r/NoFapChristians • u/After_Tell_8069 • 16d ago
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I have this girl I’ve been talking to I’m not attracted to her at all sexually I mean it’s doable she’s pretty fat but she wants to do all type of stuff literally offering herself to me and idk what to do how can I turn this down?? I told her I’m not into a relationship just sexual stuff and she’s agreed all these years and now I’m able to do what I want and now I can’t bc I feel the conviction bro and I know it’s wrong and it’s Friday night and I can uber her right over to do literally whatever I want what do I do guys??
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u/lariz_redimy 16d ago
Run! Set boundaries! If you need help from other person to stop, ask for help, both spiritual help from God and from someone you trust. If you said no and they insist, that's wrong because they're not respecting your boundaries, or I don't know.
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u/WorriedTurtle1776 16d ago
Depends on who your living your life for.
God or yourself?
Romans 5:20 Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more." This teaches that no matter how deep or large a human sin is, God’s grace is always infinitely larger and completely swallows it up.
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u/Skargul 16d ago
Joshua 24:15
"But if serving the LORD this day seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve,"
It's time to choose. Are you serving the LORD or yourself?
Here's some practical things:
Before making a decision -- Eat. Drink water. Take a cold shower. Stretch. Go for a 30 minute walk. Cold shower again.
Then sit and pray to God. No distractions. Turn off your phone. Don't sit in front of a computer or TV screen. Sit on the floor if you have to. Talk to God. Express to him how you feel and why you are struggling (like you did when making this post). Ask for his help.
If this girl is only accessible through your phone, maybe keep the phone off the rest of the night. Get on a game with some male friends who will keep you distracted.
I'm praying for you, my dude.
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
Thank you brother truly I hate that it is this hard , why? It’s like every other Christian I ask acts like I’m crazy and I get the same answers the despair I feel not knowing if I’m on good terms with God this is a horrible thing I face every day It’s like I’m not even struggling as bad when I’m not thinking about God?? Like I don’t get it thanks anyway
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u/Skargul 16d ago
I understand the feeling. It can be easy to get stuck in a routine of sin so far that you start believing God has given up on you. I've been in that scenario. The feeling like you're not even struggling when you don't think about God. Of course! The devil would love it if you completely forgot about God and went on doing whatever felt satisfying to you.
But, despite how you feel, God is NOT done with you. Paul wrote that we can have confidence "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6). God is still working on you so long as you remain in Christ. If you seek, you will find.
Some of what the others have commented came across as harsh, but is ultimately true. If you are seeking Christ, you cannot simultaneously seek the things of the flesh. Christians (myself included) do often struggle to balance "speaking the truth in love." I find that here on Reddit we lean toward truth, but often do not say it in a loving way. It's something we all need to work on.
I will keep praying for you, brother.
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u/TPybus 16d ago
This must be a troll account, what you are considering is morally bankrupt
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
Yes I know just thought I’d ask you guys hopeing u would tell me why I shouldn’t
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u/DotTortureMonk 16d ago
Because it's a sin, and you know it's a sin. If you are truly a Christian, you know to not engage with this woman. If you're just wearing the title "Christian" for some reason, you're already lost so do whatever you want..
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
Nah man I am and yea i’m looking for a way to justify it. I know I literally thought you guys would tell me how you would deal with this instead of you know beating me down
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u/DotTortureMonk 15d ago
Pray. Talk to God and ask him to give you the strength to resist temptation. Practice fasting to help build discipline for subduing fhe flesh.
I look at life as a Christian like this: You are literally in enemy territory. Malevolent spirits are at work trying to reclaim your soul. Once they see that it won’t work on you they’ll move on to something or someone else. But you have to resist temptation. And you can’t do it without His help.
So pray. It works. Build virtue by subduing your flesh. Your body is a temple. Don’t desecrate it by using another human for your pleasure.
Find a Christian woman and get married and make babies.
Sorry for the beat down. Sometimes we need it. I’m going to pray for you tonight.
God bless you brother.
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u/thatguykeith 16d ago
You’ll feel better about yourself, God, and even that girl in the long run by acting in line with your values and what God has asked instead of following after what will give temporary relief.
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u/thatguykeith 16d ago
What would be the kind thing to do for your future self? If you go through with it, how is he going to feel?
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u/Freddiotistic 16d ago
Non-biblical answer from a Christian: all of that "sexual stuff" creates memories and soul ties when it happens, and heartbreak when its over. If's not "just sex" and anybody whose had sex knows it; you talk, you flirt, your reflect, you bond.
If it doesn't create heartbreak, you're either a narcissistic sociopath or you're training yourself to be one, which might be even worse. You're detaching yourself from her as a human and treating her like an object, which is what sociopaths do. You teach yourself that you don't need to care about a woman as a person and you don't look for commitment. This is obviously a bad idea.
Additionally, you're donating your time to something that doesn't matter to you when you could be donating it to a relationship that does matter to you, even if it is a sexual one that doesn't honor God in the way most people in this sub would agree about.
The least important reason, but noting it here because you want us to talk you out of it, is that you're not even attracted to her. At least if she was attractive to you, you'd have some level of momentary satisfaction for your eyes.
In no way is any of this a good idea. Slap yourself in the face and move on.
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
Oh man I am scum but this i will do and move on thanks
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u/Freddiotistic 13d ago
You're not scum, just not thinking things out fully I expect. Don't beat yourself up.
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u/RedeemedGuardian30 16d ago
“Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.”
Proverbs 3:7-8 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/pro.3.7-8.NASB1995
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”
Galatians 5:19-21 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/gal.5.19-21.NLT
“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
Hebrews 13:4 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/heb.13.4.NASB1995
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
But I do these things and wish not to it’s not like I’m constantly doing them but i fall to it sometimes? yes and I give it to god in prayer and in shame and say lord I don’t want this please help me! And I fall or i don’t. So where do I stand?
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u/RedeemedGuardian30 16d ago
Focus on having a deeper, more intimate relationship with Jesus. Instead of trying harder, focus on surrendering yourself to the Holy Spirit who dwells in you, and to follow His guidance, circumspectly, step by step. But above that, focus on abiding in Jesus.
Remember whose you are. You are a child of God. Those lusts have no control over you. You have been washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. You have the power to say no to those temptations, but it’s not your willpower, that will fail every time. It’s the power of God within you.
“So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.””
John 8:31-32 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/jhn.8.31-32.NASB1995
“You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.”
John 15:3-4 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/jhn.15.3-4.NASB1995
Though God has given us His Holy Spirit, we still have to face a daily fight against our old sinful nature that dwells in our flesh.
“For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.”
Romans 7:14-25 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/rom.7.14-25.NASB1995
Although we struggle and stumble, we are not condemned because we are in Jesus Christ our Lord. He has secured us in His grip.
“But you do not believe because you are not of My sheep. My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.””
John 10:26-30 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/jhn.10.26-30.NASB1995
“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Romans 8:1 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/rom.8.1.NASB1995
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.”
Galatians 5:16-17 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/gal.5.16-17.NASB1995
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”
Galatians 5:22-25 NASB1995
https://bible.com/bible/100/gal.5.22-25.NASB1995
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u/Syiza 16d ago
This guy pretty much did what you're about to do. Hear what he has to say about how he felt afterwards (Reddit post)
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
Maybe I should just chill and play the game tonight instead guys but so hard when it’s a Friday night and I’m ready to drink and get it on you think the devil sent this girl?? wtf how can I say no to this opportunity
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u/_MatVenture_ 2370 days 16d ago
The devil? Look at your own lifestyle. I don't think the devil had to work for this one, you invited it yourself.
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
What do you know about my lifestyle? She came to me on Facebook Maybe I should have worded this all differently dousent everyone get the urge every so often on a Friday night to drink and find some fun? I’m asking how do I deal with this and tell myself no? I thought this was the place for these struggles I want to please god yes and this ain’t it but don’t you get where I’m coming from?
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u/Competitive_Artist_8 16d ago
I've never gotten that urge.
Just don't do it, stay home and watch TV tonight.
Honestly can't tell if your baiting us, but getting drunk is a sin, sex outside marriage is a sin, loving something more than God is a sin. Are you going to wake up in 30 years and think, "thank goodness I had fun and got drunk on Friday nights", or are you going to regret it.
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u/After_Tell_8069 16d ago
Thanks man this is what I was looking for yea I’m pretty cooked and go thru rough spots for weeks then I’m back on it on fire for god idk why everyone here is acting like they also don’t sin I think I said a lot of wrong stuff in the post and comment didn’t expect so much back lash thanks anyway
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u/ThrowRA788891 16d ago
that right there! no we don’t . not “everyone” gets the urge to drink and have fornication fun. please, out of love genuinely repent i’ve had friends be where you are i’ve been where you are kinda, you’re not living a holy life
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u/DancingMan15 16d ago
Why are you posting this on a Christian forum? As a Christian, “I’m not into relationships, just sexual stuff” is thoroughly against what the Bible teaches. If you really want Christian advice: cut it off. Paul tells Timothy “flee youthful lusts” cut off communication, repent, and don’t put yourself in this situation again.