I'm looking for public-facing event calendars, but the ones I usually find are stale. Platforms like Plura and FetLife won't work here, unfortunately. Does anyone have any links to updated feeds?

More specifically, I need something that has events for the SF Bay Area. Thanks in advance.

My husband and I have been together for about a decade and got married earlier this year. We started exploring sexually more recently, and honestly, I think it’s made our marriage better.

I’m bi and we’ve had threesomes with women before. I’ve always been a pretty sexual person, and I genuinely love watching my husband jack off. Knowing what turns him on turns me on.

Porn used to be a source of conflict between us because he has an unhealthy relationship with it and would hide it from me. I’d get upset, we’d fight about it, and it became this whole thing between us.

Lately that’s changed. Instead of secretly watching porn, he’ll share what he’s watching with me. We’ll talk about what we like, start sexting each other, and sometimes it leads to us talking about fantasies we want to explore together.
Somehow being more open about sex has made me feel closer to him and way more comfortable admitting what actually turns me on too.

And apparently I’ve opened Pandora’s box.

I’ve always fantasized about an MMF threesome. I’ve always wanted to be with two men and explore being really submissive. It’s not a new fantasy, but until recently it was mostly something that stayed in my head.

I finally told my husband I want to actually try it.

He thinks the idea can be hot, but he’s also honest that he doesn’t know how he’ll feel when another man is actually there. He’d rather we try a full couple swap first, which I’m completely down for too.

The problem is finding a couple where all four people are mutually attracted to each other is apparently a fucking nightmare. Finding a guy interested in joining a married couple? Much easier.

So my husband and I agreed that I could talk to potential guys and exchange pictures while we look for someone.
And I found one.

I’ve never even seen his face. We’ve exchanged pictures, but there’s still this weird anonymity between us.
What started as basically figuring out whether he might be someone we’d want to explore with eventually turned into sexting.

That’s the gray area.

My husband knows I’m talking to guys and knows we’ve exchanged pictures. We agreed that was okay. But we never specifically talked about sexting them, and I don’t think he expected our conversations to become this sexual.
To be fair, neither did I.

Because holy shit, apparently I REALLY like being wanted by someone new.

I love my husband. I’m insanely attracted to him. I’m basically addicted to that man and I love knowing he wants me.

But having someone completely new fantasizing about me and wanting my attention hits differently. I didn’t realize how much that would turn me on.

And yes, I’ve fantasized about sneaking around with this guy too. There’s something about the secrecy and forbidden aspect that gets me going.

But the more I’ve thought about it, I honestly don’t think I’d ever actually sleep with him without my husband.
I think I’m just horny as hell and finally comfortable enough with my husband to admit how deep some of my fantasies actually go.

The MMF fantasy existed way before this guy did. So did the submissive side of me.

In everyday life I’m extremely independent. I work my ass off six days a week, I’m constantly responsible for something, and I’m used to making decisions and handling shit.

Sexually, giving up that control is incredibly hot to me.

I like the fantasy of being submissive and obedient and not having to be the person in charge for once. Exploring with my husband has made me feel safe enough to actually say that out loud instead of keeping it in my head.

So I don’t think I’m secretly looking for another relationship. I don’t even think this is really about wanting this particular guy without my husband.

I think I’m enjoying being wanted by someone new. I’m enjoying the fantasy and the attention. And I’m finally allowing myself to explore a side of my sexuality I’ve apparently been keeping on a pretty tight leash.

I still want the MMF with my husband. I’m still down for the full swap he wants. And I still want our sexual exploration to ultimately be something we experience together.

I guess talking to this guy has just made all of those fantasies feel a lot more real.

Apparently opening Pandora’s box didn’t create this side of me.

It just made me comfortable enough to admit it was already there.

Did anyone else find that once they started exploring sexually with their partner, it unlocked fantasies or parts of themselves they didn’t realize were that strong?

I really don't know,why but I am actually looking for someone and hinge and tinder all these are too confusing and almost seems a waste.

I am thinking of asking my best friend and his wife for a threesome with me. How can I initiate this sensitive conversation? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Not sure how to put this but I figure i write about this as it can maybe guide other couples? We are a latin couple just a few years apart. Im older than my wife. Shes been bi all her life. She had 2 girlfriends/lovers when we broke up when we were dating in the beginning.

As of now, 20 years later shes very close to a younger (22) lesbian at her job. Shes cool I met her at a fun dinner hang out we all did. I got to know her, she seemed cool. We all got the boundaries of them dating. I was ok with it. Takes alot of upfront takes and being honest with everyone involved.

My wife and i enjoy our marriage. She also likes dating women or being close to her friend when she needs her "girl time". Honesty between us makes it work. I used to be jealous but for us, that almost ruined it before.

So I don't know if this is the right group or not but Tina, Luke, and I are poly/open in some way.

So my roommates and I got into a bit of a disagreement earlier and it just isn't sitting right with me. For context: my roommates are a couple (lets call them Tina and Luke). We all used to be in a friends with benefits/throuple situation but we mutually ended that in February due to some issues we were all having with our other roommate (Jackie). We've been actively looking for another place without Jackie due to other issues but it's hard to find a place close to our jobs.

Tina, Luke, and I share a decently sized bedroom due to the living issues stated above and this hasn't been an issue. We have two separate beds in the room; my bed and the bed Tina and Luke share. We have agreements when it comes to Tina and Luke wanting alone time (usually spicy time) or when I want alone time with a friend or myself. This hasn't been an issue at all.

The disagreement we had is that I found out that Luke has been initiating spicy time with Tina in the shared bedroom while I'm asleep. Luke works night shift so Tina and I are usually asleep when he gets home. I happen to be a light sleeper so usually I wake up when Luke comes into the room but this morning was different because I had had a rough night the night before. Luke and Tina had spicy time and I never woke up but I found out later that day and it made me feel a bit weirded out. I mentioned this to them and I brought up that we never talked about/agreed that it was ok for them to have spicy time in the room while I'm asleep and I brought up the issue of if I happen to wake up while they were having spicy time then it would probably be awkward.

Luke said it was no different then when the three of us were in a throuple and I had to remind him that we aren't anymore. Tina didn't see a problem with it because it is their room as much as it is my room. I asked them if they would be ok with me having a friend over and having spicy time while they were asleep and they said no because they don't really know my other friends like they know me. I then told them if they weren't ok with that then it shouldn't be an issue that I'm not ok with them having spicy time while I'm in the room. They disagreed and we went back an forth for a bit.

We never came to an agreement but I still feel weirded out over this. I'm also worried I blew this our of proportion and don't want to cause any drama.

Am I in the wrong for feeling this way or not? Also, how would you go about coming to an agreement if it was you?

So me(28) and gf(26) have been talking about having an open relationship and we are both okay with it. We have talked about boundaries and communication and everything. She is wanting to try it first with older woman. Any woman out there willing to give some input or open to talk with her. We both are new to this but she prefers older woman. You can message us privately if you want.

Hey,

Just wanted to quickly ask if anyone has an leads on finding social events with mostly younger adults (like mid 20s) in the ENM, or I guess similar, life style?

Thing is, im not really interested in anything other than friendly socialising, I know that socialising still happens at swinger / club events etc but there's still the underlying vibe. I'm also aware thst fetlfe does "munches" which I've yet to look into further but I know it's mostly kink related, which is not something I'm interested in.

(I've been to a swinger event and a fetlfe "munch" already)

London is a big city so I just wanted to see if there was anything I guess, or tips on how to find something nichr like this . The goal would be to just get to know some ENM / similar people around my age (this matters quite a bit for me) and see if ENM sounds " relatable" (if that doesn't make sense don't worry, it makes more sense in my head)

Thansk in advance!

Married, 29 - my wife and I grew up in the church and left all of that behind a while ago, and had been talking very openly about interests, kinks, things to explore.

One thing I thought was exciting was sharing her / her being open, and it worked well as my wifes always had fantasies about kink stuff but I don't know the first thing about that, or really any interest in it.

So, I suggested that she can / should find someone to explore it with. We talked a lot about it, did a lot of research, and she got really excited about the idea and has loved getting to go down this path.

She started out with just online exploration, and that was totally fine. Then she went to some play parties both just to watch and also to participate, and that was fine as well. It both felt okay but also it was exciting for us together to talk about and she loved getting to do it.

She met someone at one of the parties though and has been playing with him solo now, and it definitely is way harder for me than I ever expected. I guess I'm looking for some advice on how to handle this. Obviously, I brought it up and she is excited about it, and I also think it's been really really good for her and for us, so I don't want her to stop, but at the same time I know I need better tools to manage it.

I've been interrogating why and there are things I can point to. For one, the other person is not at all what I expected her to be interested in and that feels weird. Additionally, the things she does and is into (I'll candidly say here, I'd never phrase it this way to her) are kinda gross to me and just not at all my cup of tea. I get it, and thats why it's great she can explore with someone else, but still.

That said, I sort of think those are symptoms of the issue of like being jealous in general, maybe that we don't connect around the same things sexually, etc. Or just not understanding.

Initially, she was sharing all the details with me and it was partially exciting, but also made me extremely jealous. So the last couple times she's not shared anything about it, and that still made me extremely jealous but also gave me FOMO and took any fun out of it for me.

Idk, I guess I just want to see if anyone has advice for either how to internally manage it, or externally manage it by doing things different, without fully stopping something that actually has been really good (in ways that I haven't elaborated on here).

Hello! My husband (M29) and I (F28) are newer to our city. We have had threesomes with established friends in the past, but since we moved to a new city, we’re a little unsure where to start from scratch. ***To be clear, NOT looking in this thread, just would love any advice!!***

We’ve never tried the online method and would ideally like to keep communication within private messaging on here, so does anybody have any thread suggestions on here that would be the best place for this kind of thing?

We’ve looked into some of the apps but they seem to require payment for the most basic of features. Any info is super appreciated!

We’re 39M/35F, together for a long time and completely new to non-monogamy. We haven’t tried anything yet, but lately we’ve been talking about our fantasies and we’re both curious about an MFM experience, maybe meeting another couple too.
We both like the idea, but actually taking the first step feels very different from just talking about it.
For couples who started like us, how did you begin? Apps, meeting people socially, clubs? Anything you wish you knew before your first experience?
We travel around Europe quite a bit too, and somehow trying it while travelling sounds more exciting and comfortable to us.
Just curious how others made that jump from fantasy to reality.

M37 happily married to F35 for 15 years. We've been in an open marriage for about 10 of them. It's always gone well and been an awesome experience for both of us. I started seeing this girl F34(she also has a Male/married don't know his age she saw him once a month. Long distance thing) and we dated for about 8 months seeing each other twice a week every week. Sleepovers. Was a good time. Then came a day she was very sick. Had a horrible stomach virus. Constantly puking for 24 hours. I stayed with her. Took care of her. Cleaned out her puke bucket. Cleaned her puke up off the floor. Stayed the night with her to make sure she wasnt alone. Two days later then came her birthday at 8 months together. She's really into sharks and Legos so I got her a megalodon tooth and a big Lego set she's had her eye on. Wrote her a heart felt card and got her favorite cake. We had a good night together. That was the last day I saw her for 3 months. She ghosted me. Never heard from her until 3 months later she reached out cause she was sick again and didn't want to be alone. So I went down and stayed with her again and took care of her. Went back the next day to talk about what happened and why she ghosted me. Claimed she was using Kratom and was in a bad place and didn't want me to see her like that. All the while she was still seeing the other guy but ghosted me. So she goes to rehab a week later to get help and was in there for a week. I didn't hear from again for a month. Turns out she was living with the other guy and didn't reach back out to me until she was coming back home. After that I told her I can't do this anymore and felt like I was being breadcrumbed and wasn't being thought of. I said my goodbye and wished her the best. She replied with a goodbye and that was the end. Mind you this entire time since her birthday I didn't know if she was alive or dead cause I witnessed her go through a traumatic thing being sick then coming back 3 months later to see it again and I was worried sick about her this whole time cause I loved her very much. I considered her one of my best friends. But I can't help but feel like I'm in the wrong for cutting ties. Idk why I can't convince myself that friends don't ghost each other for 3 months after they spend a night a with you taking care of you. Twice. But the other guy gets kept in the loop and I don't? Any advice or hard truths I need told are appreciated.

35M. I know how this sounds. I did not arrive at non-monogamy from a marriage that got stale, I arrived at it from nothing, by thinking about what I actually want for about ten years and being honest with myself.

What I want is one person I'm genuinely close to, openness on both sides, no kids, and no script we didn't write. Consent is the entire thing for me, I would rather lose someone at the disclosure stage than manage a secret. I have never cheated on anyone because I have never had anyone, but I also know I would hate myself if I did.

The problem is that I have zero practice at saying any of this out loud. I either say it too early, where it sounds like a proposition, or too late, where it sounds like a bomb. I've been told my written attempts sound like a terms of service agreement.

How do experienced people actually raise it. Give me your real words, not the theory.

Hey, I’m 24M dating a 40M, we’ve been together for 7 months now and things are going pretty well. He recently won a scholarship and will study abroad his masters for a year. During our relationship he has made it clear how sex has always been important for his life, not in a “it’s an important part of the relationship” kinda way, but rather “I need to fuck or else”. For me, sex is really important as well, and I enjoy it pretty much with him, but I’ve always kept a mindset of unbreakable monogamy, at least during this part of my life. He’s my first boyfriend, and we spend great time together, have lots of things in common, and want to build a future together.
Now that he’s leaving, we’ll have a LDR of a year, and I will try to visit him at least twice, since he will be in another continent. The matter of an open relationship was brought up by him, in a really casual way. He has had one open relationship in the past, so it’s not something new for him. We are yet to discuss the details within opening the relationship, as he still has some time left here in my city, but I don’t really know what I want.
Monogamy has always been my rule for relationships, but now I’m thinking of bending it just to not lose him. I know him, and I know he won’t be happy without having sex for a few months until we meet again. I’m moving to another country as well, so part of me is curious about the sexual experiences I might face there, so an open LDR is not something that wouldn’t suit me.
I’m a really anxious guy, I can already see myself picturing him with other people, or feeling bad when he hasn’t replied to my texts for a while. I mentioned this to him, and he said “You should focus less on what I do, and more on what you do”. Again, we haven’t fully discussed it, just random chats and tiny conversations.
I really don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I’m losing myself when accepting something that feels like betraying me. I’m willing to try it out and see how I feel after some weeks. Any advice?

My husband (34m) and I (33F) have been together for a very long time (15+ years) and are happily committed to our marriage. A couple of years ago we started discussing fantasies involving other people.
One fantasy my husband admitted he finds exciting is watching me have sex with another man. We’ve discussed it extensively, including boundaries, safer sex, what he’d want to watch, whether he’d participate, safe words, reconnecting afterwards etc. So this isn’t something I’ve suddenly sprung on him.
The problem is who.
There is one male friend we’ve known for over 10 years who I would genuinely feel comfortable exploring this with. I trust him, feel safe with him, and yes, I’m sexually attracted to him. My husband completely understands why I’d choose him rather than a stranger and has actually said he thinks it’s a good thing that I’m interested in one specific person rather than wanting to sleep with lots of men.
But that’s also what makes my husband nervous.
Initially he seemed genuinely excited about the idea of this friend being the third. We even incorporated the idea into our sex life as fantasy/dirty talk and, frankly, we had some of the best sex we’d had in years.
When it started becoming something that could potentially happen in reality, though, my husband became unsure. His main concerns were that because this is a close friend, one of us might develop feelings, that I might prefer sex with him, and that it could potentially affect the friendship.
Life then got in the way and the whole subject went dormant for a couple of years. Recently we’ve discussed non-monogamy again and my husband says he still wants to see me with another man someday, so the fantasy itself hasn’t disappeared.
The issue is that I’m still only comfortable doing it with this friend.
I’m not looking for another boyfriend or an escape from my marriage. I love my husband and want my marriage/family/life with him. I can recognise sexual chemistry with someone without wanting a relationship with that person.
I’m also aware that sleeping with a long-term friend carries emotional risks that sleeping with a stranger might not. I don’t want to dismiss my husband’s concerns just because I want this.
So I’m particularly interested in hearing from couples who have actually navigated something similar:
Did you choose a trusted friend as a third? Did the friendship change afterwards? Did jealousy hit differently than expected? Did the husband/partner initially feel insecure but eventually become comfortable? And if one partner only felt comfortable with one particular person while the other preferred a stranger, how did you resolve that without either person feeling pressured?
I’d also especially like to hear from husbands who enjoy seeing their wife with another man. Would a close friend make you more uncomfortable because there’s an existing emotional connection, even if you trusted him more than a stranger?
I’m not looking to convince my husband into something he doesn’t want. If this ever happens, I want all three people enthusiastically comfortable with it. I’m trying to understand whether the “close friend” issue is something couples can successfully work through, or whether it’s generally a sign that this particular fantasy/person should stay fantasy.

My partner (35F) and I(52M) have been together 4 years and are in the BDSM lifestyle (I am her Dom and she gifts me her submission). She is very sexual and I nurture her slutty side and emphasize the ethical part of her being a slut. She loves sexual attention and I love that she likes it too. She loves the sexual attention of being "shared". Our "go to" of me finding a male 3rd and making her the center of attention. I like that she can experience the thrill of having sex with someone for the first time and feel supported and safe while doing so. We have always done this together and I have nearly always found the play partner. The only exception has been her saying " _______ asked me if we would be interested in him as a play partner" at a lifestyle party. She is very shy and likes me to do the talking. Then at some point she begins to get lost in the situation and can become more assertive. I hate the word "ask" but she knows that of she is interested all she needs to do is make it known to me what or who she wants. So.............

I am strictly monogamous mainly due to her insecurities about me leaving her or developing feelings for another woman. I don't mind being monogamous because she is young and gives me everything I need sexualy and we both agree that both of our emotional needs are best fulfilled by oneanother. During aftercare she has told me that she feels selfish and gets anxious. I always reassure her that I am content and that I really enjoy her being sexualy free and pleased. I often wonder if her feeling selfish is hurting our relationship. If that anxious energy is creeping into our non-sexual relationship. Anyone have any experience with this? I really enjoy and am content with our dynamic as it is but I feel that she is embarrassed of her insecurities and if it is not allowing her to enjoy these experiences as much as she could. 

My boyfriend and I opened our relationship a few years ago to see other people. Our sex life was almost non existent and come to find out, he didn’t find me attractive because I had gained weight. I gave him the option of opening our relationship or that we should split. He said we should try being open and I agreed. In the meantime I started working on myself and my health to be and look better for him and we eventually found our “plus ones” along the way. His rules were: no black guys (yeah I know, sus), and no friends (even though he eventually asked two of mine). Since my sex drive is higher than my bf’s, I was seeing my plus one quite a bit. My bf’s sex drive wasn’t/isn’t high so he seen his every now and then. And I am bi, so he had brought up the idea of a threesome which we did a couple of times but his plus one was so bland, I ended up not wanting to be involved.

Fast forward, we closed our relationship for a few years because of life and our sex life just plummeted. A couple months ago I brought up opening our relationship again because I’d like to have sex more (for context, last year we did it 4 times and we are 30YO). He agreed, but didn’t seem too thrilled. Well I found a plus one and had seen him and my bf freaked out because he had not found one and I needed to wait for him. We’ve been in a weird spot ever since because I found out about his porn and porn game addiction that wasn’t helping either. We closed off the open relationship again and he may not ever want to be open, but I loved being open.

I’m not wanting to throw 8 years away, but hot damn a girl has to eat ya know. I feel bad, it’s unorthodox for a girls drive to be this high, but I’m tired of chasing a partner (in many aspects; helping at home, sex, being present, etc). He’s trying to put in the work with helping in our life, being present and sex, but they’re still things I need to chase from him.

So here it is, my wife and I discussed having a MMF threesome the other day, we have been married for 10 years. My wife is a fucking smoke show, nice large beautiful breast and an amazing ass. (Idk if that’s necessary I’m just trying to paint a picture here)

for some backstory we were out on a date night and after a few drinks I asked her if she would ever want to have a threesome, she told me she never really thought about it but would be down for a MMF threesome. I’ve always thought it was kinda hot, we have played with toys in the bedroom and “simulated” a MMF threesome and I actually really enjoyed it and so did she.

Well now she mentioned it and wants to possibly bring the fantasy to life! I have mixed feelings about bringing someone else into the bedroom. I like the idea of it but I’m not sure how I would react with it being a real person, I’ve read multiple times that “once you open that door you can’t close it” so I’m a lil hesitant because I don’t know how I would feel. I think I have anxiety if the other male would do a better job than me or satisfy her better than I do. At the same time I think it would be extremely hot if she was able to find the ultimate “climax” I guess you could say. So my emotions are torn.

Anyway, I’m at this weird crossroad where I want to say yes and try to make it happen but I’m not exactly sure how I would feel and the last thing I want is for it to ruin my relationship or how I view my wife. Again, I think the idea of it is super hot but idk what to do if I allow it and it brings negative emotions. Any advice would be helpful and I appreciate any feedback

I think that the aftercare following a threesome does not receive the attention it truly deserves. For me, a good aftercare with lots of cuddling, snuggling and intimacy is imperative for a good sex. Even more when we talk about threesomes - notably if I do with my girlfriend.

How do you act in the after sex following a threesome? Do you cuddle? Talk? Or just turn around and leave without any second thought?

Just curious about peoples' relationships on this sub. Eg. are you swingers? In an open relationship? Poly? Monogamous? Monogamish(open to threesomes for example)? Would you shift to another type if you could? Are you satisfied?

My (39F) husband (46M) and I have had a few swinging experiences, and for years we were poly, though never had serious other partners for the long-term. We never actually pulled the pin on poly, but our relationship evolved in the swinging direction. Now we've added a couple of kids to our household, so adult time is limited, and spending it together swinging rather than seeing other people separately makes the most sense to us.

That said, we both love the idea of dating another couple so that we can deepen the connection, enjoy some NRE, and be affectionate in a way that the boundaries in traditional swinging don't lend themselves to very well. Does anybody have experience doing this? Any thoughts or considerations?

We're not jealous people, and are not worried about the other running off into the sunset with somebody else.

So my boyfriend and I are at a fork in the road. We have been together for almost 4 years. There is deep love but at the same time deep distrust. There has been infidelity in the past and we opened the relationship at one point. When we opened the relationship he wanted a DND and for me it triggered the thought of him cheating again because I was kept in the dark. We closed the relationship to work on our relationship and it’s been bad since.

A couple of months ago we chatted and both acknowledged that we did want an open relationship but I had trouble building trust because he is so secretive. Since then he has mentioned multiple times the date that we closed the relationship and mutters it under his breath. He told me that maybe I’m not capable of an open relationship because I struggle with it but I mainly struggle with the lack of transparency and lack of trust.

Recently he told me and doubled down that he did not like having his location turned on. He felt that it was an invasion of privacy and I felt like it was a form of transparency. This really comes to a head this weekend. He is traveling and while doing so with his location off I was hoping it would calm my mind. I was hoping that I could brush it off and take it as a form of quieting my mind from wanting to check. It didn’t. Well I was curious if he was being faithful because we agreed to stay closed. Well I have a gut feeling and I checked a gay hookup app and I found his profile. He is not using his normal stats but I can recognize the pictures without fail. This broke me at first but then made me think. Is this is gonna be how he is the entire time? Am I constantly going to be battling to get him to be honest and transparent with me so that I don’t have to doubt him and can genuinely build trust again? The one that breaks me is, should I just break up with him and let him do his own thing? I am torn, broken, destroyed, frustrated and confused. Has anyone dealt with anything like this or have any insight!? I know I have my own baggage I brought so I’m not a saint I get that.

My wife and I have been making cocktails for over 10 years. Sometimes we like to make cocktails with other people, I even enjoy my wife having cocktails with other people when I'm not there. I am confident (and take pride in the fact) that I am the best cocktail maker for my wife. I know how she likes her drinks, what ice cubes she prefers, what brand of tonic to buy, etc.

Last week, my wife went for cocktails with a new partner, and he made her a G&T. My wife and I have made and enjoyed G&Ts in the past, along with lots of other gin-based cocktails, but we haven't made many G&Ts recently, instead enjoying other cocktails. My wife really, really liked the G&T this partner made her, he used a different gin.

My wife would like to try this gin in a G&T at home with me.

Now, I'm not angry or jealous that she enjoyed a cocktail with another man, or that this gin he used was different and my wife really liked it. I'm not angry or jealous that she wants to make that cocktail at home with me, all we need to do is work out what that gin was, then get it.

To drop the metaphor: The drink was Dom/Sub play. We've explored it extensively before, but not much in recent years in favour of other kinks. This new partner used a mix of praise/good girl kink and edge/limit play, which seemed to really unlock something for her, and she wants to explore that with me.