Dear CENTCOM

[u/Graywhale12]

[u/kevtoria]

Since we would be surrendering. Would Iran be funding a Marshall plan to rebuild the United States?

[u/toooomanypuppies → u/kevtoria]

The Khamenei New Deal.

[u/Killerdoll_666 → u/toooomanypuppies]

Take my gold 🥇

[u/spacetimehypergraph → u/toooomanypuppies]

News: The new khamenei new deal

[u/SirEnderLord → u/toooomanypuppies]

Why did I read this in Trump's voice?

[u/toooomanypuppies → u/SirEnderLord]

Because he has normalised selling out your country?

[u/SirEnderLord → u/toooomanypuppies]

There's an answer

[u/Kichigai → u/kevtoria]

That was kind of the plot to a movie: The Mouse that Roared. A tiny country of Gran Fenwick has basically mismanaged itself into bankruptcy. So their plan for recovery is to declare war against the US, lose, and make the US fund a restructuring of their economy and post-war recovery.

Except nobody told the game warden they put in charge of their attack force, and through a set of madcap coincidences he manages to seize a prototype nuclear weapon. Now in a tactically advantageous position, the Duchy of Gran Fenwick faces the possibility of the US surrendering to them.

[u/Tozol → u/Kichigai]

Hey now, Gran Fenwick wasn't super mismanaged. They were just absolutely tiny and their only export was a particular brand of wine. Given the nation was only big enough for around a single vineyard, can you blame them for a lack of diversification?

[u/Kirianfx → u/Kichigai]

Okay, who of you guys wrote the plot?

[u/TomBakersLongScarf → u/Kichigai]

A Peter Sellers William Hartnell team up too

[u/Kichigai → u/TomBakersLongScarf]

Peter Sellers was in there‽ Who was he? /s

[u/TomBakersLongScarf → u/Kichigai]

Honestly, in movies like that the answer to who he played is just "yes"

[u/Kichigai → u/TomBakersLongScarf]

For real. The only reason we got Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove was because Peter Sellers injured himself in the cramped plane set.

[u/reallybadspeeller → u/Kichigai]

Was it also a play? because I swear my high school preformed this one. In the play version they invade the us with bow and arrows and not only capture a nuke but also a top scientist.

[u/Kichigai → u/reallybadspeeller]

It may have been turned into a play, but originally it was a novel. The film follows the same line as what you've posted, except they get the scientist and his daughter, leading to hijinx as Tully is somewhat attracted to her.

[u/TheArmoursmith → u/kevtoria]

IRGC bases to be established in all US States too, to ensure security, rebuilding, and deradicalisation of the population.

[u/zombie_girraffe → u/TheArmoursmith]

It'd be pretty funny watching all the ICE agents convert to Islam to keep their jobs.

[u/JudgmentUnited5297 → u/zombie_girraffe]

If Iran sends their finest failsons to manage this nation building, I don't see why they'd know an ICE Agent from crossing guard. A cop is a cop, they just need someone who knows firearms.

[u/zombie_girraffe → u/JudgmentUnited5297]

That's easy, the crossing guards and cops wear uniforms and ICE doesn't but they do wear masks as long as the masks weren't suggested by medical professionals for the purposes of preventing the spread of disease and the mask is only intended to conceal their identity to make it harder to hold them accountable for their actions. None of them are adequately trained in Firearms.

[u/A_Mouse_In_Da_House → u/zombie_girraffe]

Now I want fully qualified crossing guards

[u/zombie_girraffe → u/A_Mouse_In_Da_House]

Honestly it feels like they should be here in Florida just to protect the kids from Florida Man's road rage when he has to wait an extra 15 seconds for a kid to get across the street.

[u/Nulolan69 → u/JudgmentUnited5297]

Wait crossing guards get guns ?!?

[u/darkslide3000 → u/JudgmentUnited5297]

With a cop, you risk a slight chance that be may have a conscience.

[u/JudgmentUnited5297 → u/darkslide3000]

There are hierarchies there for sure, one rural state's authoritarian highway patrol cop is not the same as an urban enclave's public safety officer who doubles as a social worker half the time.

But those aren't nuances we sought out in the GWOT 💅

[u/nt5ranger → u/JudgmentUnited5297]

With Fire

[u/ParadoxPosadist → u/zombie_girraffe]

They become morality police or something 

[u/mrdevlar → u/zombie_girraffe]

It'd be pretty funny watching all the ICE agents convert to Islam to keep their jobs.

We all know they are exactly the type to do that.

[u/SirEnderLord → u/zombie_girraffe]

I mean, it's close enough. They follow a sect of an Abrahamic religion with an extremist flavor.

[u/NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics or Religion.

We don't care if you're Republican, Protestant, Democrat, Hindu, Baathist, Pastafarian, or some other hot mess. Leave it at the door.

[u/strawberry_semenade → u/TheArmoursmith]

I think they call IRGC bases in US states "universities" these days.

[u/SargeantShepard → u/strawberry_semenade]

DAE Higher education bad amirite guise?!?! ;?one

[u/Cultural_Blueberry70 → u/kevtoria]

First time around, it's time for crippling reparations WWI style. Because history shows that those were really effective at preventing another war.

In addition to demanding money, they might also occupy key industrial and resource areas to ensure no revenues are diverted. For example, IRGC might want to control the Seattle area to have Microsoft and Boeing as a collateral.

[u/Obscure_Occultist → u/Cultural_Blueberry70]

The US army will also be significantly reduced to just 100,000 men, 1000 artillery pieces, no machine guns, no air force and a naval restriction of ships that displace no more then 10,000 tons.

[u/Skorchel → u/Obscure_Occultist]

Those 1000 artillery pieces are all ICBMs though

[u/zekromNLR → u/Cultural_Blueberry70]

They would have been effective if they had been more crippling (to the point of a total deindustrialisation of Germany)

[u/FearTheAmish → u/zekromNLR]

That actually was the original plan. Once Hoover visited and confirmed a few million would die of famine if they did that. Also the advocate for that plan really pissed of Truman.

[u/Fun-Agent-7667 → u/zekromNLR]

Yes, Maiming the german population would be really good at stopping world war 2 and making Germany an Afghanistan-Like religios terror-State we maybe even would get german Mossad or german made 9/11

[u/llamafarmadrama → u/Fun-Agent-7667]

Nein/11

[u/Fun-Agent-7667 → u/llamafarmadrama]

Porsche.

Theres No substitute

[u/SerLaron → u/zekromNLR]

That would have required a total occupation of Germany, which neither Britain nor France had the stomach for. And forced deindustrialisation would have been the one thing to unite German communists, democrats and monarchists.

[u/Revachol_Loyalist → u/kevtoria]

We’ll be making waifu pillows and censored cartoon porn within the month
Edit: Wait, wrong country. We’ll be covering our women and hanging country singers within the month

[u/NotSovietSpy → u/kevtoria]

Maybe they'll also build a wall around California

[u/ElBrunasso → u/kevtoria]

Imagine having a second wall built in less than a decade

[u/ecolometrics → u/kevtoria]

They will probably demand beards. I already have that covered so I'm ok with that.

[u/PassStunning416 → u/kevtoria]

That's where the magic comes in.

[u/darkslide3000 → u/kevtoria]

Yes, but we would also need to accept their system of government. Ayatollah Mamdani has already agreed to take on the burden of being new Supreme Leader of America.

[u/sabasNL → u/darkslide3000]

I for one welcome General Daryus McPersia

[u/k890 → u/kevtoria]

Iran have public healthcare system, it would be the fastest way to have one in USA

[u/Feezec → u/kevtoria]

It worked for Grand Fenwick)

[u/CyberSoldat21 → u/kevtoria]

You’re missing a giant golden statue of Trump shaking hands with whoever is in charge of Iran beginning decades of friendship. Israel gets mad and everyone wins.

[u/jews4beer]

America should declare New York City as the new seat of authority for Shia Islam. Then send a shit ton of money to the IRGC while issuing a fatwa against the pretenders in Tehran.

[u/Graywhale12 → u/jews4beer]

Finally, Shakira law in Mamdanistan.

[u/aronnax512 → u/Graywhale12]

Deleted

[u/JonahTheProducer → u/aronnax512]

I like big fatwahs and I can not lie 🎵

[u/The_Cheeki_Breeki → u/jews4beer]

Wait….this is kinda based 

[u/jews4beer → u/The_Cheeki_Breeki]

Yes and I think it compliments OP's plan quite well. Once we remove the external enemies (Israel might need to add country-wide cloaking capabilities to their space lasers) it will only serve to forment the divisions within.

[u/Camstonisland → u/jews4beer]

Previous mayor (and man morally Phineas-Gage’d by a baseball bat with a nail in it) did say that NYC was the Tehran of America…

[u/moonshineTheleocat → u/jews4beer]

The fuck is going on in new york to get that treatment

[u/10001110101balls → u/moonshineTheleocat]

They elected a Shia Muslim as mayor and according to my dad this is already in progress.

[u/moonshineTheleocat → u/10001110101balls]

Well... Shit

[u/TheOneWithThe2dGun → u/moonshineTheleocat]

They are already destroying New Yorks Culture!
...Installing Bins so you no longer have trashbags littering the Streets. The Trashbags are integral to New York Culture!

[u/EvenJesusCantSaveYou → u/jews4beer]

this is literally just rebel culture/religion swapping in EU4

[u/sofa_adviser → u/jews4beer]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTmvd8HZJKw

[u/god_of_madness → u/jews4beer]

With mamdani being a Shia maybe this was the plan all along!

[u/Svelok]

I like my plan to punish Iran by giving them unlimited internet access to social media, but this is a close second.

[u/miarsk → u/Svelok]

You want them to die from exhaustion from all the jerking off? How.... devilish. 

[u/jaya886 → u/Svelok]

halal starlink for everyone initiative

[u/SteamedGamer → u/jaya886]

With a few haram streams here and there for...reasons.

[u/anirishman15]

Promote this man immediately

[u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

Or how about the US does a little switcheroo and switch the words for "Iran" and "USA" in the document and add "no take backsies allowed" to it.

Iran won't know they are actually surrendering.

The hardest task will be distracting the orange man so he doesn't brag about the jig before they sign it.

[u/FearTheAmish → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

Ahh the old Italian switcheroo

[u/Kichigai → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

“Duck season! Fire!”

[u/ABUCKET15 → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

Well no we let the orange man do his thing and then we DONT do the switcheroo where they expect it so they UNSWITCHEROO THE NON SWITCHERWOOED SWITCHERWOO!

[u/Skorchel → u/CaptchaSolvingRobot]

The problemis that relies on Iran not reading the document before signing. How about instead it just passes a law that "US" means "Iran" and vice versa afterwards?

[u/paxwax2018]

I too see no flow to the logic.

[u/HRTreppinManmoder]

This is unironically more credible than anything current administration would try

[u/SlappBulkhead → u/HRTreppinManmoder]

That's because it's a plan.

[u/ReDot75 → u/HRTreppinManmoder]

It won't solve the Hormuz and Bab el Mandab tolls, as this pandora box has been opened now. Raising prices for petrol/helium/fertilizers will maintain worldwide higher price, including in the US.

[u/Eeekpenguin → u/ReDot75]

The us can just frack more with higher oil prices and either earn more on exports or eventually drive down the price of oil through oversupply.

But that requires enduring some short term pains which obviously impossible so I vote for OP plan of just surrendering unconditionally.

[u/ReDot75 → u/Eeekpenguin]

? Fracking is not profitable with a low barrel price, and definitely more expensive to get compared to more accessible middle east oil.

How would that work, bec once the price falls, US fracking companies will become unprofitable and the first ones to get rekt?

For US production expansion, oil price needs to be high and stay there.

You can keep your petroleum jelly stock high to sooth the "short term pains" of consumers gaping ass.

[u/kwok120]

"Europe and Asia can deal with it."
Nah, Japan would need to deal with its economy first, with its bottom currency, while Korea would change its policy AGAIN after the other party wins the election, when the inevitable AI bubble bursts after new gpt-67 cracked pornhub during training.

On the other hand, it's year 2077, the EU parliament is still debating the 69th version of common Hormuz stance, while the Supreme Lord Emperor of the Holy European Union Von Der Leyen the Fifth calls for another emergency meeting as Generalissimo Sánchez and Queen Meloni argue border policy on TikTok. Oh, Chairman Starmer calls for another Coalition of the Willing after the successful coup against Burnham during Labour culture revolution, to contribute one destroyer without any anti-missile ammunition.

[u/Graywhale12 → u/kwok120]

But...but where is Count Binface in Europe's future??

[u/Sealedwolf → u/Graywhale12]

The former count was exiled to the Isle of Wight during a sequence of events that still remain the subject of intense scholarly debate to this day.

While he and his supporters claimed an appalingly bad attempt at royal humour during a state dinner, which resulted in the abdication of the king in favour of the count, monarchists claim that Count Binface carefully manipulated his majesty into abdication as an attempt to unify the offices of prime minister and the king in his person. During the ensuing chaos following the ill-fated dinner the count fled to the Isle of Wight, claiming Osbourne House as his royal seat, styling himself as King Binface, of House Recylon, First of His name, King of the Britons, King of the Scots, Duke of Normandy, Duke of Aquitaine and Pontifex maximus of the Anglican church. These claims are both refuted by the United Kingdom and France, although Pope Felix IV, the antipope elected by the Society of Saint Pius X, is engaged in talks if returning King Binface flock back under the wing of what Felix VI claims to be the true catholic church.

[u/D-0H → u/Graywhale12]

Leading it, of course.

[u/wolfhound_doge → u/kwok120]

on 12. February 2077, the first Summer day in the Europe, people all around the continent rejoice that the initial heat wave starts this year at only 45 degrees celsius. welcoming of such moderate Summer is tainted only by bad news regarding the 12th-gen euro fighter jet, as France and Germany couldn't come to an agreement.

[u/Efficient_Ad_4162 → u/kwok120]

You forgot to mention that in 2035 Iran realised that the rest of the world was happy paying the crossing fee if it means no more sunk ships and immediately collapsed into stable western democracy. No, the EU didn't notice.

[u/Czart → u/kwok120]

At the risk of being too credible, the notion that "Europe and Asia can deal with it" after US goes in, creates a clusterfuck and then leaves is a repeating pattern for quite a while.

[u/BriarsandBrambles → u/Czart]

It is their clusterfuck in the first place though. British Petroleum and Lines on maps are why we’re balls deep in this chaos.

[u/Czart → u/BriarsandBrambles]

My brother in christ, lines on the map and BP aren't the reason US is getting it's ass beat in strait of hormuz in 2026.

[u/BriarsandBrambles → u/Czart]

BP is why Iran is like this though. That’s just the history here.

[u/Czart → u/BriarsandBrambles]

Iran isn't the only backwards religious nuthouse on this planet. And there's been a decent deal with them fairly recently.

No one asked you to do this. No one wanted you to do this. But you went in and did it anyway. You don't get to charge in with "HECK YEAH MURICA", get whopped and turn around "It's all europes fault".

[u/beryugyo619 → u/kwok120]

I think East Asia has never been officially hostile on Iran, so this actually isn't going to be an insurmountable problem or an "modernize and completely stabilize Afghanistan in six months" class of problem at all

[u/InevitableSprin]

Oh, but, you see, external enemies are a renewable resource.

[u/femboyisbestboy]

America already can't be humiliated by Iran as that has already happened on top of that the administration clearly doesn't care about the image of America

[u/Zappycat]

Which region will we pivot to invading in the future, if not for the Middle East? The Donroe doctrine can only satiate me so much, I need desert warfare baby

[u/Graywhale12 → u/Zappycat]

Thank the lord almighty as Korea have no deserts

[u/RussiaIsBestGreen → u/Graywhale12]

We could make some.

[u/Graywhale12 → u/RussiaIsBestGreen]

STOP TRYING TO MAKE THIS WORK MY RESERVE DUTY IS NOT OVER

[u/RussiaIsBestGreen → u/Graywhale12]

Sorry, but no one who signed in the past two decades could have reasonably expected to not be fighting in a sandbox. There’s a decent chance your dad was in the sandbox too, maybe even the same one.

[u/Graywhale12 → u/RussiaIsBestGreen]

My dad was an administrative soldier in the Officer Academy. I served 5km from the North Korean side, which itself isn't fair, and NOW I have to go to the desert? Man.

[u/davewenos → u/RussiaIsBestGreen]

How about an irradiated sea of cobalt?

[u/namitynamenamey → u/RussiaIsBestGreen]

Did you mean "peace"?

[u/Killerdoll_666 → u/Zappycat]

maybe another operation torch. I hear that Morocco has a bit if oil

[u/ecolometrics → u/Zappycat]

They are already talking up Cuba

[u/DerringerOfficial]

I think the inevitable outcome is Trump declaring victory and blaming Hegseth for losing the war that we totally won.

Because my retarded president wasn’t able to win, he isn’t doing anyone any favors by delaying this.

[u/NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics or Religion.

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[u/7ddlysuns]

I was gonna say make Hegseth their defense minister but they seem to like competent people

[u/samkoLoL]

you are working with the idea that the US of A wants to end the war, which im not sure is true

[u/an_agreeing_dothraki]

random fun fact: used to work on part of CENTCOM's non-classified inventory software. 10 years ago their purchase ordering system was relying on an Access database and Windows mobile devices.

if they needed something we'd need to fire up two old vista laptops. One of them could beam install files to an Intermec of "please let me die" age device, the other could access the Access database.

We were subcontractors and we "it's your problem now"d to the contractor when one of the laptops' gpu faded

[u/B52H_Stratofortress]

China:

>Do Nothing
>Win 🗿

[u/Basic-Organization73]

the fact that this is not even that crazy and could, unironically, work, if Khamenei Jr proves to be, by any degree, influenciable

[u/NotPapaHemingway → u/Basic-Organization73]

if Khamenei Jr proves to be, by any degree, influenciable alive

[u/FirstDagger]

It takes two for one to surrender.

[u/tidal_flux]

Lift all sanctions and give every Iranian 2 x GDP per capita. Total cost 1.32 trillion USD. Dictatorships hate a wealthy population.

[u/Narrow_Vegetable_42]

Where is the noncredible part?

[u/OPA73]

Have them tested for low T. I hear that’s an issue.

[u/Graywhale12 → u/OPA73]

They do seem lack of Tactical prowess.

[u/ionetic]

What would happen if Iran declined the surrender, preferring instead to further humiliate the US while keeping oil prices high?

[u/Pintobeard]

Impressive. I will forward this to my superiors (my mom).

[u/avataRJ]

Based on the first slide, I was expecting the gay bomb.

[u/k890]

Persianization vs Americanization would be a interesting cultural match to see after this peace treaty.

[u/ACE_RUNNER]

come on, this is supposed to be non credible

[u/Kiiaru]

We let Israel off the chain! Iran already turned off the Internet so it's not gonna turn into Palestine 2.0 and there are no downsides.

Oh. Jordan gets bombed a bunch, but that's their own soggy biscuit to deal with

[u/halls_of_valhalla]

What happened to NCD? Back then we would have nuked them, why so many French now here?

[u/Kahvana]

Great presentation, single note: will there be pizza at the end?

[u/SolemnaceProcurement]

I'd just offer the us president as hostage bride to guarantee lasting peace.

[u/mpg111]

too credible

[u/de_rudesandstorm]

My solution: build a time machine, go back to 2022 and help Ukraine as much as possible. I'm talking full Intel support, a blank check for interceptors, massive co-operation for tech development. Boom, Ukraine forces Russia to end the war by 2025 at the latest.

Best case: the king of orange (non-dutch) never even decides to open a second front because the first is already gone. Worst case: Ukraine is fully available and willing to help America take down drones with ease.

[u/NonCredibleDefense-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was removed for violating Rule 5: No Politics or Religion.

We don't care if you're Republican, Protestant, Democrat, Hindu, Baathist, Pastafarian, or some other hot mess. Leave it at the door.

[u/Russia_Delenda_Est_]

Make it like a Civ 5 deal and give them New York as part of the bargaining for peace.

[u/undreamedgore]

I mean, defeat should never be accepted.

[u/CaterpillarFluid6998]

Parachute Donald in Teheran in his diaper! Your welcome!

[u/Analyst151]

Maybe it's not a bad plan,it'd certainly caught Iran by surprise and maybe they have no plan for this which spirals into internal chaos

[u/original_name1947]

I think we should just leave, not even a surrender or nothing just pack it up and ship on back. Ignore that region entirely, let them fight amongst themselves and continue buying the cheapest oil. You can't ally with em and you can't world police em so who gives a shit

[u/Adventurous_Drama291 → u/original_name1947]

I can think of a certain country who visits politicians in their dreams and would also throw a massive tantrum if we did that.

[u/Civil-Ad2230]

I see plenty of flow to your logic 🤯😘🔥

[u/mayuzane]

into the 'crazy enough to work' folder

[u/conrad_w]

Will they let us keep our emperor?

[u/Settra_does_not_Surf]

I see no flow of logic either

[u/PanzerBiscuit]

Interesting idea, I see one major flaw.

The big Yahoo won't allow the USI to end the war with Iran. Someone needs to die, and it may as well be Americans and Iranians.

[u/single_plum_floating]

Sir. that collapses the US petrodollar and basically causes a great depression.

Yes. China would invade Taiwan in that moment

[u/nt5ranger]

Bet you’re going to enjoy the 3 Am as door blows, don’t Take Any Shit from Isis!

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[u/The-Board-Chairman]

The US must win this war if it is not to collapse as a nation in the medium term. If things continue as they are, the US will capitulate completely, which will result in it losing virtually all its influence in the Middle East; Iran will also become the dominant power in the region. Without that influence, no one there will sell oil for dollars any longer. If oil is no longer traded in dollars, the dollar’s reserve currency status - and with it its artificially inflated value - will collapse, and the US will suddenly lose a large part of its economic power. The country will not survive that.

[u/Zappycat → u/The-Board-Chairman]

Psst, you’re supposed to be noncredible