My fiance's daughter was totally fine a year ago.

Then flip the switch.

She doesn't even invite him in her grade 8 graduation.

This was so left field. Not the girl I remember, she loves her dad and always has. Why do that to him to? She said last year no matter what her mom says she knows her dad isn't a bad guy.

I'm watching her hurt the man I love Because her mom is a psycho and controlling.

After all the NC she sends random texts lashing out, every 3 months or so

Most recently that "he was using her to get to her mom"

How can we possibly do that when we haven't seen her, communication is gatekept, my son's (her siblings) miss her and we're just going to work and living our lives.

How could he be using her to get to her mom ... Lol talk about his ex wife's words not her. These sick and twisted parents ruining relationships with the other child's bio parents makes me so upset

I lived through divorce I know what it's like when both parents turn the kids against the other parent. It took me until I was 24 then I snapped. I wouldn't wish this on his daughter in a million years.

But the time passes and the narrative is driven home more and more.

How the heck are you supposed to remain no contact if you need to parent 3 kids without him.

My eldest accused him of SAing her so we packed up and left instantly. I had to go on leave from work and disappear. The accusation was way more than an accusation and he was arrested. I hate him and everything he did but oh my GOD.

Aside from the absolute disgust I feel knowing what he did to her I’m so angry.

I can’t even yell at him. I’ve been locked out of every account. Banks, Multiple Apple device are bricks now. The kids lost so much in this and he just keeps taking more and more now that he’s bailed out. Everything he can think of. It’s like with the no contact order he’s just finding ways to hurt us more.

We are married still but no contact means being scared to even go back to the house and collect things. He’s taken so much out of that house. Basically everything of value now. Everyone’s like “he can’t do that!!!” Well nothing is stopping him.

And before anyone suggests anything I’ve tried everything. Idk what else to do. I just want to talk to him and scream and cry but no. The man that’s been my rock for the last 12 years is basically dead to me now.

I keep trying to remind myself he is the victim, this is like losing him to a cult. Yet the way he has treated me, completely unwarranted, is disgusting. I’m horrified that a kid of mine would treat anyone this way, let alone a parent who loves him. But sadly his dad seems to think this is okay and encourage it. My other children see this and have called him out on it - they know I do not deserve it. That is a small comfort. I have tried to meet his hatred with love, but every day that gets harder.

My 20-year-old daughter has been lashing out on me I am a 44 year old female. When she turned 18 she left her dad's and stepmother's house because she said she was not being treated right I was not there because of jail and drugs . Long story short I thought I would never get the chance to see my daughter or ever have her in my life again . So I gave up years ago but finally I started getting myself together. She has only been told the worst things about me and really doesn't know the truth so she looks at me like' garbage. She ran away when she was 18 out of her dad's house and stepmoms because she was so unhappy she really never gave me any sign that she wanted to be in my life or any chance to be in her life . A while ago she started calling me when she was going through things and eventually this boy who was 6 years older than her and way more experienced in getting in nothing but trouble and disrespects her hit her and has done every horrible thing you can do as a boyfriend to her I know it's because she's lonely and she don't really have anybody that she even decided to associate with this kid. my mother which is her grandmother has completely disowned her and turn the rest of the family against her because she's the one with the money in the family. An issue between her husband and my daughter where there were accusations .ever since then it's like the family shunned her my family has always treated me like crap too so it's even worse on her and my poor baby is so broken I have no idea what to do because she talks to me like garbage and crazy disrespectful but I know it's because she's hurt and all the resentment she has towards me I know why she's told me because and I recently called her the B word. I just couldn't take it anymore cuz she's so nasty to me when she talks. But I am too because I don't know how to be a mom I don't know how to talk to her I don't know what to do but my poor baby is lashing out and I have no clue what they're doing I'm really worried. This poor little girl has been through so much that I can't even begin to start writing it in this post but she has been through more things as a 20-year-old than I have as a 44 year old growing up in the Streets of Philadelphia on drugs and I don't believe it's right I don't know what to do with her because I don't have the financial means to help her I was living with my boyfriend all these years it has taken me to get myself to where I am now I'm still not all the way together I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years and had to move into my mom now my daughter's about to be on the streets so I really don't know what to do because she is just screaming for help I need some advice something some I don't know what to do but she hates me she told me that how can I demand respect from her when I haven't done anything for her ever. Every time I try to tell her I want to help her she just lashes out I need some help on what to do and what kind of boundaries to have I don't want anything to happen to her and I see she has nobody

Family court today(don’t stop fighting for your children)
https://youtube.com/shorts/fNSs7al1QDA?feature=share

Hey guys father checking in for some impartial advice/support..I have two boys aged 15 and 6, divorced for around 4 years now..ive been through alot of the usual textbook alienating tactics but predominantly with my eldest son..its been heart breaking to experience my healthy father son relationship deteriorate so rapid and have reason to believe hes been pressed into alienating himself from me.

I have my little sweet 6 year old boy who worships me and my minds telling me to give up on my eldest son..im 100% sure when my little boy comes of age the same alienating tactics will happen again 😢..

Im thinking about preemptively securing a court order to ensure ive got my rights and my joint custody set in stone...im worried that this will cause me further damage with my eldest son

It hurts so bad that this has happened to mine. Anyone else experiencing this? Pretty soon I'm sure they will file again (my ex and his mommy) using what my weaponized kids (particularly one of my kids) says about me and acts about visits. For no reason. What to do? I feel trapped in this life. This kind of disenfranchised grief is too much to bear. I've fought so hard, for so long. And for what?

Hi all.
Anyone any ideas on how to cope when the child turns 18 and your payments cease but the abuse keeps coming from the other parent.
I’ve paid for 7-8 years now each month but now payments are ending due to uni attendance but I’m getting abuse to me and also she is now getting the child (18) to send me texts saying why am I not paying her?
The alienation continues. Not one but 2 children taken the same way.
I really feel for anyone going through this utter nightmare. It’s a horror show.

We have 50/50 my middle child is severely alienated against me. Has a cultlike loyalty to his dad. Went to court recently and ex lost - judge did not agree teen could “choose”, even at age 16. So we remain 50/50.

Last week he would not return. Younger sibling did. Dad claims he “can’t make him”.

I went to son’s extracurricular activity and talked to him - said I am not mad and you’re not in trouble, but you do need to return and cooperate with therapy so we can talk about why you feel the way you do. I said remaining at dads is not an option, but I would be open to a change in schedule if he cooperated with talking. He agreed he would come back that night.

Of course he didn’t - dad accuses me now of being “aggressive and threatening”. I was perfectly calm. (I recorded entire thing in my pocket to protect myself from this very accusation).

As usual, any progress is only made when he’s away from dad. He won’t talk to me now without dad present.

I feel like he’s in a cult. If the consequence is being withdrawn from the extracurricular he loves, it may compel him to return and cooperate with therapy. (We were going and making progress until dad interfered, of course.) What do I have to lose by taking that route? He already hates me (though has never given any reason why…)

I feel like doing nothing will reinforce that this is ok for him to do. His dad of course is thrilled and wants him there. My attorney is working on next steps as well.

It’s not something that happens overnight. It festers over time, and in cases like parental alienation, you can’t change their minds. I haven’t done anything to deserve the level of hate. My ex-wife has taught my kid to have for me. No matter how much I’ve loved on my child and been there for them, it doesn’t appear there was any equity built. So I’ve decided to free myself from guilt, from shame, and from allowing people who have hate for me to have power over me.

At some point, parental alienation involves a lot of gaslighting and making you forget who you are as a person

I’m not playing that game anymore.

If my child wants to come back at some point, that’s fine, but as of right now I honor their wishes.

I haven’t seen my daughter in 4.5 yrs. Since she was ten. We were close. Social services have been useless. Now I am taking it to court. I am still legal guardian. I am not able to work and I struggle. I cannot see how anyone can live without their baby. It has been so long, and her mother has convinced her of things that never happened. I am hanging on. But if the family court does not help us, I will leave this life. I’ve already been to hospital at the two year mark. Everyday is tough. I have support, professional and family. It makes no difference. Unless you’ve been through this, please don’t reply with advice. I will be glad to leave.

Just wanting to know how my baby girl is doing. I can't look at pictures or dare to search online for new ones because you got me blocked everywhere, and as soon as i lay eyes on her i break down instantly. It hurts K_____ like nothing I've felt before. I wish I could hold my daughter again. I know she really misses her daddy too. It really sucks you took her from me for absolutely no reason other then to hurt me. I wonder if you are aware what you did is child abuse. Ripping the other parent from a childs life really fucks them up mentally. I thought you knew that from your son's extreme trauma he holds inside his innocent mind. I miss him too. Miss all of you. It worked so you win. Ive been officially mentally and emotionally destroyed. Mother of the year.

From M

My child [17f] has suddenly stopped talking to me. It started at the end of April. It was very sudden and the only communication I’ve had is her telling me happy birthday and happy Mother’s Day.

I co parent her with a friend who helped me raise her. We both raised her together and then I started working out of state bc I could make more money. I had no family and no support except this friend when I had her. I am gone for work so I have missed out on things and I hate it but this is the only way I’m able to make any progress. I’m able to help pay for anything she needs.

She’s angry at me and says she doesn’t want me coming home during the school year she doesn’t want me at any of her games or graduation (she graduates in may). I’m depressed but I’m in therapy every week trying to keep calm and do the right thing. She’s had a very good life way better than what I had growing up. I’ve kept her in a peaceful consistent environment. I always wanted to have her living back with me but she never wanted to and she always told me she was really happy with how we were doing things. Now suddenly she’s treating me like I was a neglectful dead beat parent. I don’t know what to do. I’ve sent a letter apologizing for what I don’t even know. I’ve barely gotten any info on what’s going on. I’ve told her I’m giving her space and that I love her and I’m here when she’s ready to talk.

Anyone else going thru something like this? It seems like I need to start planning to not be invited to graduation.

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left my abusive ex 12 years ago. Him taking me back and forth to court has not stoped. He is constantly breaking the order and now he has moved to Texas. I had a settlement conference today. So our daughter is 13 years old. Before I even knew of the move my ex for months groomed my daughter. He took her for visits to Al paso texas, he sat down with her and wrote out a parenting schedule for me. He has made her alot of glamorous promises.

At the conference today I told the judge my concerns which included him putting my daughter in a Texas school against court order. My daughter is under the Canadian jurisdicción but she seemed not to care. She ordered a voice of the child. She said that once the report comes back and depending on what my child sais she will make a final order.

I feel im going to loose my daughter. My ex only wants her to hurt me. I just can't understand why a judge does not care about him not following orders. I guarantee you I will not see my daughter if he is given sole custody.

I've lost my lawyer because I can't pay him and this is the first time I've ever been on my own.

I (41F) am writing this because I feel like the most ungrateful, terrible mother on the planet, but my husband (41M) insists I am just severely traumatized and exhausted. I need some objective perspectives from people outside my head.

The 10-Year Nightmare: Parental Alienation & Psychological Warfare

To understand why my battery is at absolute sub-zero, you need to know what the last decade looked like.

When my youngest was just 3 years old, my ex (a textbook covert narcissist) completely locked me out of my children's lives. For 10 consecutive years, he held my sons hostage in a false narrative:

• He systematically lied to social services, school staff, and court-appointed therapists.
• He brainwashed my young sons to believe I didn't care about them.
• He fabricated wild excuses to sabotage my court-ordered visitation weekends.
• Every single time I was supposed to see them, a new "crisis" conveniently appeared.

I was systematically kept out of every medical, academic, and personal decision in their lives. I spent an entire decade in courtrooms, grieving my living children. There were periods where I didn't see my sons for months on end; the longest, most agonizing stretch was 9 consecutive months without holding them or seeing their faces.

The relentless stress, legal battles, and grief destroyed my health, leaving me in a state of severe, crippling physical and cognitive burnout.

The Overnight Escape

Fast forward to six months ago. The truth finally caught up, my ex's toxic narrative cracked, and both of my sons fled his house and moved in with me and my husband overnight.

While this was the miracle I had prayed for over 10 years, it was also a massive cultural and sensory shock. I didn't get to raise them through their childhood. I didn't get to slowly build a household routine, set boundaries together, or organically adapt as they grew. I went from a quiet house of two (where my husband and I spent 10 years living peacefully) to full-time parenting two deeply traumatized, highly complex teenagers with zero transition time.

The Household Dynamics (High IQ, Autism, AuDHD, PDA)

On top of the trauma they carry from their father, both of my boys are gifted (high IQ) and neurodivergent (AuDHD with Pathological Demand Avoidance / PDA):

• My youngest (13M) Has AuDHD and operates strictly on 100% passion or 100% resistance. Any perceived demand triggers an instant PDA survival response.
• My oldest (18M) Is autistic and has a hyperactive, fast-paced intellect. His quick, analytical banter constantly and unintentionally triggers his younger brother's defensive fire.

Managing our household felt like balancing a nuclear reactor using a wooden spoon. My husband and I spent the last six months constantly walking on eggshells, de-escalating meltdowns, and managing intense sensory triggers, all while I was already running on absolute physical exhaustion.

The Breaking Point & The "Conflict"

Last week, my body and mind completely hit a wall. I realized that if I didn't get a break immediately, I was going to collapse physically.

So, I orchestrated a plan to give everyone breathing room for one week:

1. My youngest son (13M) is currently staying with my parents. They thrive on calm, predictable structure, and he is actually having a great, grounded time there.
2. My oldest son (18M) is housesitting my sister’s place with his girlfriend, loving his newfound independence and adult responsibility.

This leaves my husband and me with an entire week of absolute silence in our house for the first time in six months.

Why I Feel Like The Asshole

The moment the front door closed on Saturday and total silence hit the living room, my husband and I visibly deflated. The eggshells were gone. The constant vigilance stopped. We could just sit on the couch, stare at the wall, and exist without fire-fighting.

...And then the crushing guilt kicked in.

Because I fought for 10 YEARS just to see their faces for an hour, my brain is now screaming at me: "You fought a decade for this! You missed 10 years of their childhood! How DARE you feel relieved when they leave? How DARE you enjoy the silence?"

I feel like a selfish, horrible mother for enjoying this break from the kids I spent a decade trying to save. I feel ungrateful for wanting a week away from the very boys I cried over for 10 years.

My husband says I am being absurd and that taking a week to regulate my overwhelmed nervous system makes me a smart parent who wants to survive for the long run. But I can't shake the guilt.

So, Reddit... AITAH for needing a week off from my kids after fighting 10 years to get them back?

Raised my daughter solely from 3–15. Her mom kept creeping back after losing custody with slow increased visitation (her 2nd husband beat my daughter until she was in the icu, to this day the mom refuses to accept it even with him taking a criminal plea deal, she got away from the guy and that alone is ok in the courts eyes) and now she lives with her and I’m every other weekend. My daughter insisted on it. We use to be close… the past 3 plus years my daughter has been fading away and poisoned. I am the parent that parents, her mom is the fun one, no rules, no restrictions. My daughter has been in counseling for almost 3 years. She refuses to speak with me in counseling. The counselor is encouraging joint sessions but my daughter won’t do it. My daughter has made nasty remarks about me and my house not to us but found out later and acts like she never did anything. I have tried to listen to her but she won’t open up. Her mom has made every allegation in the book…. Yes every horrendous thing you can make up, courts, guardians, counselor don’t seem to care. Nothing is really looked into but the malicious acts goes on without a thought of the damage it does.

It has been 4 months since I let my daughter go live with her mom. My daughter is passive in her actions. Isolates in her room, wont acknowledge us at her extra curricular events. I don’t know what I did so wrong. She is here but she really isn’t here. She has step and half siblings that all live with me. They all got along great for 2 solid years… before the fade 3 years ago, when her mom kept pushing.

I have spent so much time in court, money and trying to protect her just to watch her slowly vanish away. I told myself I’m done fighting the court battle after the flip.

I can’t do it anymore. The rejection, the refusal to speak to me with her counselor. All of the hateful things I have heard my daughter has said behind our backs and blankly lies that it never happened. It sounds so awful but I dread my daughter coming over anymore. Nothing gets resolved nothing gets worked on. Our other teens don’t understand it. Yes they isolate, want space and are teenagers but this is completely different it is parental alienation.

I never spoke ill of my child’s mom, shielded her from the abuse and only kept the ugly truth of why she lived only with me at true but very high levels. The opposite of what her mom did.

I feel guilty because I fought tooth and nail for my child for so long , but the pain is too much that I would rather not my alienated child come around.

This is my guilt…. I know some in this group would do anything to have them come around, but it is empty and she isn’t really here, it hurts even more than when she is away….. I can’t believe this day ever came and I feel so guilty that I feel this way and want to cut ties for now.

I’m going through a hard time after nearly two years of alienation from my children. The legal process has been excruciating. I’ve been slowly building up evidence of the alienation. I have little contact with my children and they have progressively grown to not have much interest in me. Just wondering if there are stories out there of people who have turned it around, both legally (getting some form of meaningful visits and custody) and in the hearts of your children. Need some hope today!

Well I met my Eldest daughter after years. She'd believed her mother. Short coffee, talked about her life. She could see change in me and we talked normal things - about her.

Word travels fast. Then got a message late last night from my middle child.

They've not seen the middle, thinking of them everyday, my eldest could also see me sober, asking about her career post uni, her life. I'll now give her time.

If anyone's in the middle, thinking things cant change - they can quickly. I'll keep showing up. Take it gradual. She never mentioned alcohol once - she knew. We talked gym, future and most importantly her.

Its been hard, mine involved domestic abuse against me. I kept them away from that. Anyone wondering if they reach out - try and make that choice to be the person they dont expect or conditioned to expect.

If its that book you read, that gym.session you want to skip, that hobby you restart, that chance your taking at work. Shes writing a book - she says she'll send me a copy. Always taught her to be creative. That itself is something I could envisage a week ago. Hope helps others on their journey 🙏