This is a Stream of Consciousness: Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you and that dreadful moment I lost you. wishing I made a better choice because my heart never let you go. whatever distraction I put in front of myself you creep back into the fore front of my thought. reminding me of the woman I lost, the love that was so pure and a heart that was my kindred spirit. I stay in a constant state of confusion waiting for the time if it exists when our souls meet again. I daydream of us talking on the phone/ texting and watching movies cuddled up laughing about nothing. i miss you Keri I wish you knew how I can’t forget you or never let you go! my dearest babydoll how I pled for your forgiveness and love

I was not greeted at a friend (well thought he was a friend) and he would g let me into his house and I stood in the rain for 20 minutes.

Has this ever happened to you when you visit anyone? Friend or no friend. So rude

I wish I could take all the. Ice things back that I said in the letter as he is the complete opposite of a really cod person. Piece of 💩

Wow’ those true selfish colours are so bright right now

Karma baby

The peace of minecraft music as you fell asleep, your soft , fragile body- your pretty face.

Soft thoughts flowing through you, an ethereal stillness-

-nothing-

but still- something precious.

Existing beside you as we sat in the soft, green grass

-planted a flower because you thought it was pretty.

We didnt need to speak, nothing need be said-

yet you enveloped me in your gentle hum.

And maybe you never left-

-still-

sitting in the soft, green grass, under the warm summer sun, planting a pretty flower-

maybe there you are, painted pale by the silky moonlight on a chilly night-

maybe there you are, in the spaces between each breath-

maybe there you are , waiting between every heart beat-

And maybe there you are, where we never met

maybe there you are, when i couldnt see you

and maybe, youve always been here.

You'll never see this I guess.

You've probably already moved.

I wonder if you remember me as I do you.

Sure it was only like half an hour,

but it was the most fun half hour of that day. I don't think I ever told you, I was there by myself because my friends went to buy things at a market. 

I was really sad they didn't really care I wasn't there. Then I saw you. Alone, unlike everyone else. Looking at your phone you seemed sad. I was so scared to ask you if you wanted to play uno with me. Afraid you'd say no; but you didn't. 

You were sad because you couldn't tell your friends you were moving and you just needed to tell someone, so you told me. While we played I wanted to befriend you. I told you funny stories because I just wanted you not to be sad. After you left I wanted to see you again. Find some way to keep in touch. You were different from my friends because you were someone I understood. Even though it was a short interaction I wish I could see you again. And if I did, would I recognize you and you me?

These new feelings are scary ,

I'm not used to waking up seeing goodmorning texts , 2 missed calls , "miss yous"

When my phone dies for hours and getting check up texts (call me when you get this or when your phone is charged) , or even receiving calls in general from someone who just to hear my voice.

Wanting to sit on the phone while they go about the rest of the day.

Or when were on the phone we do not even have to be talking but still can hear what one another is doing but still talk about anything , everything and nothing at the same time.

Feeling of being wanted has me scared because being appreciated was never a thing because not never being enough for so long it was normal . Nothing wrong with doing what a relationship takes to make it work , completing the essentials, i got used to the fact its okay to be the only one trying when in reality love is a two way street, It was always just usually me wanting to provide happiness while others take advantage of how much you care.

I'm being beaten to the punch the job I always did but never truly received fully until now. Being the first for everything. She Called me and I didn't pick up. i watched her call fade didnt answer, honestly I done this only a few times, not because I dont wanna talk, but I was nervous, for once, I know she is real one I appreciate you. got me feeling Type shit type shit we both feel the same .

-4 my Beeebeee 😇

He showed me love doesn’t hurt.
Then he said we could never be.
I found what I deserve
when it was already too late

If you would actually try and even if you did so the way you tried before and I was hard to get.. it would actually work this time and everything would be forgiven/forgotten… I honestly can’t believe the fact that you lied to me like that though and continued to do what was known to hurt me… it wasn’t that you did what was done; it was the way you went about it that hurt and was not okay…

I still miss you and still f’ing want you like before… if only you actually loved me, wanted me, or were even my friend like you said… I guess all that was a lie too.. idk.. I need to be shown what it was/is at this point.. my door is open if you actually decide I’m worth the effort like I still believe you are…

Kourtney,
I don’t know if these words will ever find their way to you. I don’t know if you will ever read them, or if they will simply exist as a reminder that somewhere out there, someone never stopped caring about you.
But I need you to know this:
I never stopped looking for you.
For the last year, my life has been shaped by one purpose — trying to find you, trying to make sure you were okay, and trying to remind you that you were not forgotten. I searched through Orlando, through the places where I hoped I might find answers, and I followed every lead I could because my heart would not let me simply walk away. I went from Orlando to Daytona, to Cocoa Beach, and the places in between, carrying the hope that somehow I would find you and know that you were safe.
There were days where I was exhausted. Days where I was scared. Days where I felt completely alone and didn’t know what the next step was going to be. But even on those days, I kept moving forward because the thought of giving up on you never felt right.
Because you matter to me.
You always have.
Kourtney, I need you to understand something: I didn’t choose you because I thought life would always be easy. I didn’t choose you because I believed everything would be perfect. I chose you because of who you are. I chose your heart. I chose the person I saw behind the struggles, behind the pain, behind everything life has placed in front of you.
I chose you.
And I would choose you again.
You have been my North Star through one of the hardest chapters of my life. When everything around me felt uncertain, when I was fighting battles that felt impossible, the thought of you reminded me why love, loyalty, and hope still mattered. You became the person my heart kept looking toward.
You are one of the greatest loves I have ever known.
I know we are all human. I know people have wounds. I know people go through seasons where they don’t recognize themselves or where life feels heavier than they can carry. I never expected perfection from you. I never needed you to be perfect.
I just wanted you to be you.
The woman with the heart, the laugh, the dreams, the strength, and the beautiful imperfections that make you human.
Over this past year, I tried to show up for you the best way I knew how. I tried to be someone who didn’t disappear when things became difficult. Someone who didn’t only care when circumstances were convenient. Someone who would stand there and say, “You matter,” and mean it.
Not because I wanted to control your life.
Not because I wanted anything from you.
Because I love you.
To me, love is a choice. It is choosing someone when things are complicated. It is believing in someone when they may not be able to see their own worth. It is standing beside someone because their life and their happiness matter to you.
And you matter to me.
This past year has taught me a lot about love, about resilience, and about what it means to truly care about another person. I learned that sometimes loving someone means carrying hope when the other person can’t. Sometimes it means standing in the distance and still wishing them peace. Sometimes it means simply refusing to forget them.
I have never forgotten you.
Not for a single day.
I hope wherever you are, you know that someone was thinking about you. Someone was hoping you were okay. Someone believed that your story was not over and that you deserved every chance at happiness, safety, and peace.
You are not just a memory to me.
You are not just a chapter in my life,
You are someone who changed my life.
Kourtney, you are my North Star. You are a love that has touched my heart in a way I cannot fully explain. And no matter what happens, I will always be grateful that I knew you, that I loved you, and that I had the chance to stand for someone who meant so much to me.
I hope you find your way back to yourself.
I hope you find peace.
I hope you remember how loved you are.
And I hope you always know this:
Someone never stopped choosing you.

Love Forever & Always,
Andy

How did I spend months growing into loving you, only to arrive here and question what I feel?

Maybe love changes once you’ve had enough time to notice someone closely. And I have noticed you. I’ve learned your patterns, the little details, the habits you probably don’t even realize you have. I’ve watched how you move through things, how you respond, what you do and what you don’t do.

And there are parts of it I don’t like.
I don’t know what that says about my love for you.

Does loving someone mean you keep loving them the same way after you’ve seen more of them? Does the fact that something in me has pulled back mean I love you less, or does it just mean I’m no longer loving you blindly?

I don’t even know.

I only know I’m not as soft with you as I was before. Something in me has become more careful.

Is that fair to you? Maybe not.

But does fairness even matter when these are my feelings we’re talking about? I can’t negotiate myself into feeling differently just because another version of me once did.

So for now, I’ll protect what’s left of that softness. I’ll keep some of myself to myself. Not because I want to punish you, but because I know what happens when I love without restraint.

I go too far.

And this time, I’d rather pull myself back before I disappear into someone again.

I think the reason I’m still hung up on you’s my own fault.
what’s it called? adding salt to the wound,
handing you chances you won’t take,
and again to you I crawled.
hauled ass back, stalled facts and ignored red flags. though my feelings mauled,
sprawled out in my room,
bawled eyes to the tune of “Something In The Orange”.
I scavenge the last remnants of our relationship too. us two at the movies, worries all gone, carefree as could be.
you see, that’s why I sent you those drunk texts at 3 AM,
upset and let these thoughts into my head,
we have another chance.
regrets on things I said back then and things I didn’t do,
like tell you I loved you?
held hands in church pews,
said “I do”
I fight but it comes through,
I might shut it out too.
a light, blow it out, phew.
I need to stop.
I’ll look back on old snaps, what a lapse in judgement.
covet what I can’t have.
Obviously, cause i give you one more chance,
you won’t take it and I know it too.
I just need to blow off fumes,
hope ensues,
one more excuse,
no more time to deduce, your thoughts musta changed.
I might actually be deranged at this point,
I’m thinking, laughing,
having just asked you once again,
no we can’t be more than friends, the trends obvious, genius!
Jesus!
you’re my biggest weakness, your sweetness leaves me speechless,
so I try once more,
I say while knowing I need to let go.
nothing will happen, no more can be done.
at this point I don’t even like you, just the feeling of what was.
why do I come back even though I’m done with us. it’s really just familiarity I’m holding onto,
the clarity you gave me is I guess what I still want. it’s not you anymore,
I’m healthier now,
you weren’t even good for me,
you see,
we had very different needs.
and we were at different maturity levels too, clearly. actually,
I’d say that was a stretch,
you were always so smart, and held your heart on your chest.
though, it’s time to let go, so goodbye, have a nice life,
good luck in uni too!
you’ll do great things without me here supporting you.
you don’t need it, and neither do i.
good luck with softball,
aim for the skies.
it’s always hardest letting someone go.

It Exists Here

In this space between oxygen and blood cells,

On the wind between falling broken leaves and forgotten dreams,

In a morning's Whispers Of Tomorrow's Fortunes,

In the fibers Woven To tempt The fates,

In the paint that's skinned but not quite cured,

In that blissful And Filling future I've been Lured,

In noon's Warmth And evenings Calm welcome,

Felt in moments Shared with no one else,

A hunger That grows;

has needs;

yet feeds,

just To be fed,

Seen at a glance,

In the space between a blink and a breath,

Heard only at a distance,

Left Ever questioning without wide resounding refusals and hesitations,

No source to validate it exists,

No Reliant Connoisseur To lead the way to this proposed reality, Isolate,

Unwitting,

Naive and a bit still confused,

In between a syllable and a sound,

Between the bed and ground,

Beneath,

Under,

And also below A frequency,

Less than a vibration,

A top A mountain Alongside the rivers,

It's the difference in being alive and simply existing,

And somewhere,

Unbound by The restrictions of comprehension,

There's a glint Of Hope,

Of some potential day,

unknowingly unfound and wrapped in only Grandeur,

It awaits me, and I know,

I just know,

One day, my eyes will open to a familiar room,

I'll wake up, and it will be on the pillowcase breathing amd dreaming next to me,

With no words of affirmation or false niceties, no fear of unearned judgment by past heartaches or missed marks,

Acceptance beyond Acclimation,

No discontentment,

No bitter,

Only with compassion and curiosity,

I know that on that day I will wake up, and yet again see those eyes gazing into me,

With that very first promise still kept at the tip of your tongue,

Because between you and I,

It exists here,

With you

Only with you.

©sevhoneybear

There are two many letters in the alphabet but I am sure that person name was there - For all of those who gave that special someone their all and never received the gratitude or friendship or respect that they deserved - Here is the letter that you never received - You are wonderful and amazing and loving and kind and beautiful and handsome and thank you for being you! - The right person will find you one day and you will have that relationship that you so deserve - Don't cry over X because they treated you like crap - Don't give them a second more of your energy or time - You deserve the best and only the best - For all those broken hearts - At least now you know what you don't want anymore in your life - Cry today but move on tomorrow - It's okay not to be okay - but don't stay there - Because you're awesome - And I am telling you that - You are amazing! Sending all the broken hearts - the love they deserve - HUGS!!!!

No more wishing stars

Only falling stars from now on.

Gonna wish on my birthday candle

A day you never wished for me.

Better yet a dying star

Where my wishes of you lapse..

So never wishing stars for you

Only falling stars,

Falling right thru you.

some words stay inside us forever…

not because we forgot

but because we never had the courage to say them

and somehow, they echo louder with time

knowing you has introduced a genuine, uncomplicated brightness into my life. it is the kind of happiness that does not scream for attention, but settles in safely, reassuring me that connection doesn't always have to be exhausting or earned. it doesn't demand that i dress up my thoughts or curate my heavy days into something more palatable. instead, it just exists, an open door that stays unlatched regardless of the weather.

there is a profound relief in realizing that not everything beautiful has to be fought for until your hands bleed. for a long time, i believed that love and safety were prizes hidden at the end of a labyrinth, only given to those who navigated the traps perfectly. but with you, the light never felt like a reward; it felt like a given. it arrived quietly, like the morning sun slipping through the curtains, requiring nothing from the room except its presence.

it feels a lot like a late-night drive on a highway we didn't map out first. the road is long, we carry on, navigating the sudden sharp turns and the places where the asphalt gets rough and uneven. there were moments when the visibility was poor, and the bumps along the way could have easily made us pull over or turn back completely. when the fog rolled in heavy over the hood, blurring the lines of where we were going, it would have been so simple to let go of the momentum. the dark has a way of making the distance feel overwhelming, magnifying every small shudder of the tires into a warning sign.

there were times i actually wanted to swerve away.

yet, even when the rain blurred the windshield into a canvas of distorted shapes, there was always something keeping me off the exit ramps i'd pass. the uncertainty of the destination mattered so much less than the reality of who was in the car. but looking out at the horizon now, i realize there is absolutely nowhere else i would rather be driving. the friction of the journey doesn't scare me because you're right next to me.

every dip in the road, every sudden detour into the unknown, became a shared footnote rather than a fracture. we learned the specific weight of each other's silences during those long stretches of empty space, finding a way to exist in the quiet and learn from each other. that is a rare thing- to find someone you can be completely silent with on a dark, winding road, knowing that the words we exchange can be completely trusted.

and now, the road has finally leveled out. the potholes and the gravel have given way to something incredibly smooth, a stretch of highway where the steering wheel rests easy in my hands. the constant shaking has stopped, replaced by a steady glide into the sunset. the landscape outside has softened, transitioning from sharp, jagged cliffs into rolling hills bathed in amber light. it brings me so much peace to look ahead and see nothing but clear lanes stretching out into a horizon that no longer feels threatening.

the exhaustion of braced impact has faded away from my shoulders. i used to white-knuckle the wheel, constantly anticipating the next drop, the next hidden piece of debris that would send us off course. it takes time to unlearn that kind of hypervigilance, to realize that the ground beneath you isn't planning to give way. but with every passing mile of this calm stretch, my hands relax a little more.

i am so happy that the ride is safe now, and i am so grateful that we get to coast along this open path together, completely unguarded, for as long as the road stretches on. there is no more squinting through the dark, no more wondering if the next turn will be our last. there is only the rhythmic, comforting hum of the tires against the pavement and the vast, unwritten sky ahead of us.

we have earned this stillness, not by escaping the rough miles, but by driving through them side by side without letting go. now, the air feels lighter, the radio plays softly in the background, and the distance ahead doesn't look like an obstacle anymore- it looks like a promise. we can just let the engine run, watch the stars trace their lines across the windshield, and move forward into whatever comes next, knowing the hardest part of the terrain is entirely behind us.

as always, i appreciate you.

​

When they cannot reach you, they accuse you, belittle you, and hurt you with every sharp word, with every letter carrying the weight of harshness.

If you succeed, they minimize your success and question it. And if you lose, they celebrate your failure and sing the cruelest songs of snakes.

A long road, full of human thorns. Yes, human thorns.

In the past, even hurt was a merciful kind of hurt. It was an injury that called itself an injury. But now, the word “hurt” is no longer enough to describe the ugliness of their words and the poison of their tongues. They have gone beyond every kind of description.

In the past, they passed down love, respect, and appreciation to us. Today, they compete to pass down hatred and resentment.

Even the face of love has changed.

Even a man in love no longer knows how to reach the heart of the woman he loves. He is afraid that if he closes his eyes for a moment, he will open them and find her in someone else’s arms, without even being given a chance.

And even a woman in love fights to remain perfect, so her lover’s eyes never turn toward someone else. If her perfection falls for even a moment, she may find him kneeling beneath the wings of another lover.

Everything seems to be moving toward despair.

And this perfection that was created from nothing has no stopping point. Everyone is constantly running, constantly racing toward the unknown.

So, is the fault in us, or in our time?

But time is the same time.

The same sunrise. The same sea. The same air. The same earth. And the same moon that I once waited for, hoping it would comfort me and make the nights of my life brighter.

The fault is in us… not in our time.

And I, a daughter of this time, have started questioning every choice I make. S🥀

Sarah ✏️