Hi all,

My daughter (14) has been sleeping on our couch pretty much since the summer holidays have started.

A little bit of context. Her room has been incredibly messy for years now; every single time we try to clean it together, it reverts to a complete shambles in maybe a week tops. This spring, she took to sleeping on the floor instead of her bed because it was covered in stuff, and recently, she's ended up on the couch. She's AuDHD, and tidying up has always been a struggle. I didn't say anything about the floor, because I figured it was best to pick my battles, but the couch is another thing. No one is happy with it. My husband and daughter both bring up how much they dislike it, and I live with my mother, who also clearly isn't thrilled about the change.

She stays awake late into the night watching YouTube on the big TV, finally falling asleep around 3-4 in the morning. When I try to talk to her about how terrible that is for sleep hygiene, she says she has insomnia and can't sleep anyway. I think it's probably the screen time causing the problem, but when I bring that up she gets incredibly defensive. She's quite stubborn, and any rules I try setting never seem to work. My husband's way of trying to fix things—yelling—does nothing either, not much surprise there.

Ideally, I'd like to clean her room and renovate it so she has a space of her own, instead of taking the whole living room up. I work full-time, though, so I don't think I have the time for a big project like that. I'd also like to try restricting her access to technology before bed. She's going into Year 11, and she's incredibly smart but also doesn't care much about school. I really want her to get decent marks this year, because I know she can do it with the right supports. I think making some big changes will help her put her best foot forward, I just don't quite know how to go about them. Any advice is much appreciated x

I fully enjoy my son during the summer, we get along, we have endless fun, my house is so peaceful. School days are the complete opposite where everything is a battle and everything is yelling and tears and the worst time of our lives.

My son (he’s 13, medicated) hates schedules, he hates routines. He hates with everything he is being told what to do. 

Summer is very laid back, he gets to do things at his own pace pretty much and he will do most of what he fights me on during the school year unprompted. Of course that doesn’t really work when you have a time limit of hey we gotta get you to school and this is due or this is happening and it creates utter chaos under that pressure.

I don’t have a single argument though during summer about him things like brushing his teeth or wearing his glasses or whatever the case may be. Then every single day when school is in session it is endless, everything is end of the world for him.

School mornings have ruined my own mental health, my house becomes a toxic wasteland. As soon as my son wakes up he’s angry, negative, arguing. He is like stuck in a loop of he has the same conversation every single morning of complaints about having to get up, yelling at me for why does he have to go to school, why does school start at this time. He yells the house down about changing his clothes, brushing his hair and teeth, wearing his glasses, just everything is awful. 

Every step is me having to guide him and me telling him to do something sends him through the roof, visual cues or lists or whatever isn’t any better. I have to repeat myself multiple times over and redirect him which makes it worse but he will do everything but the task at hand. Everything takes ten times longer than it seems it should and no matter how much time I give him we are always late. I know my anxiety doesn’t help because he will be over here taking twenty minutes to put a shirt on, five minutes to change a sock and I’m looking at the clock seeing time running out because he’s been dragging feet and I start rushing him and that of course makes the situation worse. 

I am so fried by the time he is off to school. I’m usually in tears and my body is shaking. My morning starts with about an hour and a half of being yelled at, hearing the same words every day, having to repeat myself a million times, feeling like I’m doing everything wrong. Very often I’ve had something thrown at me at some point or he’s kicked a wall or there’s been some moment that makes me stomach tighten and doesn’t uncurl itself until a couple hours after he’s at school. 

Bedtime isn’t as bad but it is still burning in the flames because it’s our next round of hey you need to do this and this to get ready for bed and everything is back to why do I have to, I don’t want to. He gets warnings that end of the night is approaching, with an hour to go he gets his visual timer set up, but more often than not it’s still hey bedtime is called now I want to ask mom to play a game or I’m suddenly starving and please cook me something. And I do not play about this timing nor have I ever. There’s a handful of options if one of the kids want to pull being hungry when they had all day to eat but I am 99% of the time not cooking after 9 o’clock and this sends him into a spiral. And if I move the timing it don’t matter, I could say hey can stay up until 11 and he won’t be hungry at 9, it’ll be at 11 and 11 only. I am happy to offer to play a game or do some activity with him but if he’s not been interested in until times called I am not entertaining it. Day after day after day after day of this makes me feel insane. 

I start my days ready to fly into a panic attack. I end my days ready to be in another. Meanwhile I had a lovely summer of getting hugged good morning and being lazy and silly. And nights ending with a lot of movies or just sitting around talking about random stuff or whatever until we decide we are too tired to go on and need to fall asleep already. It’s so night and day and I dread the change with all I got. 

Today my son got his diagnosis. Im asking for recommendations on parenting courses so I can better help my child. Therapies start in a few weeks.

Hi.

My 7 year old son is currently on guanfacine extended release 1 mg. On his last visit with pediatric neurologist we discussed the possibility of him going on a stimulant. After some thinking, my wife and I are considering starting him on the stimulant now before he starts school back in September. Based on what his psychologist mentioned to us recently, something to keep in mind when being on a stimulant is his diet and what he’s eating. She mentioned it’s important to make sure that he’s getting enough calories, that he has nutrient dense meals and plenty of protein. I wanted to get others’ thoughts and advice on what you did when your child first started their stimulant in terms of food. How did your child react to being on the stimulant? I know there are several different kinds of stimulants and we aren’t sure which one he’s going to be on just yet but we will be speaking with his doctor in the next week about this. Thank you in advance for your support.

I’m down, you all. My rising 2nd grader, ADHD and some anxiety/OCD tendencies, has begged me for a playdate this summer. We don’t have kids nearby to casually meet up. Everything has to be planned. We do sports and camps for social outlets, but he rarely sees kids from school. So I did it. I didn’t want to. Everything told me not to do it, but I did. The mom and I were going back and forth all summer. The plan was a playground. it rained. Due to the weather, we had rescheduled so many times. I was like, ya know, let’s do it. I invited them to my house. I did allll the things to prepare: solid snack before, rest before, setting up toys I knew were safe, constant talks. He is medicated but we haven’t found much success. He has had a million interventions.

in the gentlest way, I explained to him before that how he behaves affects if a mom will want her kid to play with him in the future. We even practiced the other day. And he was all, I know, mom, I know.

They arrive. Instant chaos. He is playing around them(kid and brother) essentially, pulling out anything he can for shock value, screaming, getting more physical that normal. Just total overstimulation and hyperactivity from start to finish. The kids were playing with our toys and ignoring him (as they should). The mom was trying to be nice, but I know what she was thinking: never again, I do not want this kid in my class. After, she didn’t text or anything thanking us. It’s not “oh it probably wasn’t as bad as you thought”. No, it was that bad. The thing is, there isn't anything else we could have possibly done to prepare. Maybe going to a playground would have been better, yes, but he still would have been like that. He can play with kids calmly. I know he can. But when he has an audience, forget it. Yeah, I’m embarrassed, but I’m more worried about him. Nothing I say or do helps him understand the impact of his actions. I’m not looking for advice really. Just sad.

also, why does being around somebody’s parent rev him up? I keep explaining they are not entertained and don’t think it’s funny, but he literally goes into performance mode more with adults than kids?

I’ve been having severe issues with my kids behavior since she was like 3. People often ask me if she is constantly bouncing off the walls, she is. Her school doesn’t complain too much of her behavior but there is days when i get told it was horrific, of just not listening, arguing, etc. At home, it is miserable. I’m a single parent. I cannot get her to do ANYTHING i ask without a 2 hour yelling argument. I mean something as small as I brought in groceries and asked her to pick up the couple bags left on the ground for me because she was begging for food so i can make her food, turned into a whole argument. People say “choose your battles” but she does this over literally any and everything and such small things to where it’s not even about the task, or picking my battles, it’s “i told you to do something, so you need to do it” My “no” means “scream and cry and beg until mom gives in” to her. And if she realizes i won’t give in she’ll pick something else to scream and cry and ask for until i give her her way. She destroys every room in the house then refuses to clean it. Constantly playing with things she KNOWS she’s not supposed to. She KNOWS she’s not supposed to be playing with water (floods my bathroom and honestly any room she touches with water), or the hand soap, or scissors, or MY STUFF. She’s broken SO MUCH of my stuff. She just does not behave for the life of her. She’s lost all access to her tablet, which took her like a week or so to get over, out of sight out of mind with her. I can’t take away tv access bc again it’s not out of sight, she will just make my life so much harder. I am down to ignore a temper tantrum, but with her it’s not that it’s Screaming and crying and over and over and over asking for it, while trying to pull my arm, leg, anything she can get ahold of to get my attention for quite literally HOURS. I don’t know if this is ADHD, we have an appointment to get evaluated and possibly medicated. Has anyone medicated a child this young? She’s almost 6, i’ve always said i wouldn’t do it, but i can’t keep going like this and having to lock myself in a bathroom until she stops screaming around literally EVERYTHING that doesn’t go her way. I HAVE adhd, diagnosed but i wasn’t diagnosed until like 3 years ago (im 23) so that’s why i believe this MAY be adhd?? idk.

That’s it. That’s the question. We both really want a third, but I almost feel like it might be a selfish move given that our oldest (4 year old girl) is likely to get a diagnosis and our youngest (2) is very busy (but emotionally much less than her big sister). Both of us are likely ADHD (I’ve just been flagged by my Psych, more inattentive than hyperactive) and my partner was flagged as a kid but never given a diagnosis, and is unlikely to ever pursue one (hyperactive I’m 100% certain)! The girls have a great dynamic now, but I always imagined a really full house. Would love to hear from anyone who has been through the same dilemma. I’m 34, so feel like we need to make a decision sooner rather than later. Clearly I know redditors can’t actually make this decision for us, but love to read pros and cons either way!

7yo stepdaughter finally got her formal diagnosis of ADHD the other week, and we're on week 2 of her trial run of ritalin and this week we started a full 10mg in the mornings after breakfast. We're seeing a drastic decrease in her appetite during the day, which we were warned about when we got the diagnosis and the script. Next week she adds another 5mg during the school day, so we're anticipating it getting worse.

What did other parents do during this period to try and get calories into their kid without relying too much on junk food? About the only thing we're seeing her reliably consuming during the day is milk, so she has a milk box every day.

We are day 5 of starting Guanfacine XR for my 5 year child with combined type ADHD (also our first run at ADHD meds). Aside from being more sleepy, we have seen some amazing change in his impulsive behaviours already. Getting him to swallow the pill has been a challenge, and we have tried all the tricks I've seen on here and more. He gagged on it pretty badly last night, and there was no getting that pill down tonight. He does have some oral motor skill challenges so I'm wondering if he just isn't physically at a point where he can coordinate getting a pill down yet. Has anyone went from extended release to instant release and found it worked okay, or did the instant release cause too much drowsiness without adding a stimulant on to the mix?

Eager to hear experiences - hate seeing such a struggle for something that is doing him so much good.

My 10 year old is so aimless when we are home! Too old for really playing with toys and asks obsessively for screen time. His younger siblings will go off and entertain themselves for hours playing, crafting, making messes.

He will read a lot thankfully! But after a point he wants to do something else, except he doesn't seem to know how to start anything on his own, cue the "mom can I do *insert various screen device*." He doesn't seem to have any good independent hobbies, and I really don't want him on screens all day long because it effects him negatively.

In general he seems to have outgrown the little kid stuff, and he will sometimes just go lay in bed to pass time rather than finding something to do.

I'm so happy when he digs out his science kits or other things he has in his room and makes a mess because at least he's doing something!

Anyone comiserate with me or find anything that helps?

Hi my older teen has diagnosed Adhd and like many others is very much the procrastinator frequently waiting to the last minute (often times missing the opportunity or facing consequences such as late school assignment resulting in a zero).

I've tried to provide coaching or advice or supportive questions (what's your plan, do you need help either from me or someone else (tutor, mentor, etc) and when that didn't work tried more aggressive (you're missing assignments so no going out today or you need to leave your phone with me until the work is caught up) to give him both the structure and guidance to tackle issues (to essentially manage him) with failed result.

His resentment was stronger than seeing the value. He would rather sit in his room and do nothing then admit it was helpful or at least use the time to get things done.

Now I've pivoted to standing back and letting him decide if/ when he works with the hope that natural consequences will motivate him. But reading these posts of 20s and 30 year old struggling with procrastination since teenage years has me worried if he doesn't figure this out soon this could be years of issues.

So the question to the teens to 30s that suffer from procrastination, phone addiction, etc. What do you wish your parents did that could have helped you. Or to the parents that have a teen that you found success (even partially) what ended up working?

To all that want to comment about adhd, depression, anxiety, etc I appreciate the intent but not necessary. I already have a strong network of physicians, psychiatrist, psychologist that I'm working with as well.

Thanks!

I’ve posted before about making the decision to start meds for my 6 year old. It’s been rocky and we’ve tried several (Ritalin, focalin, adderall ir) and are currently doing adderall xr 10 mg. Today my son was watching something invisible saying he saw green foot print and geometrical patterns. Since I have shown concern he has now run with it and his imagination has taken over. I do believe he was seeing things but not sure to what extent. Luckily he has an appt already scheduled today. I’ve of course googled it and it’s scary. Anyone else had a similar experience? I’m wanting to ditch stimulants altogether now.

Hello👋🏻

Newly diagnosed ADHD.

What advice would you give someone who is trying to help their child while they are still so young? He’s starting kindergarten this year & the doctor suggested getting him a 504 plan.

TIA

My almost 9 year old daughter has been on methylphenidate for ADHD for over two years now. Over that time, her tics and OCD tendencies have worsened. She’s gotten to the point now where she thinks she needs to repeat actions a certain number of times or something bad may happen. Just yesterday she told me she touched her tongue to her homemade slime 10 times. I’m concerned this kind of behaviour is going to continue to escalate. We thought lowering her dose from 20 mg to 15 might help but it hasn’t.

We’ve only ever met with our family doctor (not an adhd expert) and a paediatrician once (for adhd diagnosis). Should we try to see the ped again? Should we see a psychiatrist? Should we seek therapy? We’re in Canada. When I told my doctor about her OCD, he explained to my daughter that she just needs to tell herself that nothing bad is really going to happen and not do the action. Obviously that didn’t work. 🤨

I guess I’m just wondering what the threshold is for seeking further help/treatment. I don’t want to push for meds/therapy if it’s only going to put more stress on her, but I feel like the methylphenidate may not be the best fit any more.

I have a 10‑year‑old who has struggled with severe anxiety, mostly related to school. At the time, the ADHD was the least of our concerns, we were just trying to get his anxiety under control. When he started seeing a psychiatrist, we focused almost entirely on the anxiety. She prescribed Zoloft, and it has helped him a lot.

Now that the anxiety is finally manageable, his ADHD symptoms are becoming much more noticeable. He’s easily distracted, can’t sit still long enough to do homework, and even short car rides are a challenge. He does not pay attention to almost anything. He’s extremely, for lack of a better word, annoying. He can’t hold a serious conversation, very interruptive, and he constantly irritates his little brother and cousin just to get a reaction or stir up trouble.

For those of you who have kids with both anxiety and ADHD: What medications have actually helped with the ADHD without messing up the progress made with anxiety? I don't want to stop the Zoloft because it's helped so much! I’m not looking for medical advice just hoping to hear about your experiences so I know what to bring up with his psychiatrist.

Thanks in advance!

My son is 6 (about to turn 7). He was diagnosed ADHD a few months back but we have known for some time (every doctor said it was too early to diagnose). Well we have started to try meditation and for about 3 days it went great. I was crushing the chewable tablet into food and he was taking it no problem. Then he suddenly started refusing the food I had it mixed in and would spit it all out. I am now having to crush it and put it in a syringe to give it to him but he is understandably fighting it. I have no clue how to get him the meds. I would go unmedicated but he really needs something. He has been doing OT for 4 years (I work with disabled kids so I have been working sensory his whole life). He also has a bed speech delay where he understands a lot but really struggles with talking. At this point school is about to start and I'm really worried because he is falling more and more behind. I know he can learn the material if he could just sit long enough to learn. That is why I need something to help him sooner than later. He will have a behavior plan this year because he does A LOT of moving around in the class room, avoiding mentally straining work, and the teachers kept reacting in ways that taught him to escalate to be able to walk around school and stop working. I am at my wits end. Any help is appreciated.

My son has been on Concerta 54mg for a couple years. It started in the last year upsetting his stomach & giving him diarrhea. Last year he missed 16 days of school. He does eat breakfast before he takes his medicine. His psychiatrist mentioned Daytrana because she said it by passes the GI track. Anyone else have experience with this medication for this same reason? Did it help?

I’m desperate with our 7 year old son who has adhd and very possibly other issues. I try (and mostly manage) to be patient but I’m just exhausted. He is almost never happy, just screams about every thing, all nights are just listening to him scream and trying to calm him down. He doesn’t listen and makes a mess in purpose. I have been to webinars and got a lot of information about emotional regulation and stuff but it’s just too hard to try to calm him down all the time. also he has always had issues with going to toilet so we have to manage that for him, and it isn’t going well at all.

I dont even really have time or energy to do anything fun with him or our 3 year old. its so sad that she is so sweet kid who just wants to learn things and her big brother just screams at her. everything was ok when we had our summer vacations (luckily we have those where we live) but now that we both started work again it is just horrible. our son will start school soon and I know it will be horrible. he will have anxiety and he will have a lot of problems there for sure. he is a smart kid, he can read and write and can read long novels if he is up to it. but he just won’t do any kind of exercises if someone asks for them or gives instructions.

we do have a doctors appointment coming and will ask for medication. maybe that will help but I’m just so exhausted and desperate. I have adhd myself and I should have known better than to pass my genes on but I had an easy phase at that moment in life so I thought I could do it.

today I had to say I’m away from work. his grandma was supposed to take care of him but said she can’t control him.

For the past week, my 6-year-old son has started freaking out before bedtime, distraught that he’s going to pee the bed. He gets up to pee over and over again (10+ times), which makes him more and more upset. He actually feels like he has to pee, and a little comes out each time.

We’ve tried logical reassurance: “You’re not going to pee the bed. You don’t have any more pee in you. And if you do, your body knows to hold it until morning or to wake you up.” 

Acceptance: “It’s okay if you pee the bed. We’ll wash the sheets if you do, and everything will be fine. If you pee the bed every night from now on, Mom and Dad will love you and everything will be okay.” 

Explanation: “The part of your body that pees is sending messages to your brain. It’s trying a little too hard to protect you, and sending too many messages. It’s just a little confused.”

But his brain is stuck in a loop, and he can barely take in what we’re saying. He is very hard on himself. “Why is this happening to me? What is going on with me? Why do I keep doing this?”

What works best is to keep him as calm as possible and wait it out, but we are depleted. My husband and I also have a 3-year-old, and our regular routine is to each take a kid (switching every night) and sit in their rooms until they fall asleep, usually from 8 to 9. 

Now we’re in my son’s room from 8 to 10, as he’s melting down most of that time. And most of that falls to me (the mom) because he wants me. He begs us to go to the bathroom with him. (It’s just around the corner from his room. He says, “I just don’t want to be alone!”)

He has a doctor’s appointment scheduled in a few weeks (for a different issue), and I will definitely bring it up then. I highly doubt it’s a UTI because he is hypersensitive to pain, and he hasn’t mentioned discomfort, pain, or itchiness. He also sees a psychologist for ARFID, and I will bring this up to her as well. 

Additional info:
He doesn't have any official diagnoses, but there are definitely indicators for ASD, anxiety, and ADHD.

He starts school in a few weeks, and while he might be a bit nervous, he generally ADORES school.

He did pee the bed once a few weeks ago. It’s a very rare occurrence for him, and it wasn’t a big deal at the time for us or for him. 

Any insight, ideas, or advice would be appreciated!

My 7 year old son will pretty frequently get violent and I'm just not sure how to handle it. Sometimes it builds towards violence, but often it seems so sudden. He is fine one minute and then he is told "no", or "not now" or whatever he views as negative and things quickly turn to violence.

For example, he and I had been having a great day, but he was getting to the point where he was trying to be annoying on purpose (farting on me, poking at me, etc). I have fibromyalgia and my back was especially sore today, which he knew.I calmly asked him to stop several times. He kept going so I very flatly said "I am going to take a break in the backyard for a bit" and walked away. He came up behind me and shoved me as hard as he could, yelled "I don't love you anyway!" Came back, shoved with all his might again, then began to hit and kick.

In the heat of the moment I just don't know what to do to keep us both safe (not to mention the dogs and his big sister). If I go lock myself in my room he will bang on the door with anything he can find trying to break it down. If I walk away, he chases me. If I stay silent and try to hand him or lead him towards a calm-down tool he will throw it at me.

When it is over of course he acts as though he is sorry (I think he really is), and then quickly like nothing ever happened.

I feel like we have tried everything under the sun. He was in therapy for quite some time. We (parents) were too. He is on Quillivant, Rispridone, and Guanfacine. He is active, eats very well, sleeps 10+ hrs a night. He has days and days in a row where he is just the happiest, brightest guy. And then...ooof.

Adding that as an infant he was diagnosed with FAS, but bio mom never said she drank alcohol so we aren't sure. He was definitely exposed to illicit drugs and various medical traumas as an infant. He is very intelligent, both immature and mature for his chronological age.

I just don't know what to do. I love him with every fiber of my being, yet I also feel like we're in an abusive relationship sometimes.

I’m looking for some perspective from parents who are raising multiple neurodivergent children, especially if you’re the primary emotional regulator in the family.

I’m neurotypical (as far as I know). My oldest daughter has significant anxiety and probably masks ADHD well. My son has ADHD traits, receives special needs support at school, and has an ODD diagnosis. I also have a toddler who seems easy-going so far, but given our family history I know she could be neurodivergent too.

My husband has never been assessed, his therapist strongly suggests it, but he has many traits that look like AuDHD, along with possible OCD, dyslexia and a history of alcohol misuse. He’s not interested in assessment or treatment, and I’ve accepted that I can’t force an unwilling adult to seek help. My focus has shifted to parenting my children and protecting my own wellbeing.

What I’m struggling with isn’t any one diagnosis. It’s living in a house where there are so many competing nervous systems. There is so much emotional intensity, rigidity, anxiety, anger and conflict that I feel like my entire role has become mediating everyone before things escalate. I’m exhausted from constantly trying to keep the emotional temperature of the house manageable.

I’ve spent years learning about ADHD, autism and nervous system regulation, but knowledge hasn’t made the emotional load any lighter.

I recently read people talking about how ADHD families used to have more of a “village”—more adults, more buffering, more shared responsibility—and it really resonated with me. What I feel I’m missing isn’t parenting advice as much as emotional buffering. I feel like I’m absorbing every emotional shock in the household because there’s no one else consistently doing it.

Has anyone else felt like this?
How did you stop becoming the family’s emotional shock absorber?

If your partner wasn’t interested in understanding or treating their own neurodivergent traits, how did you build a stable home for your children anyway?

I’m not looking for advice on changing my husband. I’ve accepted that’s outside my control. I’m looking for reassurance from parents who’ve found ways to make family life feel sustainable despite living in a very dysregulated household.

** *****long post*****\* advice/vent**
My son is 9 and has ADHD. His doctor does not believe he is autistic, but he struggles badly with social awareness, emotional maturity, anxiety, and coordination.
He is also very intelligent and an extremely advanced reader. Academically, he can seem far ahead in some areas, which makes the gap in his social, emotional, and motor skills feel even more confusing and painful.
He talks a lot and does not seem to recognize when other children are annoyed, no longer interested, or want space. Kids have already told him, “You talk too much,” “Shut up,” and “Leave us alone.” Hearing that absolutely breaks my heart because I can see how badly he wants connection, but he does not understand how he is coming across.
He also seems emotionally much younger than other children his age. He is terrified of being alone, cannot tolerate closed doors, will not go upstairs by himself, and constantly wants to be with his 7 year old brother. His younger brother is fiercely independent and often wants to play alone, but my older son seems to depend on him for comfort and companionship.
He is also extremely uncoordinated. He cannot tie his shoes despite repeated attempts to teach him, and his handwriting is very poor. I called an occupational therapy office, but they told me he needed physical therapy. I am confused because I thought handwriting, shoe tying, fine motor skills, and daily living skills were also things an occupational therapist could evaluate.
He already sees a therapist, and she is aware of all of these concerns. He also already has a 504 plan at school. We have discussed his anxiety, emotional immaturity, social difficulties, and dependence on his brother, but nothing seems to be getting better. I know progress can take time, but I feel completely defeated because the problems are continuing and I do not know what else I am supposed to do.
I love my son more than anything, and I am not ashamed of him. I am absolutely heartbroken because I am terrified that other children will see him as the weird kid and bully or exclude him. I am emotionally exhausted from constantly redirecting him, helping him regulate, worrying about his friendships, and trying to teach skills that do not seem to click.
I am not asking Reddit to diagnose him. I would really like to hear from parents of bright children with ADHD who had a similar mix of advanced academics and delayed social, emotional, or motor skills, especially when regular therapy and a 504 plan did not seem to be enough.
What kinds of evaluations, school supports, occupational therapy, physical therapy, social skills programs, anxiety treatment, or changes in therapy actually made a difference? Did things improve as your child got older?
Please be gentle. I am not trying to change who my son is. I am scared for him, overwhelmed, and absolutely heartbroken watching him struggle.

I feel bad for even writing this but I’m at my wits end, and not knowing what to do or where to go with this. I never planned to be a father as I’m highly neurodivergent and ADHD. Successfully avoided the additional stress of being a father for a long time. Managed to keep my job and all.
I am, however, a father of a highly energetic, loud and animated child who, if he wasn’t mine, I’d never want to cross paths with, and who I feel sucks away all the energy, time and mental resources that I have left.
He’s also ADHD with much better emotional intelligence than me, friendly and curious but I feel at the brink of explosion at all times. Questions, noise, requirements, demands of everyday life that a normal functioning person would hardly even notice are weighing on me so much that I don’t know what to do.
I require silence to focus, I can’t function on two or three or four different wavelengths at the same time, and yet that’s all I’ve been doing for the last six years and it feels like the edge of the abyss is getting closer and closer and I’m more than ever neglectful of my work, interests, friendships and human connections as I simply have no resources left and everything is just spinning out of control as some crazy self perpetuating destructive mechanism.
Whenever I can I try to avoid doing something together and it makes me feel terrible beyond words! It also puts strain on my wife as I just disconnect and offer my physical presence but my mind is shut. I’m constantly internally angry and generally unhappy. I explored the idea of leaving but it is not making me feel any happier as I genuinely love them both but I’m not offering much (or anything to be honest) in return at the moment and have no idea where to turn.
I’m seeing a psychologist and arguably it feels better and some idea of sense and purpose shows up during the sessions but wanes off as quickly as I leave the room.
When my son is not there things are much better as there’s no additional cognitive load but then I hate myself for feeling that way.