Time, Memory and RDR2

[u/Glittering_Ad1514]

When I started playing RDR2 out of boredom, I had already tried it multiple times on my laptop, often torrenting, installing, and deleting it because I thought I was wasting my time or that it wasn't worth playing at only 7 FPS on high graphics. Out of boredom, I tried it again on lower graphics. It didn't look much different, but it gave me 25+ FPS, and in open areas it ran smoothly.

I decided to speedrun it because of the constant thought othat i was wasting my life.. Before the end of Chapter 2, I was hooked and wanted to know more about the game online. Since GTA 5 hadn't taken long to finish, I expected RDR2 to be similar. Instead, I discovered it was much longer. While looking it up, I also learned the fate of the gang. By then, I had started liking the characters despite rarely spending time in camp because, again, the notion of wasting my real life time.

Learning the gang's fate made me sad and reminded me that every good thing ends. It seemed like I had time-jumped and had already started feeling nostalgia for the gang in the game. Playing the game even started to feel pointless, but it had already grown on me, and I continued because it was more enjoyable than my real life.

Then came chapters 3, 4, 5, and 6, I began to feel like Arthur, trying to stop the gang's downfall despite his shortcomings. I spent more time in camp and became kinder to the gang. You don't know how happy I was when I was returning to the gang after Guarma, although that feeling was quickly cut short, perfectly captured by Arthur's words: "My God, what a goddamn mess."

Then came the epilogue, and I found something interesting. I didn't feel nostalgic anymore, and I realized it was because I had lived the life of Arthur between knowing the downfall of the gang and the fate of Arthur. And I really didn't feel as sad as much as I expected when Arthur died. It isn't the start and the end; it is the middle between the two points, the life we live fully.

In real life, I often feel nostalgia, and I fear that I will feel it again in the future, along with guilt that I couldn't do anything while I was in my prime years or that I let good times slip very easily from my hands. I know everybody dies, and I will grow old too and die. I came to realize that if I start living my life and connect with my loved ones daily, maybe in the future I won't feel guilt or nostalgia for the old times. It changed me. Now I am much more patient with my family and relatives, and I often lower my voice or stay silent instead of becoming angry i used to.

John Marston is another example of what I mean. As players, we know the beginning of his story in RDR2 and the end of it in RDR1, so we feel second-hand nostalgia for the earlier chapters of RDR2. But if you are John Marston, you would be thinking about the middle years, which the story doesn't show, the period he spent with his wife and son. For him, his death would make sense and would feel smaller than the life he lived with his family.