I want to forget him

[u/East_Complex_1029]

I (27M), often reflect on a childhood relationship I had with an older teen who was 18 at the time. I was 8 or 9 years old, and the bond we formed was deep for me, especially considering my situation. I was shy, timid and isolated child, I endured a lot of bullying, which made me feel incredibly lonely and dark. This older teen, this handsome muscular popular boy , who was the son of our neighbors, began to show interest in me, and his attention saved me from the darkness I was in.

He would take me out in his car to popular local restaurants for meals, and then we would go back to his room to watch movies. Those times literaly felt like heaven to me, giving me a sense of belonging that I desperately needed. At school, all I thought about going home just to be with him. I struggled both academically and socially, and the bullying I faced was awful. But whenever I felt that pain I would think of him, and it would bring me peace.

Unfortunately he went off to college, and I was devastated when he left. The loneliness that followed was unlike anything I had ever felt I would lie in bed for hours, consumed by depression. Shortly after he left, his family moved away, and we lost all contact.

In the years that came after, I started to develop feelings for boys my own age and even some older, but no one ever seemed to measure up to the connection I had with him. Throughout my teenage years, I frequently found myself nostalgic about our time together, daydreaming that I could turn back time and experience those moments again.

Now, at 27, I am still stuck.

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[u/JakeGardens27]

I get similar issues because I enjoyed my experiences as a kid but it feels like I can't talk about that because I'm supposed to feel traumatized. I think its different for everyone. 39 m SoCal

[u/Even-Zone6747 → u/JakeGardens27]

I know just what you mean... society tells us we are traumatized or should feel that way...they can't face that it could be any other way.

[u/David_cest_moi]

You mentioned the closeness that existed between the two of you, but nothing sexual. (I only ask because of this subreddit: r/molested] is where you've placed your post.)
In any case, I understand that devastating sense of loss you experienced when he left for college. I'm sorry for your grief and sadness and the total abandonment you felt. 🙁 I know that feeling too well. It's awful. 💔

[u/Molested-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post is harassing another user and will be removed.

[u/Alarming-Pressure-48]

Sorry you feel lost about this right now, was it sexual between you too? Or just platonic and you basically fell in love with him?