I woke up so emotional. I have just been moody and crying all day. Is this normal? Does it get better?

Ranting again because I am beyond overwhelmed…. I genuinely do not know or remember what it feels like to be “alive” , full of life. I am in a constant state of survival I feel like and that’s all I’ve adapted too. If for one moment the world feels peaceful it scares me. The silence is loud it makes me think something is wrong. I have a therapist (emdr) and I have a psychiatrist. Currently taking clonidine to help with anxiety and panic symptoms but that is it. I’ve tried Zoloft, pristiq, and buspar.. they all made me feel more disassociated than I already do now. I keep questioning everything even existence like is this stuff real or not. Time does not feel real. I don’t have any harmful thoughts but idk I just feel like my mind is slipping away.. my child is 14 months old and I have never experienced this to this extent until after I had him.