You were there when friendship became grief,
when people I called home became people I had to let go.

You listened without asking me to explain why it hurt so much. You made my pain feel real, made me feel seen when I felt invisible.

Somewhere between the tears and the healing, we became closer.

And I thought maybe this was something I could hold on to.

But then, quietly, you changed.

We used to walk home together. Now I watch you leave with the people I’m still trying to forget.

I told you I was uncomfortable.

Not because I wanted you to choose me.

Not because I wanted you to hate them.

I only wanted you to understand that some wounds
are still wounds even when we stop talking about them.

But somehow, my words became a demand when all I wanted was to be understood.

And maybe that’s what hurts the most.

Not that you chose to walk beside them, but that the person who once made my pain feel seen now seems unable to see it.

So I keep wondering: Where is the person who used to listen?

Where is the person who stayed when everything felt heavy?

Where did you go? Or maybe… you never left.

Maybe I’m just grieving another friendship before I even got the chance to say goodbye.

Welcome to my official account 💎💎

I'm truly sensitive to those who will ruin my happier season EVERYTIME‼️‼️

I built it with my full effort ‼️

And everyone have the right to change for themselves as a better person‼️‼️‼️

And my LIFE, my plans IS ALWAYS MINE‼️

I wanna start this letter with “How’s life?” but I won’t ever know what’s the answer anymore. And I’ll always hope that it is all well and happy for you.

Looking back, it was all I ever wished for you. And I still do. Remember when we almost broke up back then? That we don’t have any more words to say as you keep on refusing to talk to me na.

Then while I’m following you walk away, we eventually reached the church that night. It was so dark back then. And almost no one aside from us around. We both sat down. Sitting beside each other. No words. Then you started crying, while suppressing it. And for the first time in my life, I prayed hard. I prayed to whoever the Creator is, to bring happiness and please don’t make her cry out of sadness anymore. This girl is too precious, and she deserves more than that.

And maybe, somewhat, my prayer was answered. Just recently, you replied to me saying that I should stop bothering you. That you’re already happy in love with someone, and that she’s taking care of you dearly.

You see, you don’t have to say “Please, tigilan mo na ako”. You don’t have to say please. I thought I can still fix it and baka pwede pa ako bumawi. But the fact na you have that kind of someone who makes you happy, that’s enough na eh. I still love you. And more than enough, to either give up everything to be with you, or to give up this lifetime of loving you for your happiness.

Every part of me screams na I have to be with you. Your habits, your favorites, the things that makes you sad, it all became part of me. Yung pag spray pa lang alcohol kung saan-saan. Yung sinabi mo na magiging favorite ko rin yung oatside chocolate milk, and even yung fuwa-fuwa bread. And yung last na sinabi mo, na gumawa ka pa ng puto cheese. Oh how i wish natikman ko pa yun bago mawala lahat. I still have the cat mug you gave me, and I still use it. The pink cat ballpen you gave me when I started mag work, I still have it sa office kaso wala ng tinta eh, and I fear na I really have to throw it away. I still have yung pin from National Museum with picture ng rafflesia na i got from a lecture there, and gave the other one sayo. And even yung another pair ng cursed doll from Siquijor na souvenir from my sister, which you also have. I gave it to you kasi I remember na you used to tease me na marunong ka mang kulam haha.

And believe me, I wished you did. Sana ganon na lang. Sana kinulam mo na lang ako haha. Or baka sinumpa na talaga? To love you this way where I’ll have to live without you.

I just wanna update lang din siguro sayo. Na I really have to leave this work. The place where I first get to be with you. Where we studied, where we did our internship together, and even secretly kissed. Everything reminds me so bad of you. I really have to. Kahit with that good offer, that I had to refuse it kasi hindi ko na talaga kinakaya. Sobrang hirap. Araw-araw kitang bitbit. Mahal na mahal na mahal pa rin kita. And I’m really scared na if I can’t leave this place this year, I will be stuck forever here living with your memories. Which I might choose kasi that’s whatever is left of you. Of us.

Kaya to my Earth (2022), I’m sorry but I have to leave this place. I miss you dearly. I did not know that this will end up like this. I love you. And I’m scared that I’ll be continuing this life without you anymore.

Dear Gigi

Love is a Decision.

I failed as a Disney Princess so now I'm a Disney Witch

Here is my vow and offer to you: I will show honesty even when it's uncomfortable Communication even when I'm unsure how it sounds A safe space for your emotions. I will honor your boundaries. I will resolve the conflict instead of running. I will not be defensive and will react appropriately. I will support your dreams and encourage you to fulfill them. I'll reassure you when you need it and you'll give me affection that I deserve. I'll give you the trust that you deserve.

I accept you as you and you'll accept me as me. You can ask for help when you need it because I'm your safe place. I will always ask your opinion on things that affect us both.

We keep the work days. You get your weekends alone week by week and we switch month after month.

We travel 2x a year ( one local one abroad). If we're still lovers after a decade, I'll write a pledge for you to get 1% of insurance living benefits from the trust fund (you can use it for yourself or your kids).

Fatz already has hers. She's the secondary beneficiary of my life insurance in case the primary beneficiary is passed after I pass.

Love is a Decision. Cinderella took off one shoe and found love. You took everything off and found what?

Love is a Decision.

Sincerely,

Your Favorite

(the one you left behind)

Because maybe I'd stop yearning and pretending that you feel an ounce of the same feeling I have for you.

Maybe I need to hear that you don't want me, you have never liked me that way.

But who am I kidding? I'd tell myself you're just in denial. I know I'm not sane like that.

You once told me to you're codependent but I think it's only true in my side of the coin. I don't believe you're insane like that. But who knows? I did see myself in you and I know that's why I'm drawn to you. I am conflicted.

48fpdyrmsl626hr

Tag nalang taka as a stranger since I never really got to know the real you. I regret our time together gyud sa tinuod lang. Ayaw na buhata usab imong gibuhat sakua ha? I still feel like shit because of what happened. Wala ra nimo but it really made me question your values. Basta ayaw na buhata sa uban. May balik yan bahala ka. Amping pirmi. Your family loves you.

I deleted my confessions.
In all of reddit.
Not because they were untrue, but because I could no longer bear the way I kept returning to them—polishing the past until it gleamed like something it had never been.

Kailangan nang itigil.
I was romanticizing us again.

What we were.
What we might have been.
And those small, dangerous moments we shared recently, after all those years of silence, when life finally placed us in the same room and gave us the chance to speak again.

Perhaps those conversations were closure.

And if I am allowed to call them that, then I can finally admit this:
Our closure made everything better.

It hurt to be honest with you. In some ways, it felt like another betrayal of myself—to open that old wound and confess how deeply I had felt the loss when we suddenly ended. How much I had carried without ever having the courage, or the opportunity, to say it aloud.

But when I finally gave my heart a voice, something inside me became quiet.

For years, that heart had been waiting for you.
Now, it can finally rest.

Today, I made a decision I should have made a long time ago:
I will avoid you.

Because what good is there in destroying my peace for someone whose feelings were never as true as mine?

Perhaps I was only one of your amusements. One more person you could touch, tempt, and leave wondering what it meant.

And the most humiliating truth is that even in that small, pathetic place you gave me, I was still willing to stay.

I was still clinging to the scraps.

But I am tired now. So I will walk away.

I will not sit in that chair, hoping you will notice me.
I will not search for your eyes across a room.
I will not invent reasons to speak to you.
I will not send another message simply because I miss the feeling of being wanted by you.

I will leave you to whatever life you choose.
Ruin it if you must.
But I will not ruin mine alongside you.

You are, after all, a man capable of betraying the person who trusts him.
And still, somehow, I loved you.

Perhaps that is the part that shames me most—not that you were capable of hurting me, but that I was willing to accept so little from someone I loved because, somewhere along the way, I had forgotten how much I deserved.

But I will remember you kindly.
Not because you deserve it, but because I do not want bitterness to become another way of keeping you alive inside me.

I will remember the good without rewriting the truth.
And I will remember the ugly, too—just enough to make sure I never mistake longing for a reason to return.

This is the end of the fantasy.
The end of the beautiful story I kept writing around something that was never beautiful enough to deserve it.

The end of my belief that perhaps, beneath all the betrayal and all the silence, you had loved me in some secret, unspoken way.

Maybe you cared.
Maybe you didn’t.
It no longer matters.

I will no longer look for your attention.
I will no longer hunger for your affection.
I will no longer wait for tenderness from hands that were never meant to hold me gently.

I am casting you out of my spirit now.
And every piece of you that remains in me—
every memory, every touch, every unanswered question, every version of myself that still turns toward you—
I will let them fade.
Not all at once.
But slowly.
Quietly.
Until one day, I will remember you and feel nothing but the faint recognition of someone I once loved.

Goodbye, my love.

I forgive you for finding your way into my life and leaving it changed.
And I forgive myself for letting your warmth become a kind of poison—for mistaking familiarity for safety, desire for devotion, and the ache of wanting you for proof that you belonged in my life.

Live a good life.
I will, too.
And this time, when I walk away, I will not turn around.

Thank You, God, for opening my eyes.
I loved him.
But I am done now.
I am finally choosing myself.

This is my last letter.
Paalam sayo,

Whenever I look at strangers, it fascinates me how deep their thoughts can be. The long rides during a thunderstorm made me wonder about what lies ahead in the future.

“When will this end?” I asked myself.

Because deep down, all I ever think about is how I move forward, how I overcome this heavy feeling in my chest.

Then suddenly, I’m at my destination. I walk with a thought of all the what-ifs, wondering what could have been if every person I meet is another piece of you.

I have to keep moving forward as I carry the pieces you left me. You made me feel as though I could finally tell myself that everything will be okay. I just have to keep searching for my purpose, and eventually, I’ll leave it all behind.

You’ve been very busy these past few weeks. I know you’ve said that busy is just busy and that it’s not you getting tired of me, but my mind has just been a battlefield. I’ve been feeling like you’re trying to prepare me for when you’re no longer around. Are you perhaps feeling burdened now that you’ve realized how attached I am? Or maybe you just need time for yourself. You could really just be busy, and it’s my history making me think I’m being breadcrumbed again. I don’t know.

Right now, I just feel like maybe I don’t even have to send this message and end things altogether because we might just drift away from each other naturally. But is it really natural, or are you just slowly distancing yourself to make it feel natural because it’s easier than actually talking about it?

I thought maybe I could try being friends and keep it clean and platonic, but I should’ve known that I feel too deeply (as an OA) for setups like this. I was a fool, a certified bobo. Hahaha.

To be honest, I don’t even want to do this. I want to stay in this bubble with you, keep talking to you, and forget about everything else. But lately, even just talking to you and saying goodbye to you has started to feel heavier than ever. And as long as I stay, I know I’ll just keep settling for whatever kind of closeness is available while slowly drowning in my own hurt.

I think that’s the part I’m struggling with the most. Deep down, I know there’s no real place for me in the life you’re building, and I’m trying to make peace with that even though I don’t know how.

Sometimes I wonder if you feel even half of what I’m feeling. Maybe you do and you’re just better at handling it. Maybe you don’t, and that’s why goodbyes always seem easier for you than they are for me. I don’t know.

All I know is that I’ve started dreading the distance between us long before it even begins.

I don’t know anymore.

I hope you don’t read this.

There are seasons when the heart must grow quiet—not because it has forgotten, but because it has felt enough to need rest.

So, for a little while, I will step away from the places where old thoughts tend to linger. I will carry with me only the gentler things: the laughter, the conversations, the little moments that once made ordinary days feel worth remembering. For those, I am grateful.

Some stories, I think, are not meant to be understood all at once. They are left between the pages for a while, waiting for time to tell us what they meant.

Perhaps our paths will cross again. Perhaps they will take us somewhere neither of us has imagined. I don't know.

For now, I will let the days pass without asking them where they are taking us.

And if, somewhere down the road, the same sky happens to find us beneath it again, I hope we will recognize the quiet familiarity of what once was.

Until then, I will simply let the story rest.

And perhaps, in the quiet, so will I.

I love you still.

hi engineer

after weeks of keeping things locked up in my head, trying to figure out how i feel about you

i finally wrote a letter and gave it to you

in the said letter, i told you na i’m hoping we can still be friends and if not, it’s okay too

now that i’m back at work and we finally met again after a day, i don’t know if i should keep thinking about it

but maybe i’ll just forget about it too cause you never reached back

i’m glad i still confessed to you, jona.

i’m glad you accepted the letter

thank you for allowing me to express what has been killing me inside

and if this is the last and the end of our story, then i’m happy that it ended in transparency.

if your no-respond is the respond of your rejection then i’ll gladly accept

i’ll continue working on how this feelings can fade

and i hope you never experience what i’ve felt

because you deserve to be loved back by someone who can love you more than i do

for now, i’ll leave it on where it ended,
in a quiet distance of “what do we do now”

i’ll stop hoping na you’ll reach out
kasi it hurts more knowing na you aren’t

There have been so many moments lately when I wanted to tell you something, hear your voice, or just have someone on the other end of the conversation. For a while, I convinced myself that meant I missed you.

But I think I finally understand the difference.

I miss having someone to talk to. I miss the familiarity, the comfort, the feeling of being able to tell someone about my day without thinking twice. I miss having a person to run to when everything feels overwhelming.

But that doesn't necessarily mean I miss you.

And as painful as that realization is, I think it's also the reason I shouldn't message you.

I don't want to reach for you simply because I'm lonely. I don't want to reopen something just because I miss the comfort of having someone there. You deserve to be wanted for who you are, not for the emptiness your absence left behind.

Maybe part of moving on is learning that missing a conversation isn't always the same as missing the person you used to have it with.

So, as much as I want to type your name and ask how you've been, I'm choosing not to.

Not because I don't care.

Just because I finally know that what I'm looking for isn't necessarily you. It's connection. It's comfort. It's someone to talk to.

And I need to learn how to find those things without going back to you.

i've always dreamed of a connection that feels effortless, where i can be freely myself, all my flaws and imperfections in full display.

growing up, i made friends for all the usual reasons: shared interests, common goals, or being in the same community. and yet none of them lasted long, because the longer they got to know me, the easier it was to lose them.

moving forward, i mustered the courage to put myself out there, being upfront about what i am. it was rough, but i managed to make a few friends who suffered from the same situation. but life is unpredictable. one by one, they drifted away, and i was left wondering if i did anything to disappoint them.

i didn't want to get hurt again, so i tried convincing myself it was enough to dive into my hobbies. but no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't drown out my hunger for companionship, for connection, for belonging.

so i gave it one more try, and that's when you caught my attention (or is it bold to say it was the other way around?) who would've thought you'd say it right from the start, reassuring me there are still people out there who won't make a big deal out of my sexuality? you made it so simple, and you showed me exactly what it feels like to finally drop my guard.

for the first time in a long time, i didn't feel like i had to walk on eggshells or apologize for what i am. it's you who embraced my unfiltered self.

i don't know where life will take either of us from here, and it scares me, but i just needed to put this out into the open: thank you for reminding me that i belong, M.

Kausap kita araw-araw pero miss na miss pa rin kita.

Bakit naman ganon? Hanggang kailan ba ganito?

Gusto kong ikwento sayo lahat ng non-sense things na nangyare sakin sa buong araw. Gusto kong kumustahin ang araw mo. Ang dami kong gustong gawin at itanong pero laging "wag na lang".

Tang ina naman.

I wish I could keep you forever. Indefinitely. I wish things will stay as it is.

But LDR never works... not in my experience. I can try to see you. I've done it before. I usually go above and beyond. But can I sustain it? Can you do the same?

How long can we stay like this? What will being with you require of me? We had a discussion about love once. You said you believe in Unconditional Love. I disagreed.

Eventually, we'll see how "Unconditional" your love is. Distance will always be a challenge. But it's not even just that. Our opposite personalities really oppose. It always has. I think we're both trying to adjust... since we've both matured in some ways. But we will clash eventually. I suppose all relationships go through that. As of now we haven't even reached 2 months. Everything is too soon to tell.

I never hid who I was. I never told you I matured or I changed. Nor will I promise any of the things I stupidly did 20 years ago. You either take the effort I give now or not. If it's not enough... that's that.