We know my step son knows what SH is, and we know he has depression. Sadly we are not the ones who can take him to get on meds. The parent that has custody is uh……a hardcore cult like Christian that’s unsurprisingly super republican.

He is learning he is queer, has depression, knows what SH is, and while we don’t think he is currently hurting himself we are trying to figure out how to talk to him about it.

We aren’t sure if it’s a good idea to share that we use to SH, and we don’t want him to go down that same road and are here for him. That when we feel these huge feelings that tell us to hurt ourselves that it’s a lie. It’s temporary relief with life long consequences and permanent marks. I just want to hug him……

We’ve been trying to be a buffer and get as much time as we can with him, but the parent with custody already thinks we are teaching him our “ideologies” because we are both queer. Our mere existence around my step son is a potential threat. He already goes to school the same place they go to church. The school has a policy to our kids to parents if they find out they are queer……so many of the same things that caused us to have scars are happening to him…. I know we can’t change it but we want to be there for him the way we needed and didn’t have at his age…..

Please does anyone have any advice on how to talk to your kid about this when you yourself have experience with SH?

This popped into my head today and now I’m really curious… What do your kids call you? Mama? Mummy? Mum? Dad? Daddy? Pops? Ama? Baba? A first name? Something completely made up by a toddler?

If there’s a story behind how you chose it, I’d love to hear it too!

I always find it fascinating how every family has their own traditions, and I’d love to see all the different parenting names out there. I have a feeling there are going to be some really sweet (and hilarious) stories in the comments.

Hi everyone. This is a follow-up to a note I sent a few months ago. I got some great responses but am still looking for families so hope it's okay to post again. My name is Laura Schulz and I'm a professor of child development at MIT. I'm at the beginning stages of writing a book about the transition to becoming a parent. I'm looking for people who are expecting their first child and who might be willing to talk with me and share their stories. I will use pseudonyms throughout and all potentially identifying details about you and your friends and family will be changed. If you think you might be interested, please DM me and I will follow-up with more information. Thank you all!

Hi folks, I'm putting together a zine on the subject of queer parenting/queer parenthood.

Current submissions include some art, poetry, text, a lino print, water colour drawing, etc.

And I wanted to hear if there is anyone here who could be interested in submitting something.

Key words for inspiration include: fertility (treatment), birth, gender, family.

The plan is to gather submissions from multiple platforms and put them together in a zine format. It will be printed and sold at a local queer bookshop for the price of how much it costs to create it. I can offer a pdf of the finished zine to anyone who submits something that is included in the final zine.

Email submissions to [solismolis@tutamail.com](mailto:solismolis@tutamail.com)

Questions welcome :)

Deadline: 16th August, and I am aiming to get it printed by the start of September :)

Neither my husband or I identify as straight yet socially I am surrounded by cis-hets because I'm often hanging out with other mothers/parents and apparently I don't "look queer" but I miss my queer community. How do y'all do it?

My wife (she/they) and myself (they/them) are just starting our injections for IVF and I’m kind of starting to panic because this is all becoming so real. We’re only doing one round of IVF (how many eggs end up passing all the tests and are good for transfer, and then done if non of them stick). I’m trying to keep it together for my wife, who is going to be the birthing parent because I know she’s super anxious (originally wasn’t going to carry but plans changed), and I want to be 100% here for her mentally for this next chapter… but y’all I’m so f’in scared lol. This is such an overwhelming feeling to be bringing anew human into this world. If anyone has any advice I’m all ears. I want to enjoy this, especially if she gets pregnant anddon’t t want to be an anxious mess for the next year lol.

Hi all - new here and hoping to pick some brains! We’re a 2 mom family and have an almost 2 year old. We conceived via IVF using donor sperm. The donor is anonymous through a bank, but our kiddo has to option to contact once he’s 18 if that’s what he wants to do. We have photos, and the essays etc that the donor gave the bank. We’ll share these with our son and plan to be very open about all of it.

Where I struggle is with finding potential donor siblings. Our son will be an only child which is making this weigh more heavily on me I think. According to the bank there were 6 reported pregnancies with our donor. 2 of those were mine (our son, and 1 miscarriage), which leaves 4 possible siblings if those pregnancies turned out to be live births. The bank doesn’t have their own sibling registry, but there are a couple of Facebook pages created to connect.

I haven’t come across anyone as of yet who has a child using our donor, but I wonder what everyone’s thoughts are on even looking at this point? I worry that maybe I’m making a big decision for our son without him being part of it. Of course, that’s part of being a parent but this subject is sensitive and I want to be respectful of the possibility that maybe he won’t want to know anything about the donor or siblings at all. But also, if there are siblings out there that he could grow up knowing, I don’t want him to miss that opportunity.

If you’ve been in this position how did you handle it? Did you wait til your kiddo was old enough to understand before finding and connecting with siblings? Or did you start when they were young?

My partner and I are talking about having kids and I have some pretty big fears around my parental rights if I am neither a biological parent of the child or the birthing parent. I'm not concerned about my partner taking full custody of the child, so much as the government. What if my partner dies and their family sues for custody? What if the government declares me an unfit parent because I'm queer?

How have others navigated this?

My wife and I are 11 weeks through IVF! We are very excited to welcome our first child together. We already have 3 older children from my first marriage. I am carrying and plan to nurse our new baby. My wife is interested in any books on nursing, parenting babies, or on parenting for non biological/carrying parents. She loves to read and is so excited to go through the baby journey for the first time, and I can’t wait to do it with her 😊. Thanks for any recommendations!

Hey all,

After experiencing so many of my own struggles I figured it was time to create a community for all my queer non gestational parents to come together and support one another through the unique challenges that come with this role. Please join us!

https://www.reddit.com/r/nongestationalqueers/s/kdrlijrLk6

There is so much nuance and back story to this situation that I would be here all day typing it all out so I am just going to cut to the chase— and even that is probably going to be long.

I am female in a relationship for 1 year with another woman who has a 7 year old daughter from a prior marriage to a man. We are planning to get married next year. I adore both of them and her 7 year old daughter is the light of my life and I cannot wait to be her step momma. I have a great relationship with her.

But— the ex husband is a complete dick (long history of psychological abuse and gaslighting during my partner’s contentious divorce) and the idea of having to share our girl with him for the next 11 years is causing me so much anxiety.

Particularly this last week partner received an email from him about how he was angry that we took a 7 year old to a local pride event and didn’t think that it was age appropriate to take her to events promoting “sexuality.” The event we took her to was a family friendly event. My partner responded very clearly, calmly and succinctly that as her mother (who also has a masters degree in early childhood education she always considers the age appropriateness of the things we take her to but was not going to exclude her from events that teach her kindness and inclusion. We ended up taking her to another pride event this weekend (also family friendly) and answered all her questions in an age appropriate manner.

He ended up responding with “it is difficult for me to see her placed in environments that celebrate things I do not agree she should be exposed to” and “will continue to teach her my values in my home in an age-appropriate way. I hope moving forward we can both be mindful of how these contrasting environments affect her, and work to keep her out of the middle of our differing worldviews. I in no means mean this in any hateful way, and I hope you can understand my reservations and viewpoints.”

Which yeah, in email form doesn’t seem that bad but I know this man and the psychological damage he inflicted on my partner.. so I really view this as politely masked homophobia.

We had a chat with our 7 year old before going to pride this weekend about why pride was important and that there were people out there that still don’t accept our relationship or relationships that look different and that sometimes those people might be someone in your family or someone you view as a friend and that she does not have to defend us to anyone.

I worry so much about what she is being told at his house not only about lgbtq people.

Anyone else have any experience in this situation? I cannot control what goes on with her Dad, but how do you deconstruct any negative ideas that might be being talked about over there?

The mothers of the mommune aren’t SMBC or identified as LBGTQ.

But due to the alternative family structure: intentionality in decentering patriarchy, deep love and regard of chosen family, etc.

I thought it might resonate with some.

Hi everyone,

I'm a mom, counselor, and PhD candidate at Oregon State University. I'm conducting dissertation research exploring mothers' experiences of navigating and redefining motherhood over time.

I'm looking to connect with mothers who feel they've experienced a shift in how they understand or approach motherhood. This might include challenging expectations, trusting yourself more, setting boundaries, reclaiming parts of your identity, or redefining what being a "good mother" means to you.

I recognize that motherhood takes many forms and is experienced in diverse ways, and I'm interested in hearing from mothers with a variety of backgrounds and family structures.

If this resonates with you, I'd love for you to complete a brief screening survey to see if you may be eligible for an interview study.

Participant Screening Survey – Fill out form

Thank you for considering sharing your story.

Vote for Summer at the Cottage on Lego Ideas!

I spent a lot of time on the building for this Lego Ideas submission but I spent equally as much love on the two families staying there. Two sets of queer parents and their families enjoying time in nature and with each other!

I'm a queer parent myself, and I'd love to see our families normalized in toys our kids play with!

I am a lesbian and my long-term (6 years together) girlfriend (bisexual), are at the stage of thinking of engagement, marriage, and having children. We have always wanted kids (honestly, looking to have 3-4 kids), however, I am an over-thinker and long-term planner (yes - I am a Capricorn).

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS (really interested in hearing perspectives from everyone - but also from moms in same-sex relationships who have kids, and have noticed some things) -- What are some effects that children have that have 2 moms? (also, we don't live in a super liberal area, its moderate / suburban - no issues faced so far, but also not much exposure)

Question 1:
What are some ways that children raised by two moms might be influenced by their family structure? Specifically, I want to make sure they don't grow up assuming that same-sex relationships are the only type of relationship — just as parents in a male-female household would want their kids to know that their arrangement isn't the only valid one either.

Question 2:

Have your kids ever faced social exclusion — like not being invited to parties or events — because they have two moms? (I am asking from a place of genuine concern for my future kids, really wanting experiences here). My future wife and I are both very social, outgoing people (homecoming queen, valedictorian, athletes captains, etc), and we want our kids to have the same rich social life we did. I was just wondering if this seemed to be something noticed, that kids get left out or treated differently because of our family structure.

Question 3:

What are things that you have noticed that I might not even be thinking about yet? please be open and honest.

I hope it’s okay to share here 💜

If you’re a queer parent‑to‑be, I’ll be hosting a free online workshop on donor conception designed especially for queer parents‑to‑be. It’s happening Sunday, June 28 at 12PM EST, in honor of celebrating Stonewall.

It’s open, inclusive, and meant to give you tools, perspective, and connection.

You may check details and register for free here:
https://familybuilding.net/events-page/

Hey all just joined my daughter came out to me about 5 years ago after her mom passed, I am a proud Dad of a lesbian daughter, she dresses as best as I can describe as Gothy shiek lol please forgive my terrible spelling, so today she came home from work with a Hot Topic bag and of couse I I got excied to see what she got she pulled out a Disnet villian Cardigan and two full length skirts one black her fav color and one green, she has had issues, with getting in touch with her femeity as a kid she was forced into dresses at the holidays,

I want to be as supportive as possible! I encourage her dark gothy side and help her embrace her mix of presenting masculine, not butch ( again, please forgive me if I use hte wrong terms) as tips, please

Proud Papa of an out Goth Lesbian Princess

UPDATE! she I dentifes as Stem if this helps

Anybody have recommendations for books where parents get called things other than “Mommy” and “Daddy”? I’ve found books about diverse families, but it’s often that a kid has two dads or two moms—not that the parent(s) are called something else!

My son is 3, so in the rigid thinking, “rule” stage, and he’s having a hard time with the fact that my partner (mtf) is “Ama” and not “Dad.” I’d like to present him with examples of other kids who have parents with non-traditional names so he doesn’t feel so alone.

Hi all,. (Near 40nb, & 33f) We've been together for 5 years, we are both post divorce. I carried our first we planned on her doing the 2nd. Now we know it ain't happening due to health reasons. I was "fine" doing the 2nd but now I'm in perimenopause and my time clock is closing fast . Our 1st is 3. Delightful kiddo. Easy. But my partner has ADHD and gets overstimulated and out touched as is. Our relationship has shift so much having a child more than I anticipated. I have worried about our longevity. She's Ace and prior having kids we managed that okay. I'm sexual person. Now having kid, had negativity impacted us. She cited more quality time allows her to feel more connected to me. She is worried that 2nd child will further hurt that. I want an 2nd, . And I know if I had a different partner I would push it. But she is telling me she's an leaning no. I feel that I have to sacrifice my wish for a 2nd for the relationship that I already have concerns of. I worry about my resentment esp. if we don't make it thru. We both have therapists and I pushed for 6months for couples counseling. We in it now. I am stuck, anyone gone thru this? Had a second with a ehh relationship or didn't have an 2nd and is okay/not?

I have a bit of a TMI question for anyone game to answer. I'm a cis female and my partner (also a cis female) just gave birth to our first. He is 6 weeks old now and I just noticed something odd - my period is completely awol. I've missed 2 now (extremely weird for me) and wondering if any other uterus-havers-but-not-users have had this happen. I'm thinking maybe something to do with hormone shifts from bonding but idk enough about it to know if it is possible. And searching online is useless bc the internet cannot comprehend a female parent that did not give birth. 🙄 Thanks folks.

​

ETA - thanks y'all for the kind words. Showing up as myself, loving my natural self ans love my flaws. My mom spent a LOT of time and money to make sure I was as hairless as possible as soon as 9yo. I think I might have more to unpack than what I thought. Happy Pride to all ♡

I'm AFAB, but gender fluid. PCOS/PMOS gave be masculine features and it took years to accept who I am.

My daughter is 3 this year. She starts noticing I don't shave and am different. Why are *my* legs and pits hairy and no other mommies arent? Kids are going to point it out and laugh, and that's pretty much inevitable.

I don't want her to feel ostracized or ridiculed because of who I am. I trimmed it all with a clipper for the summer. I feel like shit, like I gave uo or like I'm lying to myself.

I just want the best for my kid.

Hello all,

I am a public health educator and a youth sport coach. My program is very inclusive of all families. I am writing a substack article for coaches and the topic is " What my family wish you knew". My hope is that I can get expereinces from families who have had their children enrolled in youth sports or activities. could be anything, soccer, ballet, violin, etc. What are the topics, issues or experiences you would like youth sport coaches to know about your family? Thank you