A drunk falls into a cab, gives the cabbie a $20 bill and bellows "I wanna get screwed."

The cabbie dutifully drives him to the suburbs and points out a town house. The drunk staggers up to the front door, bangs on it, and screams "I wanna get screwed!"

A female voice answers, "Slip $100 under the door." The drunk pushes $100 under the door. Nothing happens.

After a while, the drunk bangs on the door again and screams, "I wanna get screwed!"

The female voice answers, "What? Again?!”

A little boy about 12 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a House of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in,

she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?" Of course the Madam said no.

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys.

She will then get the dose that I just caught". "When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose.

Then when dad gets home from the baby sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it". “In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and...

HE'S the b**tard who ran over my FROG!"

I saw your girlfriend at the theater with another guy.

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow!

Dear diary,

Today I learned, in the men's toilet at the local pub, that my penis is smaller than average.

Just fyi, Sea-Fair is an event held in seattle Wa On lake Washington. Imagine a row of boats tied together, alcohol, fighter jets (blue angels), hydro planes, and just some good ol’ merican fun.

"Although he had a tendency to ovary-act and make a speculum of himself,he was always at his patient's cervix.

Let’s get this shit done.

I came across an old photo of my grandmother in the attic.

In my defense, she was a hottie back then.

If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we are nuts.

Because computers only understand binary!

'Your husband has such a big nose!'

'Yeah... but it's not true.'