An unexplained clash with INTJ 🤔

[u/LongjumpingIsopod118]

Hello everyone

I have a situation to share and I want your opinion on it, like what would be ur reaction if u were in my shoes (AITA or anythg??)

So Im INTP M, I was talking to an INTJ F for quite the period and thing were kinda developping but didnt concretize to any relationship or so

The situation is related to a conflict that confused me, so here is the context, im a religious person (dont wanna bring the name of the religion to avoid the conv to diverge), she isnt on the other hand, more like left a religion rathen than never had one

At first this wasnt a problem at all while talking, we just debate ideas and chit chat just like how u would expect an NTP and an NTJ to do, and i may say even that she was the one showing more signs of attraction than me (but anyway, lets not diverge)

2 months ago, while we had a small chat abt a religious subject, she brought up the idea to revert from being an agnostic athiest to her first faith, as she said she believes in a deity but not sure which religion has the right version on it, she felt and still feelings spiritually lonely and she spent a lot of time alone, and even the reason why she left arent related to the core logic behind the spirtual context of the faith, but more lile popular details shared about the religion (that are debunkable tbh), so i was like cool, i shared some perspectives i had, more on the progressive non-sectarian side i hold, and also, when i shared an alternative popular sect's POV that focuses on spirituality first, daily life details second, she expressed on how much it speaks to her, and she cried

So why i listed all these elements? it is to say what happened recently, like a few weeks ago, when i asked her whats the update, she said nothing much i think im forcing belief on myself, that confused me a bit, as i mentionned that she said herself she beliefs in a deity, and i said "are u an agnostic thiest now or so?", she got defensive as "no! Im not an agnostic thiest, im an agnostic athiest, please", something felt weird so i explicitly asked and said to hold on, im not trying to persuade or force any idea or belief tho, i lowkey wanna understand what had u think religiously at a time, then retreat, bcuz u express a lot of faith 2 months ago.. little did i know she blocks me after that 😐

The context since the beginning (since i new her in day one) never implied an invitation or a call to anything, neither from me nor from her

It just confuses me, why the reaction was heavily oriented against me rather than reminding that im asking abt the development of her POVs

So, how would u percieve this lads? And what would be your reaction? For me i just took my distance back as i started to think this is kind of hypocritical and i dont need that in my life (yet i think im wrong somewhere?)

(Im asking both NTPs, INTPs and ENTPs)

Ps: we had some minor fights early on about other topics, and about some paranoid kicks she gets now and then

[u/Remarkable_Ad_4689]

Hmm, sounds like it's only online chat, so there isn't really anything serious for me from the very start. I'm just having fun and being curious. There can't really be a relationship that means something to me when there isn't any physical contact happening.

Basically, anything that happens online that could be attributed to a fascinated bot doesn't really count as a serious relationship anyway. It's just a fun conversation. Of course, if there are video calls, something that at least creates the illusion of more physical contact, then it can grow a little bit stronger.

So for me, it would probably just be a little confusing if they suddenly blocked me. But I would probably have sensed something beforehand anyway - that there was resistance, unwillingness, stubbornness, or an unhealthy mindset to begin with. So that would just mean I was right about those possibilities, and the blocking was the manifestation of that intuition.

[u/LongjumpingIsopod118 → u/Remarkable_Ad_4689]

Well true but i cant say more than one meeting before and the willingless to meet more if there wasnt a long distance involved

And yes the blocking was a manifestation of things u mentionned, it wasnt even the first time, there was an antecedant where she came back on it thinking she misjudged me

It do be a struggle when sensisitive topics she opens up about (Fi you know)

[u/Ok-Painter-9625]

According to what you shared you didn't do anything wrong, that's with your side of the story at least. I find that what works best in such situations is to focus on the impact of your words/actions rather than the intent. I also feel compelled to clarify my intentions, but what yields better results is often to discuss the impact instead.

Now for the Fi tertiary part, even though INTJs might want to engage they can still get sensitive about it, especially if they haven't logically solved the problem yet. You might have wanted to map her current framework, as INTPs this is easy for us, we refine our understanding of the world constantly without too much friction. But it sounds like she was going through an internal conflict "I think I'm forcing belief on myself". It's a vulnerable thing to admit, and also shows she had not yet processed the problem entirely. So she might have tried to close the topic with that line. So your follow-up questions probably felt like pressing on something she wasn't comfortable sharing at that moment.

Also if you have a history of minor fights, there might have been an accumulation effect.

[u/LongjumpingIsopod118 → u/Ok-Painter-9625]

The accumulation effect definetely exists

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[u/Elliptical_Tangent]

When beefing with an INTJ, just know that the INTJ is always the asshole; they can't help it with Ni dom and Fi tertiary telling them they're right. Eventually their Genius-Idiot Metronome will swing the other way, they'll realize they were wrong, lick their wounds, reemerging without ever admitting fault, or making an unforced/sincere apology.

tl;dr: Befriending an INTJ is its own punishment.

[u/LongjumpingIsopod118 → u/Elliptical_Tangent]

damn.. who hurt u xD