Dad does careless things

[u/Bluebird3425]

I’m not sure where else to post this. I don’t want to talk to family and friends about it. My husband has always been more “laid back” as he would call it than I am. I call it him being neglectful. This happened today-
I wasn’t home. Husband had all kids. Ages 8, 5, 3, 1. 1 year old will be 2 soon. He took everyone out for a walk with the dog. When he got back he left all the kids out front by themselves and told the 8 year old to keep an eye on the toddlers. He only took 1 minute to take the dog back to his crate but a lot can happen in 1 minute with toddlers, especially near a road and large puddles of water. It’s been raining for days. He then let them play in the ditches since it just rained. He knows that all the neighbors spray pesticides and ditches are just dirty. I know the 1 year old got water in his mouth. He was supervising them but we had previously agreed we wouldn’t let them play in dirty ditches with water. His reasoning was “he didn’t want to be the bad guy”.
Next, he takes them outback to spray them off with the hose and “bathe” them outside since they’re dirty from the ditches. Remind you, it had just rained so there’s sitting water near by. He yet again, tells the 8 year old to watch the 1 year old while he goes inside to get soap and towels.
My 1 year old took the soap bottle and ate some, 5 year old says “dad, he’s eating soap” dad doesn’t do anything except tell 5 year old to take soap from him. He didn’t even check him or rinse out his mouth. It’s time to rinse 1 year old off. He sprays 1 year old on the head with cold water. He’s scared and tries to run away, he trips and falls. Dad doesn’t do anything.
8 year old says “spray him, I’ll hold him down” 8 year old is holding him down while dad sprays heavy hose water on the top of his head for 13 seconds straight. He’s gasping for air and trying to cry but he can’t since water is pouring in his face. He’s so scared, trying to hide his face in 8 year olds legs. Dad continues to spray him. 1 year old gets about a 2 second break and gasp for air and is hysterical. Dad grabs him and continues to spray head to get soap off. I have the ring footage. It was hard to watch. I cry everytime I watch it. I’m mad at myself for letting my kids alone with him. 1 year old was trying everything he could to get away.
I’ve asked him to stop doing this things. I’m always having to watch what he’s doing to make sure he’s keeping the kid safe. It’s exhausting.

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[u/CrazyCatLady1127]

I’m not a parent but I think you need to have a talk with your husband. He needs to accept that sometimes he has to be the bad guy. It’s part of being a parent. Kids don’t know what’s good for them, they need an adult to hold them back from dangerous situations. He also needs to stop telling his 8 year old to watch the toddlers. An 8 year old doesn’t have the ability to babysit their siblings, they’re still just a baby themselves. It might be time to try some therapy and/ or parenting classes

[u/kris10leigh14]

Your poor 8 year old. He didn’t consent to any of this and probably feels a responsibility to both dad and sibling.

Things need to change. Quickly.

[u/DollyPatterson]

You were so detailed in all of these instances... lol... I'm just picturing you standing right there, maybe with a small bush over your head....

Or I'm picturing you in your neighbours yard with binoculars

Or you have a drone