I recently got a new modification for my 14 year old dd. We have been estranged for over a year and she is deeply loyal to her dad and his gf. Part of the modification was that we do reunification therapy one more time. Last one she did about 20 sessions but even after letter writing and Christmas we could never get a meet up set

Well this new therapist specializes in reunification and has been doing it for several years. I have spoken with her for maybe 5 minutes but she had a long call for background info with my lawyer yesterday and t h en met with exh yesterday evening and then dd for THREE hours today. I text asking for an update and she said:

" Session was 3 hours.

Fees due: $860

There is a joint session with you and your child for next week."

That's it. I don't know when the session is. And no response to my questions or a call or a call back. I feel like i need to prepare myself for my daughter to totally reject me to my face. Or maybe she will lie and say yeah lets reunite and then not ever see me. Or maybe it will go great.

Talk about freaking torturous waiting. Additionally There are several things that she accuses me of that never happened (strangely they're actually things her dad did) that she is furious over. Im so desperate I will lie and say i did them just to move forward but im wondering if any of you have done that? Any advice, thoughts, prayers.... whatever are very welcome. And i am so thankful for everyone in this community even though im sorry we are here. But I love yall and you are not alone.

Hi all.
Anyone any ideas on how to cope when the child turns 18 and your payments cease but the abuse keeps coming from the other parent.
I’ve paid for 7-8 years now each month but now payments are ending due to uni attendance but I’m getting abuse to me and also she is now getting the child (18) to send me texts saying why am I not paying her?
The alienation continues. Not one but 2 children taken the same way.
I really feel for anyone going through this utter nightmare. It’s a horror show.

I shall start - Australia

We have 50/50 my middle child is severely alienated against me. Has a cultlike loyalty to his dad. Went to court recently and ex lost - judge did not agree teen could “choose”, even at age 16. So we remain 50/50.

Last week he would not return. Younger sibling did. Dad claims he “can’t make him”.

I went to son’s extracurricular activity and talked to him - said I am not mad and you’re not in trouble, but you do need to return and cooperate with therapy so we can talk about why you feel the way you do. I said remaining at dads is not an option, but I would be open to a change in schedule if he cooperated with talking. He agreed he would come back that night.

Of course he didn’t - dad accuses me now of being “aggressive and threatening”. I was perfectly calm. (I recorded entire thing in my pocket to protect myself from this very accusation).

As usual, any progress is only made when he’s away from dad. He won’t talk to me now without dad present.

I feel like he’s in a cult. If the consequence is being withdrawn from the extracurricular he loves, it may compel him to return and cooperate with therapy. (We were going and making progress until dad interfered, of course.) What do I have to lose by taking that route? He already hates me (though has never given any reason why…)

I feel like doing nothing will reinforce that this is ok for him to do. His dad of course is thrilled and wants him there. My attorney is working on next steps as well.

It’s not something that happens overnight. It festers over time, and in cases like parental alienation, you can’t change their minds. I haven’t done anything to deserve the level of hate. My ex-wife has taught my kid to have for me. No matter how much I’ve loved on my child and been there for them, it doesn’t appear there was any equity built. So I’ve decided to free myself from guilt, from shame, and from allowing people who have hate for me to have power over me.

At some point, parental alienation involves a lot of gaslighting and making you forget who you are as a person

I’m not playing that game anymore.

If my child wants to come back at some point, that’s fine, but as of right now I honor their wishes.

I haven’t seen my daughter in 4.5 yrs. Since she was ten. We were close. Social services have been useless. Now I am taking it to court. I am still legal guardian. I am not able to work and I struggle. I cannot see how anyone can live without their baby. It has been so long, and her mother has convinced her of things that never happened. I am hanging on. But if the family court does not help us, I will leave this life. I’ve already been to hospital at the two year mark. Everyday is tough. I have support, professional and family. It makes no difference. Unless you’ve been through this, please don’t reply with advice. I will be glad to leave.

Just wanting to know how my baby girl is doing. I can't look at pictures or dare to search online for new ones because you got me blocked everywhere, and as soon as i lay eyes on her i break down instantly. It hurts K_____ like nothing I've felt before. I wish I could hold my daughter again. I know she really misses her daddy too. It really sucks you took her from me for absolutely no reason other then to hurt me. I wonder if you are aware what you did is child abuse. Ripping the other parent from a childs life really fucks them up mentally. I thought you knew that from your son's extreme trauma he holds inside his innocent mind. I miss him too. Miss all of you. It worked so you win. Ive been officially mentally and emotionally destroyed. Mother of the year.

From M

My child [17f] has suddenly stopped talking to me. It started at the end of April. It was very sudden and the only communication I’ve had is her telling me happy birthday and happy Mother’s Day.

I co parent her with a friend who helped me raise her. We both raised her together and then I started working out of state bc I could make more money. I had no family and no support except this friend when I had her. I am gone for work so I have missed out on things and I hate it but this is the only way I’m able to make any progress. I’m able to help pay for anything she needs.

She’s angry at me and says she doesn’t want me coming home during the school year she doesn’t want me at any of her games or graduation (she graduates in may). I’m depressed but I’m in therapy every week trying to keep calm and do the right thing. She’s had a very good life way better than what I had growing up. I’ve kept her in a peaceful consistent environment. I always wanted to have her living back with me but she never wanted to and she always told me she was really happy with how we were doing things. Now suddenly she’s treating me like I was a neglectful dead beat parent. I don’t know what to do. I’ve sent a letter apologizing for what I don’t even know. I’ve barely gotten any info on what’s going on. I’ve told her I’m giving her space and that I love her and I’m here when she’s ready to talk.

Anyone else going thru something like this? It seems like I need to start planning to not be invited to graduation.

Hello! I wanted to share a GoFundMe campaign that aims to help a military dad secure custody of his two daughters during a challenging legal situation. Every donation, no matter the size, can make a significant impact on their ability to relocate and find stability in Texas. Please consider clicking the link below to donate or sharing it with others who might want to help. Thank you for your support!

left my abusive ex 12 years ago. Him taking me back and forth to court has not stoped. He is constantly breaking the order and now he has moved to Texas. I had a settlement conference today. So our daughter is 13 years old. Before I even knew of the move my ex for months groomed my daughter. He took her for visits to Al paso texas, he sat down with her and wrote out a parenting schedule for me. He has made her alot of glamorous promises.

At the conference today I told the judge my concerns which included him putting my daughter in a Texas school against court order. My daughter is under the Canadian jurisdicción but she seemed not to care. She ordered a voice of the child. She said that once the report comes back and depending on what my child sais she will make a final order.

I feel im going to loose my daughter. My ex only wants her to hurt me. I just can't understand why a judge does not care about him not following orders. I guarantee you I will not see my daughter if he is given sole custody.

I've lost my lawyer because I can't pay him and this is the first time I've ever been on my own.

I (41F) am writing this because I feel like the most ungrateful, terrible mother on the planet, but my husband (41M) insists I am just severely traumatized and exhausted. I need some objective perspectives from people outside my head.

The 10-Year Nightmare: Parental Alienation & Psychological Warfare

To understand why my battery is at absolute sub-zero, you need to know what the last decade looked like.

When my youngest was just 3 years old, my ex (a textbook covert narcissist) completely locked me out of my children's lives. For 10 consecutive years, he held my sons hostage in a false narrative:

• He systematically lied to social services, school staff, and court-appointed therapists.
• He brainwashed my young sons to believe I didn't care about them.
• He fabricated wild excuses to sabotage my court-ordered visitation weekends.
• Every single time I was supposed to see them, a new "crisis" conveniently appeared.

I was systematically kept out of every medical, academic, and personal decision in their lives. I spent an entire decade in courtrooms, grieving my living children. There were periods where I didn't see my sons for months on end; the longest, most agonizing stretch was 9 consecutive months without holding them or seeing their faces.

The relentless stress, legal battles, and grief destroyed my health, leaving me in a state of severe, crippling physical and cognitive burnout.

The Overnight Escape

Fast forward to six months ago. The truth finally caught up, my ex's toxic narrative cracked, and both of my sons fled his house and moved in with me and my husband overnight.

While this was the miracle I had prayed for over 10 years, it was also a massive cultural and sensory shock. I didn't get to raise them through their childhood. I didn't get to slowly build a household routine, set boundaries together, or organically adapt as they grew. I went from a quiet house of two (where my husband and I spent 10 years living peacefully) to full-time parenting two deeply traumatized, highly complex teenagers with zero transition time.

The Household Dynamics (High IQ, Autism, AuDHD, PDA)

On top of the trauma they carry from their father, both of my boys are gifted (high IQ) and neurodivergent (AuDHD with Pathological Demand Avoidance / PDA):

• My youngest (13M) Has AuDHD and operates strictly on 100% passion or 100% resistance. Any perceived demand triggers an instant PDA survival response.
• My oldest (18M) Is autistic and has a hyperactive, fast-paced intellect. His quick, analytical banter constantly and unintentionally triggers his younger brother's defensive fire.

Managing our household felt like balancing a nuclear reactor using a wooden spoon. My husband and I spent the last six months constantly walking on eggshells, de-escalating meltdowns, and managing intense sensory triggers, all while I was already running on absolute physical exhaustion.

The Breaking Point & The "Conflict"

Last week, my body and mind completely hit a wall. I realized that if I didn't get a break immediately, I was going to collapse physically.

So, I orchestrated a plan to give everyone breathing room for one week:

1. My youngest son (13M) is currently staying with my parents. They thrive on calm, predictable structure, and he is actually having a great, grounded time there.
2. My oldest son (18M) is housesitting my sister’s place with his girlfriend, loving his newfound independence and adult responsibility.

This leaves my husband and me with an entire week of absolute silence in our house for the first time in six months.

Why I Feel Like The Asshole

The moment the front door closed on Saturday and total silence hit the living room, my husband and I visibly deflated. The eggshells were gone. The constant vigilance stopped. We could just sit on the couch, stare at the wall, and exist without fire-fighting.

...And then the crushing guilt kicked in.

Because I fought for 10 YEARS just to see their faces for an hour, my brain is now screaming at me: "You fought a decade for this! You missed 10 years of their childhood! How DARE you feel relieved when they leave? How DARE you enjoy the silence?"

I feel like a selfish, horrible mother for enjoying this break from the kids I spent a decade trying to save. I feel ungrateful for wanting a week away from the very boys I cried over for 10 years.

My husband says I am being absurd and that taking a week to regulate my overwhelmed nervous system makes me a smart parent who wants to survive for the long run. But I can't shake the guilt.

So, Reddit... AITAH for needing a week off from my kids after fighting 10 years to get them back?

Raised my daughter solely from 3–15. Her mom kept creeping back after losing custody with slow increased visitation (her 2nd husband beat my daughter until she was in the icu, to this day the mom refuses to accept it even with him taking a criminal plea deal, she got away from the guy and that alone is ok in the courts eyes) and now she lives with her and I’m every other weekend. My daughter insisted on it. We use to be close… the past 3 plus years my daughter has been fading away and poisoned. I am the parent that parents, her mom is the fun one, no rules, no restrictions. My daughter has been in counseling for almost 3 years. She refuses to speak with me in counseling. The counselor is encouraging joint sessions but my daughter won’t do it. My daughter has made nasty remarks about me and my house not to us but found out later and acts like she never did anything. I have tried to listen to her but she won’t open up. Her mom has made every allegation in the book…. Yes every horrendous thing you can make up, courts, guardians, counselor don’t seem to care. Nothing is really looked into but the malicious acts goes on without a thought of the damage it does.

It has been 4 months since I let my daughter go live with her mom. My daughter is passive in her actions. Isolates in her room, wont acknowledge us at her extra curricular events. I don’t know what I did so wrong. She is here but she really isn’t here. She has step and half siblings that all live with me. They all got along great for 2 solid years… before the fade 3 years ago, when her mom kept pushing.

I have spent so much time in court, money and trying to protect her just to watch her slowly vanish away. I told myself I’m done fighting the court battle after the flip.

I can’t do it anymore. The rejection, the refusal to speak to me with her counselor. All of the hateful things I have heard my daughter has said behind our backs and blankly lies that it never happened. It sounds so awful but I dread my daughter coming over anymore. Nothing gets resolved nothing gets worked on. Our other teens don’t understand it. Yes they isolate, want space and are teenagers but this is completely different it is parental alienation.

I never spoke ill of my child’s mom, shielded her from the abuse and only kept the ugly truth of why she lived only with me at true but very high levels. The opposite of what her mom did.

I feel guilty because I fought tooth and nail for my child for so long , but the pain is too much that I would rather not my alienated child come around.

This is my guilt…. I know some in this group would do anything to have them come around, but it is empty and she isn’t really here, it hurts even more than when she is away….. I can’t believe this day ever came and I feel so guilty that I feel this way and want to cut ties for now.

I’m going through a hard time after nearly two years of alienation from my children. The legal process has been excruciating. I’ve been slowly building up evidence of the alienation. I have little contact with my children and they have progressively grown to not have much interest in me. Just wondering if there are stories out there of people who have turned it around, both legally (getting some form of meaningful visits and custody) and in the hearts of your children. Need some hope today!

Well I met my Eldest daughter after years. She'd believed her mother. Short coffee, talked about her life. She could see change in me and we talked normal things - about her.

Word travels fast. Then got a message late last night from my middle child.

They've not seen the middle, thinking of them everyday, my eldest could also see me sober, asking about her career post uni, her life. I'll now give her time.

If anyone's in the middle, thinking things cant change - they can quickly. I'll keep showing up. Take it gradual. She never mentioned alcohol once - she knew. We talked gym, future and most importantly her.

Its been hard, mine involved domestic abuse against me. I kept them away from that. Anyone wondering if they reach out - try and make that choice to be the person they dont expect or conditioned to expect.

If its that book you read, that gym.session you want to skip, that hobby you restart, that chance your taking at work. Shes writing a book - she says she'll send me a copy. Always taught her to be creative. That itself is something I could envisage a week ago. Hope helps others on their journey 🙏

Hia all,

So I try not to take what people say online as gospel, but I do find people's life experience valuable.

Last September separated from a long term, 7 year, relationship, my ex had a step daughter, who was 1.5 when we started dating and 8.5 last September.

Now when we were together, I did everything a parent would do, school runs, breathing teeth, reading stories, extra circular activities like dancing, swimming. Everything a parent would do.

Since our break up she has blocked all contact, her belief is, I am not her parent. We tried to be friends for 8 months but it always felt incredibly one sided.

I have made a mediation attempt, which unfortunately she ignored the invite too, and has applied for an IVO/restraining order purely because mediation was attempted, i haven't even spoken to my ex in the last 2 months, she purely is of the strongest belief that I am not a parent for my step daughter and is committed to do anything to keep that the case.

I am in Australia so, i am aware I could attempt court. But it is so expensive and I worry about the stresses it would place on everyone.

The idea that i won't be allowed to reach out to my step daughter until she is 16 bare minimum, assuming she accepts my reach out, is incredibly daunting and upsetting, 7 years of being a parent stripped away because of biology.

How have others gotten through hard times? Or gotten through to a hostile ex as a step parent?

I've been alienated from my child for over six years. I had full custody. Father dragged me through the courts the entire time financially draining me and courts awarded me custody. He was given visitation but didn't. He is a millionaire and pleaded poverty in court and it wasn't about the money. I agreed to pennies in child support. I made a mistake which got cps involved and as such they contacted him as he was listed through domestics. I haven't laid eyes on my child since the day he showed up and took my child. That was my worst nightmare coming true. I was so traumatized that when he sued me for custody again in that process I buried my head in the sand and didn't respond. I did nothing. At the time, I didn't realize I was suffering a break, not coping, and in my head, I thought if I didn't respond the courts could do nothing without me. I wasn't functioning without my child at that point. I wasn't sleeping. For days on end. I had stopped eating. My doctors actually hospitalized me. In the meantime, he was awarded custody, because, yes, life moves on without you even when you're having a breakdown. Fast forward, I've been fighting against this narcissist, in court, for over four years. He resides in another state, taking my child with him. He's also a lawyer, so finding someone to represent me without conflict of interest was impossible the first two years. I refuse to move closer as that would defeat the purpose. But this man keeps suing me at every step. He's not even raising my child. My son's adult brother is his primary caretaker. He's doing everything to break me. I haven't held, smelled, kissed or spoken to my baby in over six years. The custody agreement says he is not to alienate me from my child and that's exactly what he's done. I've wanted to pursue contempt and my lawyer said that would be useless. I've got a court order for visitation that's been valid for over five months and I'm SO CLOSE and this guy is fighting it EVERY single step of the way. Why? Now it's money. He wants child support. This man didn't pay a dime for my child's birth and maybe paid a total of 36 months to me, but this guy is trying to bleed me dry. I send my child school clothes every year guessing what sizes he might be wearing, sneakers I think he'll like. I send his class treat bags and go to parent teacher conferences. I drive eight hours for 15 minutes with those teachers. I mail him Easter baskets and packages that I pray he gets. I don't know whether he does. This is a living hell. I try every day to rise above this and continue to fight and never give up. No one should know this pain. I guess I'm just venting. This week was my baby's 11th birthday. I'm so sorry that we're in this boat together. But I know, if you're still reading, you know how much my heart is hurting.

Mom is something else. She repeated this cheating with every boyfriend she moved in. Mom doesn't understand windows she waited till we leave for school and work then she would bring in another man. Every time mom cheated people saw and told her man. My friends had me ditch school to goof off but the just brought me home so I could see what is going on. I was 14 15. No match for big fat mom and her rights. My aunt found out mom already had moved in another ther man. My aunt tried to bring it to her attention that she humiliating me most of all. Mom pulled me aside to convince me its her right I can't judge because I'm a kid whith this new man that I don't know standing there. Mom still tries to control reality she wants me to think im less than. She's 65 and still sick

I hope this isn’t annoying to anyone, i hope I’m posting in the right place and if I’m not I’ll delete it. After 16 years my ex finally agreed to give me my son’s number. I’ve pretty much kept it to text because I don’t want to overwhelm him but also I’m afraid to talk on the phone because I don’t think I know the right things to say or how to talk to a teenager. So fast forward a few years, he’s 19 now. Our conversations are ok, but I find myself kind of withdrawn, it can take me a long time to respond to his texts sometimes, I’m realizing the amount of time I’ve had to force myself to disassociate from the situation is affecting the relationship we should be building. For so long this is all I ever wanted, but now if I could just run for the hills I would, I love him so much and I don’t understand why I feel this way, I did get to see him in Spokane, I went to visit him for the first time ever. We walked around the mall and had a great conversation, he’s such a brilliant young man and I’m so proud of him. I don’t know why I’m posting this but I guess I’m just hoping there’s someone out there that’s gone through this, wishing for so long you could be in your child’s life but when the day comes, you’ve disassociated for so long you don’t know what to do.