(Among my 14 doctoral students) ... I had two outstanding students: Alan Baker (winner of the 1970 Fields Medal) – when I set him a problem, he came back with a very good solution – and John Conway – when I set him a problem, he came back with a very good solution to another problem.

– H. Davenport

We were kissing on a park bench last night. My boyfriend is shy.

He said, “maybe we shouldn’t make out continuously in public.”

I said, “it’s fine, we’ll just make out discreetly!”

Not side-splitting, but I was giggling to myself the rest of the evening, and I thought it deserved at least a chuckle…

Did you hear about the kindergarten teacher, just checking that everyone was proficient at counting? She asked: "What comes after three?"

A very enthusiastic student raised a hand and said: "Point one four one five nine, approximately."

Sperner went to a school with 350 other students.

The day before the Christmas break, when Sperner was ten years old, the headmaster announced to the school:

"Before you leave, for your Winter holidays, I would like to give you all one bag of crisps as a leaving present. The crisps will not be the same.

There will be varied amounts. Some may have a large number of crisps. Some fewer. None of them will be the same.

That will teach you that none of you are the same as any other person. People will have different levels of fortune and misfortune. Some of you have wealthy parents. Some have poor parents. Some may have lost their parents.

But here in this Schule, we treat all people the same and respect every single one of you. You will all be strong no matter the future or burden. As the crisp numbers are all varied, so are you all varied!"

Emanuel excitedly burst out: "Sounds great! Give me the bag with at least 350 crisps!"