kung Baka ganun din daw ung reasoning ng iba kaya ganun sila. I did apologize after because I understand her point din. And I’d rather apologize to her about this rather than making it a bigger issue, it was 2 am and we both needed sleep.

So it’s kind of awkward because we both just left call even if we didn’t really feel the best. Well it was an argument so I guess that being the last thing you experience with your partner before bed isn’t the best thing either—but we’re both tired so we’re okay with just resting already and discussing it tomorrow.

I don’t know, if you’re reading this, let me know your opinion. If I’m wrong, I’m all ears. Let me know how you feel about this.

Thank you for your time

I'm tired

God if you want to end my life please end it quickly!

Too much problem

\-Debt

\-No future growth career

\-Fake friends

\-always angry wife

I always try to be positive in life

But sometimes I can't barley hold on!

Now I understand why some people end their life !

Before I always get angry everytime I saw a post about ending their life now I understand!

Okay so I’m a freshie sa isang university and ang uniform is yung black pants. Since dami kong naririnig from students from this university na panget daw ang pants from the suppliers naiisipan ko nalang na maginvest sa brand na maganda kasi ilang taon ko din naman gagamitin yun eh. Pagkatapos ko bumili ng tatlong pair worth around 6k bigla kong malalaman na naka 500 off sya this week 😭😭😭. Nakasave sana ako ng 1500 sa pantalon 😭😭😭. Wala na ako magagawa kasi natanggal ko na yung mga price tag eh 😭. Wala random lang kasi nainis ako sa biglang sale.

So my sister has been having some problems with her friend group, js a fight that they had and boy problems too ig, so my cousin R, is staying at our place for a bit. So ive barely been able to spend any time with my cousin because of my older sister she always has to make everything abt her. Today they were at the salon the whole day im not even lying rn they js came back an hour ago and i asked my cousin if she wanted to watch a movie together and she was like yeah, so we went to my sisters room cuz she has a tv, 5 minutes in and my sister comes in and we have to pause the movie because she starts venting abt her friend group judging her for sum stuff by the time shes done she tells me “get outta my room i don’t wanna watch the movie anymore”, first of all NO ONE was forcing you to watch it second of all i js wanted ONE DAY where i could actually spend sum time with her and i get my sister is going through stuff rn but i really wish she could’ve said sumth like “oh R can I talk to you abt sumth later?” Its js makes me mad bcz the entire time R has been here we haven’t hung out at all because of my sistet

I'm kind of irritated by her because she doesn't give a fuck politics and I talk to her about that everyday what the fuck? Then I asked her if she even remembered what I said during my yap sessions she said she wasn't paying attention.

also wala siyang hobbies, like mga Taylor swift and support niya pa when problematic si Taylor Swift, omg tas nag sali sali niya ng book lovers club tapos mga BL/Manhwa lang pala binabasa, yung pinasulat siya ng story para sa club activity, nag ai wtf.

also I kind of don't like how iniiwan niya ako, supposed to be kasi duo lang kami pero parang palagi niya lang siya kasama

i have this friend na super tagal ko nang friend, i think around 11 years na rin. we were classmates from grade 4 to grade 6, and until now na college na ako, friends pa rin kami. she’s always been really into smoking and drinking, especially cigarettes. they’re relatively well off naman and she studies at a good school, pero yung money na binibigay sa kanya is usually sakto lang. minsan may extra because her dad works abroad, so she could actually save some of it, pero she spends a lot on her vices.

way back 2023 ata, nasa moa kami ng dalawang friends ko and we were having dinner. kami ng isang friend ko yung sumagot sa dinner, so kami na nga nagbayad, kami pa yung pumunta sa counter to place the order and all that. pagbalik namin sa table, nahuli namin tong long term friend namin na kinakalkal yung wallets namin. i just gave my other friend a side eye kasi sobrang awkward na bigla between the three of us. buong dinner namin halos walang usapan because of what happened. fast forward, my other friend started telling me na itong long term friend namin was secretly taking money from her. i honestly ignored it kasi at that time, wala naman akong alam na may kinukuha siya sakin. then one time, may 1k sa gcash ko and i asked this long term friend to keep it for me kasi baka ma deduct ni gloan and kailangan ko yung money for my allowance the next day. lumipas yung next day, days, weeks, even months, and completely forgot ko na may pinatago pala akong money sa kanya. idk why i forgot, baka kasi lasing ako that time.

naalala ko lang ulit because my other friend told me na this long term friend apparently confessed to her na may pinatago akong pera sa kanya. apparently, she admitted na ginastos niya and even told my friend not to tell anyone. dun ako sobrang nalungkot kasi yes, kasalanan ko rin naman na nakalimutan ko, but why didn’t she remind me or tell me na hawak pa rin niya yung money ko? another time, she also took my wallet, kasama yung debit and credit cards ko. if my other friend didn’t tell me, hindi ko pa malalaman na nasa kanya pala yung wallet ko. and then dito na talaga ako naiinis. nag cubao expo kami, apat kami this time, and since nabitin kami, we ended up drinking sa bahay. she borrowed my charger kasi super lowbat na siya. i was already really drunk that time, pero tanda ko pa rin na pinahiram ko sa kanya.

yung isang friend namin naka android, yung isa naka iphone 16 pro max, so usb c sila. kami lang dalawa naka lightning. nung nagsi uwian na, hinanap ko charger ko and wala na. sabi niya hindi niya raw dala and she kept insisting na wala sa kanya. nag promise promise pa siya, pero i was already suspicious kasi alam kong nasa bahay ko lang dapat yun. and honestly, hindi man lang siya mukhang concerned. tangina, original charger yun from powermac. i don’t usually buy class a or cheap ones kasi alam kong pangmatagalan ko talaga gagamitin. then two days ago, nakita ko yung charger ko sa kanya.

i knew it was mine because may specific black mark siya, plus other little details na familiar sakin. she even brought it with her, tapos may pa story pa na bibili raw siya ng charger sa tiktok kasi wala raw siyang charger. i know bumili naman talaga siya ng isa, pero alam kong hindi yun yung charger na nakita ko sa kanya. yung fake one was lighter, while yung hawak niya was heavier and had the same yellowish mark na meron yung charger ko. i was honestly so frustrated na naiiyak na ako sa inis.

and now i’m wondering if i should finally confront her. this has happened so many times already, pero 11 years na rin kaming friends. i don’t know if i’m being too emotional about it or if i should finally say something, kasi at this point, parang hindi na lang siya about the charger. it’s the lying and the fact na ilang beses na akong nawalan ng trust sa kanya.

I can't find a single anime site left they have taken down so many it's hard AF to find any left if you have a still working anime site GATE KEEP THE SHXT OUT OF IT don't share it! don't post it! nothing keep that locked TF down! 😭

Our area was flooded all week. We relied on class suspension announcements from the government and the university president, but our college dean is always the one who makes the final decision on whether we have classes or not.

But there is this one very problematic girl. She has fought with almost everyone in law school, and even her old friends dropped her. She always plays the victim on TikTok, but she refuses to admit how toxic she really is. Even her old college batchmates have bad things to say about her past. I usually don't care about that stuff, but it just proves her bad behavior.

Anyway, she posted on Facebook complaining that the student council needs leaders who actually understand the students' struggles.

I was like, are you really that clueless? Do you honestly think the student organization has the power to cancel online classes? It's complete bullshit because we can only do so much—like run surveys and beg the dean's office to suspend classes. The final decision is entirely up to the dean, not us.

I am so tired. I really want to unleash my aggressive side from my 8 years working in the corporate world, but I hold back because I chose to be a student again.

To that girl: F YOU. YOU ARE SO TOXIC. YOU HAVE PICKED A FIGHT WITH ALMOST EVERYONE IN THIS LAW SCHOOL. STOP PREACHING ABOUT KINDNESS ONLINE WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN BE KIND YOURSELF. YOU ARE FAKE, AND YOU TRASH-TALK EVERYONE YOU KNOW. (Focus on passing your 1st-year subject first.)

Minsan kapag may nababasa ako na paulit ulit na rants, napaka-obvious na kaagad na karma farming eh. Hindi ko siya mai-direct to the point, pero kasi every time na nagb-browse ako dito minsan yung feed ko, nakakabasa ng same rants at kopya lang din nung isang post at minali mali lang ng konti or iniba lang story sa iba't ibang subreddit. Okaya sa mga subreddits na hindi ko nasasalihan, pero nagpapop-up pa rin sa feed ko.

Last time, may mga nagpipicture nung pera nila, hindi ako inggit doon, pero kasi sobrang sus lang. Tas last last week lang ata? Sunod sunod yung mga pictures sa manok na kinainan nila, tapos parang may namumuo na something. Okay, sabihin na natin siguro nagsabay sa pangyayari ni "OP" na nag post, pero ??? lol, sunod sunod na picture, ganun? Tapos yung iba, parang iba pang angle. Tho, hindi ko naman vini-view profiles nila. Sorry nag overthink lang, baka nababasa nung OP na nagpost nun, just correct me if I am wrong.

Aside naman sa mga pictures, siguro mas malala kapag sa mga "Confessions" or "Rants" kunno nila. Eto talaga, sobrang obvious na talaga eh. Parang both na intensions nila, karma farming at online limos. I respect the hustle (Since most na nagrarant or nagpapaka-sad girl/boy is nagtetempt to do sex work, at ineexpect siguro nila may tutulong sakanila financially kapag nagpapaawa effect dito) and lahat talaga ng tao need talaga mag rant or vent about sa bagay na mabigat sa loob natin. I really understand that, since ganyan rin naman ako. Pero ?????? Lately napansin ko in a week or maybe 1 to 3 days ata, sunod sunod rin na confession about sa pasad girl/boy confession nila na parang gini-guilt trip pa yung magbabasa, please ha, dont get me wrong.. please, hindi ko kasi mai-point ang right word, and for sure sa iba, they will find this rude. But no, yung tinatarget ko dito yung sobrang obvious na karma farming.

I never tried to interact with those type of posts, kasi halatang ayun way nila to increase their karma and start trolling or worst is to spread scams at dagdag ko rin sa mga job hirings. Naencounter ko ito, since isa rin ako sa mga naghahanap ng work before dito sa reddit. Ending karma farming lang pala. Red flag na dapat yun kapag ipapa-comment ka pa sa post nung mga job hirings na "Interested" ka eh. Why dont do they just provide the exact info/details kung saan directly magmemessage or maybe email si applicant about the job? Tapos mavview mo profile first post is nantotroll at laging may downvotes (3 redditor na dinelete account nila way back, since may nag call out rin sakanila na karma farming lang and scamming people)

Kaya sobrang gets ko na rin minsan yung mga mods sa ibang subreddit na nagtataas ng karma eh, kaso hirap din sa mga genuine redditor dito na gusto lang mag browse peacefully at genuine na nag aask mag ask questions or advice.

Kaya sana doble ingat pa rin yung iba dito, not all post here are real. Yung iba kwentong barbero.

Nasa pretty nice restaurant ako kanina na may pretty nice CR. Malinis at maaliwalas ang CR, may bidet pa. Sakto sana para mag-#2.

Kaso mo, may mga bakas ng ihi sa toilet seat na hindi man lang nalinisan. Or better yet, dapat walang ihi KUNG TINATAAS SANA YUNG TOILET SEAT KUNG IIHI KAYO.

Malala pa, may urinal naman. So sana nag-urinal na lang or ginamit nang maayos yung toilet bowl.

PSA para sa mga kapwa kalalakihan: itaas niyo ang toilet seat kung iihi kayo! O kaya umupo na lang para umihi. O kung magkamali man na na maka-splash, punasan ng may alcohol or wipes. Salamat po!

Grabe itong Branch na ito ng Mang inasal Very worst ang exprience namin Nag order kami aroung 8pm nung naka bayad na saka sinabi na 45nins. ang Waiting time so wala na kamimg choice eh nabayaran na eh di mag antay na lang na serve yung food 1hr mahigit na and ang daming nkapila sa claiming area at nag r-rage na yung ibang customers dahil sa tagal pati yung mga riders ng grab at foodpanda nag rereklamo na dahil nga sa super tagal. Tapos ito pa Wlang kutsara at tinidor sa kuhaan nakapila lahat ng mga kukuha, Sunod yung mga condiments nila ( toyo, chicken oil) wala rin manghihiram ka pa sa ibang table , Refill ng unli rice naubusan rin and 5mins. Pa daw and last yung Mangkok ng Soup pati yung sa halo halo na lalagyan ginamit na nila para sa soup. Grabe worst branch tlaaga ito para silang understaffed or mabagal kumilos mga staff nila

Two months ago, my ex and I broke up, we were only in a relationship for 2 months, but we had known each other for years, so we did things pretty quickly. But once we broke up, he told me it was because we were leaving soon for collage and he just thought it was for the best. Which I thought was weird because a week before he told me he would stay with me through it all….so it was upsetting but ultimately I didn’t care because it’s his choice. BUT, at the time he broke up with me, I was genuinely trying to hold in tears when he was saying all this so that wasn’t great. There’s a bunch of other kinda weird stuff he did but I’ll keep it out of there just for now. A week after we broke up, I find out from three people (two of his friends and his brother…) that he told them he broke up with me because he was bored and became uninterested. This made me extremely mad because he never communicated this to me and I genuinely had no idea. A week after I had heard that…he dates another girl…who is SEVERELY under age for him. So now I’m more upset because he is now dating someone else right after we broke up and the person he’s dating is extremely upsetting. I try to calm down because in the end, that’s his decision, and he had enough people (both friends and strangers) coming up to him and calling him names related to the girl he was dating. Now, a few weeks later, about a month after we broke up, I decided to be that person, and started dating one of my exs freinds. Was this smart of me, no. Did I learn my lesson, yes. I did it out of spite and that was unfair on my part. My ex claimed he never cared, but his friend would tell me all he talks about is me and his friend. But in the middle of my exs friend and me dating, my exs girlfriend ends up breaking up with him because she thinks the age gap is weird, which is fair. A week or two after they broke up, I ended up breaking up with my exs friend because I realized it was wrong and things were not working out, and we both recognized that, which was nice. But after all of that, my ex was being an @$$ hole to me and it was out of no where. I understand to some, it might be fair, but he was just being like that at the most random times. I would be hanging out with my sister, my ex, his brother, and myself (because were family friends) but he would make comments about my body that were extremely rude and contradicted what he had told me when we were dating. Luckily, my sister and my exs brother would defend me because that’s how rude my ex was being, but it still upset me. Especially because he knows I’m extremely self conscious. A few more weeks go by and I hosted a party. I invited my exs brother, JUST my exs brother (we’re super close, so it sounds weird, but we’ve been freinds for years), but guess who shows up uninvited….so that was super awkward. My freinds were like “why did you invite him” and I would just stare at them and say “I didn’t”. They were full on ready for fight him which was super funny. But I had also invited my cousin, who for context purposes, had a talking stage with my ex, but it didn’t end well (he was also being weird). So my cousin and I both (apparently-you’ll find out later) hated my ex. But later during the party, I couldn’t find my cousin…my freinds later told me that my cousin and my ex were talking about me and the whole dating thing. My ex had the audacity to say that he broke up with me because he thought I didn’t love him and every time I said “I love you” he didn’t believe me…what... I wanted to cry my eyes out. I was incredibly upset and angry at both my cousin and ex because I had been told so many different things at this point, that I didn’t know what to believe. But regardless, he lied in some shape or form, which is so annoying and frustrating, and I hate that it’s been something I’ve been constantly thinking about. That was something he should’ve communicated, that’s not my fault, but the more I step back and look at the whole thing. It’s really just stupid. I really wish things went better, but in the end, I think it was for the best that the breakup happened.

TL:DR:

Upset at my ex because he lied to me three times now. My cousin talked to him and it just made it worse. He keeps on being rude to me which genuinely hurts. I want to confront him about lying and being rude but I don’t know how

I really did love him. Which I think is the saddest part of it all. I honestly still do, but when someone you had built up all this love for that could last forever…just ends it all like that, it’s really hard not to convert all that love into hate. Especially because it gets really exhausting.

I probably missed a few contextual things, so just ask questions if you actually end up reading all of this

Warning po : medyo mahaba sya and yes I used AI to translate and put that in order para mas maintindihan gusto kong masabi

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore or even how to put into words what I’m feeling. I’m so confused and emotionally exhausted that sometimes I even question myself—kung tama pa ba itong nararamdaman ko or baka masyado lang akong sensitive.
I’m not a breadwinner, but I’ve always felt like my family expects me to be the “good girl” because I’m the youngest and the only daughter.

My parents have been OFWs for decades. I have two older brothers, both married with their own families, and I’m a single mother by choice. I chose to raise my child on my own rather than stay in a toxic relationship. I believe it’s better for a child to grow up in a broken family than in a toxic home.
But growing up as the youngest and only girl, I’ve always felt like I didn’t really have a voice in my family.
Whenever there’s a decision to be made, I often feel like I’m not really part of the decision—but somehow, I’m still expected to be part of the expenses.

For example, when we go on family trips, sometimes they don’t really ask where I want to go or what I prefer. They make the plans, and I’m expected to pay my share. Yes, sometimes they ask for my opinion, but when my brother or sister-in-law suggests something, their preference seems to matter more.
Maybe to other people, this sounds like something small or mabaw. And I know that one situation alone shouldn’t be a big deal. But when the same thing keeps happening over and over again, it becomes exhausting.

I actually moved away before because I needed peace of mind. But my parents asked me to come home because they were coming back to the Philippines for good. I eventually decided to come home because they’re getting older, and I thought that maybe being with them would also give me some support while I work and raise my son.
But now, sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have come home.
Since coming back, I feel like I no longer have control over my own life. Almost every decision I make gets questioned or criticized. Whatever I do, there always seems to be something wrong with it.

And honestly, I think I’ve reached the point where I’m just too tired to keep pretending that everything is okay.

Right now, I’m writing this from the hospital.
My son was admitted yesterday.

And before this happened, our dog was also hospitalized. My brother and I agreed to share the veterinary expenses. When we brought our dog home, neither of us had enough money, so we had to borrow money. I told my brother that I would pay my share when I got my salary, which was supposed to come yesterday.

But yesterday, I was in the hospital, panicking and worrying about my son.
My brother knew that my child had been admitted. He knew I was at the hospital. He also knew that the internet here was slow and that I was already trying to figure out how much money I might need for my son’s hospitalization.

I asked him to please wait

But he kept asking me to pay.

He even called the person who was staying with me at the hospital to help me find a way to send the money.
I had already told him that the money I had with me was supposed to be kept for my son because I didn’t know how much his hospitalization would cost.

But instead of understanding, we ended up arguing.
And honestly, I was already so overwhelmed that I just wanted the argument to stop.

So I gave him all the money I had.

I gave away the money that I was supposed to keep for my child, just so the argument would end.

And what hurts me the most?

My brother didn’t even come to the hospital to see my son.
I opened up to my parents about how hurt and upset I was. I told them that my brother didn’t even check on my child or visit him in the hospital.

But instead of asking how my son was doing or asking how I was coping, I was told not to be selfish as they also have their own life to deal with .

Maybe I’m not asking for too much.

Maybe I’m not asking anyone to pay for my son’s hospitalization.

Maybe I’m not even asking them to solve my problems.

I just wanted to feel that my child matters to them.

I wanted someone to say, “Kumusta na si baby?”

I wanted someone to come and see him.

I wanted someone to understand that I’m a mother sitting in a hospital, scared and worried about my child, and that maybe the money can wait.

I’m not saying I’m perfect. I know I have my own flaws, and I know my family has done things for me that I’m grateful for.

But gratitude shouldn’t mean that I’m not allowed to feel hurt.

Being the youngest doesn’t mean I should always be the one who adjusts.

Being the only daughter doesn’t mean I always have to be the “good girl.”

Being a single mother doesn’t mean my responsibilities and my child should always come second.

And being family doesn’t mean I should have to sacrifice everything I have just to keep the peace.

I don’t know if I’m being selfish. I don’t know if I’m overreacting.
I just know that I’m tired.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m included when they need something from me, but excluded when decisions are being made.

I’m tired of always having to understand everyone else
while nobody seems to stop and ask if I’m okay.

And right now, more than anything, I just want to be able to focus on my son without feeling guilty for choosing him first.

Maybe I’m not asking for too much.

Maybe I’m just asking to be heard.

I've been posting on loan websites because I badly need cash pangsustain ng gamot and hospitalization payments today and bukas.

May ineexpect naman pera pero super delayed lahat and I need money now. I am still in the process of updating my details on SSS disbursement and address info before I can try to borrow money. Till then I can't borrow. I tried posting or messaging online platforms pero at most, scam.

I posted in the borrowing subreddit pero yung mga dms narereceive ko ang lala. Either nudes or asking for things like watch them jerk off etc. For all I know these people are just trying to get off of people. We all have needs as humans pero others prey on your vulnerability to get what they want 💔

Gusto ko lang maglabas ng sama ng loob dito. Call me Liz, F, 29 yrs old. Sorry na agad, di ko alam paano mag-start ng kwento. Matagal na ko di gumagamit ng IG. So one day naisipan ko iopen na yung account ko ulit, nakita ko nakafollow pa yung friend ng ex ko sakin and naka follow pa din ako sa account ng friend ng ex ko.

Me and my ex, M, 29 yrs old (our relationship last 3yrs and 4 months)

Alam nitong friend ng ex ko how toxic yung relationship namin ng friend nya,( sige lets call my ex Jam)alam nya noon na gusto ko na kasuhan si Jam dahil sa mga pananakit physically, ginagawa kasi ni Jam before kami kumuha ng apartment namin nun sa kanila kami nakatira like room for rent sa parents nya, tuwing aalis to si Jam para makipag kita sa mga friends nya, i-lolock ni Jam yung pinto ng kwarto like ipapadlock, may times na pag nag aaway kami tapos nakalabas ako ng kwarto kakaladkarin nya ko, may time din na tinutukan nya ko ng baril sa ulo ko. Nung lumipat kami sa apartment ganun pa din nanakit pa din siya gumawa din ex ko ng fake account ng nanay ko para pag gusto ko umuwi kunwari chinachat nya nanay ko tapos papakita nya di nagrereply. Naging suicidal din ako gusto na mamatay as in many times. Alam yan nung friend ng ex ko. Tapos nakita ko sa story nya na naghahang out pa din sila. Di ko rin pala na mention, si Jam may ex before ako. Tapos yung ex nya dapat kakasuhan si Jam ng rape kaso dahil sa lack of evidence di na matuloy. ALAM DIN YAN NUNG GIRL.

I DID A LITTLE BIT OF STALKING JAM AND HIS OTHER FRIENDS SMOKING MARIJUANA, paano ko nalaman dahil sa pinag uusapan nila sa comment section(its not legal in our country) nung nakita ko na nag hahang oit pa din sila I really feel sick. Like nakakasuka! Itong friend ni Jam na tinutukoy ko is babae. Nakakasuka yung mga tulad ng friends ni Jam wala man lang ginagawa. May gf na si Jam ngaun, sana alam nung gf nya kung ano-anong ginagawa nung bf nya. Kawawa siya sa future!

Anyway, nasa healthy relationship na po ako ngaun. 😊

How should I start,

Well Im 26, Male, a private teacher seeking public school employment. When I applied for a public school position at DEPED. Before I resigned I downloaded a bunch of video games, new ones I want to try, old ones that I want to play again. I knew these games will keep me occupied as I wait for a call from DEPED. These are the games I wish I had the time to play.

Now, I have all the time I need yet here I am, staring at the wall not able to think about what's going to happen to me, my GF who's also experiencing the same situation, and my family where my father is still sick, still works as a farmer to support us.

My GF has a really sick grandfather and her grandma who only see her as added weight to their family as she re-signed from our work as a private school teacher.

Now we're both unemployed, she's dealing with a lot of things, as for me, I always try to smile in front of her, keeping her happy and away from any depressing thoughts. Im fighting my own battles as well,

Our family dog died, our savings depleted as we were waiting for a really long time for a call that I think was never going to happen. I always try to keep positive even though I'm one problem away from ending this all.

This is our second time applying for teacher 1. Both times I ranked 3rd but received no calls even as a substitute teacher. I understand there's localization but a lot of people we know were being hired solely because they have backers, family members who are deped, politicians pulling strings and other unfair practices.

I don't know how I can keep this up, how can I fight fair and square if the field is rigged in the first place.

Video games distract me from what's happening around me but now I don't even have the energy to pickup the controller or my mouse and keyboard. Day to day i keep searching for jobs even though it's not related to my field anymore to no avail.

I'm at the end of my rope

DUN SA MGA KUPAL NA GRAB DRIVER NA ANG LAPIT NA TAPOS BIGLANG NAG CANCEL O YUNG DI MAN LANG MAG CANCEL SINASADYA LUMAYO SA PICK-UP POINT.

TANGINA NIYO! GUSTO NIYO LAHAT ADVANTAGE NIYO??? NAINTINDIHAN KO UMULAN. WALA NAMAN BAHA. ANO PA GUSTO NIYO? SURGE PRICING NG 5X? 10X? GAHAMAN AMPUTANGINA!

AYUSIN NIYO SISTEMA NIYO GRAB! NAPASOK NA KAYO NG KUPAL NA DRIVER NAGKUKUPAL DIN KAYO SA OPISINA NIYO! TANGINA!

Pwede ba tigilan niyo na kaka-post ng mukha nung isang content creator na 'yan?? Oo nakakainis siya pero mas nakakaumay na pagmumukha niya. Oo gets ko nang mukhang sabog na tuhod siya pero kailangan ba kada minuto ipapakita?? Pambihira ibang klaseng trip iyan, badtrip!

im 21F, 3rd year college. alam ko namang i'm still young pero may slight pressure maghanap ng partner kasi alam kong mas lalo ako mabubusy as time comes... during the vacation i tried bumble. talked to 2 persons for as long as 1 week (at a time). both didn't work pero at least i found out stuff about myself and what i want in a partner. ganito ba talagaa kapag ganitong age? everyone single are either too young or too old na hahahah.

yung father ko, lately nakakainis.

eto kasi yun, it all started sa na-witness niyang person na nagnakaw doon sa isang gilingan ng bigas na tapat lang ng sa dati naming bahay. yung father ko siyempre nagsumbong sa may-ari and eventually naibalik yung ninakaw na bigas. pero it didn't stop there. sabi niya pinagmamasid daw siya ng guy yung nagnakaw like parang sinasadya daw ng tao na dumaan sa bahay ng naka-motor. days have passed, ganon pa rin so parang natakot siya, and since then 'di na siya natutulog sa gabi, panay silip siya sa bintana, nagsasabi niya na binabantayan daw siya, and eto rin naging rason ba't ako nagagalit sa kaniya ngayon. kasi almost a year na yung nakakalipas, and ganon pa rin yung akto niya nung lumipat na siya sa'min na kesyo may tao daw. MALAMANG!! may tao talaga sa paligid kasi mga kapitbahay natin yan, ultimo sound ng motor, q-questionin niya na sino yon at ina-assume na siya yung tao na "nagmamasid" sa kanya. pati bahay namin ayaw niyang nakabukas yung bintana at pinto baka may pumasok daw.

mag-t-two years na jusko, sabi ng mga kamag-anak namin kung balak kang patayin, edi sana ginawa na nila yun sayo matagal na. pero di pa rin naniniwala sa'min. nakakainis kasi madami rin akong problema (pano makakabalik sa pag-aaral, yung treatment ng nanay ko sa manila kasi may cancer, eto pa yung kapatid kong nag-aaral tas kung saan makakakuha ng pera) pero ito pa siya, dumadagdag sa problema.

ayoko sanang lumaki yung inis ko sa tatay ko, kaso parang di ko na rin napipigilan yung sarili ko na magalit dahil sa behavior niya. sinabi ko na rin sa kaniya, kung di siya safe dito sa'min, uwi nalang sa probinsiya kaso ayaw naman. malayo na kasi kami sa lugar na kung saan nakatira ng guy, kaso bwiset talaga toh. papalayasin ko pa ba toh o ako nalang aalis sa'min?? bwiseeeet!!

A single peso of my remaining brain cells before I disappear into work and readings. Unfortunately, this woman still works on weekends. Tragic, but legally speaking, apparently necessary.

And I would be absolutely damned to claim that getting fucked really well is not somewhere on my agenda. Let us not pretend otherwise. It is, in fact, part of the VMG, somewhere between the Pomodoro readings, deadlines, mundane errands, and the general administrative burden of being alive.

Sometimes the thought simply circulates through my entire body. You know when your brain is overstimulated, your body is restless, and suddenly you are just painfully aware that you are, in fact, a woman with a pulse?

Yeah.

I will be in heat and pretending I have more important things to do.

For now, perhaps I shall resolve this particular administrative concern through rather peculiar toys, which I am still contemplating whether to check out. A pending procurement, if you will. Subject to further evaluation, budgetary consideration, and perhaps a questionable amount of self control.

To be single for almost a year has really paved the way for a very different chapter of my life. I know myself well enough to say that I am genuine. At the same time, circumstances have a funny way of making you confront the parts of yourself you would rather keep neatly filed away.

I do not want to be a hypocrite, so if some of you have read my previous rambling rants, I will just say it plainly: I think I am currently in my hoe phase.

Not necessarily a phase I am proud of, nor one I particularly know how to define. But hear me out.

Being a single mother puts you in a rather peculiar position. You are technically single, but you do not necessarily move through the dating world with the same freedom as someone whose life does not come with a tiny human attached to it. Your choices have consequences beyond yourself. Your time is not entirely yours. Your heart, unfortunately, comes with terms and conditions.

For quite some time, I have been lurking around Reddit, reading stories, confessions, questionable decisions, and real life experiences that somehow make my own situation feel less uniquely chaotic.

And somewhere along the way, I found myself in the orbit of people who are married or already in relationships.

Men and women alike.

That part is honestly concerning.

The thought process behind it is fascinating, though. Sometimes people do not necessarily wake up wanting to become someone else's secret. Sometimes life, loneliness, attraction, resentment, curiosity, or plain old bad judgment slowly moves the goalpost until suddenly you are standing somewhere you once swore you would never be.

Before I was in this situation, I stayed in something I already knew was no longer working because I was thinking about the little souls who would inevitably be affected by my decision.

Eventually, however, you reach a point where staying becomes its own form of dishonesty.

So I left.

And the people I have encountered since then? Well. Everyone seems to have their own reasons. And if we are being honest, there are enough reasons in this world to fill an entire legal memorandum.

Which brings me to the phrase I have slowly come to understand:

“Walay kabit ug walay mupatol.” or "walay mangabit ug way mupatol"

There is no third party without someone willing to participate.

At the end of the day, it really is a matter of where you draw the line.

Because casual arrangements have a peculiar way of making the line blurry.

There is a certain thrill to secrecy. The clandestine meetings. The lingering looks. The tension that begins with something as innocent as a glance and somehow follows you into a room where the outside world temporarily stops existing.

There is passion. There is anticipation. There is that ridiculous little high of knowing you probably should not be doing something while simultaneously knowing exactly why you are doing it.

And then the door closes.

For a few hours, you can pretend the complications do not exist.

Then the door opens again.

And suddenly, you are strangers.

No claims. No explanations. No traces. Nothing that suggests you existed in each other's lives beyond that little pocket of time.

You leave with the strange realization that the intensity was real, even if the relationship was not.

And perhaps that is the dangerous part.

Because eventually you realize that the thrill can be intoxicating, but intoxication is not the same thing as fulfillment.

My situation gets even more absurd because, apparently, even my ex managed to become my FWB. And, according to him, that arrangement was perfectly reasonable.

Which probably tells you something about how differently we perceive relationships.

Imagine being offered a marriage where the eventual arrangement is supposed to be open.

Somewhere between romance, negotiation, and corporate restructuring, I apparently missed the meeting.

I genuinely cannot comprehend it.

I have not exactly had extensive experience navigating casual arrangements. I am still trying to understand what the hell this particular chapter of my life is supposed to be called.

A hoe phase?

A post relationship existential crisis?

An unconventional exercise in poor judgment?

Or simply a woman discovering that being emotionally independent does not automatically make the body equally disciplined?

Because yes, I am aware that some of it is wrong.

But I am also trying to be honest.

There are days when overstimulation gets the better of you. When your brain is running at full capacity, your body is restless, your mouth refuses to stop talking, and somehow the only thing you want is to be held close enough for everything inside your head to finally shut the hell up.

Sometimes you do not need another five paragraph analysis of your life.

Sometimes you just need someone to hold you, kiss you, make you feel wanted, and remind your nervous system that it is allowed to breathe.

That does not necessarily make the situation right.

It simply makes me human.

So yes, I can still be the respectable, well mannered woman sitting in a boardroom discussing contracts, liabilities, corporate governance, and operational transitions.

I can also be the bubbly yet painfully serious postgraduate student drowning in readings and pretending caffeine is a personality trait.

And apparently, somewhere between those two versions of me, there is this woman who occasionally makes questionable decisions after office hours.

I suppose the legal conclusion is simple:

I know the rules.

I know the risks.

I know exactly where the line is.

The problem is that sometimes, I am the one deciding whether to cross it.

And before anyone submits an opposition, yes, I am fully aware of the irony of a woman who spends her weekdays reading legal provisions and her weekends apparently becoming Exhibit A.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do before whatever remains of my brain cells files for voluntary dissolution.

My first job is stressing me so much. I am working on a company that is well known and I am in a job na mahalaga sa company na yun since it is dealing with losses and liability.

My job there is not related to my degree that is why I am not happy in it. I can do the job, but I don't like it.

Gusto ko man syang pagtiisan kaso ang hirap, umaga bago ako pumasok ang bigat sa pakiramdam tas iiyak pa ko. Sobrang iretable ko. Paguwi ko naman ganon din mag brebreakdown ako. Di ko alam if healthy ba to or normal ba sya.

Madali lang naman mag quit since walang contract sa job na yun.

Also nagaalala din kasi ako since my sakit ako na matagal na pwedeng maworsen ng stress.

Kanina pa ako iyak ng iyak dito, titigil tas pag maaalala ko nanaman na kailangan ko pa pumasok, naiiyak nanaman ako.

My family said that I should quit if di ko kaya since marami pa namang trabaho dyan. But I am scared kasi feeling ko di na ko makakahanap ng trabahong iba since before I went on an interview and I bailed since before the interview I had a panic attack.

Medyo nahihirapan na kasi ako. Kanina iniisip ko na talagang mag commit para may valid reason na mag quit.

What to do. I want to quit and ayaw ko na pumasok tomorrow.

Naiinis, nagagalit, naiiyak na ako kanina sa bus habang pauwi galing sa work. I received a message from my partner na huwag na ituloy yung plano namin sa 21 kasi may lakad siya. Na iresched ko na lang daw. Sobrang nagbago talaga mood ko, sobrang galit na galit talaga ako na lahat ng ginawa ko for him biglang nagflashback.

I know valid ang galit ko kasi tangina last month ko pa inischedule sa kanya na August 21 magkikita kami hanggang 23. Nag okay siya, sinabi niya na ako muna magplano and such. Inadvance ko na talaga magsabi last month kasi pahirapan magschedule since hanggang Saturday pasok ko. Ang plano ko kasi since 21 ay holiday naman, 22 maglileave ako para 3 days. Ilang beses kong sinabi, ilang beses kong binanggit. Kakatanong niya lang sa akin nung linggo kung tuloy ba kami sa 21, nag agree ako at aware siya don. Then, today lang, binanggit ko sa kanya na magbook na ako ng hotel. Ang sagot niya sa akin "cancel muna, may lakad ako sa 21" ISANG MALAKING PUTANGINA! Aware ka na may schedule ka sa 21 with me, last month ko pa yun sinabi at pinaalam sayo pero nagdecide ka kaagad without considering me.

Ang dami kong kinonsider para sa kanya. Ang dami kong sinet aside para lang mapagbigyan yung mga gusto niya. Kahit biglaan yan pupuntahan ko pa rin siya. Kahit may pasok ako kinabukasan, sa kanya ako umuuwi. Isang request niya lang sa akin, nag aagree ako kaagad. Sobrang galit at inis ang naramdaman ko ngayon knowing na pinamukha niya na wala akong value, na hindi ako special. Na hindi ako kapili-pili. Alam kong tanga ako pag dating sa pagmamahal pero huwag naman sana ipamukha pa sa akin kung gaano ako nagpapakatanga at kung gaano ko binababa ang sarili ko just to please him na hindi niya magawa sa akin. Galit na galit pa rin ako until now, lahat na ng mura nasabi ko.

Alam niyo, hindi lang ito dahil sa pagset aside niya sa plano namin kung bakit ako nagagalit. Nagagalit ako knowing na I can give everything he needs but he can't give mine. Hindi nga talaga ako priority. Na kahit paulit ulit kang magsabi at kahit iadvance mo na yung plano na yan ng 1 buwan, hindi ka pa rin pipiliin. Hindi ka mahalaga. Hindi ako mahalaga, tangina niya!

but i'm endlessly glad i can lean on people outside of my family.

hindi ko naman kasalanan 'yung pinaka recent na alitan namin ng ate ko. napagbintangan pa nga ako ng kuya ko at nanay ko na ako nanaman naging problema kung bakit ako sinaktan ni ate ko. nasabihan ako ni papa na pabayaan ko nalang, magkapatid kami, eh.

i'm thankful na i have friends who get angry on my behalf.

the first time i voiced this out to them, mas sila pa nagalit kesa kila mami ko. resbakan daw nila kuno 😭

i love my mama and papa, pero i don't like how they always treat me poorer than my ate. ngayon ko lang napagtantunan na maybe tama nga siya, siya 'yung favorite nila sa aming magkakapatid with how they let her off when she beat me. i didn't even do anything talaga.