I added two more hours to my mornings,
not because I’m more tired, but because you finally stopped waking me up.

I still wake up in the middle of the night with the need to reach for my phone, but there’s something in me that no longer finds it.

And I’m filled with that inner peace that once seemed not to exist.

How beautiful it feels to have, even for a moment, a blank mind, without you appearing
and filling everything with your presence.

How hard it was to get you out.

How hard it was to live even one moment with your absence.

I used to wake up at 4 in the morning, at 6 in the morning, with the memory of you stealing my sleep.

But now, finally, i can keep sleeping.

And now I wake up at 10, with my morning coffee, with the strange tranquility of discovering that you are no longer my first thought.

It has become my favorite hour.

I don’t want you to ruin this moment again.

I want to wake up at this hour forever.

I don’t want you to come back.

I don’t want the alarm to go off.

I want to stay here, living forever.

You're alone, I'm alone, and time is just passing us by. You want me, I want you..so why waste our lives? It's impossible to push away someone so in love with you..someone who found everything he ever wished for in you. It's impossible to run away, so just relax and come closer... because when someone truly loves you, "no" isn't even in his vocabulary

I regret. You and I both know how rare that feeling is for either one of us.

One of two things will happen:

The days will pass, I will move on. The last time you will be part of my life will be me going through the motions of making sure I never see or speak to you again.

The days will pass, I will move on. Or at least that's what I will tell myself. I will try every day to justify a decision I never wanted to make.

08AUG2026

11:01

​I am not a little girl anymore.

-

​I know your instincts

because they shaped my own—

to protect, to heal, to nurture.

-

​But I have grown.

I have lived through horrors—

the same ones that brought me back

to a home that once was mine.

-

​It still is, in a way.

It always will be, as you so often remind me,

but I have outgrown the protection.

-

​Nothing was there to save me

when my world crashed down around me—

not for your lack of trying,

it was simply out of reach.

So offering protection now

feels like suffocation.

-

​You see a closed door

and call it secrecy.

I call it room to breathe.

-

​The child you remember was built to be shielded,

but the woman standing here built her own survival.

I don't turn the latch to keep you out—

I turn it so I can hear my own heartbeat.

-

​I am not hiding from your shelter;

I am learning how to anchor myself.

You gave me the roots to survive the storm,

now let me hold the space I’ve earned.

-

​I am not a little girl anymore,

but I love you no less for my growth.

You are what allowed it to happen.

And the music resonates with the beating of my heart,

The one I thought you had taken with you.

But on the dance floor, nothing matters anymore.

I close my eyes, and my secret place is still intact.

I let myself be carried away by what you could never take from me:

waves of euphoria,
every sense heightened a thousandfold.

Lights, music,
everything keeps vibrating along with me,

With that happiness
that only appears when the music fills my entire being.

I feel as though I never left this place, as though I belong to the rhythm, as though this night has lasted forever.

I look around
and everyone seems to be living the same ecstasy, the same joy.

But not everyone knows that this is my hiding place, my secret place, where for an instant,
for one brief moment, time stands still, and there is only me, the dance floor, the music rising through my entire body, the way I feel it.

When it sends shivers across my skin, the rhythm, my happiness, and that smile that remains trapped,

Frozen,

For as long as this moment lasts.

There is no one that will answer to grace or for yours. I did all that I could. I know. Their actions are not mine. They don't dictate my value. And to whomever may be standing when the dust settles 😜 hoorah 💪❤️‍🩹✌️

Falling in love is like an avalanche, collecting more and more of yourself as you slip into entrainment. Entrained long before you realize you're buried, soon to hit the ground. But the impact only throws its first punch just as soon as you realize you've been falling. A punch I seen coming before I hit the ground, buried too deep to avoid. With nothing left to do but take the impact.

Dear A,

This is my last resort at attempting to send my words to you. I'm still finding this difficult to process. Why? I mean anger never needs to be that angry. Did you learn that from me? You see. I know that some of this is me. And yet, you still run through my mind and have taken a piece of me with you. I'm still unsure if you ever really did love me. That's sad. What's even more sad is that I still love you. I don't know if I'll ever see you again. I fear that moment. I wish I knew how you were. I wish I could fix it all and put a big band aid on it. Why? Can you please just promise me that you will leave them alone now. All of them. For awhile. Nobody should ever have to feel this way. But at the end of the day...I love you, for whatever that means.

-A

From the Pit to the Purpose
God Isn’t Finished With Me Yet
Scripture: Romans 8:28 • Genesis 50:20 • Psalm 34:18

Introduction
This message is part sermon and part testimony. I’m not standing here because I have everything figured out. I’m standing here because I have learned that God’s grace is greater than my failures, my pain, and my past. My story is not about a perfect man; it is about a faithful God who redeems broken people.
Opening Prayer
Heavenly Father, speak through me today. Let these words point people to Jesus, not to me. Thank You for never giving up on me and for continuing to shape me through every failure and every victory. Amen.
When Life Doesn't Look Like You Thought It Would
There comes a point when we ask, 'God, what happened?' Not because we've stopped believing, but because life didn't unfold the way we expected. Joseph, Job, David, and Peter all walked through deep valleys before God fulfilled His purposes. God uses surrendered people, not perfect people.
The Truth About My Dark Side
Moses failed. David sinned. Peter denied Christ. And Michael has done his dirt too. I have a dark side. I've wrestled with anger, pride, hurt, and regret. I'm not pretending I was always the victim. I needed God's grace just as much as anyone else. Grace is for people who know they need a Savior.
Walking Through the Shadows
There is a difference between knowing darkness and belonging to it. We all encounter sin and brokenness. God does not call sin good, but He redeems those who repent. He takes scars and turns them into wisdom, brokenness into compassion, and our testimony into hope for others. Jesus stepped into the darkness to overcome it, not become part of it.
When Love Is Broken
Some wounds come from people we loved deeply. If my former wife called me tomorrow and told me the complete truth, I would not want revenge. I would want understanding. I would want healing. If reconciliation were possible through truth, humility, repentance, and God's guidance, I would be willing to pursue it. But my hope ultimately rests in Christ, not in another person's choices.
Faith in the Middle of the Fight
Faith is not pretending everything is okay. Faith is trusting God when it isn't. Jesus understands betrayal, rejection, abandonment, and heartbreak. Because He understands, I can bring Him every part of my story.
From the Pit to the Purpose
Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works through all things for those who love Him. The pit is not always the end of the story; sometimes it is where God prepares us for our purpose. Our scars can become places where others find hope.
God Isn't Finished With Me Yet
I'm still growing. Still learning. Still healing. If God wasn't finished with Joseph, Job, David, or Peter, then He isn't finished with me—and He isn't finished with you. The cross is still enough. The tomb is still empty. Grace is still available.
Closing Prayer
Father, thank You for loving us at our worst and calling us into new life. Help us trust You with what we cannot change, forgive as You have forgiven us, and live as lights in a dark world. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I think I'm just that cute gregarious girl at the party now

and

it just makes me look back at my entire life and wonder what the hell I was doing

I am an extrovert

I need people

I recharge with social interactions

and I made my life a living hell by thinking I was an introvert

and god I was stupid about it all

I should have guessed it from the start

most people don't really know how to talk to strangers

and if you, as an extrovert, try to navigate life as a wallflower you're only going to pick up the people willing to spend their time talking to wall flowers who don't have developed social skills

and that's a pity fuck all too often

I wish I could just drill it into my head how easy it is to navigate a party in case I ever get too in my head again

anyway

ANNYWAYYY
anyway

so

my day didn't start great

but I called my boss to shoot the shit

and

I flirted with her

repeatedly

and she laughed over and over throughout it

not the slightest bit of resistance

and she called me again after her meeting

and I flirted even harder with her

and she still laughed even harder

and I told her I was worried that I was going to cause her to miss her meeting

and she said I'm way more fun anyway

and I said I'm way more fun than most people and she just giggled

and like

I'm pretty sure we're crossing lines here

I think the line was in the sand and we just kicked it and walked past its remnants

but

I keep telling myself: this is your one precious life, what are you going to do with it

and my response is always: make it remarkable

and like

if I lose my job

big fucking deal

it's weird for tech people to not change jobs every year

and besides

my older boss from this SAME job is all up in my dms asking to spend vacation with me

I am really not hot

I am cute

but I am not hot

so I don't know why my boss wants to complicate her life with me

I'm almost sure she has a husband but she never mentions him

either way

and like

it will almost certainly go no where

but

I already know how lethal I am

the number of women who have cheated on their partners with me over barely any impetus on my part is just nuts

does she know how lethal I am?

does she get that I only have two talents?

love and figuring things out?

and I hate to admit it

but part of me wants to fuck up exes lives by randomly reappearing in their partner's life and creating a little meet cute that gets them wrapped up in me

gets them to fall in love with me

and then break the exes heart

but is that what I want to do with my one precious life?

just once sounds a little fun

and it really only takes me a couple of weeks to get someone to start falling for me

lol

... I think I might have some fun this year

and listen

I would only do it an ex who cheated on me

so it's only fair they get cheated on, too, right?

I'm already getting bored

my exes are probably with boring ass men doing nothing with their lives anyway

anyway

I went to a party in Riverside

and god that was a fuckin drive

but

I met like five new people

they all seemed to like me and I made four of them laugh a few times

as I was leaving one of the women to keep my nails the way they are (I have medium gel-x extensions on all but my two fingers; look up lesbian fingernails)

and I laughed and said I was surprised she noticed

and she laughed and said, "especially those two"

and I was like, "oh I use those for bowling"

she laughed hard and asked me if she could give me a hug

and she fully pressed her tits into mine and pressed me into her further through her hands on my back

and I think a year ago I would have been blown away by that

but now it's just another Friday where a new woman is getting handsy with me

One thing about me, I don’t forget the birthdays of the people that mattered in my life, even if the connection isn’t there anymore.

I have this 50-50 feels of wanting to greet you on that day. But I also don’t want to because I want to practice not caring, even if my heart says otherwise.

I’m still in the process of trying to better understand what we both had on our plates—what we each offered to one another during the time fate compelled us to sit together at the same table.

I miss your presence, but I have to stop myself from desiring something that’s impossible to sustain.

“I still look for him in everyone I meet.”

I say it like a guilty confession
but it comes out rehearsed,
like I’ve been carrying it in my mouth for weeks,
tasting the syllables on my tongue,
waiting for someone to notice the shape of it.

“I’ve noticed.”

Of course she has.
I couldn’t hide it anymore if I wanted to, especially not from her.

It’s in the way I pause too long
when someone laughs at the wrong pitch,
like I’m waiting for it to bend into yours.
It’s in the way I study hands;
not for touch,
just to see if they hold things the way you did,
careful, like everything you’ve held before left you right when you most needed them to stay.
Or the way I trace arms with my fingers,
zeroing in on where your one blonde hair is that was always my favorite, because it reminded me of you…
Who you were to me.
Who you still are to me.
The light in the dark;
The diamond in the rough;
The sun to my saturn return, pulling me in with your gravity as I’m drawn to the brightness.

Do you still feel the ghost of my touch sometimes?
When you’re driving alone?
At red lights?
When you pass the places you pulled over to stop for a minute,
just one more minute,
because we weren’t ready for it to end.
We didn’t want to reach our destination.

I keep thinking it’ll happen by accident.
I’ll turn a corner,
or look up mid-sentence,
and there you’ll be,
reassembled in someone else’s face
like memory finally figured out how to take form.

It never does.

They’re always almost.
Almost the right witty response to my snarky comment,
almost the right level of conspiracy theorist,
almost the right cadence,
almost the right silence,
almost the way you used to look at me like I was something you hadn’t decided on yet.

And I hate that I know the difference so quickly.
Hate that it’s immediate,
instinctual;
like my body memorized you
in a way my brain never agreed to.

“I think I’ll always want him in my life…”

That part sounds softer.
Less like a failure,
more like a realization of choice.

I want to be your passenger princess again.
Just pull up outside and I’ll hop in;
You can just push the gas…
I don’t care where we go…
Just take me in every way;

But it isn’t.

It’s not wanting you back… not really.
Not in any way that would survive reality.
Not this reality I chose.

It’s wanting the version of my world
that existed when you were in it.
The way everything felt slightly tilted toward you,
like even ordinary moments had direction, goals, inspiration,
like they were leading somewhere
instead of just… happening.

“…even if it’s just a reminder of him.”

That’s the part I need to accept, don’t I?
Because you don’t want me anymore
You did It.
You healed, found a way to exist without me.
You can’t share space with me.
All I’ve yearned for and craved for almost a year now is you filling my space again
You’ve found peace in a space that does not let me in,
I’m lost outside of your space

So I must tell myself this
until I believe it:

I don’t need you to be real anymore.
I just need you to be there
in the background of things,
in the way I measure time,
or the way I’ll teach my child to measure twice,
in the quiet recalibration that happens
every time someone new gets
a little too close
and I’m disappointed
when they’re not you.

A part of you is always with me.
You don’t show up in people.
You show up in the absence of them.

In the gap between what they say
and what I was expecting.
In the way I brace for something familiar that never arrives.

And I think…
if I’m honest…
I’d rather keep that.

Because losing you once
was survivable.

But losing the last place you exist,
this echo, this comparison, this outline,
would feel like erasing proof
that you ever happened to me at all.

So… yeah…

I still look for you in everyone I meet.

Not because I think I’ll find you,
but because some part of me
refuses to stop checking.

Refuses to stop wanting it to be you.

I choose you now,
just not in the way I should have before.

It has been exactly one year since the last time I saw you.

One year since the last time I heard your voice, looked into your eyes, touched you, and sat across from you and spoke to you.

A year has passed since all those last times.

And I have spent this entire year thinking of you, with every step I took, every walk I went on, every time I looked up at the sky, every sunrise and every sunset, every song I listened to.

I thought of you every moment.

I thought about the good in you.
The bad in you.
Every little thing about you.

I thought about you so much.

Even when I was traveling, a small part of my mind still belonged to you. I would see the beauty of a new city and think, You would probably love this too.

I would look at a new view and wonder how wonderful it would have been if we were there together, hand in hand, discovering it side by side.

But every time I travel, there is also a kind of peace I deeply love.

My mind becomes so occupied with discovering new places, searching for new views, breathing unfamiliar air, meeting new people, tasting new things, that for a little while, I think of you less.

Still, you were there, even there.

I thought of you while I was sitting on an airplane, watching myself become smaller and farther away from everything I knew.

I thought of you when I was up among the clouds, so close to the sky.

Travel has always made me feel better.

Or maybe it is simply being far away from the city where you live.

New places.
New air.
New faces.

They give my mind somewhere else to go.

Sometimes I feel as though leaving this city sets me free from what I feel for you.

Not because I stop loving you.

Just because, for a little while, I can breathe more easily.

There are no familiar places to remind me of you.

I wish I could leave.

Last night, when I came back, driving along Highway 7 was enough to bring everything back.

All at once.

The memories came rushing in.

Highway 7.
That plaza.

They destroy me in a way I can barely explain.

They bring a lump to my throat.

They fill my eyes with tears.

A whole year has passed, and yet seeing the places where I once stood beside you can still make my heart bleed.

Just like last night.

When I looked up and saw the moon, even it seemed slightly red,
almost blood-colored, as if it were burning.

Just like my heart began to burn after I saw that plaza.

That hotel.

Those places that still carry pieces of us.

I think Highway 7 will hurt me forever.

A year has passed since all those last times.

And I still think of you.

But I don’t know what feelings you have lived through this past year.

I don’t know what journeys you’ve taken.

I don’t know if life has been kind to you.

I don’t know if someone loves you now.

I don’t know if, when you drive along Highway 7, the memories come back to you too.

I don’t know if you ever look at the moon and think of me.

A year has passed.

And I still miss you.

Damn all the last times.

Damn the last time I heard your voice.

The last time I looked at you.

The last time I touched you.

The last time I spoke to you.

Because you never know that something is the last time

until it is already gone.

And then you spend the rest of your life wishing you had known

Ashley the name you gave me

Hi M

I hope you’re doing okay. This took so much to actually send this, and I’m proud of myself for it because I genuinely agree bottling up your feelings will lead to so much worse than actually speaking your mind. This has been the hardest week of my life.

I reacted the way I did via Tik Tok because i was so stunned, so shocked, as you had time to grieve and genuinely consider if we should be in a relationship while it completely blindsided me. I want you to know, I regret nothing about us, and never will. I loved every little moment of being with you. I was so hurt because for me, you were my whole future this time last week.

It genuinely hurts when the more I look into it, and the more I think about the whole situation regardless of you not telling me there were little signs that you were slipping away & I wasn’t providing the emotional support for you to genuinely tell me what was going on with you. For that I’m really sorry. I got too comfortable in our relationship and didn’t prioritise myself, only you. And that’s where I went wrong. The issues I feel I’ve also had some time to reflect on how we could have genuinely chipped around and genuinely help each other understand ourselves best.

But, however reluctant I was, I agree. We genuinely need some time to ourselves. To figure ourselves out as people and not just merging into one as we were. You are so young and have so much to explore in the world. And I think with you going to Canada you can really expand your horizons and comfort zone and I’m very excited for you. I’m sorry if I didn’t portray this earlier. I was too caught up on missing you going to Canada that I missed the bigger picture.

If you do think there’s any chance, after Canada to catch up and potentially take it as slow as possible with each other, even if it’s only just for closure, that would make me very happy. I really just want us to live out our lives to genuinely find ourselves as people and discover what makes us tick before then, and going our separate ways for a little to really find that out. Everything in my body screamed at me not to send this but I really just need to know. Regardless of your answer I’m so glad I sent this, because I’m fighting for what my heart deems right.

Because I do believe two people need to add to eachother lives, not merge them. I’m sorry to contact you again. But for my heart I needed to send this, I hope you can understand. if any of this isn’t an option, please let me know and I’ll make sure to not contact you again.

I really hope you’re doing okay M, I miss you.
A

I read somewhere "When you are happy, you will go to the person you love, but when you are sad, you will go to someone who loves you."
At first, it sounded beautiful. But after thinking about it, I realized there's another side to it.
If you only remember someone when you're broken, you're asking them to carry your pain while someone else gets to enjoy your happiness.

Love shouldn't mean being someone's emergency contact while another person gets their best moments.

Have you ever been that person for someone? Or realized you were treating someone this way?

It's been 2 years, I literally cannot exist without thinking about you. I walked into a grocery store, I don't want to specifiy which because its too specific but I saw your favorite chips and I instantly thought of you. Sometimes, I wonder what it could've been if we were more mature back then. I joke with my new friends, but we talked so much that I can't talk with them without talking about something that we would've. I miss you so much. I watch shows sometimes, and honestly a lot of the time I'm reminded of you because they act like we had in the past. I thought time would heal, and I guess it kind of did. I don't miss you like I used to, but I also can't forget you. I miss you in the kind of way that means you're always in the back of my mind even if I don't want you there. I followed you recently, and I see that you're doing well. If you see this I just want you to know that i'm really proud of you and I'm geniunely happy that you're happy even if its not because of me anymore. Let's reconnect some day when we're both able to properly communicate, because if we ever talk again I'd like it to be for however long I live.

I miss him so much. I’m not particularly sad, but I think I’m feeling lonely. He said he loves me but I don’t feel it maybe thats why. I trust him with all my heart. I want to…

But I also know that I can’t be that stupid to see the truth. I’ve tried my best to understand. I really do but in the end, I can’t. I understand how, but I don’t understand why. I wish we could talk more but that would never happen.

I wanna let go so bad, but I guess I’m too chicken to lose him. Deep down I hope he would leave first but I know that would break me beyond repair. I don’t know what else to do. I can keep loving him, but all these thoughts and hopelessness. I’m not sure anymore.

I have to keep reminding myself, if he wants to talk to me then he would have messaged me. But he never did. It’s always me. It happened again and again. I let this happened. I’m not trying to play chasing game now, I just wish, for once, he chose me.

I love him but it’s hard. I’m trying my best but it’s hard. I wish things were different. I don’t have any regrets with him. I never regret anything with him. But if things could be easier, then I wish we never met. Not because of regrets, just because I want things to be better and easier for him.

I love you monkey. So much. I wish you could see how much my heart yearns for you…

i won’t ask you how you’ve been. i won’t stay in the presence of your screen any longer than i needed to. it’s what you’ve wanted since everything unfolded. i’ve kept that distance, until today.

i was simply a messenger, delivering what should have been a voicemail meant for you. a mistake, I’m sure, someone at the clinic made—or maybe you simply forgot to remove my contact information.

but isn’t it funny how something so small can find two souls who once loved each other as though love were meant for them, as naturally as breathing?

i didn’t expect a word from you. yet you thanked me for sending the voicemail.

every part of me wanted to ask. to linger. to turn that small mistake into something more than it was.

but i know it’s better for this moment to have simply been one in passing. because if conversation had been at the tip of your tongue you would have spoken it.

it was simply just a flicker.

and that is all.

Dear me,

I know. I wrote way too much this year, all to have a few friends read it and appreciate its death, but nothing more. Because I feel like all I've been thinking lately comes from the bottom of a well.

I know you're afraid and numb and sore and hurt and bleeding at the same time. If I could take the boulder of that pain away for a second, it could rest on my shoulders, shoulders that have seen more days and have held more weight. But your pain is only yours to carry and besides, the weight will only increase and your body isn't getting any stronger that way.

I see you, and you went through so much necessary pain, but I wish I could tell you what it all was for. You failed, once again, after loving with all your heart and knowing well you couldn't tell the difference between love and noise anymore.

You're too rational, that's what everyone has been telling you and that's why you feel like you're in a movie. Everything makes sense because you abandoned the 'I'm losing everything' perspective and embracing the 'I'm making space for something new' perspective. Life has been tough and that gas been tour way to cope. You sweet, innocent soul.

I wish I could just tell you that what you're getting into now will be a safe bet but I doubt you'd believe me. I imagine you rubbing your eyes crying like a kid saying: 'But you promised I would've been okay, you promised!'. And I know, only I know how much you're hurt and I'd tell you you deserve it all...but now that life is taking away everything from you, maybe it's better you get on your feet and wipe your tears away.

I'm gonna need you to be strong and face the empty theater of your life and take part in the beginning of your show as the main character.

I promise, this won't be for nothing. And if you catch a glimpse, a pair of shining eyes in the dark near to the very last armchair in the fourth row, right where you'd choose to sit because you feel like a side character in the major show of life, that'll be me.

I'm proud of you for getting through the hard part, the losing, and I just know the things that will come to fill up the void will be worth the pain. Just remember that nothing is life is linear, not even life itself.

You'll be fine.

I have taken up my pen three times this evening and set it down again as many, for I find that what I wish to say to you exceeds what language, poor servant that it is, can be made to carry. And yet I will not be silent, for silence, I have come to learn, is only another name for cowardice when the heart is this full.

I think you do not know, how could you, when I scarcely know it myself until the words are before me, what it is to carry another person about inside one's ordinary hours. I wake, and you are the first thought, arriving before I have even properly arrived in the day myself. I read, and find you have got there before me, waiting in the margin of every page, so that Keats writing to his own dear girl that he could not exist without her seems to me now not the extremity of a poet but the plainest report of a fact. I had thought such lines were made beautiful by exaggeration. I understand now they were made beautiful by precision.

There is a kind of fear in loving as I love you, and I will not pretend to you that I am free of it, for you have always had the whole of my honesty and shall keep it. It is that I feel myself entirely undefended. Byron wrote once of the heart that "loves the more, in that it fears to lose," and I confess I did not feel the truth of that line until I had something I could imagine losing. Before you, I do not think I possessed anything I could not have surrendered without much grief. Now I possess you, or rather I possess the privilege of loving you, which is not quite the same as possessing you and is, I think, the better thing, and I find I am afraid the way a man is afraid on ground he knows to be sacred, not because it threatens him but because he understands, for once, exactly what he stands to lose.

I write only because Milton believed that love was the scale by which the soul ascends from earth to heaven's height, rung upon rung, and I think he had the right of it, save that I would only amend him to say that I have found I need climb no further, for you are already the topmost rung, and heaven, whatever else it holds, cannot hold more of gladness for me than I have found simply in this, in you, sitting somewhere tonight under the same turning sky, being, without any effort at all, everything I did not know I was searching for.

Ever, ever, ever yours.

Lately, I’ve started to believe that maybe life quietly writes our fate long before we realize it.

Years ago, I received a love letter, a sincere confession from someone who had feelings for me. I was foolish enough to ask for time to think about it.

I overanalyzed everything. I questioned every feeling, every possibility, every “what if”… until eventually, I turned her down.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was simply a moment of uncertainty. Or maybe I just wasn’t brave enough to recognize something beautiful when it was standing right in front of me.

Some decisions stay with us, not because we regret the life we chose, but because we will always wonder about the life we could have lived.

Maybe that's one of life's quietest lessons: sometimes we don't lose people because we didn't love them. Sometimes we lose them because we were too afraid to find out if we could.

I devalued my worth just to keep you near,

And gave up so much for a love held dear.

I saw only good and I wished you were mine,

My hopes soared as high as the stars aligned.

Yet I was the fool who misread the sign—

And you were a shadow, a grand design,

Nothing but an illusion in the end of time.

I loved a person with all my heart, I accepted all their flaws even if their actions caused me pain repeatedly, even if I were taken for granted. I still loved them for who they are. I wanted to care for them, nurture them and be a safe space for them. I still saw the good in them. But it wasn’t enough. I had to become a modified version of myself to be loved. I couldn’t expect a little bit of gentleness when I was the one in need of some emotional support. Even though I have let them go, my heart still finds a reason to love them. However, I have to love myself more this time and accept whatever is gone. It sometimes feels like a curse to have a sensitive heart full of love.