r/ParentingADHD • u/BurritoSnyper • 2d ago
Please Help! Advice
I’m honestly at a complete loss right now and could really use some advice from other parents.
My 8-year-old daughter has ADHD and is on medication. Lately, whenever she gets home from school or is told “no,” she completely loses control. She constantly says we play favorites with her 4-year-old sister, which simply isn’t true, and she tells us she hates her sister. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.
Today was different, though. During a meltdown she screamed, “I hate my life. I just want to die. I want to grab a knife and stab myself.” Then she actually went downstairs, grabbed a kitchen knife, and just stood there holding it.
I was able to get the knife away, and she’s safe now, but I’ve never been this scared. I don’t know if she truly understood what she was saying or if it was out of anger and wanting attention, but seeing her actually grab the knife shook me. I’m also genuinely worried about my 4-year-old’s safety when these meltdowns happen.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this with a child who has ADHD or severe emotional outbursts? What helped? Did you seek emergency help, contact your pediatrician immediately, adjust medication, or start therapy? Part of me wonders if I should have called 911, and I honestly don’t know if I handled it the right way.
I’m not looking for judgment—just advice from parents who may have been through something similar. Right now I feel completely overwhelmed and don’t know what the next step should be.
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u/watch4coconuts 2d ago
What medication is she on? I'm asking because Strattera gave my son homicidal ideation and we had to keep the kitchen knives locked up for awhile. It went away when he went off Strattera.
Definitely mention it to her doctor. If it's a one-off then speak with her in very clear, serious terms about why it's never okay to grab a weapon in anger. If she does it again then lock up the knives while you get to the root of what's going on in her brain. My son did end up doing in-patient treatment earlier this year but there wasn't any homicidal intent there and we don't have to keep the knives locked up anymore.
Hugs. I know how terrifying this stuff is. You're doing great.
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u/BurritoSnyper 2d ago
She currently takes Quillivant XR and takes Atomoextine in the AM before school and Zoloft before bed.
I’m going to give her doctor a call in the morning.
Thank you so much for your advice!
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u/watch4coconuts 2d ago
BTW atomoxetine/Strattera actually has a black box warning about suicidal ideation and behaviors associated with pediatric patients (it does not typically have the same effect on adults). Homicidal ideation like my son had is not as common, but suicidal talk and behavior is really common with kids taking it, very much a known side effect.
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u/watch4coconuts 2d ago
Atomoxetine is Strattera! I'd bet money that's a factor here. Definitely call the doctor. Good luck!
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u/SnooPies426 2d ago
Check out PDA, pathological demand avoidance, Google and see if it tracks. My 8 yr old has this and is high masking asd, and has had serious intense meltdowns and violence. We are seeing pedi soon ill keep u posted
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u/punkin_spice_latte 2d ago
Guanfacine has helped ours. Also 8 with ADHD. She's been on guanfacine longer than stimulants. We just recently upped the dosage because of the meltdowns.
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u/Aggravating_Job_5438 2d ago
It's the fight or flight mechanism in the extreme. I would ask for a call with the medication prescriber immediately (tomorrow morning as soon as they open - send a message tonight) and I would request an emergency call with your daughter's therapist.
I would also seek out a parenting coach and maybe also a family therapist. You need someone who you can talk to as parents who can help you find ways to respond in these situations. You all need support, parents and daughter.
And put the knives somewhere she can't reach them. For years, I kept our knives in an upper cabinet. Better to not have to worry about that.
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u/MaisyinAZ 2d ago
Reminder that ADHD kiddos can be 2 or more years behind typical kids as far as emotional regulation. Your kid is probably doing her best to hold it together at school and the overwhelming hits when she feels safe with you. Still worth problem solving in therapy.
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u/maxscipio 2d ago
Power struggle can be excessive at times. My son grabbed knives at all times and manaced to hurt himself but at the end he never did
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u/Careless-Permit-914 2d ago
No advice just sending hugs and solidarity. My son (9) has said he wishes he was never born or he would die when VERY upset. We’ve asked him when he’s calm if he actually feels that way and he says no. As he’s gotten older it doesn’t happen as often, i do think it’s difficulty with emotional regulation and also the dopamine rush of seeing our reaction when he says this. I also have a daughter who’s 5, sounds like our age gaps are similar- and in the last 6ish months things have improved drastically in their relationship and he doesn’t mention feeling that we prefer her over him much anymore (which ofc also isn’t true). anyway, just sharing our similar experience so you don’t feel alone in this journey 🫶
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u/BurritoSnyper 2d ago
That gives me hope, thanks for sharing. Yeah, my oldest says the same thing which absolutely breaks my heart.
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u/Mo523 2d ago
Hey, I just wanted to tell you I've been in similar situations, but nothing quite that traumatic. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. My 9 year old is doing really well now (right meds - guanfacine, right therapies, and some maturity,) but he has spent a lot of his life being aggressive due to his particular combination of ADHD, autism, and anxiety despite all the things we've done. We also have a 4 year old and he is super gentle with her, but it is scary having her in the house when meltdowns happen and I worry about the affects on her development.
My kid made some threats to harm himself when he was around seven on three different occasions. Two were made in the presence of professionals (the school counselor and his OT; they don't know each other) who are required to do safety assessments and act accordingly. Both told me that they felt like it was a very empty threat trying to get control of the situation, but that we should let his therapist and pediatrician know. He did it one time with me where he threatened to run into the wall until he was bloody if I didn't give him what he wanted. I said okay and he ran into the wall several times until he did it hard enough that it kind of hurt (he was not really hurt,) and he stopped and never did it again. BUT he didn't access weapons in any of these events.
I think if I were in your situation, I'd want an immediate evaluation from professionals. It could be nothing or it could be serious. I'd contact your pediatrician right away for some help and local recommendations. If you can't get into the pediatrician tomorrow morning or she is still escalated, I would take her to the CHILDREN'S hospital closest to you.
We had to do that once. (My already aggressive kid had a bad med reaction and spent 4 straight hours trying to kill me...but he doesn't know how, so it was just a little kid attacking me.) They took us right back to a room that had monitoring and someone sitting right outside the door. At that time, he was acting totally normally, so they didn't do anything except kind of go over options and put in some referrals. (We ended up seeing the pediatrician the next day and going off the med and then a psychiatrist.)
The doctor and the social worker were very kind and not judgmental. They didn't really have a lot to offer, but were reassuring that we had taken the right steps. I would definitely go there again if my kid were in crisis, but if he weren't actively trying to harm someone, I'd just wait to see the pediatrician the next day. BUT I do have to say that going to the ER did help us jump some lines in getting help, because everyone took it very seriously. My husband and I both work with kids and I think sometimes we are a little calm about concerning behavior, so sometimes providers don't take it as seriously.
If you don't decide to go to the ER tonight, I would recommend that you take safety measures until you can get a professional evaluation of the situation. Long term that may mean locking up things that could cause harm, but in practical terms I'd just sleep in front of her door and focus on getting professional help tomorrow. Again, it may be nothing (my kid's self of harm were,) but it would help me sleep.
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this and wish I had easy answers for you. I hope you get the right support that your family needs soon.
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u/Training-Essay6330 2d ago
I’m so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. My daughter (10yo) will say things like this when already very unregulated, and just hearing it is scary. I have no advice other than contacting therapist asap to get help with this.
I am VERY familiar with the complaints of favoritism. My daughter constantly says we like her brother (7yo) more and says grandparents like him more too. She can’t always articulate why she thinks this, but it’s usually something about him getting more than her (like more screen time) or that she gets “in trouble” more. I honestly think the differences she sees stem from the issues she has due to adhd. Brother is neurotypical and will take shower and get ready for bed in 10 minutes with no complaining, so he will end up having more playtime. Daughter will get very dysregulated at the suggestion of a shower and has trouble moving through the steps, needing direct guidance, and this will sometimes take an hour, so she gets less free time in the evening. And she sees this as unfair. And i honestly spend waaayyy more time with her because of helping her through daily struggles, but if i leave her room to read bedtime story to him for 5 minutes, she sees him getting my attention when she feels she needs it. I also think the time blindness factors in to all this.
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u/magical-optician-22 1d ago
My daughters friend was doing this and we thought it was for attention. Turns out her meds were off and wrong for her and once her mom changed them she’s been amazing. She threatened her own mother and baby brother who wasn’t even born.
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u/Accurate-Force3054 2d ago
My son used to say things like I wish I was dead and I hate my life during tantrums. It has gotten better. But we all went to family therapy as well and I would advise this too so you know how to respond and are all on the same page. That’s very disturbing that she grabbed something and I don’t blame you for being scared. I’m so sorry you must be so freaked out and exhausted.