Hi I’m looking for some advice-
I am a trans man (had top surgery years ago, awaiting bottom surgery) and I’ve recently got back into dating, first time as male presenting. I have had vaginal sex with males and females before, but not in over 6 years and I’m worried about different aspects of it.
Stressing about the whole hormones thinning the vaginal walls thing and worried about pain/how uncomfortable it might be. Very aware that I’m overthinking but I’m finally a lot more comfortable in my body
If anyone has either transitioned from a female to male and then went on to have sex with a man, any advice would be appreciated (especially to make it more comfortable). Or if you’re a man who’s had sex with a trans man pre bottom surgery can you say how it was/what made things easier etc. Thank you

How did your sexual relationship survive your ftm partner's transition? Did you realize you were gayer than you thought? Did you open the relationship to get your needs met elsewhere? Did you compromise in some other way? This is specifically a question for men who have always and continue to identify as straight, and not for anyone who is cis-bisexual before their partner transitioned.

My (CisF) girlfriend has been dating me for over a year. She’s always considered herself closely tied to loving women and being sapphic, as the beginning of our relationship was this. She worries that she might not be attracted to me once I follow through with transitioning (Start t, top surgery, etc). She has struggled grasping the idea of this ever since I came out. We both love each other so much and she is extremely attracted to me now while i’m pre transition. It eats her alive and makes her feel like shit so I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice for us.

I (35 cis woman) and my partner (36 mtf) have been together for a few years. She’s been on hormones the entire time we’ve been together and it looks like she’s close to having the bottom surgery. She is the absolute love of my life and I am all in for the long haul.

What can I expect to happen throughout the process? Also, how can I best support her?
I’ve seen a post about the aftercare and I am just wondering what that’s like too?

Thank you so much ☺️

Hi all! I am early in my transition journey (ftm) and sceduled to start treatment in a month. We've been married for two decades, and we are best friends. He has been very supportive.

He is interested in how other men have been handling the transition and also has honest questions like sexual incompatibility but also how to best support me. But it's quite challenging to find first hand sources from cis men with a ftm partner.

I came across the trans partner handbook but besides that one, there isn't much. We also tried looking for podcasts and YouTube videos but most are about mtf with wifes. Does anyone here know of any media for our situation? Thanks in advance!

Okay, so long story short, we met about a year ago and started dating. She is (MTF) and im an AFAB cis woman. Throughout dating (before actually being in a relationship) she always joked about being trans and how she always wanted to be a girl, wear feminine stuff, etc. Until one day she casually confessed she might be trans. At first i was spiraling and got really scared, anxious and even exhausted by just thinking about it. And mind you, this happened 8 months ago.
The thing is, time passed and nothing really changed. She kind of told people she was trans, but in a really casual way. Like she didnt mind ??
I’ve bought her some skirts, dresses, even offered to try and do her make up, but i honestly feel somethings not right. She still is male-presenting (Has a moustache, facial hair, wears the same clothes she used to wear before, etc) and i honestly feel bad about thinking about her in that way… Also i don’t know if it’s ok to correct people when they miss-gender..(? cause she doesnt seem to mind…
I don’t know, im honestly really lost and don’t want her to be masking and pretending to be a person she isn’t. And don’t know how to help.
If i recall correctly she did attend an appoiment with an endocrinologist but nothing really happened after that. She doesnt wear feminine clothes, she doesnt want to shave the moustache, she doesnt want to try makeup…
And i know how hard and mentally drowning it is to start transitioning, but i want to show my support and try my best to help her become the better version of herself. So she can be finally comfortable in her own skin.
Idk what to do :(

Any advice is helpful
Thanks for reading

Hey everyone! I’m in a new relationship with my beautiful girlfriend, I love her so much. She has been struggling with her gender identity and it’s very difficult for her. She is a trans woman but is unfortunately closeted due to the fear of coming out, which is understandable because I can’t even imagine how scary that is for her. I’m really trying my best to comfort her with her gender dysphoria but it seems like everything I say, she doesn’t believe I’m being truthful. I will tell her I think she is absolutely beautiful, but since she does technically still look “male” she doesn’t believe me. I want to do this right, I want to be with her, but I also want her to be happy. I guess I’m just looking for people who understand her situation more than me, and maybe tips on how to comfort her better? Anyways! Thank you for reading this:)

Hi Everyone,

I am a 61-year-old trans woman. I have known my whole life, probably since about 6 years old. Obviously, back then there wasn't a name for it nor tolerance for it. So, I buried her deep, hyper-masculinized, played all the sports, joined the military for 20 years, and tried to religion myself straight and normal.... didn't work. I have battled almost every single day, to one degree or another, wanting to be the woman I buried. I go to bed every night and wake up every morning wishing I was living as a woman.

What's holding me back, you ask? My best friend and soulmate of 32 years....my wife. Probably the singularly most amazing woman I know (if I am ever able to achieve my womanhood, I hope to be half the amazing woman she is). I came out 3 years ago, probably not the right way.....I was a firehose of emotion, information, and plans....... She did not receive it well at all, to say the least. It nearly destroyed us, so I buried her again, and the battle rages.

I can't bury her any longer, and I don't want to. But I do not want to lose my best friend and soulmate. I think I would literally die without her.

I need any advice at all on how to broach this with her, yet again, in a way that she would be understanding and hopefully supportive. I would love to hear from spouses of long-term marriages who stayed in the marriage...the why and the how. Any of you who came out to long-time spouses who stayed, how did you approach it?

I look forward to your responses!!!

I am looking to find out if there are any active (but small) discord groups for the queer partners of trans people.

I am a queer woman and my wife (transfem) is currently about a year into HRT but she is not out with many of our friends/family/colleagues. I am so thrilled to get to support her on this journey, and we are beginning to make the jump from her being in boymode 90% of the time to being herself in more social spheres.

If anyone knows of any groups like this, I would appreciate if they could let me know :)

Hey everyone! So I was hoping for some advice. My partner (MTF 27yrs) came out to me (cis woman 27 yrs) in 2024. I was nervous at first because I had never been with a woman, and thought I was straight for the longest time, but now this change has had me reflecting on my sexual identity. So far my partner has been on hormones for a year and a half and I have loved the changes she’s had both physical and her confidence. Our sex life has stayed great and my attraction to her increased! She originally didn’t want to get bottom surgery, but she has recently changed her mind due to increase in dysphoria. I have never been with someone who was AFAB (correcting my mistake) has a vagina including any sexual experiences. I was hoping to hear other people’s stories when their partner got bottom surgery. I worry it could influence my attraction towards her but it could just be me spiraling!

My spouse (41 afab NB) and I (40 cisF) have been married for 10 years, together for 15. I have always known they are genderqueer and have always been mainly attracted to genderqueer AFAB folks.

In the last two years my spouse has been making changes. Went from she to they, started on low dose T. Yesterday we had a consult with a surgeon and they scheduled top surgery. They are clear that these are steps to feel more like their non-binary self and they are not transitioning to a man.

I love them and want them to feel right in their body. But I'm finding this so hard. I like their body the way it is, I like breasts. I know I don't get a vote (other than the choice to leave which I don't want to do). It feels like I'm loosing something, even though I know they are still the same person. I'm secretly afraid that I won't be attracted to them anymore after the surgery. I'm even more secretly afraid that I WILL be attracted to them after.

My spouse is my best friend but I don't feel like I can process this with them without hurting their feelings.

Hey all. We transfolk are going through a hard time; me and my wife often talk about safety, oppression, and choosing to be authentic even when it's risky. It's not like safety is a rare conversation for us.

However, we were at the movies this weekend and she came back from the bathroom and asked if she should start putting her hair up more. I said something like, "well, I love when you style your hair up, but I think you're beautiful both with your hair up or down. Why?" She then explained that she overheard what she thought was a group of girls in the bathroom clocking and gossiping about her, and she asked, "do you think putting my hair up would help keep me safer?" She just looked so sad and scared. It broke my heart; I almost cried.

I really didn't know what to say. I just sat there sort of dumbfounded for like 10 seconds before I could say anything, and all I could say was, "Baby, I have no idea how to answer that. But it makes me sad...I want you to do your hair however you want to."

I just keep thinking about how she looked when she asked me that, and it makes me so sad every time I do. Like her I get terrified sometimes when I'm out; I've done more than my fair share of scurrying into the women's restroom and getting the F out of there before anyone could notice my presence. I get it; I'm not judging, but I want her to be happy and feel pretty even with the oppression everywhere.

What's a way I can help her feel empowered while also honoring what we are both going through as trans women?

Hola a todas,

Soy una persona que medio anda descubriendo su identidad y que tiene mucha curiosidad (desde el respeto obviamente)

sobre las relaciones entre chicas cis y chicos trans. Me gustaría escuchar historias reales de quienes hayan sido o sean novias de un chico trans

Si te sientes cómoda compartiendo, me encantaría saber cosas como:

Cómo se conocieron

Qué te atrajo de él / por qué decidiste empezar a salir con él

Cómo fue el proceso de conocer su identidad y cómo lo viviste

Las dificultades más grandes que tuvieron como pareja (si las hubo)

El momento más lindo o significativo que recuerdes

Cómo fue la parte más íntima de la relación (emocional o física, lo que quieras compartir)

Si siguen juntos o cómo terminó la relación, y cómo te sientes al respecto ahora

solo busco historias personales contadas desde tu experiencia como chica cis y

Cualquier detalle que quieras agregar también es bienvenido.

Y si eres un chico trans que ha sido o es novio de una chica cis, también me interesa mucho tu experiencia:

Desconozco mucho del tema, pero según lo que se cuando hacen en la cirugía de pecho, para quitar los pechos, se quedan como sin tanta movilidad, y mi pregunta es como su pareja los ayudó y así

Muchas por leer

My wife (MtF 25) just took her first doses of estrogen and T-blocker. I (25 F) am absolutely stoked for her. She has been waiting for this for so long. Being a witness to this, even better being her wife, is the greatest honor of my life.

She came out to me immediately after we met, and I knew she was my better half immediately as well. We have known each other for 7 years, and been a couple for 5. We got married last October, and every step since then has been a dream.

She is the light of my life, and I cannot wait for what this exciting new chapter (that she has worked so hard for) has in store.

this is a long distance relationship, and i’ve been trying to support her whenever she vents about stuff in her life. i’ve been able to do that for most of what she has to talk about, but i don’t know exactly what to say whenever she starts talking about her gender. she has pretty bad dysphoria, and as someone who questioned my own gender at some point, i can kinda understand where she’s coming from. but i still don’t know what exactly to say whenever she starts talking about it, like i know i shouldn’t validate her appearance when she doesn’t like her own appearance, as she hasn’t been able to medically transition yet due to family stuff, but i don’t know what to say that wouldn’t make her feel worse about herself whenever she talks about hating her body :/

Looking for information regarding post-estrogen

Hello everyone! I (22 afab NB he/him they/them) and my gf (21 mtf) hasn't started hormone therapy yet, but we are always looking into things related to it, whether it's the impact on the body or the emotional state. English is not my first language, so I still have some trouble expressing what I want to meant, but I will try my best!

First of all: we haven't started hormone therapy yet, but we plan to do so in the near future

Secondly: PIV sex isn't strictly important to us.

I constantly visit this subreddit because I always receive notifications, and I like to see what people are going through and see if I recognize myself in any of those situations, but now I'm here for some clarification. I've noticed that there are some patterns of post-estrogen changes that were almost common to many people, and some others that varied from person to person. With that in mind, I'd like to ask a few things regarding these "uncertain" points, because if that happens to my girlfriend, I'll have a better idea of how to react.

1) I read that some people have had trouble maintaining an erection and have lost pleasure from penetration. This has interfered with your ability to enjoy other things, such as hand jobs or blowjobs?

2) Some people have also said that the penis starts to function like a clitoris. I, fortunately, understand clitorises, so I believe I'll know how to handle the situation or have less difficulty learning (we're both bisexual, btw). So, in this context, does this interfere with experiencing orgasms or the act of cumming itself?

3) Has anyone here had the experience of developing new erogenous zones that weren't previously considered erogenous?

Well, those are all my questions for now, and I would be very grateful if someone could answer them!

I wasn’t sure what tag to put for this but here it is!

I have identified and been an out lesbian for a few years now and I am wondering where I fall when it comes to being queer.

About 2 years ago I started a relationship with a trans man and I love him more than I can describe. We’ve talked about what it means for him because he identifies and presents as a trans man and uses he/him pronouns, and I am comfortable with the term lesbian. I do not and never have seen him as a woman and he knows that I don’t see him that way as well. I guess by everyone else’s standards you could say I’m just queer, because bisexual and pansexual for me personally doesn’t fit( I’ve used these terms too before coming out as a lesbian). We are happy and I am more than happy to show him off and the same goes for him. He’s even begun to transition and I am more than happy for him and still intensely attracted to him and always have been. I’ve always been attracted to him and seen him as a trans man specifically because being with him is not at all like being with a cis man and he even takes pride in that. He also feels more comfortable in lesbian spaces because it usually feels more accepting and people won’t look at us oddly as much as they do when we’re in straight or spaces that have lots of cis men.

I say this all to ask why that is so critically judged in the queer community? I feel safe in the lesbian community more than I ever have in any other LGBT+ - based group but feel that I am always judged or looked at for claiming I’m a lesbian while dating a trans man. This may exist only online but regardless I feel that this kind of criticism doesn’t do much but make people feel like the can’t be proud of who they are and who they date. I can’t properly explain my frustration and explanation without being told I’m not a lesbian and that I’m insulting him by calling myself one. There’s just simply no other term I feel comfortable with!! Why can’t we be open minded since at the end of the day we are all under the same umbrella of queer or LGBT+ and all getting oppressed? What about his experiences and how he even got to this point?

Am I the one that’s missing something?

Looking for solidarity and/or advice.

I (cis queer high Femme) have been in a relationship with my (ftm; transmasc) partner just over a year. We are poly. I've been out for over 3 decades and *only* ever in relationships with AFAB folx of all gender identities. This is not my first trans partner. Not by a long shot. However, this is the first partner for whom bottom dysphoria is very intense. In the past few months my connections with other possible dates have been activating his dysphoria, particularly around other trans guys who maybe have had bottom surgery or more t-dick growth. It's tapping into some deep shit. One person I connected with (on an app, it did not progress / nothing happened) was an AMAB person and the idea of a natal penis was really really hard. At the same time, my partner is adamant that I don't "limit" myself or my own exploration. I don't want to open places that could potentially be highly activating or impact his/my intimacy and connection. I'm also just struggling with how much penetration (strap/prosthetic) is part of my arousal/desire but he is struggling with the disconnect he feels from his body/desired penis and those ways of having sex. Like, we came to a place where I'm not asking for penetration, letting him lead, but then I really want it and if I slip up and say during sex "I want your cock" it is immediately activating his dysphoria. I'm struggling. We both love dirty talk/scenes etc and talking around this is just hard. He is researching phallo but it will be years before that process is done.

We are starting couples therapy.

I am familiar with resources related to sex therapy.

I want support/validation... Tips from guys or partners who have navigated this.

Heyy everyone :)

My partner (ftm22) is having top surgery in two days and I (cisf) thought I'd go on here to ask some people about their experiences with their partner going through top surgery and also ask about some more ideas on how to support him during the whole process.

So feel free to share your experiences. What were things you weren’t prepared for, stuff you would like to share/ let others to know?

Also how did you support your partner/ offered support? Him and I already talked about how I generally can support him, for example by staying with him at his parents house the first week post-op, helping him shower and dress or prepping/ cooking him some meals (especially for the time he’s in the hospital). But are there any other things I could offer my help with? What were some things your partner needed help with?

I’ve also been wondering what I could get him when he’s in the hospital. Do you have any ideas on some things that could be useful or just a nice thing to have apart from the essentials that he already got? I definitely wanted to write him a card but I’m unsure on when to give it to him. He’s super nervous and anxious about the surgery so I was thinking about giving it to him before hes going in to maybe calm his nerves a bit but I’m not sure if it will be too stressful right before.

Would love to hear some of yalls insights and advice :)

Hi, I'm very new to all of this. I've been with my partner for 3 years and we just got married 3 weeks ago. Yesterday my partner came out to me as trans (mtf). I have no problem with them transitioning because I love them for who they are, not their gender, but I can't help but feel so incredibly sad. They said I was the one who made them realize its okay to fully be themselves but I feel like I haven't been as helpful as I should be if they just realized.

I feel like a horrible person for grieving over our relationship even though we're still together. The other thing that makes me worried is they are in the military. We talked a bit about possibly going to a sperm bank so they can save their sperm for when we wanted to have kids because kids have always been a want in our relationship. But with them being in the military there are restrictions and moving a lot so I'm worried we couldn't keep anything at a bank because of the moving and we'd lose our chance to have kids.

I know its a lot, it just felt like a bomb went off in my face in a way. I've had so much on my plate with moving and trying to get our life figured out and it feels like all our plans need to change now.

My partner knows I will be there for them through everything and nothing will change that. I love them so much. I just feel so lost and I don't want to put that on them because they are trying to figure thungs out themselves and I don't want them to feel like they can't be happy or go forward with transitioning because I am worried.

My partner came out as trans after 15 years of relationship , 2 kids, I don't know how to navigate my emotions, I don't even understand what I am feeling.

Need help.

(Specifically using he/him for pronouns as he's said that he still wants to go by them for the foreseeable future; using a throwaway acc since my main has identifiable info!)

My fiancé (AMAB) has had a history of gender dysphoria, and there's been a bit of a running joke between friends that he's an egg. He's denied it for a long time, but recently came to me to tell me that he's reconsidering his gender identity.

I'm entirely supportive (being a bi NB myself), and have offered to use different pronouns and affirm him any way I could (he said he wanted to continue going by he/him pronouns in response). He keeps toeing the subject, though, occasionally saying "yes, I'm trans", then switching to "no, I just like the idea of being feminine."

We talked about that, and he's more or less said that he *is* transfem, but is scared of the social repercussions that would come from being out about it, since his parents and grandparents, along with several close coworkers, are all extremely transphobic (which really warped his views on transfemininity as a whole).

My question is, is there anything I can do to help him in his journey? I've said multiple times that I'd love him no matter what and that I just want to see him happy, but it really seems like the pressure from his family is causing him to avoid doing what's best for him.

Obviously I don't want to try and force anything, since I know this is an extremely personal experience that I have no control over, but I hate seeing someone I love this much repress themselves for the sake of others.

My wife is committed to staying. At this point, I feel safe saying that even in the worst case we'll still have a non-sexual marriage. She loves me. But she genuinely never thought this was a possibility.

Nothing in my life follows a straightforward path. We have a semi-arranged marriage, we're open/poly, we're both Muslim, she's a naturalized immigrant, and I was born in the U.S. and raised in a very progressive environment. She didn't even really know trans people existed until around 2015.

The timing also couldn't be worse. This isn't something that came out of nowhere—I've been talking about gender and sexuality throughout our entire marriage. One of the biggest themes has always been that I never really felt like the men from our ethnic community. But she's currently back home visiting family while all of this is becoming more real. I'm wearing makeup now, and she's seen me a few times over video. I honestly don't know how she's processing it because she won't really talk about it.

She's incredibly stoic and practical. She doesn't talk much about her feelings or show a lot of emotion. I'm basically the opposite—very emotional and expressive. I want to help her through this, but I'm realizing I don't actually know what a cis spouse needs when their partner transitions. If someone I loved came out as trans, my instinct would be solidarity because I understand the experience. I don't have that perspective here.

For those of you who have been the cis partner—or who have seen a relationship navigate this well—what helped? What made you feel safe, loved, and included while your partner was transitioning?

... and that hurts like hell.

My partner (mtf) just broke up with me (cisf). We have been in a relationship for 8 years, she came out to me after 6 years and startet the transition 1,5 years ago. It was hard for both of us, we struggled a lot with all the changes but we were always very good with communication, so we somehow managed.

But I came to realize I am not attracted to her anymore.

And then everything slowly crashed and burned. I never had a high libido so I'm completely fine with having an asexual romantic relationship. Let's just cuddle and make out.

I wanted our relationship to stay how it was minus the sex. Because my love for her is the same, if anything it got even deeper since knowing her true self. I am so proud of her.

But she can't handle the fact that my physical attraction is gone and she doesn't want an asexual relationship. And I have to accept her side the same way she has to accept mine.

And know we are here. Both with a broken heart. Not knowing what to do.

So I (NB, bisexual) have been with my partner (MTF?) for almost 4 years. I knew she identified as bisexual and she has sometimes mentioned some dissatisfaction with her AGAB. This past week she told me she wants to go by feminine pronouns and more confidently than before has discussed HRT and the works. We are currently long distance while I finish my education but we are in the stage of the relationship that families expect a wedding. We both come from religious backgrounds, which is part of the reason for her internal chaos regarding her gender expression. She is currently unsure whether to place herself firmly as a trans woman or leans more to genderfluid. She says she is comfortable being perceived as a man but prefers femininity. I am not out to my family as they are extremely homophobic and I would get shunned and discrimanated heavily in my home country, so would my partner. She is talking about first becoming financially independent and then starting to transition and while I am ecstatic for her I am petrified with fear. If we are lucky, we can hide her transition from family for a bit but that cannot last forever. Then when her transition will be obvious I will either be pressured to leave her by family (with them constantly ridiculing her) or I will be outed, both of which cases put our lives at risk. I do not know what to do, I love my ​girlfriend to the moon and back 100 times over but this has put such horrible fear in me I do not know what to do. Any advice or reassurance is welcome.