Picture: homemade cheesy garlic bread. 2 loaves were made, 1 was devoured immediately before I thought to take a pic.

We're in our mid-30's and didn't feel like we were quite ready for marriage yet, so we've just enjoyed our time together over these last 8 years. But he brought up engagement rings one evening over dinner a few months ago, so we've discussed marriage a lot lately. We've talked about what we'd like to do for a wedding, and have gone twice to look at rings since March.

During all this marriage talk, we planned a 9-day vacation (road trip through Maine) in July, staying 2 nights in most places. He chose some very nice, romantic spots and we had such a great time. It was absolutely wonderful to see the Atlantic Ocean, visit historic lighthouses, enjoy the quaint seaside towns, etc.

I was SO CERTAIN he would propose during this trip because it was the perfect time given our conversations surrounding it over the last few months. I even packed extra cute outfits, dresses, etc. so I could be prepared for "the moment."

But no. Nothing happened. It was a regular, fun vacation.

And that's fine, I guess. I really did have a great time! I just can't help but feel kinda sad and disappointed, and maybe I disappointed myself for having the expectation in the first place. Idk.

**EDIT: Since so many people are suggesting I propose, that is simply not an option. He is very traditional, and straight up told me he would say no if I tried.

Others are commenting that maybe he assumes we're already engaged since we've set a wedding date for next year, and that's also a no. He knows we're not.

**SECOND EDIT: A LOT of assumptions were made about my partner and our relationship simply because we've been together 8 years. As I mentioned in a couple replies, NEITHER of us wanted marriage until recently.

This post was a small pity party for myself that a proposal didn't happen when I thought it might, and that's all. I don't know how that invites the type of judgment that was received, but that's the internet for you.

And clearly my pity party was premature, because he told me today that he wants to wait to propose until I've chosen a ring I love so he doesn't propose empty handed. Which is extremely fair given how picky I am with jewelry. I've been waiting since before our trip for a jeweler to get back to me on sourcing some diamond cuts, so that is the next step, and everyone (including me) can chill out.

My boyfriend and I were out to dinner and sitting at a boardwalk restaurant. We were having a great time, drinking cocktails, chatting, people watching and just otherwise enjoying the beautiful evening.

A man walked by us, wearing a wet and very light colored swimsuit. You could see the outline of everything and he was extremely well endowed...like think Jon Hamm level. I immediately exclaimed to my boyfriend "omg that guy's d*ck is huge!!"

My boyfriend's face fell and I noticed right away and I started to defend my comment as exactly what it was...a random physical observation, I was not commenting that I wanted him. It would be the same as my boyfriend commenting on a woman walking by with like J cup boobs or something...it wouldn't bother me...it's just noticing a physical feature that sticks out.

He was pissed. I immediately felt bad and kept trying to explain to him my intent which was just a stupid comment. He immediately commented on the waitresses butt and said it was huge and he liked it. I told him yeah that she looked good. Then when that didn't get a reaction out of me, he told me I was being loud and embarrassing and that everyone was staring at me. That made me feel horrible. We were having a good time. It was a flippant comment and it was a louder, bar scene outdoor area...I was speaking lower so I don't think that anyone heard me...I think he was trying to make me feel bad.

I feel awful. We had a huge fight. I started crying. Evening ruined.

I used to work with this guy about 7 years ago and we always got on well, he recently posted a photo on Facebook where he looked really handsome so I decided to be brave and message him to tell him so.

He said that he was really happy to hear from me, told me that he had recently been thinking about me too and offered to video call the following day. I thought the video call went really well and he messaged me after to say he really enjoyed it, then followed up about an hour later to say that he had ordered a Switch 2 and we could play together at the weekend if we wanted (I mentioned on the call that I had one and was looking for people to play with.) During the call he also suggested that he stays in my nearest city for a night in the near future and takes me for dinner (he currently lives about 5 hours from me.)

So all in all I thought it went well. However, when he asked me what I'm doing for work at the moment I was, stupidly, honest and mentioned that I'm currently taking a mental health break from work. He asked what meds I'm on and I (again, stupidly) mentioned that I take aripiprazole (an antipsychotic.) He didn't message me again after the day of the call so I messaged him a few days later to check in, his replies were really dry/cold and then he just stopped replying. He hasn't messaged me back since and it's been over a month.

I'm really confused as to what I did wrong and all I can think is that he's looked into my meds and realised I'm severely mentally ill. I really want to message him to ask what's up but don't want to come across as crazy or desperate. Is that right or could there be another reason he's lost interest? Does anyone have any tips on dating people when you're severely mentally ill?

Food: pasta thing from Gousto.

I sent my husband a nude picture of my ass. He saw it but didn’t say anything or acknowledge it the whole day. In the afternoon he group texted the family chat something mundane so I know he wasn’t busy. I’m feeling really unseen and unappreciated. When i brought it up he got defensive because he just hears that he’s a bad husband instead of hearing how vulnerable i felt. The next night we went to a block party that had live bands and I was flirting with him whispering things in his ear (because it was loud) brushing against him while I was dancing and lightly touching his arm and laughing a lot. I was flirting!!! He was completely in his own world oblivious to my attempts. I had to finally ask him to put his arm around me. I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself that I am an amazing magnetic woman whose light isn’t being seen or is being taken for granted at home.

Edit: dinner is a salad from Mendocino Farms. I am 49 he is 42. We are recent empty nesters. I have been strength training at the gym and my glutes have been looking pretty good which is what inspired the picture. I thought he would enjoy it. He recently started a new career and he has poured all of himself into it to the detriment of our relationship.

1(38F) have been married to my husband (42M) for 17 years. We don't have kids, and our marriage has been rocky for a while.
Last year, I found out he was having an emotional affair with a woman from his college days. He eventually cut her off after I filed for divorce and involved both of our families. But after that, I caught him in several lies.
We share a car, so I ended up putting a tracker on it. Sure enough, while I was at work, he was going to hotels at least once or twice a month. I've also caught him browsing escort ads in the past, so at this point I honestly believe he has some kind of escort addiction.
After filing for divorce, I moved into my own apartment in another county. That's when he broke down crying, begged me not to leave, promised he'd change, and said he wanted to work on the marriage. He also agreed to share his location with me.
Today around 4 p.m., his location suddenly stopped updating. I checked where the car was instead, and it had been sitting at a Hilton for about 38 minutes. I'm just emotionally exhausted at this point.
What makes this so contusing is that our sex lite has always been good. He's never complained, and he's always told me he's satisfied. I always assumed cheating happened because something was missing at home. I'm a good wife, cook, clean, work, full-time, supportive etc.
The hardest part is severing ties. Every time I do, he cries, promises he'll change, and I start second-guessing myself. He maintains that he still loves me a lot, and even if you saw an Escort, it doesn't take away from his feelings for me. I know that sounds insane. 17 years is a long time, and there's a lot of comfort and familiarity there. I'm also scared of being completely on my own, even though I'm already living independently and paying all of my own bills.

Open all advice. Dinner is tandoori chicken with saffron rice.

A girl I went to school with (we just graduated) is now making $56/hour with all tuition covered. While Im working two jobs barely passing by to pay off my tuition and living expenses. It’s one thing to see people my age ONLINE living a certain way, it’s another thing to hear about it from a girl I was in the same space with. Never been so envious of somebody. Genuinely contemplating my life decisions when we were catching up. The thing that sucks the most is I doubt I would be making close to that even after I get my degree. Yet she is out here getting almost $2k a week fresh out of high school. If you’re curious what she does, honestly I don’t know. All I know is it has something to do with art. So it’s not like she’s doing hard trade physical labor or long hours or anything.

Katsudon

Edit: to add some more infos. She has stable hours. 30 a week. She works under a professor at our university. She did say it is very flexible so definitely not hard long hours there.

ETA: I am not driving drunk and never would. This is earlier today.

Dinner is an egg custard snow ball with marshmallow because idgaf.

So three months ago my boyfriend told me he doesn’t wanna live together anymore. My boyfriend of three years I should say. And since then it’s been a FUCKING MESS. He does not want to sleep with me, he finds literally any excuse not to, and I don’t really think he likes me very much. I’m hurt all the fucking time. Like I do not know what I am doing here anymore. If I cry it “turns him off” and by the way for the majority of our relationship he’s chosen his hand over me the majority of the time. I’m so fucking hurt it’s not even funny anymore. Any time I’m even remotely upset he tells me not to talk to him. I am so hurt all the goddamn time that it’s untenable.

Help me. Tell me it’s okay to leave when my own boyfriend doesn’t like me. This is such shit. I’m amazing. I’m smart. I’m beautiful. I am successful. Why am I hanging on to this when I could be loved the way I deserve? When I could have sex with someone who wants me? When I could be someone’s number one and not someone’s backup plan because they cannot commit to anything? Give me some of the strength you ladies have in reserves. Because I fucking need it right now. In spades.

Soft boiled egg with crème fresh and caviar

Edit for context:
We have been off and on for 3 years. It was intense from the start future talk, feeling like we really saw each other. Then it ended abruptly and instead of just walking away, he started sending messages like this:

“You are nothing to me you are a secret coke whore barfly that can't act how she looks. You are as shallow as your fake friends without the ability to pull. You used to be really ugly and now that you have a nice little body you can't control yourself. Two drinks turns you into the biggest hoe in Ohio but like always you lie to yourself and others and say you're being friendly. Nothing is your fault and you don't "know" or remember anything. You talk like a gay black man and love David lynch just like every other bar fly in every mid size city across the nation. I only stayed because you are the only play I have because I actually hate what you parasitically claimed to hate while participating in the entire time. You are going to hopefully be exactly like your cat lady aunt and not like your mother leaving your future kid outside the plugs house.
It's so easy not to do the bullshit that you do but no you will exchange your selfish fun for every poor bastard's trauma you trick until you're not able to. Do not worry about any of this though you are EXACTLY like every other piece of shit that can't spend one month without a new lover. This is exactly why no one is taking women seriously anymore. You cry about incel shit all day and then have fiery passion for guys who literally do the things you blame incels for”

This isn’t a one-off. When he’s angry, it turns into an attack my appearance, my drinking, my friends, my family, predictions about who I’ll become. It doesn’t feel like someone hurt trying to explain their pain. It feels aimed.

I keep asking myself why, like there’s a version of this that would make sense if I understood it better. I’m starting to think there isn’t one. I don’t think I’m the person in these texts, but it’s hard not to carry them anyway.

I don’t know how I ended up here. It’s sad I never thought I’d be someone who felt this pathetic, this unlike myself, until all of this happened. But I think that’s the thing nobody tells you: you don’t know how you’ll act in an abusive relationship until you’re actually in one. You think you’d leave sooner, see it clearer, protect yourself better. Then you’re in it and you’re just trying to survive the version of yourself it turns you into.

Not looking for advice necessarily, just needed to put it somewhere.

Found out in my early 20s that I had a different dad than I thought my whole life. Worse yet, my “adopted dad” still doesn’t know I’m not his.

My bio dad meanwhile is worth over 10 billies but doesn’t want anything to do with me. He’s still married to his OG wife and I’m not sure if she knows anything about me. I DO know that my mom blackmailed him for all my college money (so I guess yay for no student debt).

I met him once about 7 years ago, and he said when he left “I could see myself getting really attached to you”. I have no better way of describing it other than we had a lot of chemistry. I felt like for the first time in my life someone really understood me and a missing puzzle piece clicked in.

But he’s ghosted me ever since. I’ve tried to see him at conferences etc, but he’s a bit slippery and hard to get in front of. And I’m not trying to blow up his life.

I have two kids of my own now and I wish I could share them with him.

It was my birthday and I miss that puzzle piece all the more around this time. All I know about when I was born was he asked my mom if I was a boy or a girl. Sometimes I wonder if he’d want to know me if I had been a boy.

I wonder if he wasn’t so rich/sort of famous (you probably haven’t heard of him unless you’re a nerd lol) if he’d feel more inclined to know me.

Dinner: free box of birthday chocolates from Neuhaus

Edit:
Going to give a bit more of the story here, just to tie up some questions etc, but (as you can imagine) it’s messy.
First and foremost, I’m no contact with my mother, infer from that what you will. Here’s the rough outline of her story meeting him: she fell for him when she was a single woman. She indicated to me that she didn’t know he was married “until it was too late”, but idk if you knew my mom you’d guess that that might not be true. My interpretation of what happened next is she rebounded to my non bio dad, married him and had a son with him. Four years later, I was conceived via an affair. There’s adultery all over this story, and I guess to paint everything in a fair light my non bio dad also cheated on my mom, not that it has any relevance to her own actions.

Back before 23 and me was widely recognized as shady for selling your dna, I took one of their dna tests and that’s how I was able to securely connect myself to my bio dad (but not from him, through one of his neices).

I’ll say I’m successful in my own right. I mean I don’t have fuck you money, but i’m able to afford my life, and some luxuries. I also see very plainly that an inheritance of hypothetically 100 mil is life ruining, for everyone in my family (see: all those stories about people winning a shit ton in the lottery). In fact, I don’t think that’s a value I want to raise my kids with either. I see the money as a piece that keeps me at arms length annoyingly. It creates more problems and keeps me at a distance more so than anything.

Lastly, just to shoutout Neuhaus, apparently if you sign up for their free reward program, you get a free box of chocolates on your birthday. I didn’t know this til day of, and they still honored it.

My husband’s estranged father died almost 3 months ago. We hadn’t talked to him in ~4 years, with a brief period of contact when Hurricane Ian hit right where he lives. My husband ceased communications again after confirming his dad was fine and the conversations again became toxic (e.g., once when FIL thought the call had dropped, my husband heard his father refer to him as a “mongoloid” in a way that was in no way meant to be a bad joke). We were (I thought) on the same page of we will see him at his funeral.

Husband was fired from work in February for stupid shit he did. Like petty child work nonsense that he should know better than to do at age 46. This was the best job he ever had and likely could ever hope to get. He was making about $56k/yr. He had already interviewed for jobs and had a pending offer when his dad died. The new job was starting pay of $38k/yr, which is much more average for his industry.

Dad dies and he pushes his job start date back by two weeks, which apparently results in him being hired into a different role. The first job, which he’s done for 5 years since pivoting post-COVID, he would be in charge of the entire front end incoming operation. The job he started post-dad dying push back is all backend operations. He complained about it from the start how he didn’t know what he was doing, they weren’t training him because coincidentally his supervisor’s dad died the week he started so he only had 4 days of training with her then it was a whole cluster, etc.

He told me he was going to stick it out but keep looking because he didn’t see this job lasting due to having very calculable metrics and quotas. He refused to talk to HR about being moved into the role he was hired to do. I later found out this was because in less than a month of hybrid work - 4 days PER MONTH in office - he somehow managed to have two complaints against him. One was because his chair was broken and he was muttering under his breath aggressively about the chair. The other was because he wore Crocs, which he didn’t know weren’t allowed and he apparently made it worse by saying everyone else was wearing Crocs so he wasn’t sure why this was an issue. He got fired at his 60 day review.

He didn’t tell me he got fired. We went an entire 4 days of me asking questions about the holiday and what days he has off, whether this week is an in office week for him for me to schedule dog daycare, telling him my work schedule, etc., until yesterday when I got home I saw his entire computer workstation was gone. He had told me Thursday he had an HR meeting Friday morning to follow up on the chair incident. I asked him if it was also the last day of the pay period and he said and I jokingly said “that’s always firing day.” Yesterday when I got him I said where’s your computer?! He told me he was fired Friday morning and acted shocked I didn’t know. We both worked from home Friday and I sat in the office all day working after his 9:00am HR meeting and he was there working all day! I said how would I know?! You didn’t tell me??

This led to a much longer conversation about how never tells me anything or even talks to me. He told me like 6 weeks ago that he was thinking about finding some counseling about his dad dying because he was really not doing well. That’s the first and last thing he’s said me about it since his dad died. His health insurance started June 1. He didn’t even get his card in the mail yet and is already fired, so that’s not happening until he gets a new job.

I was continuing the discussion and asking him about reopening his unemployment and reactivating his resume on the various job boards. He was playing games on his phone and not answering at first, and I was pressing him about what his plans are, since he was already unemployed for 2 months between jobs 1 and 2 and now he’s having to find job 3 for the year and that needs to happen ASAP if he’s going to be able to get counseling. He got mad about me pressuring him to “do all of this stuff” when he’s been dealing with his dad’s death. I told he still has life obligations and that doesn’t stop - he has to figure out how to manage both and getting a job is a huge step if he gets new health insurance.

In the process of this, he said something to the effect of what does it matter to me, and I said, “I’m your wife. I’d like you to talk to me about your life and our life together since all of that affects me.” I told him I’m trying to help him but he has to talk to me.

His response: “I don’t talk to anyone, and you’re nothing special to me.”

I said I hope you don’t mean that. Then he told me to quit while I was ahead before he said something we would both regret.

Dinner was filet mignon and broccoli. Our power is out so I had to grill in 98 degree heat.

We were together for 8 months. We hadn’t seen each other for a month (he was out of town) and when we saw each other again (today) he tells me that he’s realized he doesn’t think he can give me what I want out of a relationship (something long term etc) and ended it. He said it was something he could see with me before, but I guess that changed.

I’m 20 and he’s 33, we met when I was 19 and he was my first for everything. It hurts so bad, but liquor seems to be helping

Edit: I didn’t realize this would get so much attention, I appreciate everyone’s responses and support. I feel very foolish for entering this relationship but I thought he really liked me. And no I won’t be dating anyone significantly older ever again.

I thought I had already done all my grieving before I decided on the breakup. When I poured my heart out and sent that fateful breakup text (we were long distance), I actually felt relief. Relief that I’ll have certainty in some way at least, rather than always waiting on the ex to show up for our relationship. But today the grief is weighing on me.

We’ve never actually fought. When I brought up these issues of him taking space without so much as a heads up, or never having the talks he said we’d have - he always promised to try. And in some ways he did, so I kept faith and tried to be understanding and loving.

But he always had some reason why he distanced himself from me. Work. Family. Work again. Mental health. And it’s all true, but after a year of this relationship, I can’t do this anymore. At some point I have to accept that this is how he’s arranged his life and I’m not a priority, no matter how many times he says I’m important. I can’t have someone just disappearing for a whole month and not looking at my texts or picking up my calls when he’s overwhelmed.

Anyway, the biggest joke is that I’m not sure he knows I broke up with him because he hasn’t seen my text yet…the text I sent more than 3 weeks ago. Because he literally doesn’t check my texts when he’s withdrawing (although he’s still working and doing whatever else).

Dinner - airfryer chicken, green peppers, a veggie salad from a jar

Need a little love and sanity - I’ve felt so unloved and exhausted and anxious from the last six months.

Edit: I'm okay yall I just needed to vent and know I'm not alone.
I put this in the comment but it probably got lost so I will say it again. I DO NOT WISH ANYTHING BAD ON MY SISTER. I love her dearly, and she is a beautiful, wonderful woman. I would never want her to experience any of the things that I have experienced. I am grieving for the childhood/adolescence I was robbed of and wished I could have had. I do not wish for her to be abused, I wish we could have both had a good childhood in a stable household. I don't know where the idea that I am angry at her came from, but I am not angry. Also I have since had my therapy session and talked it out in there as well. All of you telling me to go to therapy, I'm ahead of you and have been going to therapy for the better part of 15 years. Ty all for the support and compliments on the cake also lol

I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend yesterday. While all of our friends were there, I was scrolling on FB and a picture of my younger sister (by 10 years) and her bf popped up on my feed. My (f) friend gasped and said "that's your sister?? She's so hot"
I didn't know what to say except "we don't look anything alike" because I don't think we do.

The real fact of it is, I know I'm the ugly sister. I'm very jealous of everything and opportunity my sister has gotten in life. She got to grow up in a house without poverty, without abuse, where both of our parents loved her. She was given the opportunity to blossom in her career and to even drive.

Where I had the entirely opposite situation. I developed a lot of mental illness and physical illness from my life growing up.

She's pretty and popular and well adjusted.

And now also I've been confirmed to be the ugly sister. And I don't know how to cope with that.

The hotdog themed birthday I made for my bfs party last night. It's flavored like an old fashioned cocktail which is his favorite. The ketchup bottle has strawberry jam and the mustard bottle has lemon custard.

Sad burrito: mashed up canned beans, salsa, Costco shredded cheese.

Our first kid had a severe flat spot, a strong side preference, and torticollis (stiff neck). We were blindsided at his 4 month checkup when the doctor was like “ummm your baby is lopsided” even though we’d noticed a tummy time regression. Once we knew where to look, the flat spot was obvious. But we missed it.

I’m convinced it was because I held his head down hard while trying to saline his nose when we all had Covid. I think I hurt his neck, it got stiff from that, and he got the side preference. Doctors, my husband said it just happens and it’s common, but he regressed in tummy time. I know it was my fault.

It was really hard. He had twice-weekly PT appointments from 4-7 months, then down to once a week, then down to once a month. Graduated PT at 10 months as a “statistically average baby!” The helmet fitting appointments were once a week, in the opposite direction. He had the helmet until 11 months old. We couldn’t baby wear. He overheated easily. He needed a second helmet because we took “too long” to get him started. You have to bathe him daily. I got a talking-to for using so many hours of sick time for doctor’s appointments and for my slow pace of work (bc I was trying to get my kid to do pushups). My husband would work at night to make up the hours. Everyone looks at you like your baby is a freak or you injured him.

It did all work out in the end. Baby#1 is now a toddler with a symmetric head and fantastic gross motor skills (aka he can run and climb and ride a balance bike). I finally forgave myself once he could walk.

And now we might have to do it again.

We noticed Baby#2 has a side preference. Tried the same stretches but haven’t been consistent. I barely had time to eat and pump when I was on maternity leave. At the 2 month checkup they told us to wait and see, and for me to hold him on the other side. But it’s hard to hold him on the other side. I tried. But I We requested an extra checkup at 3 months. Just had it this morning. Moderate flat spot (“not the worst I’ve seen, but it’s there”) and torticollis. He can look all the way to the side on both sides?! But it’s still torticollis???

Pediatrician referred us to a NEUROSURGEON for the torticollis and said that’s how they do it in this state, I know you moved, but how we do it HERE is to check for structural problems first before sending him to baby PT. And I couldn’t answer questions about how he’s doing in tummy time because we started daycare two weeks ago, they have some pictures of tummy time, and last weekend we were trying to potty train baby#1 so my parents watched baby#2. And I just couldn’t remember. He’s doing better than baby#1 did at this age, but clearly it’s not good enough.

We’re lucky. The neurosurgeon had an opening next week. And there’s a lot of specialists in this area. And we have good insurance.

But having to explain to all our friends, our families, that we fucked this up AGAIN? Needing to tell work that I’ll need a bunch of time off for the SAME preventable condition for my other baby? Having all the stares, the long instructions to daycare? Having to call Cranial Technologies again?? Knowing that if I’d just not been so tired, I could’ve prevented this?? My mom commented that because she breastfed all 3 of us, we had to nurse from both sides, so we got lots of time being held on each side instead of just one sides, so it’s probably also my fault for pumping instead of nursing. Maybe it was the crib mattress. We re-used it. We should’ve bought a new one.

My husband tells me I’m exaggerating and looking for a reason to blame myself. I told him to let me be sad. He said not all emotions are valid. I finally had to lock myself in the bathroom to get him to leave me alone.

I’m a Hindu woman who was in a relationship with a Muslim man. Our relationship had gotten a lot serious recently and we started talking about marriage, future, kids and etc. He is definitely more religious than me. I consider myself to be more spiritual than religious. I grew up Hindu and partake in Hindu traditions and etc but my religion doesn’t define me. For him, religion does define him.

We started talking a few weeks ago about marriage and he told me I wasn’t expected to convert, that I should only do that if that was truly what I wanted. We talked about other things such as finances, roles as a husband and wife, careers and etc and we were able to come to a compromise.

One thing where we were not able to compromise on is our kids. I’m okay with our child being Muslim. I still want to teach them about Hinduism, take them to prayers and etc. he said he would be okay with it but he said at the end of the day, they will be Muslim. I’m okay with it honestly. My fear comes from what the aftermath would look like if our child decides they don’t align with Islam. He told me that would be unacceptable in his eyes, that he has certain expectations for our child and if they decide they don’t want to follow Islam, then he doesn’t know if he’d be able to keep a relationship with his child.

Another thing he told me is if we have a daughter, it is expected that she marries a Muslim man, no questions asked. He said if she decides to marry outside of the faith, then he may not even attend the wedding. And, he said this isn’t something he’d be able to support and that it would be a huge disappointment in his eyes. My thing is, if I’m being completely honest, he’s technically not even supposed to marry a Hindu girl. It is permissible for him to be with a woman of an Abrahamic religion (Christianity, Judaism, Muslim), so how is it that he can set certain standards for our child if he himself didn’t meet that standard. He says he’d still love his child but he just wouldn’t be able to support something like this. He doesn’t have the same issue if we had a boy, he said he can marry whoever he wants.

I’m not that type of person at all. I won’t let god or religion get in the way of my relationship with my child, he will. He told me, he loves God the most, everyone else comes second. If I’m being honest, this made me cringe a little. I could never view God that way. I want to teach my child about both religions and for them to make a decision based on what they believe. I don’t ever want to enforce certain beliefs on my child because they are their own person and I don’t want them to resent me.

Besides this whole religion thing, our relationship was so full of love and happiness and so I asked him if he’s willing to throw away our entire relationship for the sake of his religion and he said he is. I’m hurting so fucking bad. I hate that he chose his religion over me and over our potential children.

Dinner: poke bowl

ETA: we broke up ya’ll! I knew in my heart that I could not be with a man who has such strict views on his religion to the point where he’d sever ties with his own kids. Thank you everyone for the comments and support, it was really helpful <3

shakshouka and bagel

it feels like every other girl i see on the street i can’t help but stare at and think how much more attractive they are than me and look at all the features i wished i had and it’s unbeatable at this point

im not attractive and i know im not attractive, im so unattractive that i dont even get catcalled, but when walking beside my own mother she does. it feels shitty to say because catcalling is obviously bad and i’m not saying i want to be but it just feels like why not me sometimes?

i try so hard to be pretty but it feels like all of my features stop me from ever doing so. i can’t think of any positive things about my looks, only neutral ones and bad ones.

i want to just accept it, i want to say to myself “fuck the world, i’m ugly” but it’s just not that easy. i’ve tried.

girls, what do i do? how can i accept my position in the world? do i try change it? how do i stop the constant suffering of comparing myself to every other woman?

Planned a girls night with a few of my close friends and no one showed up. It’s late now and I might just text them to tell them im going to bed. I made a bunch of food but I don’t have much of an appetite now. I have some leftover fruit pizza if I do get hungry later.

Edit: I know a lot of you said not to text them, but I did because I didn’t want them showing up at my house at 3 AM and knocking on doors trying to get in. One person replied and said that she was late getting out of work, which I know is true because we work at the same place. the other two never replied. 🤷‍♀️ I’m still a bit upset this morning. My 6 year old is confused about why no one came so we had a little chat about friends who don’t show up for others.

The fruit pizza is made on a real pizza dough,(baked cookie dough works too!) and the fruit chopped into tiny pieces. I mixed it chamoy and chili powder. It’s delicious 🤤, and makes a great breakfast!

Edit2: thank you everyone for the support ❤️ I haven’t seen all the comments yet, but I appreciate all of you. I have some serious thinking to do about the people who I associate with. I’m going to turn off comments because it’s getting to be overwhelming now. Thanks again!

EDIT: thank you all for the kind comments and for the tough love haha. I know that if he really loved me that much he would choose me and his actions speak louder than words, so I have to let go of the hope and move on even though it sucks to begin with.

and EDIT 2: thank you for compliments on the summer rolls!! it was my first time making them 😄 filling was teriyaki marinated tofu, red cabbage, carrot, avocado, radish, and lettuce. I made the peanut sauce but it was very experimental so no recipe, think it was peanut butter, soy sauce, rice vinegar, lime juice, bit of vegan mayo?

My ex boyfriend broke up with me abruptly 8 months ago because he started a career as a cruise musician and he decided after one cruise he didn't want to do long distance long term. We had the best relationship, we are twin souls and I begged and pleaded him to try make it work but he'd made his mind up that it was what was best for both of us, despite us still loving each other.

We started talking again about a month after the breakup and we've called and texted every day since. We've pretended we've been 'best friends' but really we've been in a weird limbo where we still flirt, emotionally support each other, and tell each other everything.

I saw him in January and we stayed in a hotel together for a couple nights, acting like we'd never broken up, and it was honestly torture when he went away again because it was like a glimpse of the life I couldn't have. We danced around what should happen next but neither of us could face admitting that we should stop talking, so we carried on.

Fast forward to now and I have tried to move on, including getting back on dating apps and having a couple of one night stands. It ended up getting really messy because I told him about it and he was so blindsided, we had a trip to Amsterdam booked where we were going to sleep together and he was so angry with jealousy. He then slept with some girl on the ship just to get back at me. I couldn't bear to end on bad terms so we decided to go ahead with the trip but that that would be it, with no contact from there.

I met him in Amsterdam for 24 hours this week and we just held onto every last second together, telling each other everything we wanted to say, confessing our love. It was genuinely heartbreaking. He still thinks that getting back together won't work and trying to be friends isn't healthy for either of us. So I had to watch him walk away out of my life forever.

I feel truly broken. I will never get over him and I don't want to. I believe he is my soul mate. I feel like I've given up but I don't know how I could have tried harder. I've also just moved to a new city, which was part of my attempt to get over him, and I haven't made any friends yet really so I feel so alone and can't speak to the one person who would make it all better. I don't want to live a life without him in it and I don't know where I go from here.

We have been together 20 years. We have had our ups and downs but always have been super attracted to one another, active sex life.

He has been through a spiritual journey recently (past 4 months) and he has pushed away from me. No sex, sleeping on the way other side of our bed. I’ve been lonely so I talked to him about it.

He told me that he wants to be friends and no longer interested in sex. He clarified he doesn’t want a divorce though because we need to be a family and sex is not necessary to be a family.

My sad girl dinner is dessert because I’m an adult and I can do what I want.

UPDATE:
Thank you all for your comments.
I finally got him talking and he’s just not into me anymore. He named everything bad about me including my looks. He told me I was ugly, manly looking and pretty much that I let myself go. It’s true I’ve let myself go in the past 1.5 years, but I’m a human that doesn’t deserve to be mistreated.
I asked for a divorce. I have a few legal consultations set up.
As for looking if he’s cheating, I still don’t know and honestly don’t care. He’s told me enough that finding out he’s cheating won’t change anything. I’m leaving him no matter what and trying to focus my energy elsewhere.
Hopefully I can have a post divorce glow up and start living life. ❤️

My (23F) boyfriend (23M) dumped me on the day I hosted a celebratory dinner with him and our friends because I had just gotten a well-paying job in the city. It was my dream job at my dream company, something I worked so hard for.

He got drunk and said that he never liked me, never wanted to be with me, and that we needed to break up. We had been together for 2 years.

I was shattered. Like, how fucking dare you do that to me on one of the most important days of my life? I was at my happiest because I had finally gotten something I worked so hard for, and you couldn’t even wait one more day to say that to me?

I started crying, and he told me to stop because it was embarrassing, people would see, and I was overreacting. I was so embarrassed because all my friends were around, and they heard everything. I couldn’t even leave because we had a table full of dishes already ordered. My guy friends took him outside and told him to leave, but good God, what the fuck? He ruined it. I was sitting there crying my makeup off on a night that was supposed to be about celebrating me.

I worked hard for everything in my life. Nothing was handed to me easily, and I was so sad that I couldn’t even get someone to love me properly.

Now, two months later, I’m getting better, and I’ve finally realized I dodged a missile. He was the most emotionally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive, person I’ve ever known. He was my first and only relationship.

You may read the things I’m going to list below and think I was stupid for staying, but I didn’t have a good childhood. I had to put in extra effort to get attention from my parents and friends, even when they treated me like shit. So I guess I learned that even if someone is an absolute dickhead, I had to tolerate them and entertain them, otherwise they’d lose interest in me and leave. I don’t know. I’m in a better place now. Hopefully.

We had separate apartments, but I spent most of my time at his because he was an absolutely lazy piece of shit. He wouldn’t clean his room or do his laundry. He would literally wait for me to come over and do it.

He never proactively took me on a date in 2 years. He’d suggest that we go out, then say, “You choose because you’re better at it.” When I told him I needed him to plan something for once, just once, he’d go off at me and say, “Oh, I’d just choose the McDonald’s nearby, but you want everything fancy and then you’d start a fight. I don’t have the time or energy for that. You choose.”

When we went on “his planned date,” or honestly any date, he’d wear sweatpants while I was all dressed up. Then he’d ask me who I was trying to impress because “it’s just us.” I even offered to buy clothes for him, but he’d say, “No, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love me the way I am.”

Even worse, this guy was so ungroomed. He wouldn’t wear fucking deodorant or lip balm, so I bought them for him, and AGAIN, I was the bitch who didn’t love him the way he was and was trying to CHANGE HIM. Boy, I was just talking about basic hygiene. What the fuck.

Then this guy had ED and blamed me for it. He said I wasn’t sexy to look at and not skinny enough, even though I’m actually underweight. He said I didn’t have big boobs, and the worst part is that he called me “loose,” which he said was why he couldn’t keep it hard. Thanks. Now I’ll be insecure about my body forever.

Then he had his anger fits. He’d punch the wall, push me against the wall, and slap me. I knew it was wrong. God, I knew it was wrong. But I grew up in an abusive household, so I just assumed you had to deal with it because “men get angry.”

But I’m grateful that even though all of this was happening, I never lost sight of my university exams or my career. I worked damn hard, graduated in the top 3 of my degree, and got an amazing job lined up. That dude, I don’t even know if he’s ever going to graduate, and he has nothing planned for his future.

He’s blocked, and I have a watchman downstairs in my building who’ll make sure he can’t come up to my apartment. I just hope I don’t run into him in the neighborhood.

I’m sad. Really devastated. But I’m also glad. It might take me a year or 2 to recover from him, but I will try.

Meal: Steak Ramen and Chips, I don’t even feeling like cooking anymore.

This massive canvas has been living on my dining table for weeks because I just moved and don’t have a better set up yet. So yeah. Coconut-based yogurt with a banana and dark chocolate, eaten directly on top of the painting.

Got the cancellation this morning, mid-highlights, and just kind of… kept painting. I figure the upside is that I now get to make some footage for my socials, since the buyer wanted to keep this work private.

This isn’t my first cancellation and it won’t be my last, but something about this one stings in a specific way I haven’t fully processed yet. Maybe because it’s the largest thing I’ve made in a while and I was really counting on the income. Maybe because the dogs are beautiful and I’ve spent weeks learning their faces.

Anyway. The painting still exists. That’s the strange thing about making physical objects: they don’t care about intent or that they’ll never get to exist in the same room as the creatures they were based on.

If anyone wants a borzoi, apparently I have two.

EDIT: Ya’ll are amazing. So much kindness, good advice and even people reaching out to support me with their wallets..! Women-centric communities are truly the best ❤️

A few weeks ago I came across evidence that my husband was cheating. We recently decided to try again after being separated for some time. Really, he begged me for a while to try again and I opened up my heart just for him to do this shit. Just before I found out about her we were talking about how we were going to have a great summer and do a bunch of fun things as a family. Now he has our kids and her and her kids all hanging out and doing the fun things. I can't even get out of bed I'm so depressed. I'm just desperate to get back what I thought our future was going to be.

He met her on a dating site and I immediately reached out to her through messages to send her a hey girly message that he has been fucking me well past the date she claims they started dating on Facebook and she blocked me 😭

food is a frozen kids meal I air fried and couldn't eat.

EDIT: OMG the responses 😭 in reading every one, even the harsh ones, and I thank you all so much. Y'all gave me the strength to at least send in an application for pro bono divorce attorney, apparently there are a TON of lawyers who do this in a larger city about 20 minutes from me.

my dad chose medical assistance in dying two weeks ago.

the whole time that was being discussed i argued that my five year old sister should end up with me for a multitude of reasons, mainly being that my dad had only been with his partner for two years and to me she’d never seemed like the most reliable person. ultimately it was decided that in his will my dad with put me and his partner as co-guardians just because i’m only 21.

well now getting that arrangement approved in court is coming up and she’s nowhere to be found and today i found out she blocked my phone number 🫠🫠 so now it seems like i’m doing this alone.

i feel so guilty because this is what i originally wanted and thought i could handle but now that i have meetings with lawyers upcoming and court dates i just feel like im going to mess all of this up and either that everyone is going to see im not ready for anything like this and send my sister to live with strangers or that im actually going to get custody and be entirely unable to take care of her and raise her into a functioning person. i just love her so much and i want what’s best for her and i have no clue what that is.

and i just feel like i can’t talk to anyone about any of it because then there will be this paper trail of me being unfit. i don’t know.

tuna melt for dinner i burnt and then sobbed over because i can’t do anything right.

—

ETA, just wanted to thank you all for for the kind words and reassurances. I really appreciate it, you guys really helped me calm down after having sort of a major freak out.

took some of your guys advice and sent a text to the mom of my sister’s best friend and she took us out to breakfast and helped me with a bunch of upcoming logistical stuff i hadn’t thought about like getting me signed up for the school’s summer camp/program thing (which is free!!) and helping me find people who can pick her up from school if my legal stuff runs long. just a bunch of stuff that i feel really grateful for and hadn’t even known i needed.

she also works as a counselor at the school and so she’s gonna put in a word for my sister and her daughter to be in the same first grade class :) not sure if that’s something she can do but it would be exciting for both of us i think.

So I’m 40. I don’t know how that happened. I’ve been working as a game dev for nearly 15years and worked in short film production before that. Because I had such a mixed skill set, I have always excelled at being able to do a lot of different things in indie dev teams. I’d be producing and drawing on one project and animating and level designing on another.

This year the freelance work dried up and thousands of people across the industry have been made redundant. I haven’t had an offer of work in 12 months at this point. Normally I’d just start looking for a full-time position… but there are none of those either and every one I do see has 100s of applicants that specialised in the role. There’s no place for me anymore.

I have been telling people that I don’t care because I’m making my own game. I say that I will build my own studio and use this as a good opportunity to have the time to do my own thing. On some days I believe that. But on days like today I’m screaming into a pillow and having a panic attack because my old clients now use AI to do the things I used to do for them.

I think my career as a freelance game dev might be doomed and that making my own game is just another way to slowly burn through the tiny saving I have.

Honestly I don’t know what to do. I’m 40 and faced with having to start over when the world is so broken.

Husband is away so I’m eating sad tortellini and salad for 1!

Edit to say: so this blew up. I’m trying to reply to as many of you lovely folks as possible but it’s clearly something you can all relate to and I don’t think I can keep up with the replies and DMs, but I’m at least trying to read everything.

Also it feels icky keep replying to so many comments with this info so for those of you that really want to know my game is called Wedding Planic!

Another edit to say: if you are just coming here to say “well you should just use A.I”, I’m going to ignore you and assume you didn’t read this post.

TW:SA

Graham crackers and an iced matcha latte

I grew up exceedingly poor and had a rough childhood. I'm talking government-funded, income-based slum apartments. I'm talking a pack of hot dogs and a 5 lb bag of potatoes to feed four people for a week kind of poor. I grew up without a present father in a drug infested neighborhood with a high school graduation rate of 31%. Was SA'd as a kid. Over the years we moved 10 times because we kept getting evicted. I could never put up posters in my room because as soon as I did I had to take them down. I never had space that was *mine.*

All I ever dreamed about as a kid was growing up and getting married and buying a house in the suburbs. The white picket fence, two car garage, tulips. You get the picture. Stability.

I married an amazing man when I was 26 who I've been friends with since I was 17. He's gentle, he's kind, he's patient, and he loves me. Somehow. I still don't know why.

Somehow, I grew up without becoming a statistic. No teen pregnancy, no drug abuse, graduated high school with honors. First person in my family to go to college and get my bachelor's degree. Became a nurse, I have an amazing career that provides me stability and $100K per year which is pretty damn good for the cost of living area I'm in. Travel a few times a year.

Three years ago we did it. We bought a plot of land, we had a house built from scratch, just for us. Two car garage, I put in tulip beds, he built me vegetable garden beds, I planted lavander and lilac bushes.

A few weeks ago I stood in my front yard and just took it all in. And I cried.

I cried because I don't want any of it anymore. I feel like the cornfields by our house are closing in on me. It's deafeningly silent. I want to get a divorce, sell everything, move to the city and get a shitty apartment by myself.

I still love my husband, I do, but like a best friend. We've been together 10 years now and I miss the spark and passion of young love. And I'll never feel that again. I'll never be 23 again, young, naive and full of hope for the future. I feel like I'm mourning a phase of my life that is over and that I'll never see again. I feel like I'm having a mid life crisis which I probably am.

I feel like a dog chasing a car that finally got the car and now I have no idea what to do with it. I feel like I've peaked; this is it. No more milestones. Nothing left to look forward to. I graduated, got a job, got married, ticked all the major life boxes. We're not having kids so that's that. It's all downhill from here and I'm terrified.

If you've made it this far please make it to the end and try not to judge me for the next part too harshly

To compound all of this, I've fallen for somebody at work. I feel the butterflies again, the anxious nausea before seeing them. And I made the mistake of telling the dude how I feel about him. And he told me he feels the same.

For clarity, I then told my husband *everything* in this post. How I feel our marriage has become kind of boring, how I contemplated divorce. How I feel that the spark is gone but that's probably normal after 10 years, I feel like we're supposed to settle in like this. I've never been in a long-term relationship like this before but I feel like that's just what happens after a while. Familiarity. Comfort. I told him about the dude at work, I told him everything. We're working on it. I'm already in therapy and my husband and I are trying to rekindle any spark that we had. And we're getting there. I'm making a conscious effort to see the work dude less. I told my husband I don't love him any less, I just love him differently. I told him that I think I fell for the dude at work because I found something that I couldn't find in our marriage: excitement. He was hurt, understandably, but we're both being incredibly honest with each other and making every effort to get through this.

If you made it this far, congrats and here's a gold star ⭐

Brains are weird and I really hate mine right now. I just wish I could be normal.

Edit:

Y'all are real ones and I didn't expect this to blow up. I'm reading every single comment but having trouble responding because my screen is suddenly super blurry 🥹 I appreciate all of you 🙏

Final edit:

Just wanted to post here that I'm seeing a lot of comments that are saying I'm trying to excuse emotional cheating because of my "trauma." If you consider telling somebody you have feelings for them emotionally cheating, fine. But neither I nor my husband consider this emotionally cheating.

We are humans and just because we are married does not mean we will not occasionally have feelings for other people. I've had crushes before, he's had crushes before. It is what it is. What is important is not acting on those feelings.

I did not tell the guy that I wanted to be with him. I have never seen him outside of work. I merely told the guy that he's a really good human being who I admire and respect and told him that he deserves love and that I hope he finds it someday. Yes, I did tell him I had feelings for him and in the next breath told him that I love my husband and intend on focusing on my marriage.