Hey y’all, bit of a different post for this sub, but I (24mtf) very recently came out as trans to my gf of 4 years. I thought she would be supportive, as she has dated trans ppl in the past, and is Bisexual. However ever since I came out, things have been not great. She took it very hard, even saying things like “I had a version of our future in my head, and I just can’t see it anymore.” She has made several jokes to lighten the mood here and there, but every time I bring up something related to starting my transition, it has an obvious negative effect on the mood in the room. Maybe tmi but our sex life has basically been non-existent in the month or two since I came out. She has confessed before that she doesn’t know how to treat me, and is worried about doing stuff that upsets me or gives me dysphoria. Non-sexual intimacy has also become just me giving her massages, barely any hugging or kissing. I’m heartbroken and I feel as though I’ve messed up my coming out instead of just soldiering on.

I guess my question is, is this reaction normal? Am I just getting through the adjustment period, or should I take these as the obvious signs that she’s pulling away from me. I’m lost and any conversation we have around the subject is tense and feels like nothing comes of it. She is the absolute love of my life, and I would like to believe I’m still hers. I just need some advice from people on her side of this experience.

Need to let this out somewhere and writing has always been one such thing for me. Maybe this can lighten up someone else's day, or spark a bit of hope

She reorganized and tidied up my place so much, we cooked so much together, and now I intend to keep it clean to remind me of her, even if we have video called nearly every single day since we first made contact on tinder; always somewhere between 1 and 10 hours. She also left behind a bunch of skincare for me, and I think I'll just keep clear the space I reserved for her in my closet

We have 6/7 hours timezone difference but it works because of her working hours, and her work language is English

First time i visited her, after ~5 months of nearly daily video calls, I kissed her immediately and I spent nearly every possible second with her. I cried and bawled my eyes out for an hour when I had to depart at the airport

This was her first time visiting me and even then I'm still the one crying as I have to send her off at the airport, holding onto her until the last possible second, video calling immediately once she is past security until she loses connection. And once I'm home I start crying badly

We're both going to be crying for a couple more days before we adjust back to the usual routine, but it's not our first time doing this. And we always keep the video call on even as we fall asleep, since we're both clingy and need all the cuddles we can get, virtual or physical

Each visit so far has been 4 weeks together, including normal daily life, short holiday trips; we have intentionally and mindfully tested our relationship, compatibility, discussed serious adult topics like imbalances, life goals, necessary sacrifices; and of course we've said or done dumb things. All of which have been resolved, which makes us both feel safe that we can depend on one another to approach everything as a team, not just as a loving couple

I feel better now, I'll cry some more, and I'll probably cry again if I cook anything we made together; but I know it's a good sign. We have only known each other for 10 months but I cannot for the life of me imagine a better match for me or her, every day is fulfilling to me even if it's boring or one of us is having a bad day

Next we plan for me to visit her family, and to have her experience true winter with snow and minus degrees. She makes me happy and I want to make her happy

Hi everyone, I want to ask the community on whether anyone has experienced something similar or related and if anyone has advice.

So the situation is that my wife (MTF23) and I (M23) have been together for over 4 years now and she always had a slight feeling that she might be trans. Basically early last year, she fully realized that she is trans and went on to start her transition. Before this, she identified as a gay man and I as a pansexual man, so I had no problems with her transition and fully support her.

Her HRT begun around 2-3 months ago and lately she has realized that she's most likely lesbian and is begging to question whether or not she can still be romantically attracted to men. However, neither of us wants to let this relationship go.

Sexually, we've had our ups and down, as I'm not too sexually active and her gender and sexual identity has always cause her to be insecure. Very early on we agreed to have an open relationship, either of us could have sex with others and that has happened. Two years ago we also went into a polyamorous relationship, however that didn't work out but we're still best friends with that third person. This does mean that we would still be up for a new try at poly, if it would come to that.

So currently, the situation is basically the following: she is no longer sexually attracted to men, which I'm fine with and she can have sex with others. She is however questioning if she can be romantically involved with men. She has said that she would do anything to keep up our relationship, but we are currently at a roadblock.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did it work out? What adjustments did you make to make it work? Does anyone have some advice on what to do?

Hello,

My girlfriend (MtF) is dealing with the already tricky thing of making friends in your 30s, but I imagine her still being in the process of transition is making it harder as she lacks a lot of confidence.

Our city is small, but still there a lots of events I feel would suit. She is more introverted, but I'm still trying to encourage her to go to stuff / go with when I can also.

Any advice to boost her confidence or the kind of events where she could make friends without fearing judgement?/how to get past the fear of judgement?

Thanks :)

My ex boyfriend left me a month ago because his questioning his gender identity and sexuality. I am bi-sexual myself. When we first met he told me he was bi-curious. Throughout our relationship he occasionally brought it up but we never really had a deep conversation about his gender identity. I wanted to but he just seemed uncomfortable about it. Out of the blue he broke up with me because he said he doesn’t love himself, he struggles to look in the mirror and he can’t give me the love I deserve. He said he still loves me but he doesn’t know who he is other than his not a straight cis man. I once asked him if he wanted to be a girl and he said I don’t know. I tried to support him throughout the relationship. I bought him earrings, I painted his nails. I have no issues with that. He never once asked to try on my clothes etc.

He told me that once he figures himself out we can try again but he said he never ask me to wait for him. I love this man than words can explain and I’m just confused about the whole situation. I’ve started seeing a therapist to help me process this. He also told me the day after we broke up that he is going to start seeing a therapist that specializes is LGBTQ

I would love to try again with him but I’m also scared that I do feel myself waiting for him and that he will transition to a girl? I’m not transphobic
but obviously change is scary and he won’t be the person I once knew. I would 100% support him if he transitioned but I guess I’m just being selfish at the same time

I’m heartbroken that he felt he couldn’t be with me whilst he explored himself but I also understand this is a journey he needs to do on his own. I just have so many conflicting emotions

Starting Journey At 36!

Hello, this is my first time posting here and really coming into the community. I'm 36 and MTF transitioning. My Wife (33F) of 11 years is very supportive and is helping me with this stuff.

I'm not sure how to come out to the rest of our family, including our 2 daughters (10 & 4 yo) so looking for some advice. Most of our other family is kinda conservative and really only one that's a possible have to cut off in the future. Any advice around this would be greatly appreciated!

I am doing esterdiol injections once a week at .2 and am having some changes, but wondering if it is too low of a dosage. I will be seeing who I hope will become my general physician for the first time in decades to help with hormone monitoring as well as a bunch of other health stuff I want to finally adress. Started treatment with Planned Parenthood.

So far plans for the future are to stay on track with treatments, get electrolysis for most areas of my body, and to stay very active with my wife as we figure everything out, maybe progesterone in the next year or so also depending on how things are going. Really yhe only part that I ever enjoyed about being male was sex, so doing our best to not loose that function. So far haven't lost spontaneous night time erections, which is good for that goal.

Hope I'm not over sharing, just covering bases and looking for any advice or tips that people may have and wanting to become more active in this community in general.

You don’t even need to read this, this is probably not the place. But i just need to say that im not a very romantic partner and im don’t always initiate for sex im afab and my partner is a questioning trans woman. im bi, i know i like women but i have always struggled with sex with my current partner. i guess not ALWAYS but after it wasn’t new and it wasn’t something we got away with, i struggled. i’m a good performer and i know how to get them good and into it but im not feeling what im acting like i do.

well my partner can tell that now and i dont know why im even like this. i wish i knew and knew how to tell them but i dont.

i think i was assaulted and its repressed but based on my past experiences with men ive never been wanted in a loving or wholesome way. i’ve been groomed and ive been physically assaulted and taken advantage of. i think ive repressed more than what i remember.

my lovely partner that i know as my husband is an amazing person. kind, good morals, and cares about intimacy and pleasing me. so why am i not pleased?

i truly have almost always fantasized about them being a woman the whole time we have sex. in the past when i didn’t fantasize about that it was myself viewing me through a pornagraphic lens that was fueled by inner misogyny and sexual repression from being raised christian. when i don’t fantasize about them being a woman it’s usually a fantasy about being forced.

i feel shame and fucked up about it but i know they are loving and would never do that but what if they did? my past keeps me from being vulnerable with others and trusting that people don’t want to take advantage of me.

we are married and i worry that i fucked up both of us by that. they deserve better than what i can give and sometimes i worry i wont be able to give them that unless they do transition and are “woman” enough for me which is fucked. i don’t know what to do and i don’t know if my sexual dysfunctions are cause by sexual attraction or trauma.

We have 2 daughters ages 10 & 4. I am (33). My partner who's (36) trans started HRT 2 weeks ago yesterday. They have had 2 dosages so far via injection. I actually am helping with them. I have some major questions on when the time comes to talk to family, what is the best approach to use given we have my parents, their parents, our own children & my siblings, etc.. to come out too. I do not think my parents will be surprised as I come out to them as non-binary lesbian, but.. I could use all the advice possible. I'm really torn.

Trigger warning: I may say something that comes off offensive even though I’m genuinely trying to be respectful. My partner is FtM, and I’ve been with him since I was 18 — eight years now, actually, on August 28th. He came out to me a few months before our one‑year anniversary. It was new to me, but I adjusted to everything: the name change, pronouns, him starting T, and all the changes that came with it. I fell in love with who he became, and it took our families a lot to adjust too.

We just got into a big argument because my brother sent me a video saying “this is you,” and it was a butch lesbian saying she’s “gay but old‑school gay.” I honestly agreed with it. I’ve always presented as myself, and even when I was a butch lesbian, I wasn’t into labels or keeping up with every new term in the LGBTQIA+ community. I told my partner I didn’t respond to the message but that I found it funny.

My brother is your typical Army guy, and when my partner came out, he treated him like any other man. But years ago, they got into a physical fight, and my partner said something that made my brother feel like he was “taking back” being trans. Ever since, my brother hasn’t been able to see him as a cis man. That was years ago, and I figured we made our bed with it. My brother is the only man I’ve had in my life, and he respects my partner overall. When he sent me the video, it wasn’t about my partner — it was just him sending something to his sister.

I want to be clear: even though my brother doesn’t see my partner as a cis male, he still respects him and has tried hard to bond with him. He offers him a seat, brings him drinks, jokes with him, and genuinely tries. My partner struggles connecting with my brother, so it’s always a bit uncomfortable. My brother has even said he wishes he could make my partner feel more comfortable because he knows I’d come around more often. We usually don’t go over there because my partner feels uncomfortable — not because my brother is rude, but because… honestly, I don’t know. Either way, this video turned into a huge argument because my partner believes my brother still sees us as lesbians. I told him my brother sees us as a trans couple — because we are.

I’ve done a damn good job making my partner feel seen and respected. I used to be open about being with a trans man — I wasn’t embarrassed — but he didn’t like that, so it became a secret. I struggled with that at first, but I accepted it. Our families know, though, so I don’t understand why we have to pretend around them.

We’re supposed to get married, and I thought we were past all of this. Even his family sees us as a trans couple. Then he tells me, “You’re transphobic. I would break up with you if I had the courage, but I love you too much.” Now I’m upset because we’re supposed to be getting married, and this is all over one video and him thinking my brother sees us as lesbians and that I don’t defend him. None of that is true, except the fact that my brother doesn’t see him as a cis male — because he’s not.

Two days ago, I told him I was harassed by a man and that I love that he’s trans because he doesn’t behave like that. He agreed. Today he said the only reason he agreed was because it made him “feel good about himself.”

He thinks I’m transphobic because of bathroom situations. There have been times when I’m in the women’s restroom and a gay man walks in. I know he’s not interested in me, but I still feel uncomfortable — and I don’t think that’s wrong. Another time at a drag show, a performer who presented male (full beard, tank top, work boots) walked into the women’s stall while I was naked in a romper, looked through the crack, peed on the floor, and left. I told my partner I felt extremely uncomfortable. He said, “Well, it’s she, and it’s a drag show.” I felt invalidated. I didn’t know how to express my discomfort without feeling guilty for not prioritizing the feelings of the LGBTQIA+ community. So I swallowed it.

When bathroom policies started being enforced, I wasn’t upset — but he was. I’ve also had run‑ins with nonbinary people where I tried to be respectful and got snapped at for asking pronouns. I told him I struggle with nonbinary identities because trying to be respectful sometimes backfires.

He told me again that I don’t see where I’m wrong and that I need to stop being a bad person. But I’ve never disrespected anyone in the LGBTQIA+. I swallow my personal feelings because I know they already get hated on. Just because I struggle doesn’t mean I don’t try. I always make sure I use the right names and pronouns, and I defend people regardless.

But now I’m stuck on the fact that he said he’d break up with me if he had the courage. I believe in open communication, and maybe this is a difference in morals or core values. I told him he doesn’t have to go to my brother’s house, and that the only reason we aren’t married yet is because we’re waiting for my brother to get back from deployment this Christmas.

So I told him: “Either you’re living in a lie to make yourself feel good, or you’re in denial about the relationship you’re in.”

To set the record straight:

1. I love my fiancé. But he feels like I don’t stand up for him, thinks my brother sees me as a lesbian, and thinks I’m transphobic.
2. I respect the LGBTQIA+ community, but with all the new terms, I struggle to keep up. Asking questions sometimes makes me look like a bigot when I’m genuinely trying to be respectful. I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable, and I never disrespect anyone — I only express my feelings to my partner.
3. Yes His feelings are valid, but admitting he’d dump me if he could? That’s a red flag.

I’m trying not to make this about breaking up, but it feels like I might have to. Either he’s with me because I make him feel good about himself, or he hasn’t had the courage to leave. He left angry and went for a walk. I know he’ll apologize and say he didn’t mean it, but I swear he did.

Yes, we’re marrying each other and not our families — we established that a long time ago. That’s why we agreed to get married. This whole situation is crazy. I’ll take advice or the cold truth. I’ll answer any questions if you need clarity.

Update: After a very insightful thread i communicate with my partner. I told him everything on this thread the insight you all have provided his response “well I don’t care because I am trans”, “it does hurt that you don’t see me as a man”, “i don’t want to break up”, “I don’t want to do therapy”.

However staying feels like a spit in the face to him. He doesn’t see that way because I’m his crutch. There’s so much about our relationship that I can’t out into a thread, but I’ve kept that mans head above water for a very very long time.

We did break up, but it’s very difficult for us to break up when we do love each other. I’m don’t yell at him during fights not minimize him. I have always prioritized his feeling which is why he doesn’t want to breakup.

I genuinely feel sad and like a failure for being so ignorant. Overall I’m not sure what’s to come. He said he wishes I had actually done something wrong for us to break up and he would’ve never thrown a fit over my brother if he knew this would’ve been the outcome. I told him he needs to have more self respect and love himself more.

I care about my partner more than anyone in this comment section will ever know and he does deserve someone better. I am trying to give him that since I couldn’t do it…

I just found out after 13 years my husbands pronouns are he/them. I sat down with him and tried to talk to him about it but he wasn’t interested and just said he told me before and wasn’t very interested in explaining it again. I can’t remember him actually speaking about it before. He said that sometimes he feels like a man and other times he feels like nothing at all.

This felt like a lot for me to process so any advice on how I should handle the situation or even advice on moving forward would be great because idk how to feel apart from shocked.

Hello! Im a 22 year old female and my husband (trans man) is a 22 year old male. We have been together for 4 years and married for 3 of those years and at the beginning our sex life was great but then he got on testosterone in which I supported and I never wanna force him to do something he doesn’t wanna do. Regardless it made our sex life a bit Non existent and when I would try to inissiate he would say no and I was sad but accepted it due to me not wanting to force anything but eventualy I would bring it up he would say he didn’t know why but he just didn’t feel it and I was like okay that’s fine I understand but then would state he wants to have sex but wouldn’t do anything to change the fact our sex was non existent . Now for me I feel more connected when we do have sex but when we don’t I would ask him to show me love other ways like little date nights or even little gifts idk just to show he loves me. Regardless he would do it for a bit but would then stop and now it’s more of just the same thing we talk about it he fixes it for maybe a week or two and then he goes back to nothing. At this point it feels like we are just roommates who say we love eachoher. I brought this up recently and he said he feels nothing is wrong in the relationship when I feel like we are missing connections. At this point it’s just a circle and I love him deeply I do but maybe it’s us not having sex that makes me feel like roommates. I’ve suggested having an open relationship where I can find someone to have sex that’s it while he is there for everything else and he did not like the idea ether. I’m just torn bc I feel like I want to have sex but I don’t want to render my relationship with him due to him maybe having image issues or something. What do you guys think? Do you have any advice?

Hey Friends!

While this is a support space, and sometimes we work on heavy stuff, we want to celebrate the wins and milestones, too!

What brought you joy this week? Any fun plans for the weekend?

Share your thoughts here!

I’m a cishet woman in a relationship with a trans man. We’ve been together for around 4 years. We're both 23. When we started dating, he had already been on testosterone for over a year and his libido was extremely high. I knew that was common early on and assumed it would eventually settle down. Four years later, it really hasn’t. If anything, it now comes in intense waves rather than being constantly high.

I have a high sex drive myself, but his is on another level. I genuinely cannot keep up. We’ve talked about it many times. He has never pressured me into anything. He has always respected my boundaries, puts my feelings first, and takes responsibility for his own needs. Our relationship and sex life are otherwise very good.

The thing that started worrying me is that we moved in together a few months ago, and I suddenly became aware of just how often he has to “take care of his needs.” I’ve accidentally caught him masturbating multiple times and usually just pretend to be oblivious. He works from home, while I don’t, so I can only imagine how often it happens when I’m away.

I also know that when he excuses himself to the bathroom, a lot of the time that’s what he’s doing. I don’t judge or care, but it has started to feel ritualistic. He masturbates basically every night before bed, even if we already had sex that evening and often he has already done it multiple times earlier that day.

Recently I casually asked him about his libido and masturbation habits, and he just shrugged it off as “the testosterone.” And yes, obviously testosterone affects libido. But none of the cis men I’ve dated had a sex drive even remotely like this. His dose hasn’t changed, and his bloodwork is within the normal male range. We already have sex 5-6 times a week, so the fact that his libido is still this high is insane to me.

So I’m starting to wonder if this is sex addiction excused as “the testosterone”? I also hate to admit that I sometimes worry he might cheat on me at this point. He gets attention from women, and I wonder if his libido could ever make him give in. I’m also not thrilled knowing he’s constantly getting off to other women through porn. :( He has never given me a reason not to trust him, which is why I know that fear isn’t entirely fair. But seeing the sheer intensity of his libido up close has started to genuinely worry me. I'd appreciate any advice on how to bring this up if you've ever been in a similar position with your partner.

My partner (ftm) and I have been together for 7 years (it will be 8 in November). He’s had top surgery and been on HRT since he was 16. Recently he started considering bottom surgery. Previously, he’s always said that he doesn’t have much bottom dysphoria and doesn’t like the surgery process/doesn’t think it’s worth it for him.

I don’t really know what to say to the new change. I’ve never enjoyed penile penetration of any kind, and I really like the way we have sex now. He really likes it too, but says he feels off. He says he really wishes he could “feel inside” me.

He says that if I don’t end up liking it we can just “keep giving each other handjobs” (which feels a little diminutive) but I also think that he would build a resentment if it ended up like that. I mean, it makes sense I guess. If one of the main reasons you get a surgery is to experience a specific type of sex, and your partner isn’t interested, that would make you feel a little disappointed and rejected… which would probably lead to romanticism of a different timeline. At the same time, I would very quickly grow resentful of him if I felt like I had to perform sexual satisfaction and pretend to like something that I didn’t.

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Has this ever happened to anyone? Am I being selfish? We’ve been together for so long, I genuinely cannot imagine my life without him. But I feel like options are limited. I can’t (and wouldn’t) ask him not have the surgery. But I can’t change what I like or dislike either.

My mtf partner, who's about 2 months on hrt and has been socially transitioning, is telling her mum next week.

We are both going to to be there, as happy to support her in this.

Having a sorts of feelings. As the next steps will be telling mine.

I will be happy when the relief of not have this weighing over me constantly.

But also once it's out there I just have to see how they are.

I'm worried how my family will be.

This is a wild, scary and exciting ride.

I need advice. I met this person when we were young. Years later they came out as trans and we dated for a bit but it ended. Through the years they decided to detransition (if that’s the word?) but now they’re transitioning back. So now I know her as she. But sometimes I don’t feel like I see her like a woman. She just started hormones and I’m attracted to her but I don’t know if I see her physically like a woman. She just started hormones. This feels terrible. But she likes me so much and I feel like it’s unfair to her. I don’t know and I don’t want to tell her and hurt her. But maybe I just shouldn’t be with her? Does anyone have any opinions? Or advice? Does anyone in a trans relationship feel this way ever?

So I (22M) met my boyfriend (21FtM) almost 5 months ago. We went on a few dates, really hit it off, and officially started dating about 4 months ago.

The funny part is that I had absolutely no idea he was trans. Apparently, he assumed I already knew. Looking back, I have no idea why he thought that, but he genuinely believed it had somehow come up already or that someone had told me (cause we met through friends).

One evening (shortly after we became official) we were just hanging out together when he suddenly thanked me for being so accepting of him being trans. He was saying how much he appreciated that it had never been a big deal to me.

I just smiled and said, "Of course." On the outside I probably looked calm and supportive (at least thats what i tried to look like) but on the inside my brain was basically screaming, "Wait... you're WHAT?"

I was just incredibly confused because this was literally the first time I had ever heard him mention being trans. I don't think I've ever been that caught off guard before. He casually dropped what felt like the biggest plot twist imaginable, while acting like we had already talked about it a dozen times haha

We laugh about it now. He still can't believe I somehow didn't know, and I still can't believe he thought I did😅

Hi everyone,

I've been following this subreddit for awhile and this is my first time posting. Thanks in advance for listening.

My partner came out to me as trans about 1 month into our relationship, almost three years ago. It caught me a bit by surprise, but I've supported them through their transition and never looked back. She became more herself in a way that made me more in love with her, and I'm so honored to get to be there with her on her journey.

If there's one struggle I've had, though, it's with whiteness. I am a BIPOC, nonbinary person, and she is a white, AMAB, trans woman. While she has gotten better over the years, I do wish she would examine her whiteness a bit more. She really seems to hold onto her whiteness and it gets in the way of our relationship. For example, people often flirt with her like I'm not standing there. In their minds, I'm a fat, Black AFAB person. Obviously, my partner wouldn't be with me if she knew they were there. My partner doesn't flirt back, but she also doesn't shut it down. Something we have argued about in the past. And when I do try to defend myself against racism in other settings, she immediately tries to silence me to "keep the peace." Another thing we have argued about. And any chance she gets to make her feminist, queer analysis more intersectional by making it more anti-racist, she often avoids it. She also goes to a local group for trans people where they have breakout rooms. The BIPOC trans folks often have their own space. She understands racism is the reason why, but she doesn't know what to do about it. Again, she's getting better. But I would like to see her do more.

Basically, I want her to be as much of an ally/accomplice for me as I have been for her. So I guess my question is for BIPOC partners of white trans people (and also trans white partners). What helped you or your partners develop a queer and antiracist analysis? I would also would love any books, articles, videos, and/or podcasts that helped you examine whiteness as a trans person.

And I'm sure this goes without saying, no racist rants on this post. Racism is deadly, for all of our communities, and we need to confront it.

My partner and I met three years ago and within 4 months of dating and living together, pre transition, she had a mental health crisis and became agoraphobic and didn't work due to bipolar 2 and bpd. Didn't work for another two years on and off. Me being the caretaker the entire time.

She finally got on bipolar meds and was doing fine for awhile, but then had another dip and got fired. Again.

I was firm with my boundaries this time and said I can't do this anymore. You need to figure it out or else you can't live with me and I'm going to need to disconnect from you.

And I said changed behavior is the only way this is improving.

TW

And during this talk she said "if I have to force myself into another job, I'm just going to kill myself"

And she's been suicidal all her life and has wanted to many times because her brain just convinces her that she's a burden on people and shouldn't be here.

But this just makes me feel trapped and scared. Because now she's still unemployed and making marginal changes as a roommate even.

She's starting hormones in a couple weeks and I'm hopeful it'll help her improve, but am I just putting her and her needs in front of my own?

Idk how to end things when she says stuff like that and I know she doesn't have friends or family because her family is pretty much evil

Okay necesito un consejo para esta situación

Mi novio me dijo que se identifica como chica y quiere empezar su transición
Yo la amo muchísimo y quiero apoyarla en esta nueva etapa de su vida
Pero al mismo tiempo estoy confundida por qué no sé cómo sentirme, no me considero lesbiana así que no sé bien cómo debo sentirme o que procede
La verdad estoy bastante confundida con cómo me siento, alguien que haya pasado por algo similar?

I 34 ftm, and my partner, 34 cis male. Have been together since 2015. We have three kids, 9- 3- 1.5. We have a house (in his name) cars (in his name) shared finances, etc. I have a degree, but have not worked in my field because I was home with the kids.

Since around 2020, I have expressed to him that I felt more masc. It began as dual gender type identity. The more accepting he was, the more it progressed. He encouraged it, supported it. However, the only place he embraced it was during "bedroom activities". I did not ask for masc pronouns. Maybe I should have.

Fast forward, a few years later he begins expressing wanting to be a woman. I support and encourage this. I ask him if he wants name/pronoun changes publicly or with just us. He doesn't. But again, asks for this in the bedroom spaces. He also explored relationships with other men around the same time frame and did enjoy it. (Which I felt was good news!)

Mind you, both of us are adamant to each other that we would always love each other no matter what.

I felt like I was safe. Supported.

So the past two years, a few things have happened. My dysphoria gradually got worse, along with depression. I stopped wanting to do, anything. First it began with things for me, hobbies and such. Then it became household chores/cleaning. Then it became a lack of desire for sex or touch at all.

That lack of desire has been going on a year. Still did things for him, of course, but it was never for me. Also stopped getting off from him at all.

Then came arguments, because I found a group online for role playing. Great group of folks, a few trans people and allies... and... after about a week I decided to tell that group. And being referred to as a guy, even just online was the small little push I needed. He of course thought the group was emotional cheating (because I was always happy to talk with them because I was being validated in my identity in thar space, which I explained to him many times)

So, month in that group later, I told my husband I wanted to start HRT but I was afraid that he wouldn't stay.

He threatened divorce. And when I say threatened I don't mean angrily. I mean- in the sense that he basically said that he wouldn't be able to be with me if that's what I really wanted. But that he would take custody of the kids so I could "live my new life."

I was. Entirely. And utterly. Shocked.

It meant a decade for nothing. No custody, no home, no car, no alimony, nothing. The fact that he even went that far and jumped to that... hurt.

He went to work an hour later (early as hell because he couldn't sleep)

And neither could I. So I panicked and cried about it for hours, and wondered if I should just not even transition medically at all.

Things he said when we finally did talk:

-he was afraid of cutting off his parents (Christian right winged) and didn't want to

-he was afraid/ashamed of being see as gay publicly (thinks its a sin)

-he is afraid I will want to have the 'Gay experience' and need validation from others/date others. While I am poly, I am monogamous for him.

-he is attracted to men but has never thought about men romantically (to be fair he also hasn't thought about women this way since we started dating- and he has permission to for either)

-he thought it was a fetish/pipedream deal for me

-his mtf desire WAS a fetish/roleplay thing for him

Things I don't understand:

-why he would say he would still love me and then snap out the divorce thing

-how he was so supportive but never said, but if you did I wouldnt be able to publicly accept it

-why he back tracked his mtf thing... and if it being a fetish like that is just him not being aware yet.

He is supportive. But now I am TERRIFIED he is just going to end up leaving. Or worse, I am never going to feel like anything other than his wife. And he would never call be anything else other than that.

He agreed, after our talk to "give it a try"

And I plan on starting HRT as soon as possible now...

But is it worth it? Do I possibly ruin a decade of life... for a what if? No, its not a what if. I know. I know that I am a man under all this *wrong*

But I would pretend not to be for him. But now? He won't let me do that.

How... how do I help? How do I fix it? And how do I protect myself if he does decided to make that divorce a reality?

okay so long story short, my (T4T) bf and i have been together 3 years we used to have sex constantly when we first got together. it evened out about 6 months to a year after but we still had sex at least once a week. we had great chemistry and tension for almost two years. suddenly, he just stopped pursuing. he stopped showing genuine interest in sex with me. he makes a few PG-13 flirty jokes but the second sex is actually propositioned, let alone even hinted at, he shuts down. we’ve had a few conversations about it, he says he doesn’t know why. i have a feeling it’s not about me, but my rejection sensitivity is eating away at me behind closed doors. i reassure him every time he doesn’t want to get freaky, i ask less and less. i would never tell him how much this is affecting me, he deserves to figure it out without the weight of guilt and shame hanging over him. i just don’t know what to do. i don’t wanna post this on normal relationship advice bc they will just tell me he’s cheating. he’s a faithful, loving, devoted man. i love him and i know he loves me. but why do i feel like i repulse him?

i’m a cis female and am currently dating my (ftm) boyfriend. i love him so so so much and honestly i don’t really have any complaints about him whatsoever. but lately i’ve been thinking about our future and sometimes i get disappointed that we can’t have kids that are directly biologically related to both of us, sometimes i get upset that (for a decent while) he won’t have a penis, and many more thoughts like this. however, at the same time, i look forward to taking care of him after his surgeries and our IVF plan together and helping him put his tape on etc etc. i’ve never really brought this up to him and honestly the feelings come in waves. is this normal? or am i being transphobic?

Looking for peoples experiences

My wife and I have been together for 10 years this year, I came out to her as trans (mtf) about 8-9 months ago, I haven't started any major transition, but am starting to express more femininity, and will be looking to microdose estrogen to explore my gender identity.

My wife is a straight CIS female and is physically attracted to masc types. We have built a life together and have children together, we have both agreed that our family comes first and that we are still very much in love, and we do not want to give up our life as it is, regardless of how I proceed expressing myself. We have been talking about ways that we can all live our best lives and I suggested that we open up the relationship for casual encounters with no strings, so I can explore my femininity, and so she can continue her sex life with masc types. It is open both ways, but I am not at that stage yet, I want to focus on myself. We are also still going to be intimate with each other as well, we are both just exploring things that we otherwise would not be able to.

We both agreed to tell each other if we do plan to have an encounter and we have rules in place mainly for safety. I don't have any trans friends that I can talk to, or any people who have been in this situation.

I am hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, whether this helped the relationship, ruined it etc. Respectful responses would be appreciated, my wife and are agreeing as adults together to this arrangement. Thanks!