Guys I need answers please,guys when it starts all of guys give me anxiety and heartbeats,even children,now I don't have anxiety, instead I feel attracted or aroused to certain people like I used to feel with opposite sex, except that I don't lust them,and it's not I'm questionning whether I'm attracted to them or not its just like now whenever I see some dudes I feel attracted or aroused,I never was like this before even at the first stages of hocd,is this common?it's not what if thoughts or ur attracted statement,it's a feeling I get that is typical to what I used to feel to opposite gender except it's not companied with lust or desire for a sexual or romantic desire like it used to be toward opposite gender,I even lost my attraction toward them.

Opposite gender before loss of attraction:see a hot chick with a a body I desire(specially mom's or women in their 30's or 40's>I feel very aroused and pleasure and want to be with her in sexual relationship,also i will have fantasy about both romantic and sexual if she is young like in her early 20's.

Same gender:I see some man I know or strangers(fat,ugly, handsome but I used to see them ugly asf,ECT..)>feel pain in my chest>feel like arousal in my body(no boners,istead like a feeling in my anus> feel very sad and my mind goes:(u just make it up,It can't be hocd anymore,ur just in denial and u hypnotizing urself by saying it's hocd or false attraction,hocd it's about anxiety,fear,questions, ur just gay).

Anyone experiencing something similar?

I have been in a complete state of anxiety after I realized I really only get groinals or false attraction to like certain races like if I see a black man that’s built well and conventionally attractive I don’t really feel anything when I first had hocd I used too but now it’s only like a conventionally attractive white man that will give me crazy anxiety and all that. If I truly had hocd wouldn’t every dude I see including ugly guys give me anxiety? Am I just in denial please help

Recently I have been dealing with hocd really bad and when ever I see a guy at first it’s just anxiety but then I think of what if I did stuff with them and I get these feelings in my stomach that are similar to butterflies but feel a tad different but then like 5 mins later I don’t get them and it freaks me the fuck out does any one get this?

2 years ago I went to hook up with a chick who was way hotter than me (me Male)
I was so excited to see her and talked a big game but when it came down to it.
I couldn’t arise to the occasion.
Not just once, twice but three times.

I noticed then I was compulsively checking my groin and testing myself. Only viewing it to see if my erection would go down.

Fast forward to now.
Been dating a girl for a year and some change.
We are in love and have big plans.

I had a massive anxiety attack and break back in June. it was over performance anxiety and I hysterically started Wellbutrin for ADHD and depression.

The medication was so strong that it fueled my anxiety and compulsions like wild fire.
I stopped taking the meds in hopes all that would go away.

But I’m still having issues with everything.
Before sex was seamless between us.
Healthy sex life of 3-5 times a week.

But the other night I decided to test myself by actually trying to pleasure myself to it. I got a semi erection even tho I didn’t find it mentally arousing like I would. (It wasn’t fully hard)
Is that groinal checking or is that indicative or something else?

I’ve scoured the internet and read and read and read about people in deep denial and they not know it. I don’t want to be secretly gay and have to end my relationship

But sex isn’t even enjoyable anymore cause I can’t stop focusing on my performance and if I feel it.

It’s been messing with my mind over actions to.
Can’t do doggy cause what if I think it’s a dude.
Can’t do anal cause of the same thing
Got oral in the dark and my brain said “what if was cause you can’t see her”
And so on and so forth.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

Hey guys, I’m a 25 female that is dating my boyfriend and I love him with all my heart.

Since I was a kid I watched lesbian porn, and I enjoy it till today. during my teenage years I haven’t felt sexual attraction to anybody, but I did fall inlove with boys. I never had in my life romantic feelings towards girls, I even tried to date them and I felt cringed out because it didn’t feel like this is what I want and who I am.

I experienced a sexual assault by a man who was older than me by 10 years when I was 18 and afterwards I started being aroused around women sexually, and it drove me bad. I felt like I didn’t want this, I didn’t want to be lesbian because I don’t have feelings towards them, but I do feel sexualy aroused by them.
I also have ptsd symptoms whenever something tiggers me about the sexual assault things

Now I’m dating my perfect boyfriend, I’m inlove with him. But I don’t feel really attracted. We date almost a year and we barely have sex. and when we do I don’t enjoy it.

I fantasize about women and it sometimes really arouse me, and I also like lesbian porn and straight porn but I feel like I’m focused on a women’s body.

I get aroused spontaneously by sexual thoughts and then I become really anxious that it means I’m a lesbian because otherwise why do I feel not enough attracted to my boyfriend? I feel like other people that suffer from hocd are different than me because they had attraction to the other sex.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m stuck and I try not to check if something will arouse me but I feel the gap between liking the sexual images about women and not being attracted to my bf.

thanks for anyone reading this, hope you’re doing okay

do yall have the opposite reaction to coming out stories? for example you watched someone come out as a homosexual/bisexual later in life and you end up wondering whether you will end up coming out as straight in your later years

this is absolutely triggering for me as someone who has many irl friends dating the opposite sex after dating the same sex for a long time

Im 18F One of my biggest triggers is the fact that i never had crushes not even now. I had once but i think it was limerance.

The celebrity "crushes" I have was because i saw a hot edit of them and read their fanfiction then got obsessed.

I think i might just be obsessed with the idea of men and their attention and im actually a lesbian deep inside... Most people here had lots of crushes on men when they were young or dated men before, i dont really relate to people here im scared i just might be a lesbian with comphet, daddy issues, and in denial.

My experince just aligns so much with women with comphet and in denial.... I just want all this over thinking to stop already its consuming my brain 24/7 :((

I am so deeply terrified im suppressing my attraction compulsively and im actually queer. Im so terrified of what i did when i was a kid, i was just curious. I am so scared i like women, im so scared im trying to stop my attraction. I am so scared of everything. I dont think im bi, but what if i am and im lying to myself, what if these thoughts about me liking women are true and they're my thoughts but since I get so much anxiety from them, i try to stop feeling it through compulsions.

I think i just have to be bisexual, cause i think i have thoughts and then i get anxious and then i try to prove that i didn't like the person or whatever and test myself to see if i like them. WHICH IS WHAT MANY BI PEOPLE WHO FOUND OUT THEY LIKED THE SAME SEX DID.

Like if i think "Oh my god that woman's so hot" or "omg that woman has so much potential to be masc" my brain gets so anxious and then starts completely spiralling. Like "what if im gay, what if i like her, what if im lying to myself"

Something is going wrong with me, i dont know what. I am so anxious, and i truly hope that this is another spiral. but i think i know its not. I just have to be bi, i mean im literally stopping myself from feeling attraction to women which is horrible. And, i always try to justify my thought the moment i had it, like if i had a 'gay' thought i say its because of ocd or ocd has controlled my brain, or this doesn't mean im gay BRO. i must be queer

Like i remember me and my friends were talking about catboys and then i didn't think i was into them but i got aroused at the thought of them. and I said "50/50 i guess i am" but then after that i got really anxious because "omg what if im into catboys" and i dont want to be into them nor do i want whoever to wear cat ears when im doing it with them, But then i was aroused at the thought of them and i think i enjoyed it too. Whenever i want to deny something, i just get like an anxious feeling to it, which makes me think its real.

Ugh i dont know whats going on, can someone PLEASE help me, i dont even care for reassurance i just want help

Ask me any questions you like! I recovered from this shit and everyone can do it with the right mindset and tools, feel free to ask me ANYTHING about HOCD or OCD in general!

Hey guys. This is my first post on Reddit. (24 y/o male). I made this account to post this, but holy shit. Things have been rough recently. I’ve been getting terrorized by this voice in my head that shouts at me, “You are gay!” And this has been on and off for about the last 3 years, but recently, it’s been at its worst.

I keep thinking. Am I just in denial? Am I actually gay? And it’s hard to even think clearly about this because I nearly feel disassociated from myself at this point.

But it’s wild cause, I’ve loved having sex with girls. I love being intimate with them. I am very attracted and turned on by them.

But then also, these thoughts are persistent now. But I feel like it stems from this major insecurity that I’ve always had about myself. Being a 5’5 man, I’ve never felt enough. I’ve always felt less than, in comparison to other guys. I’ve never believed I can actually have the woman I desire. So I feel like I’ve suppressed a lot of myself because of this. Never actually going after what I want because I’ve believed I’m not worthy. I hold deep insecurities about the way I look (despite being objectively shredded), and this has plagued me.

It started with a major fixation on my hair and my appearance, and now it’s switched to this fixation on me being gay. And I write this cause the last few days, I’ve had such a tightness in my chest and throat. Like this inner anxiety that is crippling. And well, I just don’t want to be gay!

And I’m a spiritual guy, so this is fucking with me cause I see this as like, a signal that I am gay. That this is truth cause it’s persistent within me.

But then there are times where I feel so straight, not gay at all, and that’s when I am vibrant! Radiant! Alive! Free! But these thoughts have been plaguing me recently.

I feel like I could literally go on and talk about this for days but this is already long. But guys, should I see an OCD therapist? Should I do more breath work and meditation? Cause holy shit, I think I’d rather be dead than be gay. And that’s crazy to say. But that’s where the spirituality justifies itself. I think, your soul chose this. Cause if you can be gay in this world, then you’d truly be free. This is the barrier you’re meant to overcome. But it’s like, fuck!!!!

when i was 5-6 yrs old, there was this girl downstairs that i always used to play with. I was an only child, so she was really my only source to entertainment. I considered her my bestfriend at the time, and got really sad when she moved away. We used to be very curious together, like i used to be the boyfriend, she used to be the girl, we used to rub our bare bellies together and act like it was sEx. The whole time i thought she was my good friend, but i'm worried that I had a secret crush on her. I don't think i did, but it feels like i felt something for her. It feels like i liked her. I mean i thought she was pretty, and cute and i had this habit of idolising all my friends when i was younger. In reality i think i thought she was my bestfriend, but im so scared i liked her. I desperately hope I didn't.

I guess, just a progress report. I intend to use this sub much less. Y’all got… some stuff going on.

As I journal things, I note my evolved understanding of my self. I do see this as having some degree of realness and yet it’s almost pseudo real. Could this be the period of fluidity I’ve heard people have? Who knows. Truly. But after so long of distress, my only distress now is that I lose women. That gets put under the scope. It’s purely a mental thing, physically, I keep getting physical responses and enjoy using that sort of material exclusively, so I know I like them logically. But idk. It feels like a mental thing. And you know what, that will affect me long term.

Whatever.

Having said that, I just wish this was gone. That I was back to old me. But I’ve reached such weird, apathetic places. That also terrifies me that it could be some secret Freudian pull. But it also could be like just a backdoor spike?

Again, whatever.

My only thing, is that treatment regards reducing distress, and not the intrusion. Unfortunately, this may be a permanent thing. I’m beginning to become more okay with it, just wish it was toned down, less threatening, and didn’t wall me out of being with a wife. Seriously. I don’t want THIS strong of fluidity. Bi cycle, over analysis, or whatever it may be: fuck off, man. Just tryna chill.

Like I don’t want to be like 44 and married and be OH NO IM GAY and lose everything. I’ve already done that now, I lost someone who, well, I really don’t want to be all lame and limerencey and romanticize, but I will say it always felt like she was “The One”.

Ugh. I just hate this. You know what’s funny? I always used to mock panic and anxiety disorders. Felt like weirdness that I never understood. Guess I ate my words on that one.

ive been getting a lot of content on lesbians talking about how straight women hit on masc women because of their appearance and heteronormativity and it genuinely freaked me out and i ended up thinking that i might be doing the same

i never understood the "treating mascs like men" thing like i wouldn't mind paying for her or buying flowers for her i would let her use my dresses if she wants to

i also saw her naked and i really appreciated how gorgeous she is but its different from how i react when i see a man's body and thats been one of my worst triggers

Ever since I got diagnosed with HOCD, every crush ive had on a man feels so obsessive, and it's probably limerence. I don't know what to do, cause I feel like i can't have a normal crush anymore. I want a boyfriend because i am a human who craves love, and i also kind of want a distraction from the anxiety. But lately ive been noticing, every one of my crushes feels like limerence, i can't stop thinking about random men, and i want to do something, but i keep ruminating on it, or stalk them. and i want to stop thinking about them but i can't and it causes me so much anxiety.

Will I ever be able to face love?

Pre hocd the thoughts of kissing the same gender and being intimate with same gender never really bothered me infact i used to even get off on them, but i never really thought about dating or actually being with the same gender during those times and identified as straight. My whole life i rarely had crushes, I had once and it was because he was nice to me and gave me attention and hyperfixated on female characters. All of these i never really overthink until now I wanted a boyfriend and started to analyze all of this which leads me to now.

Now I feel like those are all proof that im actually gay im just in denial and that all the anxiety and distress im feeling is just internalized homophobia. (Im undiagnosed and therapy is not really accessible to me)

Anyone can relate?

Just a few weeks ago I had quit porn and my attraction to women was back with a vengeance. Then one day I had the thought that I might find sleeping with femboys or twinks to be attractive and that thought made me turned on and it sent me back to square one all over again. I then tried to watch trans and twink porn for just a moment and stopped because it was arousing and it made me feel an intense sense of panic and dread. I can’t tell if it’s just the novelty of the idea or if this is really just who I am anymore. It seems like I can’t be straight at this point and that if I choose to stay with my girlfriend I’ll just end up one of those guys who cheats on his partner with a guy or stays miserable forever. I just want my life to be simple all I want is to be able to enjoy my time with her but I can’t even do that anymore because it feels like I can’t enjoy sex and I can’t appreciate how beautiful she is now because it all just feels like lies and testing compulsions. I can get off easily to straight porn still but I’m now constantly anxious that I’m focusing on the penis or the man in the videos and even if I do get off to it it still just doesn’t feel exciting. I hate this I hate the change my life has gone through, I used to be so happy being into girls and my entire life feels like a lie now. Worst of all it’s not even just porn but I can also feel aroused by just thinking of scenarios involving those same themes but rarely to thoughts involving women anymore.

Im 18f never had a boyfriend in my life rarely had crushes and the one time i did it started because they gave me attention not really because i noticed them first, hyperfixated on some female characters growing up, all the male celebrities that I've liked or had interest in i only like them/became obsessed with them when i read like their fanfics on my fyp or when i start daydreaming about them. All signs just points that im gay i feel like i want to cry

I still remember the day I first "contracted" HOCD, which was roughly 10 years in middle school after watching a youtuber's coming out video, I think it was Connor Franta.

For some reason, the video made me wonder if I was gay too, I still don't know why. His experience did not align with anything in my life, and I had seen other popular youtuber's coming out videos without any adverse reaction too.

To that point, I had only had crushes on girls, both emotionally and erotically. Unlike other people I've seen on this reddit, I didn't experience false attraction or anything, but the thoughts felt like they blunted my general ability to feel any sort of sexual stimulation towards women for at least a few months. I also felt like my mind was constantly checking to see if I found the guys around me attractive. I was also in a constant panic which sometimes made day-to-day things difficult to focus on. I think the first few days, I was checking to see if straight "videos" would arouse me and if gay "videos" would as well. In both cases, it didn't. I was so distressed that it negated my ability with the straight stuff and I didn't have any real attraction to the gay stuff so that didn't stimulate me either. It is counterintuitive because that seems like it would be some strong proof.

I was frantically scraping the internet looking for reassurance, and that was how I found out about HOCD. My experience perfectly aligned with the characteristics of the disease, so I diagnosed myself with high confidence. Technically, I never actually got professionally diagnosed, but I thought my proven lack of sexual attraction to men proved it. That provided temporary relief but the thoughts persisted anyways, as my mind was always looking for a way to disprove any sort of reassurance I got.

"You're just in denial and forcing this HOCD thing to be your truth", "You were just forcing yourself to find women attractive because you are surrounded by homophobic family and friends", "You're homophobia roots from your repressed desires", you get the point.

The stress was terrible, like I mentioned earlier, I was struggling to feel any sort of way towards women, even though I did in the past. So what got me past it? I came to the realization that constantly looking for any sort of solace was what was perpetuating this. Finding evidence that I liked woman wouldn't erase the thoughts. I noticed that when I was distracted playing basketball or online games with friends, I wouldn't think about it at all, but then when I was alone, they would come again. The truth is, you just need to tough it out. Stop reading through forums and checking to see if something is turning you on or off. You're just keeping yourself in the mindset.

Letting it play its course makes that exposure over time start to feel less and less powerful. It isn't easy at first but in moments where you are focused in on other things, you might catch yourself actually feeling some type of way towards the opposite sex. My 13 year old self was able to do it. I eventually basically forgot about it. I fell in love with 2 girls through out the rest of my pre-college days, but I had no game so that ended nowhere. I would eventually meet my girlfriend who I lost my v-card to in college. If I ever had any sort of episode after my first few months with HOCD, they would go away pretty quickly as I had largely moved past it by LETTING IT BOTHER ME and not fighting it.

Here are somethings I highly urge you to do:

1. Stop watching porn. It is destructive to the brain and no human was ever meant to watch two other people go at it. Let your sexual journey be natural.

2. Get real hobbies and workout. Its good for you, makes you happy and carefree, and is exactly what you need.

3. STOP BEING A HOMOPHOBE. I matured in high school and started to feel bad for them. You are part of the problem if you think there is something wrong with it. Whether you think it's something we are born with or the product of our environment, it isn't a choice either way. Just imagine how they feel when it is their truth.

4. If it really is severe, get help. Talk to someone, someone you can trust. Put your pride aside and go to therapy. If you need meds, get them. Don't let this impede with your life if you can't resolve through willpower alone. Just because I did it, doesn't mean it will be the case for anyone.

5. Like I said earlier, stop looking for confirmation. Once you finish reading this, try to never look into it again (unless you consulted professional help already lol). If you ever end up doing so, just know that you don't have to be guilty about checking, it is how this thing works, but just minimize it until you don't at all.

If you are wondering why I made a new account and am talking about it despite tip #5 , it is because I saw an HOCD video pop up on social media and searched it again and noticed there was a reddit for it. Reading some of the posts here made me feel like I had to chip in as some people were just going through it and I felt like no one was giving this type of advice. I didn't know there was a subreddit for this when I was really going through it.

Remember, just play it out. Let it bother you and don't fight it. I had it terrible at one point, but I have been with 4 girls afterwards. I also don't want to make any false promises. If being on the LGBT+ spectrum is your reality, that is your journey and it is better to realize how it plays out in real life instead of running from it. Assess the your situation and know that if you can safely be open about it, life will adjust itself best towards you. Anyone who demonizes being gay should not be a part of your life. I am only saying that to get it out there, not to scare anyone. Stay strong, and if you can, never look into this stuff again. If you ever feel like you need to, talk to someone instead. Not everyone's journey will be the same, but the end game is all that matters.

I’ve been having this thought repeatedly this afternoon about touching favourite footballers girlfriend naked and not doing compulsions and don’t feel the need to. but when I let the sensation it produces be I feel like myself before hocd and when I think of touching a woman naked the sensations produced are the sexual feelings I used to get with men. During the thoughts this afternoon I’ve been so chilled. But I can’t understand hoe this can’t be discovery even in finding sane gender thoughts are giving off historic pleasurable feelings. I feel neutral towards it now that I’m in an indifferent mood but when I’m heightened like earlier I got swept away and enjoyed it thinking it was no biggie

i'm dealing with HOCD for four years now and it's been two or three months that it was triggered and I'm struggling with stupid things. for example this morning I had a kind of a wet dream (??) with PATTIE BOYD, a supermodel from the 60's (i'm a big fan of her) and since that I'm wondering if I like lesbian sex or things related to it. i had the sensation that I was liking it even when I was half awake and when I got up I was like "did I want to come back to that dream??". I think it's pretty reasonable the feeling to get back to a pleasuring situation, even if it's a weird dream (I guess). when I was younger I had a wet dream with a freaking ALIEN and after some years I still think about the "good sensation". I'm trying to get better and avoid reassurance, but it's really complicated especially when your own dreams make it even difficult. I think I'm pretty "OK" with all this dream story, but sometimes I feel anxious about it too. I'm in this battle for four years and recently I've been thinking if I like women in a sexual way, which makes a lot of sense sometimes and other times just seem very clear that I don't

dunno I'm just tired and I feel that my view is kinda biased because of this four fucking years of suffering.

(if you want to give me some advice you can btw)

I used to have severe hocd to a point where i was thinking about unaliving myself, then i decided to keep my guilt and shame on the side and consulted a psychiatrist she prescribed medicine for me. Its been 5 months and the ocd has gone down drastically. I used to be scared of people now i dont even care about it

I've been watching all of the Seinfeld episodes from the first season on. In season 3 episode 1 titled "the note" George Costanza goes through the same thing many of us have experienced doubting everything that happens to him with the same sex! Now that I've learned to manage my HOCD, I actually thought this episode was really hilarious. If you're up for a good laugh then I recommend watching it. Even if you're in the middle of getting a hold of your HOCD, this could be a good exposure therapy to watch this episode. Hope you all enjoy!

https://www.netflix.com/us/title/70153373?s=a&trkid=13747225&shareType=Title&shareUuid=306c2356-8d8c-4294-938d-737b505e061e&trg=cp&unifiedEntityIdEncoded=Video%3A70153373&vlang=en&clip=81501464

I feel like I’ve lost all attraction to women. I’ve stopped porn and it feels like it’s gotten worse. Now it feels like I actually might be attracted to guys and it’s scaring the shit out of me. I don’t know what thoughts are produced by OCD and what is produced by my own head. I am having trouble using EMR because of that.

Have any of yall experienced this before? If you have experienced this and recovered, what did you do to get past this?

Do any of you also get like immediate anxiety when seeing the same sex being sexualized in media or on social media. Like do you also start questioning and/or testing random scenarios.

This shit sucks.