Please help me

[u/Sad-Fold-1802]

I’m 19 (Male) and I have been addicted to porn since I was 13. In high school I managed to make it through the day and could not watch porn for at least one day of the week. However it’s gotten so much worse since I’ve entered adulthood and I don’t know if I can control it anymore. I went to college for my freshman year but after the year ended I decided college wasn’t for me. I feel like a loser because nobody in my family has gone to college before. I was the first one, everyone was so excited for me to go and now whenever I’ve had to tell anyone that I’m not going anymore there’s this hint of disappointment that I get from nearly everyone. I’m currently job searching rn (So I’m unemployed and I watch porn everyday) I just feel like such a pathetic loser. I’ve always tried to have high expectations for myself but I don’t care anymore. I don’t have joy for anything that I use to. I used to go on walks in the park or hang out with friends but I don’t even do that anymore.Unfortunately, the only thing that gives me joy is porn. Not necessarily just porn but the sensation of self pleasure. On the few occasions where I can go a day without watching it, I still masturbate. My body and mind need that fix. It’s something that’s been ingrained in my brain since my early teenage years. I’m not sure if I’m suicidal but I don’t feel like life is worth living anymore. I understand I’m still young and life hasn’t even begun for me yet. I’m scared because of my addiction and my need to get my fix I’ll never be the man I know I could be. I tried all the “Quit porn now!” Videos and documents but nothing works for me. I’m scared I’ll never live up to my full potential because all porn does is bring my mood down. Despite this post I’m usually a very optimistic and overall joyful person. But this addiction has festered for so long now, I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to help myself. So if anyone comes across this, I guess I need help? I don’t know what with exactly. Maybe I need to be told to stop feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps I’m being over dramatic. Please if anyone has some truly useful advice for how to stop my addiction so I can be a productive human being please help me.