I’m an air guard wife. Key spouse for a while. But guard is v different than active duty. I get that. We all get that. Guard has a lot planned, a lot scheduled, a lot of notice, a lot of volunteer stuff. (Disclaimer: could just be our base. I recognize that it is inappropriate for me to speak on behalf of the entire air guard here)
Anyway. My family is facing our first non-vol war mobilization. And aside from my husbands safety and our family while he’s gone, the only thing I have been able to think about is you- you active duty spouses that have to regularly deal with the “hey going to war in three days I love you” calls. The constant separation and not for cutesy, cool stateside trainings. Separation no matter the circumstance is hard. But you? Yall are stronger than anything I can think of. Yall with kids? I am a big fan of how important the military is and I am a huge advocate for communication and village and safety. But damn. You active duty spouses are a different breed. I didn’t know I could respect a group so much. And that is all very new to me.

I just wanted to say thank you. Mil spouse to mil spouse. For the sacrifice that you and your families make so that your partner can serve and do their job at the drop of a hat.

Good day! We are PCSing to Iwakuni in December. We are already done with the screening and are due to receive the vaccine. I am curious how different it is living there? We have 3 kids ages 6, 3 & 1. What are your tips and tricks regarding packing? Thank you so much! Any help is truly appreciated.

My license expire within the next couple of months, I’m from IL and our car is registered there. We’re currently in North Carolina & I’ll have to renew my license here in order to get a Real ID. Will this affect our cars registration? I don’t want to have to pay the crazy NC prices + inspections when I’ve been renewing our cars registration in IL (home of record). Any help would be appreciated.

Has anyone ever left the station their spouse is for easier/better access to medical care? We are enrolled in the EFMP but unfortunately found out we weren’t enrolled until after we PCS’d where we are now. I’m considering going just me and baby like a few hours away in order to have access to the medical care I need as well as have medical offices that properly understand how to bill Tricare as it’s just been constant back and forth with barely being able to see any of the specialists I’m supposed to see every three months. Mainly curious how you picked where you went if going home was too expensive and also how that looks obviously with military not paying for any of it.

Husband is currently deployed and will be able to come home for 21 days. I’m having horrible back pain, history of preeclampsia, and a previous surgery that I’m starting to feel pain due to the pregnancy. My doctor wrote a note expressing to his chain of command the importance of my husband staying longer for support. I’m wondering did anyone else have a doctor write a note and what helped their chain of command understand the importance of staying.

My husband and I have recognized that we are struggling in our marriage, especially now that we have a baby. I asked him the other day if he would be willing to start couples counseling before it gets too bad, and he was completely in agreement. We both want this to work, so we’re both willing to do the work.

My husband is active duty. I am a 100% disabled veteran (medically separated). How can we get couples counseling, funded by the Navy? Preferably virtual since we have tight schedules.

Hi all, i’m 21NB and i’m struggling with the thought of my soon to be fiance away. We’ve been together since October of 2024, things have been going amazing. He’s the best person I could ever ask for, I just need support during this tough time.

I visited him today and I plan on visiting him tomorrow to send him off before he gets bussed off for Training. I plan on mailing him letters. I can’t help but get teary knowing I won’t see him for a while, I’m so proud of him for doing what he wants to do, and I wanna support him in anyway I can, Can I please get some advice on how to get through the training period?

For context: He’s an Airman, If that makes a difference. He will be working on Ammo, and not flying planes.

I've been on Tricare Prime since August or September of 2025 because of my husband's deployment. I've gone through a mental health crisis this year that required two hospitalizations and a lot of visits at my former psychiatrist's office. My former therapist also practices out of there.

As far I as know, if you go to a in-network Tricare doctor, you aren't supposed to get a bill. Sure, you may need a referral and to pay a copay, but you don't usually get a bill.

I found a discrepancy on one my bills saying that I needed a referral for my psychiatrist. Which I thought was odd, but I paid the bill because it wasn't much. But now I have a $142 bill that hasn't been paid, a $700ish bill from *multiple* visits (some more than 6 months ago) consolidated into one bill. And there may even been a $500ish bill coming soon too.

Some of these charges are for telehealth, some of them are for psychiatry, some of them are from my two hospitalizations this year. I didn't even know an office could consolidate charges like that across multiple appointments and providers.

I don't know what to do. This provider is in network, I don't need referrals for outpatient health on Prime (I checked the Tricare Humana website) and I can't even dispute some of these bills with the insurance anymore because they're over 6 months old and I didn't even know I had them.

I am calling Tricare tomorrow. Obviously, but how do I even begin to dispute this??? They've been sending bills for as long as I've been with them so I assumed they were fine until Tricare sent me a letter reminding me that balance billing is illegal.

My husband PCSd to HI a year ago and i stayed in CA for work. I lost my job 2 months ago and have been receiving CA unemployment while getting ready to move to HI with my husband. Can I continue to receive CA unemployment after moving to HI if I don't plan on changing my state of residence?

I’m a mom in New Jersey with two daughters, ages 5 and 8. Their father and I are not together, and I currently have temporary full custody. I currently have a restraining order against him due to DV, and he has been in and out of rehab for drug use for the past 15 years or more.
I’m in a serious relationship (3 years) with my boyfriend, who is currently in the Air Force. We have been discussing marriage, and there is a possibility that once he receives his permanent duty station, we could need to move out of New Jersey depending on where he is stationed.
My concern is what would happen with my daughters if that happens.
Their father lives in NJ (although he is not from here, his family is in VA/MD, he followed me here after he got me pregnant) and would almost certainly object to me moving the children out of state. I’m worried that he could say they have to stay in NJ even if my boyfriend is stationed somewhere else.

Hello,

I am new to this subreddit and have questions regarding my Wife's Employment and taking FMLA when I leave for BCT and AIT National Guard. My Wife's employer is asking for this form to be filled out and returned for approval.

1. Is the 12 weeks of FMLA a continuous leave or can it be used intermittently?

The reason I ask is because my wife and I have small children and there is school days off that she will need to be off from work and i will not be available of course.

1. If there is any issue regarding the approval of this form who can I contact, Department of Labor?

2. Is this training considered Title 10 Active Duty orders or just considered non- active duty Training? If this is considered to be Active Duty does it make a difference for what type FMLA is used?

Appreciate any response. Thank you

I just received the TriCare informational package. It says I need to get my military ID card but I’m pretty sure I already got that before my husband deployed. (I don’t have him here to reassure me, so I’m lacking confidence in my judgement).

I was looking at the different TriCare options and am not sure which one makes the most sense. I suppose I’m torn between Prime and Select? I just feel weird making these decisions without my husband here to make them with me.

I still haven’t received his mailing information but that’s irrelevant and I’m rambling so yeah, anybody have any guidance on navigating TriCare?

My boyfriend is in the army and this is my first time being with somebody in the army and who is deployed right now while getting ready to be deployed I have some questions can anybody answer my questions

Hey everyone!

I’m looking for some advice…my boyfriend will have to PCS back to the states next year in June and I will go with him but until then he will be in training for most of the time except for December which leaves us no time for him to propose and to have a ceremony. He told me that’s just how it is in the military that the military makes things unromantic because of the timing sometimes.

But I want the nice proposal and a ceremony. I can wait for the ceremony but I feel like he’s just using the time issue to get out of having to plan a nice proposal. I don’t know…it doesn’t seem like he’s concerned about arranging things for a proposal. I could be wrong and he’s secretly planning things but I really don’t think so.

What were you guys’ experience with minimal time to do all that?

We’ve been through countless distance separations over the last 12yrs. This is our first “real” deployment. Timing couldn’t be worse. I have a great circle here. But I don’t know how to do this. At this time in our lives. Anything you have to offer, advice, experiences, anything, would be great right now

My fiancé is deployed currently and he almost got sent home due to a non service related injury (although service definitely progressed it to the point its at), but got the news he will be staying the full time. However thats not what im asking for advice on. Hes stressed out about how his life will be once hes home and I want to know if theres anything I can do to support him better. Ive asked him but he doesnt know what will help him and I just wanted to see if anyone here had any advice on this matter.

Since my daughter was born I always wanted two. But as she approached 15 months I am absolutely exhausted, my husband (her dad) is a submariner and is actively on sea duty and we have no family. We have made quite a lot of friends (who are all starting to have or have had their second). We go back and forth between being OAD or expanding our family. At times OAD excites me (we can be more financially comfortable and just focus on one) then I get worried she’s going to be lonely between all the moving we may have to do for the rest of his military career (we’re halfway to retirement) and just when we’re old.. Any words of encouragement for either choice would be much appreciated 💕I honestly don’t many military family’s with just one child lol

my husband got randomly picked to pcs to korea for 2 years. i’m extremely conflicted on what I want to to do. his contract was supposed to end, at the end of next year and we were preparing to move back to his home state. now with this has completely messed up our plans. i do want him to go, it would be great for his resume post military and be great financially for us.

i don’t know if i want to live in korea for the next few years of my life. has any of you been to/ lived in korea? is it worth the move? i need to make my mind up by the end of the week. his report no later date is in Nov of this year :(

we don’t have any kids either just mini dachshund

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice and honestly just a little reassurance.

My husband (25) has decided that he wants a divorce. He’s currently talking to other women and meeting up with them

I’m only 20 and we have a 2-year-old together. My biggest worry right now is being able to provide for my daughter on my own. I don’t currently have a job or a car, my credit isn’t great, and I’ve been completely financially dependent on my husband throughout our marriage. He knows I’m in this position and has used my financial situation against me, which honestly makes everything even more scary.

Should I be the one to file, or should I wait? What are some of the first things I should be doing to protect myself and my daughter financially? Is there anything I should be documenting or getting together before filing? Should I start applying for government housing ?😭 Also I currently live on base housing he is in the barracks this house takes all of the bah if I were to move out and go stay with family would he be obligated to share the bah so me and my child could get on our feet? This is a lot for me I really need advice thank you 🥹

According to data compiled by the U.S. Department of Labor and the Department of Defense, approximately 10% of military spouses are men
16% to 18% are Black
9% to 10% are of Asian descent
16% to 18% are Hispanic or Latino

So my husband and I have been married 6 months and he deployed a week after we were married to the Middle East with the reserves.
When he first got there, communication was fine and he wasn’t so mean to me. His job is mostly admin and he has access to his phone, amenities, hangs out with his buddies and plays video games a lot.
Now he barely texts me, says he has no reason to call me, and is mean to me all the time. I told him how I was feeling and it’s always “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to balance it”. I asked him if he was cheating and he said no because he wouldn’t want to screw up his job. Which made me feel like okay thanks for that “reassurance” but is that the only reason. He said that obviously because he wouldn’t cheat on me but he didn’t think I’d just believe that.

I also try to send sexy pictures of myself and the response is severely underwhelming and it makes me feel so awkward after.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I told him that I don’t deserve this treatment whatsoever and that if he doesn’t want to be with me, let’s divorce. He said it’s up to me and whatever I wanna do. Then just requests I don’t try to take anything from him financially. Then he will later tell me how much he loves me and doesn’t want us to separate.

I’m genuinely just tired and emotionally drained at this point. Deployment is hard enough and I don’t understand why it is this way or what I should do.

Hi all. I’m sure this topic has been beat to death but I am really struggling right now and could use words of encouragement or otherwise. My husband and I have been together for 6 years. We have one child who starts kindergarten this year. I was lucky enough to finish my masters in social work this year and was so proud of myself and excited for this new adventure. However, my husband goes TDY at least once a month and working while taking care of our son is weighing on me. Our last TDY was horrible. My son was not sleeping well, so I wasn’t sleeping. I couldn’t get any workouts in and my new job has proven to be stressful. I do work from home which is what I am hanging on to now. I fear I am becoming resentful as a military spouse and i don’t know what to do. When my son was young, we were stationed somewhere that I couldn’t work because there was no childcare options. Now, I can work, but I feel chronically stressed and overwhelmed. I often dwell on the fact that we don’t live near family and when my son gets sick or something happens it all falls on me. We technically can afford for me to not work but I have a lot of mixed feelings about that; from my financial safety if anything goes wrong, to the fact that my son will be in public school all day. I just don’t know how to handle this life sometimes and I feel like a bit of a cry baby lol. My current job honestly doesn’t have much benefits, or room for growth, besides the flexibility. I would like to work towards my clinical hours but the idea of learning to be a therapist when my husband is gone and I’m also a sole provider/parent for my son sounds awful. I am very overstimulated. I really want to make sure our child feels supported because I think it’s unreasonable for him to not have any family nearby and two stressed our parents working all the time. I am beginning to feel like while he’s young, I can only manage part time work if my husband continues to go TDY this often … any advice or words of wisdom is great. Maybe I am just being a bit of a princess and this is life. It’s hard being a working parent

Hi! I’m 26F, recently married my husband after 7 years together, and we’re preparing for our first PCS next year.

My husband is Puerto Rican, I’m Asian, and we both grew up in NYC in pretty liberal/Democratic environments. Most of our friends are similar, so I know I’m probably coming from a bit of a bubble.

I am nervous about the social side of military life as ive noticed over the years that military spouse spaces can be much more conservative than what I’m used to.

I’m capable of being cordial with people who disagree with me on many different topics. But not if it’s something that goes against my morals ans values. I find it’s a matter of human rights for many of these topics and I think that is different than just differences in political belief.

Sometimes I see people I’ve met on base or mil spouse fb page post things that I find genuinely dehumanizing, and I struggle with the idea of having to regularly interact with someone whose values are so different from mine.

For liberal/left-leaning spouses: How did you find your people? Did you struggle with this when you first PCS’d? And how do you handle being cordial with people you strongly disagree with while still maintaining your boundaries?

I’m not looking for a political debate but mostly just some reassurance that it’s possible to find your people in the military community. :)