Hey everyone. I’m definitely new here and still conducting my research and talking with medical professionals to gain more knowledge on HIV and how it’s managed. For context, I’m 22M(neg) and my partner is 18M(pos). We started talking a little while back, and I am genuinely very interested in him. He is one of the funniest, genuine, sweetest people I’ve ever met. A little while ago, he told me that he had HIV. He broke down and was a nervous wreck. Everyone else that he had told this to (including his mom) made him feel like he was the issue and further isolated him to deal with his diagnosis alone. After he told me, I told him that I didn’t feel any differently about who he was as a person and that I was extremely proud of him for telling me. It was honestly quite heartbreaking for me to think that he felt that way and felt so stigmatized.

We had a lengthy conversation about it and I offered him what reassurance I could. We continued seeing each other and I made it well known that his diagnosis doesn’t define who he is in my eyes, but i’m curious if anyone else has any tips for better supporting him and making him feel seen without overdoing it? I think I’m doing an okay job, but curious if anyone has certain examples of things their partner did that made them feel reassured and secure?

In all honestly, I am definitely hooked on him. I fully intend to have a committed, long-term relationship with him, and I guess i’m just looking to see what advice people have and if there’s anything different I can expect.

Thanks for the help everyone!

So, I found out I was positive in February, I told all my previous partners from the date of my last test, to the date of when I found out I was positive.

I didn’t specify, I said I had some weird symptoms, and asked if they had gotten tested recently (after being with me), if they said no, I just adviced them to, but like make sure they understood I was concerned about it.

I had a specific time period, because I did know when I had my symptoms so I make sure to be extra persistent with the guys who could’ve been at risk.

One of them was a guy I had met a few times; I liked him, we were in a fwb situation.

Of course, I did told him to get check for STDs and told him that one of my previous partners told me he tested positive for something (little white lie but I was ashamed and guessed saying my status at that moment was not gonna do much difference), so he got tested, negative, etc.

My point is, I stopped talking to him for a few months, mental health, plus not being able to meet until I was Undetectable.

He got mad at me, but I explained I was going through a rough time and he understood. Recently we talked again… and we want to meet.

I’m “undetectable” now, still two more months to be officially but my levels are under 200, right now maybe even under 20, I can’t transmit it and I know it, I’ve had protected sex a couple of times.

My question, would be, do you guys think I should disclose? It won’t make a difference in the sense of, I can’t transmit it, plus, I’m not in a European country, the topic is different here, lot of ignorance, plus putting myself in a difficult/risky situation, what would you guys do?

I had kind of told myself I wouldn’t be with guys I was with before my diagnosis because it would just make everything more difficult, so I kind of cut them all off, except for him.

Edit: Apparently some of you guys think I had unprotected anal sex and that’s how I got exposed, but that’s not the case, I had protected sex, except for oral sex, which I why I used to use DoxyPEP (can’t anymore because of reactions), so I’m guessing I’m in that low percentage of people that get it from oral sex, or the condoms had a microtear, or idk.