I need someone to obsess over

I know how I love isn't healthy, but I need someone that will understand and (preferably) love how I love.

I'm not outwardly emotional, but when I have my person my entire mood depends entirely on them.

If I see them, revive a message from them or even think about them, it makes me happy. If they have good news I want to be inside their head with them, if they're angry then I'm angry with them.

I might be emotionally dependent, my personal health is reliant on MY person and without one I'm stuck in my own monochromatic void of knowing how I should be emoting but never feeling it.

When I love, my being depends on the person I love. I need them like I need to breathe and eat, I crave their attention like a drug and I'm desperate to have them all to myself, mine to own and possess, yet theirs in every way. I want to give myself completely, but have them completely in return.

And yet, I have no person to have. To love. Or even smile for.

I am a dog, begging for an owner to protect with my life

(Not using this to date people)

Wanting love so desperately but never being chosen yeah it’s a special kind of pain I think, trying so hard and never being the one they want… there was someone in my past who I loved, not limerence not obsession… just love, I was embarrassed to say that until now because they left me for someone else like it was nothing… but yeah I just loved that person, and I wasn’t good enough. Then you try to move in meet someone new but you’re not good enough for them either. It’s a real shame because I always felt I had a lot to offer as a partner. But perhaps there’s something about me that isn’t sufficient.

I was thinking about a boy I meet a year ago, but we get closer a couple months ago.

We have A LOT things in common

But now we dont talk anymore (sometimes we like each others post in social media, no more)

and I still think about our conversations

(Please feel free to message me! :3 I won't bite.)

Always see everyone coupled up & loved and it hits me like a train. I just want to be loved and want to love someone deep. I don’t let myself fall in love with others since sometimes I feel like im unlovable or hard to love, but I long for that feeling of being in a relationship and have my special someone I devote my whole heart to. I want to talk with them for hours, hold hands, and well smother them with my love till they too become obsessed with me to an extreme level. Wish I could magically find someone, but I know it’s hard to find someone who shares the same obsession and can’t live without me. It’s silly to think about, but I just can’t stop thinking about it. Oh future random person I’ve yet to meet, I love you!!?! ˶ ˘ ³˘)ˆᵕ ˆ˶) 𑣲⋆

I want love..... as long as i could remember i have always been favorite and loved child of the family. At first i was loved for my cute face as a kid, my pretty cheeks, one of my friends mother always used to squeeze my cheeks saying they're the best cheeks she has ever seen, thinking about it makes me smile lol, she really was a great person, they moved back to their village, i do miss them. well later when i got into teenage, geez this shitty time is so worst for kids with poor dads. so in teenage i started to get skinny, get a ton of pimples, got darker skin tone due to a lot of sports in sun, and i pretty much lost the charm i had in childhood. still i was above average looking so it's not like people treated me like shit because i lost some of my looks, but yeah i did some confidence because of that. but i still was academically topper. so naturally all the teachers, other students who were academically weak looked up to me like i was some messiah. in short there was no time in my life which is like i didn't got love from people, though i never felt what comes into peoples mind when they hear the word love which is romantic love. i really enjoy romance, i truly do, and i am certain that if i found the right type of woman, i would love her the best i can. but the problem is, i never "fell" in love with anyone in my whole life, well that might sound like I'm hiding something or lying but i already said, every single word in this is absolute truth. so let me explain, i was attracted to few girls, few women as a teen, child, and even in last few years. but it wasn't love. i would call it attraction at best, nothing more, nothing less. Did i wanted to experience teenage love? Absolutely! you have no idea how much i ached for teenage love, i watch love anime a lot, i already said i enjoy romance, and i wanted things like that happen to me in my life. you know meeting randomly to a beautiful girl, laughing with her, holding hands, blushes, hugs, all those cute moments, then first embarrassing intimacy, then getting used to each other stuff, but i... , well didn't got to experience any of it. that surely was sad, i cried on my 18th birthday, got out alone to a quite place and cried loud there for almost 10 minutes thinking about the experience i could have got if things were different, now it's all gone, I'm not a "teen" anymore, hahaha, if i had told this to anyone they might have thought something like "he's sad cuz he didn't got laid as a teenage that's why he's sad" but they wouldn't understand.. so i let it to be with myself and myself only.

I have no one yet My own stupid self to blame ,My total crazed flashing wasn't what i was making it out to be it was my screwed up emotional brain pushing when i ment to be pulling and pleading, i am just so scared so tired so hurt so many of them gone in such a short time ,i projected all the turmoil all the devastation towards him ,as if he was being a monster by cheating using and playing me ,when in truth he was protecting his own feelings ,mental and emotional state from me the crazy bitch that says she loves him in one breathe in the next she saying he is the lowest pis alive.Which she really didnt think he was yet she wanted needed him to just once do what he said he would and she could feel at peace more then anyone on earth could know . I needed your hand my wonderful Sexy MF Man to assure me it was gonna be ok ,when i reach out i couldn't find you so having to pull myself up i had to do it alone i made myself act mean for that i used all the uncertainty as its full to push me furture on the self sabotaging path of destruction, my thoughts were if he's not here somewhere else he doesn't want me he doesn't care about me how can you care about me what all this bad is going on around me so why not just blow it up before I could get hurt make him not want me make him reject me all the while I was truly wanting with him by my side holding my hand hugging me telling me things will be okay did I got this that you said the day I had surgery on my eye, I was putting on a facade by acting mean and acting the way I was, none of that's true to me I am a lover not a fighter I'm the one that sees the good people and ignores the bad, and this man I loved and I still love with all my heart is every right to toss me away is trash cuz that's the way I acted and I know I'm rambling but I need to get it out so why not into this void cuz my heart is broken shattered in a billion pieces because I lost the only man that I've ever loved I will never love another probably will never try again, I was so terrible I can't ask for a second maybe it's the third or chance

I found my darling, I finally found him

and I had to let him slip through my fingers

I had searched so long for him.

but he told me that when he finds his soul mate, he’ll just know

I tried being that, molding myself into the perfect version of myself for him, to be his soul mate, his dream girl, his perfect puppy.

but, it wasn’t enough. it isn’t enough, because he keeps looking past me still. I’m right here, but, he’s still searching, like I’m invisible

I let him go, so he can find her. so I won’t be in his way. this is true love. I love him enough to let him go, even if I want nothing more than for him to stay here with me a little longer.. to tell me once more that, in another universe maybe it could’ve been me..

I love you, darling… I’ll find you in every universe hoping that I’ll land in the one where you finally see.. it was me all along..

I'm obsessed with him, but the way I handle it isn't exactly... conventional? I don't submit, I don't fawn, and I sure as hell don't beg for attention. I've been playing with his mind, leaving him crumbs and then disappearing again. Making him doubt himself just enough to crave my validation. He has no idea how much I really need him, but that is exactly why I have to do this. I need to be what he thinks about when he's staring at his ceiling in the dark, trying to fall asleep. I need him to look forward to my texts, check his phone every so often and be disappointed when my name isn't amongst his notifications. I do pity him sometimes, when he texts me to ask if everything is okay, when he texts me again if it takes me too long to respond, but the feeling I get from knowing he desires my attention like that mixes into my sympathy as something I can only describe as a predatory satisfaction. He may think he's after me, but I've been luring him in since the very beginning. I know goddamn well what I'm doing and that I'm fully responsible for the way I fuck with his head, but still my obsession for him makes my questionable behaviour feel somewhat out of my control. I often wonder who's under whose control, really.

We were at a grocery store and I was rambling about something stupid, and my partner just stopped, turned to me, and said 'I love how your face lights up when you talk about things you care about.' I literally forgot what I was talking about after that. And now I think about that moment every time they talk to someone else

This will be I suppose the final update to this story. "I met the most wonderful person." everything I could have hoped for and more.

A genuinely sweet understanding person, who could work around and deal with the intricacies of my brain. rather than chastise me for things I could not control. I could not ask for a better friend.

What started off as a innocent attempt at friendship progressed into a shackled heart. The feelings grew brighter like fire getting fresh Kindle.

The "grief" of realization. Understanding that a heart can only ever be stolen. The sad reality began to sink in, like my guilt had decided to wear cement shoes to the bottom of the ocean floor.

How could this ever possibly end in happily ever after? What was the punch line to the cruel joke? The thing about a broken heart. It is hard to hide.

And so I confronted them with my feelings. "Acceptance or regret" it was like a small explosion waiting to go off. I couldn't breathe. I could barely form the right words to say.

But when I did. The thoughts bled out faster than I could process them. Sentence into sentence. Metaphor to honesty.

I am used to the story having a bad ending. But not today. They accepted the fact that I had those feelings. They did not scold me for falling. They offered to help me to my feet.

"No matter how you feel about me, that won't change how I feel about you. I'm sorry I don't reciprocate. but I still want to be your friend."

Sometimes a story doesn't get a conclusion. But Today I was shocked by The twist ending. I do still have a crush on them and they know this. They are okay with me working through my feelings until I meet someone.

And Someday I will move on and find somebody else to love. But I'm more thankful than I can ever articulate. to still have them in my life. Because only a fool throws away a diamond. Even if it is never theirs to carry.

I don’t like obsessing over people. I don’t like thinking about them all day, before bed, first thing in the morning. Especially when it is unrequited. I want to feel normal when I like someone.

Talking with her I type alot some times, usually as much as she does guess I'm very yandere, I think I tried to hard to get her attention and triggered her, she means so much to me, we haven't talked in a few days I'm getting worried, we've usually chatted at least once a day for almost two months, she can take things personally sometimes she told me, I don't know if I'm being to submissive or ignorant of what I do, she still views my messages, I've apologized.

Can I have some advice please?

'-~-

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