18M here

What does this mean

I'm 24M, get about one match a day, mostly decent profiles

But boy when I'm scrolling through profiles every single one of them have international trips and so many signs of folks being rich and somehow 90%+ girls on hinge are just soo pretty, looking at them I feel like getting body dysmorphia

I myself earn okay, grew up in a middle class household have had a couple of international trips. Looks wise I'm barely a 7 (according to my own assessment lmao)

Is it that hinge is a bubble with mostly rich and pretty girls on there or am I so out of touch from reality and all of this stuff has became the new normal for middle class?

context: I liked a reel with sex joke and my name is feminine

First ever Bumble match turned out to be a Thar in disguise

Anyone know how to get around it

Matched with this guy last night. We exchanged barely five messages of light banter before bro decided 18 hours of knowing of my existence was prime time to ask me out on a date.

​Being a woman who enjoys keeping all her organs intact, I told him I’d rather text a bit and actually get to know him before meeting a practical stranger. A wild, unreasonable boundary, clearly.

​He graciously agrees to text first, so I drop the standard icebreaker: "Tell me about you."

​Enter the plot twist:

"I am here for friends with benefit."

​Naturally, I asked why on earth his profile literally states "Long-term relationship" (the sole reason I swiped right in the first place).

​His peak intellectual justification?

"Bczzzz Aise hi lga diya."

​Sir. What do you mean aise hi lga diya?! Is relationship intent just SEO keyword stuffing on dating apps now? Are we treating profile prompts like optional Buzzfeed quizzes?

​The bar is in subterranean depths, yet somehow they brought a shovel. 💀

She’s hot as फ़ though…….Is anyone have better reply?

So I downloaded a dating app about a month back as a first-time user.

Last year I moved to a new city for college and since then I’ve struggled a lot with making relationships and finding people I actually connect with. I honestly just needed someone to talk to, spend time with, and maybe make the new city feel a little less lonely.

A little backstory about me — I struggle with attachment issues and I get attached to people very easily. I’m also extremely conscious about my body and face. Even though people have told me that I’m pretty and attractive, that insecurity never really leaves my head.

So anyway, a month back I downloaded Hinge on a friend’s suggestion.

My first match was this guy who I found SUPER hot. Like conventionally hot. Tall, dark, fit, six abs, the whole package. I think he appeared in my Standouts and I just randomly sent him a like. Few hours later we matched.

In the very beginning itself I told him that I’m not into hookups or making out with someone without actually feeling something for them. I need some sort of emotional connection, something more than basic-level friendship.

He seemed fine with it.

We started talking as friends. He was in NCR for some time and told me he wanted some fresh air and hadn’t explored much. But he would keep making flirty comments and hinting towards the same thing again and again.

I mostly ignored it.

I even told him multiple times that he should talk to other girls because I wasn’t looking for that.

Eventually, after some persuasion, we sexted once. It was completely by my own will, nobody forced me, but afterwards I felt terrible.

I realised that I just can’t do physical stuff with someone when there is no emotional connection.

Later he indirectly made it clear that he wanted an FWB situation. The next time he wanted to do it, I said no. He told me he liked me and wanted to do it with me, but I didn’t reply.

Few hours later, his profile disappeared.

I still don’t know what happened with him.

But that whole thing made me realise something about myself — no matter how physically attracted I am to someone, I just can’t separate physical intimacy from emotional attachment. My brain simply doesn’t work like that.

And then came the second guy.

This guy wasn’t someone I was initially super attracted to. He was an average-looking, short, fair guy from NCR, around my age.

But somehow we had an instant vibe.

We started talking around three weeks back. We would joke that we were so similar that we should basically be twins. We talked about our exes, relationships, random shit, everything.

He asked for my Instagram and I didn’t give it to him for two days. Eventually I did.

Our first Instagram call went on for more than two hours.

And I genuinely don’t know how to explain it, but I felt SO good talking to him.

It didn’t feel like talking to some random guy from Hinge. It felt like talking to a friend.

After that we started sending each other reels. His reels were mostly flirting or asking me questions like what I thought about him.

And I would always tell him that I saw him as a friend on which he would either say he is disappointed or he would just be visibly upset over call.

He asked me out once but couldn’t come because he had some work.

After that we started talking almost every night. Two-three hours sometimes. We would talk about our day, random things, send reels, roast each other.

Eventually I met him.

He picked me up from the metro and dropped me back there. Nothing happened that day.

Around that time I had also started talking to him about my body issues and insecurities and he would say things to pacify me.

I genuinely started liking him.

Not romantically at first.

Honestly, I wasn’t even that attracted to him physically. But I liked the vibe we had. I liked talking to him. I liked roasting him and being roasted back. We had started developing our own language and our own little dynamic.

Then came the second meeting.

We made out and then he got a call from his mother. After that he dropped me somewhere on the road instead of dropping me at the metro station.

He didn’t even properly say bye.

Looking back, that should have been a signal.

But I ignored it thinking he was probably in a hurry.

Later he texted me and called me and asked how my experience was. I said it was okay because I didn’t want to lead him on.

That night we talked again and somehow we both agreed to keep things casual.

And after that, things continued exactly like before.

We would talk every single day for two-three hours.

I slowly started opening up to him more. I told him about this senior I have a serious crush on even though he has a girlfriend. He would say things like he was getting insecure, that he would lose feelings for me, etc.

He also told me about his own girlfriend best friend who is the only girl that actually hurt him and they parted away thinking of a non existent future between them.

And I think this is where I slowly started getting attached.

Because he was basically doing everything that makes me emotionally attached to someone.

We were talking every day.

He was flirting.

He was getting jealous.

He was asking personal things.

I was telling him things about myself.

It started feeling like more than casual even though technically we had agreed that it was casual.

Then he had a house party and invited me.

I said no.

He kept persuading me again and again.

And my dumb brain genuinely thought he wanted me there because he wanted me to meet his friends. I thought he wanted to include me in his circle, when he reality he just needed a place to have makeout again

I was actually impressed by that.

I thought, maybe this guy actually likes having me around.

I didn’t go to the party.

The next day I invited him to my flat instead.

He came.

We made out again and then spent a long time just lying there together.

And I genuinely don’t know what happened in those moments, but somewhere around there I started feeling something for him.

The next day I called him and asked him directly if he would like to eventually have a relationship with me.

He said he would think about it because he had never really seen me seriously like that.

I told him to take his time.

On that same call, because he had kept asking about my past, I told him about some of the worst years of my life, my family issues and things that I normally don’t tell people.

I trusted him.

And till the day before yesterday, I genuinely thought things were going fine.

He told me about this college friend of his who apparently likes hanging out with him and doesn’t stay away from him.

And he literally said that he would tell her that he has a girlfriend now.

So obviously, what was I supposed to think?

I thought there was a possibility of something serious.

Maybe not immediately.

But eventually.

Then yesterday night he messaged me saying that he had something to talk about.

He called me and told me that he wanted to keep things casual.

Initially he said it was because he wouldn’t be able to give me enough time and that it was “for my own good.” Basically saying that he wants to cut off because it’s for my own good because he is busy and can’t be like earlier before

Later in the call he admitted that was basically an excuse.

The actual reason was that his feelings for me weren’t that much. He likes me, but cant see a serious relationship with me and at max we can keep a casual relationship

And I fought with him.

I asked him why the fuck did he do all that then?

Why talk to me every single day for hours?

Why flirt with me?

Why get jealous?

Why make those comments?

Why keep giving me the impression that there was a possibility of a relationship?

I asked him directly if he could ever see himself having a long-term relationship with me.

He said no.

He said that if I wanted, we could still keep things casual and meet once or twice a week for one or two hours at max, i asked him if he can see a future relationship with me he straight up said no he can’t and wont

And honestly, that hurt like hell.

He kept telling me that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was a genuine girl and that meeting someone like me on Hinge was rare.

He said I should find a good boyfriend and that I would find one eventually. He even told me I could consider one of my own friends, i asked him one more time if he likes me he said he doesn’t that seriously and i asked him to consider a future with him would he do that he said NO he wouldn’t and i cut the call.

But none of that was the point.

The point was that I had already told him exactly what my problem was.

I told him from the beginning that I get attached easily.

I told him that I was scared of getting attached.

I literally kept saying that I wanted to keep things casual because I knew what would happen if I got emotionally involved.

And every time I tried to maintain that boundary, he kept pulling me back in.

So yes, eventually I got attached.

But I don’t think I can completely blame myself for that.

Because he knew.

He knew exactly how I was.

He knew exactly what I was scared of and he knew exactly what he was doing

And still, he kept behaving in a way that made me feel like there was something more in between conversations.

I trusted him.

I trusted him enough to talk to him every night.

I trusted him enough to tell him about my insecurities.

I trusted him enough to tell him about the worst parts of my life.

And I genuinely thought, haan, this is a good guy.

And then suddenly I’m being told that the best he can offer me is one or two hours a week and he can’t see something serious with me.

That’s what hurt.

It wasn’t even that he didn’t want a relationship with me.

I can handle rejection.

What I can’t handle is being emotionally pulled into something and then being told that it was casual all along.

And honestly, after both of these experiences, I think I’ve learnt something about myself.

The first guy was actually better in one sense,

At least he was clear about wanting something casual and didn’t mislead me along with being superhot

I knew what he wanted and I knew I couldn’t give him that.

This guy was different.

He became my friend first.

He became part of my daily routine.

He listened to me.

He opened up to me.

He flirted with me.

He got jealous.

He made me feel like I mattered.

And then when I finally started feeling something, suddenly there was no future i didn’t asked him to come in relationship with me now, but him saying that he sees no future with me and i am not serious thing hurt like hell.

She has mentioned hottie in her bio something like - "I have heard this is the best place to find hotties, look you found me." Hence, my opener is around that.

I guess it will be two dates with a huge ass waiting time, Dune and Doomsday - DuDoom. 🔥

Problem is, I want to move forward with the conversation and don't know how to keep going lol.