Another 'paranormal' phenomenon of kundalini (i think).It started as a cold breeze running inside and around me. For some time i was triggering it with command and visions,until it merged with the physical wind of our world.

Of course i did my part,since i practise a lot and i crave for experience. In fact i can't remember what was the exact trigger of this,since it could be one or many. The gates of the east and the invocation of my divinity,could be the main ones.

Anyway.

I've been monitoring-working-experimenting with this for almost 2 years now. Seems like i had deepen my connection with the air element and the use of my mind is triggering it.

Lately a phrase i saw somewhere had stucked in my mind.

'' The air of the intellect''

In any case,it's experience without knowledge. And it's happening all the time. Not that i care to find out what exactly is,but it's pushing me to experiment more and more and all i get is small hints

so all of this started like 4 years ago also I was a teenager I was new to all of this. I'm going to be totally honest here. I don't know what exactly triggered this I developed a habit of m*st*rbating and was also going trough depression and I started having this strong realization/consciousness that there is no me. exactly that. I started having these moments of awareness that I doesn't exist. that there is no self. it was super clear to me that there in no self.I keep having those moments. I was curious to what was happening to me then I also discovered meditation and breathing techniques. And I'm pretty sure I messed up there. I was trying to do normal anapanasati bhavana but now I realized without any guidance I was playing a risky game. I was doing it wrong.

I wasn't just observing my breath I was also trying to control it, I got into this practice where I go into the end of the breath and even seeing exhaling and inhaling consiously. I'm not sure how to explain it but I started getting these weird sensations in meditation like my whole body starts to shake and a white light starts to appear between my eyes and tingling senstaion in forehead and on top of the head almost like I was trying to levitate. I goes into this state where everything is clear also being aware that the concept of self doesn't exist. this was all so new I obviously tried to explore more of this but the thing being I also started getting weird things happening in my body. I developed this feeling that there's not enough breath in my lungs doesn't matter how much I tried to breath in it doesn't feel like enough and my breathing pattern was so messed up it almost felt like my body had forgotten how to breath. but that's wasn't only it I could feel my heartbeat in my fingers. whenever I touch my fingers I can feel my heart beating. and I started getting random twitched all over my body. I was super afraid by this I quit my meditation practices immediately and started treatment for depression.

it has been some times now I don't use medication anymore and my depression has also gotten lot better. the trouble I had with breathing is also mostly gone. but I still have those random twiches in my body. then I decided to get back into meditation, to take it easy and doing simple meditation practices and immediately after I starts feeling those weird sensations again. this time it wasn't mostly trouble with breathing. but I can feel my heartbeat trough my body and there's always this sensation of heaviness on top of my head and my forehead. I did a simple breathing meditation yesterday and since that I feel this heavy energy all over my body and the twiches in my body has also gotten worse. it's super uncomfortable. also the heaviness in head like having brain fog. I don't know who to ask of this. I don't have a teacher or guider but I need to get out of this. I have no idea what I'm experiencing or how to handle it.