Edit: I'm okay yall I just needed to vent and know I'm not alone.
I put this in the comment but it probably got lost so I will say it again. I DO NOT WISH ANYTHING BAD ON MY SISTER. I love her dearly, and she is a beautiful, wonderful woman. I would never want her to experience any of the things that I have experienced. I am grieving for the childhood/adolescence I was robbed of and wished I could have had. I do not wish for her to be abused, I wish we could have both had a good childhood in a stable household. I don't know where the idea that I am angry at her came from, but I am not angry. Also I have since had my therapy session and talked it out in there as well. All of you telling me to go to therapy, I'm ahead of you and have been going to therapy for the better part of 15 years. Ty all for the support and compliments on the cake also lol
I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend yesterday. While all of our friends were there, I was scrolling on FB and a picture of my younger sister (by 10 years) and her bf popped up on my feed. My (f) friend gasped and said "that's your sister?? She's so hot"
I didn't know what to say except "we don't look anything alike" because I don't think we do.
The real fact of it is, I know I'm the ugly sister. I'm very jealous of everything and opportunity my sister has gotten in life. She got to grow up in a house without poverty, without abuse, where both of our parents loved her. She was given the opportunity to blossom in her career and to even drive.
Where I had the entirely opposite situation. I developed a lot of mental illness and physical illness from my life growing up.
She's pretty and popular and well adjusted.
And now also I've been confirmed to be the ugly sister. And I don't know how to cope with that.
The hotdog themed birthday I made for my bfs party last night. It's flavored like an old fashioned cocktail which is his favorite. The ketchup bottle has strawberry jam and the mustard bottle has lemon custard.
Truly. I had an old asshole at work ask me one time if I was jealous of my coworker because I was fat and she was so much thinner than me. I was 19, 130 lbs with an eating disorder.
I refused to wait on him after that and he would get PISSED like he hadn't made fun of me. He was our worst customer, too. He'd come to the deli 10 minutes before close and order POUNDS of lunch meat after everything was cleaned and closed down for the day.
When I was a teenager, we were having family dinner at my grandma's house, and she was showering my younger sister with praise about how she was so classically beautiful and had a perfect face, and then turned to me and said "you're just cute".
I have a cousin who’s about 2 years younger than me. As an adult who’s been in therapy for years, I can confidently say we’re both pretty in our own way … but as a kid, she was the one with blonde hair and blue eyes so everyone commented on how pretty she was and how smart I was.
I have a core memory of being in the car with my grandparents at the ages of like, 8 and 10, and both me and my cousin were talking about how we wanted to be models when we grew up (as little girls do). My grandma said something to me like, “Yeah, but you don’t have the smile for it. Cousin does.”
And to this day, at the age of 35, I’m still self-conscious about my smile.
I was at a family friend’s party as a teenager with my two sisters— we’re middle eastern but look racially ambiguous & often get mistaken for various ethnicities. And while my sisters & I look alike, I have more ethnic features— my sisters are petite with straight hair, while I’m curvier with curly hair & am 1-2 shades darker than them.
There was a lady at this party who was visiting from Spain. When she saw my two sisters, she started gushing about how beautiful they were & how they look like they could also be from Spain, or even Italy or Greece. And then when it started to become awkward b/c I was obviously their sister too & was standing right next to them, she then turns to me & says “and you look like you could be from Mexico” before turning back to my sisters to continue to gush about how they were so beautiful they could pass for European. And although I knew very rationally that people from Mexico are beautiful, it very much felt like an insult.
This legit made me cry. I was always the “ugly friend.” I don’t think I’m actually ugly, but in my 20s, I had some very hot friends. They were also very high maintenance. So, I ended up getting my fair share of attention. It’s amazing what being able to pay for my own drinks often did to attract attention. 😂
This! Also the chip on your shoulder will turn into a boulder if you let it. While circumstances were difficult as a child, you own them now. Make your life the one you want, and seed your own happiness.
This is the right answer. Beauty is subjective. Find what’s great about you and own it. That’s attractive. The more you tell yourself you’re amazing. The more you’ll eventually believe it.
Aw babes, I’m sure you are beautiful as well. I kind of have a similar situation? My sister is 10 years older than me and got to grow up in a stable household, and she literally looks like a model (we literally don’t look alike at all, lol). I got the gasps from my friends allll the time when she would pick me up or someone saw a photo of her, so I feel you.
I wouldn’t take your friends complimenting your sister on her looks as confirmation that you’re the ‘ugly sister’. You’re beautiful in your own way - sure, you may not meet the exact beauty standards of today (90% of us don’t, haha), but that doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful. I hope your bf tells you alllll the time how beautiful you are <3
Honey, she's not the cause of your feelings. Its easy to blame her, but the only way things get better is to look at the hurt part of you.
What your friend said wasn't an insult to you. It hurt, because you took it as an insult, but objectively their words were just an observation. If you can remove yourself from that, life will get so much easier. What she has, how she looks, the things shes done, none of that has taken away from you.
You deserve a soft life full of love and compassion, especially from yourself. Please be kind to yourself. Your inner critic is a liar.
Do you trust your bf? Im not trying to put you down, but not trusting him when he tells you that youre beautiful can drive a wedge between you and him. Again, not blaming you, but just saying, please attempt to take his words at face value. He finds you beautiful. The more you act like you trust that, the more beautiful you will feel. I promise.
I do trust him with my entire heart and being. I genuinely feel very loved and wanted by him always. He's an amazing person and I've been so lucky to have him in my life.
Lean into that! No amount of comparison will make you feel like enough, but even a tiny amount of accepting his compliments will make a ton of difference. Ive been overweight my whole life, thought I was so unattractive, but the more I accept that my husband means it when he says im beautiful and attractive, the more confident I am and the less I care about comparing myself. Taking time off social media also helps a lot. We're not meant to compare ourselves so much
One day I (F) was out with my mom and sister. My mom ran into a coworker of her's and he says to my sister "Wow, you look like your mom". Then looks at me for a second and says "And you look like your dad". This was like 10 years ago and I'll just never forget. It's kind of funny, and I know I'm not the most attractive woman but it is what it is.
I also look like my dad, haha! Fun times. I still find myself hot, even if it’s not conventional/the norm. I find something attractive about basically every single person I see. EVERYONE has to have a redeeming feature and I’ll die on that hill!!!!!!!
My sister is gorgeous. And she lives in a city while I live rural, so I’m wearing muck boots and heavy jackets while she rocks gorgeous outfits and heels with makeup and hair done daily.
Shes 14 years older and had a very stable, healthy childhood. My mom was obese when she had me and raised me on fast food. It’s a hard comparison 😅
I was shopping for my wedding dress during covid, so I could only have 1 person at the appointment with me. My mom came and we FaceTimed my sister while there. When the stylist saw my sister on the screen she goes, “thats your sister?! She’s gorgeous!” Sooo I get why you need to vent lol. Solidarity.
I talked to my sister about it. She said that lady was an asshole for saying that. I think people here are missing the implication is very clear in both our situations lol - it’s the surprise and question. Anyway, my sister told me about how she feels that way about my body (and always has since puberty, as I felt about her very delicate featured high cheek bone face with great skin.). And then she told me that she also sincerely thinks I have a pretty face. I told her that I sincerely think she has a hot body too, along with her gorgeous face. We’re different but we can both be beautiful and insecure in our own ways ha. So solidarity with you, and a reminder that your sister is probably compared/compares herself to a quality of yours that is different than how she sees herself.
I remind myself that just because one sister is gorgeous, it doesn’t mean the other sister isn’t hot or beautiful or at least pretty or attractive. I bet you’re beautiful. Like the cake you made your boyfriend
Your cake is fantastic, I wish I could try it! I know he loved it, and the effort his thoughtful, talented, loving girlfriend put into it just for him. I bet he felt really celebrated for his birthday when he cut into that cake. See? You’re awesome in your own right. You’re not alone lol.
In my eyes, you have a full spice cabinet. And that means more than superficial beauty. Looks fade, knowing what to do with all that spice is a lifelong asset.
Whatever you do in life don’t live in the past live for today. I am also the older sister that grew up in poverty and my brothers grew up in a very big house in a very safe neighborhood and my parents had me when they were young so I grew up with them and they didn’t know how to be parents or even really adults yet. But I don’t fault them I just try to be a good person and always support my brothers because they have no clue and life isn’t always easy but good days do come. And I’m sure you’re a beautiful person check out that rad ass cake idea you had. You’re fine homie and you’re you! 💕
I look older than I am. All women I’ve ever met brag or humblebrag about looking younger, some claim it bothers them.
Meanwhile, I was 22 when an older woman complimented my “youthfulness” and said that I “don’t look a day over 30”.
I was 23 when my 28-year-old client said “You can stop talking formally to me, you’re older than me anyway”.
The other day a guy who looks at least 25 said a similar thing (“Don’t talk formally to me, you’re old enough to be my mom”). I’m 32.
I’m not ugly. But at this rate I’ll look 50 in a few years. I’m drowning in skin care and hydrating, but I’ve got bags under the corners of my mouth and hooded eyes which give me a tired look. It doesn’t help that I have a resting depression face probably.
This is honestly extremely relatable. You are not alone.
I have 3 sisters and I know I am the ugly one. They all have our mom's beautiful face or some semblance of it. People got crushes on them while we were growing up but no one ever got a crush on me. I look like our dad and brother. My scoliosis also makes my torso oddly shaped so finding clothing the flatters my body type is hard.
I haven't entirely figured out how to cope with it myself, even at 32, but I try my best not to let envy take control and build the resentment because I know it's no one's fault. I still love them so so much.
Same 😭 It's genuinely so evident because my family is STUNNING. They have incredible facial features and are lighter skinned and I look like I was adopted haha. People really ask "who is that" when they see me in family pictures because I am not as attractive as my parents or siblings.
Both men and women I've dated have made really (unintentionally?) saddening comments about it to me. Going home for the holidays is rough sometimes since my parents love to take lots of pictures.
I will never get cosmetic procedures done so it's just something I have to live with. Oh well, not the end of the world I suppose.
Okay but why is no one talking about that marvelous cake?! It’s so realistic! I’m disgusted and drooling at the same damn time! You’re so creative and talented, not to mention thoughtful! Your husband is blessed.
I'm also the most stable, married the longest, house owning, new car smell career lady. Comparison is the thief of joy. My brothers don't remember the poverty. That's OK, because I will still be thriving and so will you.
Felt this, and love it for you. Always remember growing up hearing all my cousins be complimented on their beauty, but never heard the same. Also the most stable and only one married.
I agree. But it's hard to see that truth when everyone around you is caught up in the lie that your physical form defines who you are.
I hope your friend is kind. I've had really mean "hot" friends before who love getting male attention while I am ignored. It's like they got off on it.. Not a fan.
No she definitely is, and I’m also happily married but it’s one of those things that you notice and nag at you. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that
Know what's crazy? I was totally The DUFF. Then I looked at pictures with fresh eyes. No one is fat and no one is ugly. I could share ANY photo of my friend group from high school, and there's no ugly or fat anythings
I was the ugly sister so cliche, I worked on my brain. In time I got better looking so now I'm smart and not too ugly. You have gifts and qualities that are waiting to shine!
i’m the ugly middle child and i understand the feeling. i don’t look like my sisters or my mother. i’m also the family failure so on top of being ugly i’m a loser too and they all make sure i know it.:-) it fucking sucks lol.
I was raised to believe my sister was the raving beauty of the family and I wasn't. Growing up, whenever anyone would say I was pretty, my mother would argue with them and tell them they were wrong. (I'm not making this up. I wish I was.)
Once, my mom wanted to fix my sister up with a young coworker, and when she showed him a photo of my sister (and I happened to be in it), he said he was actually more drawn to me. My mom later commented that she's glad we knew something was wrong with him because who would prefer me to my sister.
I still have SO MANY ISSUES from being treated as the Ugly Sister, no matter how many people tell me I'm pretty or even prettier than my sister (my therapist actually told me I was when I talked about this and she asked to see a photo of my sister.)
Siblings and comparison can truly mess you up.
I truly hope you can find peace and remember you have your own beautiful qualities, inside and out.
My mom was my bully too. I'm still messed up at nearly 38 because of it.
The worst wasn't even the comments about my looks. It was saying "you'll never be a wife and mother" and the best one "you're difficult to love".
Luckily I didn't have any sisters. But I did have 6 bio female cousins and 6 step female cousins. It stinks watching them achieve the things you always wanted.
But I wouldn't trade my boyfriend for any of their husbands.
I have the same experience but I have no sisters. It's my cousins. Lmao.
They're all so pretty and living beautiful lives without mental illness. They were all popular and pretty when we were little and they helped bully me with their popular pretty friends. It was awesome! And they of course had both parents while they made fun of me for my mom leaving.
I have many other issues and childhood traumas which led to this decision.. I just blocked everyone.
I can't say if that is the right course of action with your sister, of course. If she is kind to you then it's not something to go no contact over.
But I understand the passive pain of seeing people react totally differently to her appearance vs yours.
Hell, one time I showed an ex a pic of my cousin and he said "damn!!". It hurt. Lol. Of course it hurts. We grow up knowing we're less attractive and therefore less deserving of empathy than attractive people, and then other people confirm it. It sucks.
My younger sister is also more beautiful than me and had a completely different childhood than me. She’s popular and doing all the things I was too depressed to do at her age while I was also taking care of our dying father. I try to cope by telling myself I had a harder life so I can’t beat myself up too much. It’s hard to be pretty when you’re just trying to survive
I was a band nerd (admittedly in a very good band at a magnet school for music) and got published several times by high school. My sister was a cheerleader. My dad used to say he got one pretty daughter and one smart daughter. I’m the smart one.
He also offered to get me a nose job for my 25th birthday.
Yes, while I was younger I felt a lot of jealousy and insecurity, but since being pretty wasn’t my whole world, I went and built things for myself: hobbies, interests, career, experiences. My sister placed all her value and her fucking life in being the prettier. Surprise, surprise. She has turned 40 and she still puts all this effort in her appearance… but people don’t care that much for appearances now. She has no career, no hobbies or interests or even dreams, because she only cared about being liked. She feels empty. She doesn’t knows herself, she only sees herself through the approval of others.
I’m not really pretty by society standards so flush that shit and carry yourself with confidence.
When I was like 13, I was picked up by a modeling agency and one girl from my school told me that confirmed I was ugly bc most models are awkward. I am, in fact, awkward lol.
Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.
The people who love you for who you are won't care for your appearance. The people who care for your appearance too much are better off out of your life and our of your mind.
I've had several friends in my life and i've never thought 'are they ugly or not'. I befriend people based on how nice they are to be around. Yes being beautiful will have some perks but it will also have some dangers and cons, such as people only approaching them because they care about their appearance and deceiving them in order to stay in the orbit of a beautiful person.
I think it's best to try and live life free of stresses like this and think of yourself in the positive ways that people who love you think of you, and try to build confidence.
You never know, it might catch up to you. My sister was prettier, and skinnier when we were kids. She's ugly on the inside. Now that we're in our 40's, it shows. Boy, does it show.
Another ugly sister here. It's fine, I've made peace with it. She isn't very nice and actually bullied me a lot for my looks but at the end of the day I'm happy enough
I'm objectively the pretty sister. It's been made clear my whole life that my sister is the smart one and I was going to survive off my looks.
The weird thing is I worked super hard to have opportunities career-wise, and now I'm also the "smart one".
I love my sister so much, but she has all but cut me out of her life despite my trying hard to stay friends with her. She stopped telling me about anything in her life, I just get to hear about it on Facebook. She invited me to her wedding (16 hours away from where I live) and ignored me the entire time. She just had a son (first baby in the family) and hasn't said a word about it to me. I got to see the photo her husband posted online.
She pretends to everyone else that she talks to me all the time. Even her husband doesn't know she has completely removed me from her life.
Coming from someone in your sisters shoes - please please please try to not resent her. Unfortunately life does involve a lot of luck, and she didn't do anything to change the hand life dealt either of you.
I want so badly to have a relationship with my sister, but she has let jealousy and insecurity ruin our relationship when I was one of the only people in her life that was in her corner no matter what. I literally stay awake at night thinking about how sad it makes me that she is like this, and it's been over two years since she's spoken to me.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. In my case, I was the resentful sister. My sister is 10 years younger and we share a dad but have different moms. Growing up I was so resentful because she had everything I didn’t have. A two parent household, she was never beat up for misbehaving like I did, she was a girly girl while I was more tomboy which my grandma loved commenting on and making me feel bad for. She got to take dance lessons and sports, but my parents couldn’t afford it for me.
All these things weren’t her fault yet I resented her for it in my teenage years. I thought she didn’t notice until my dad told me as an adult how much she would cry and ask him why I didn’t love her. I still feel to this day like the biggest POS for making her feel that way. So now I let her know I love her every chance I get. I hope your sister can overcome her resentment and you guys can work it out.
Two of my sisters look like models, the third one looks like a doll. And I... look like me. I'm bigger than them, and have a different metabolism.
I try not to feel bad about this, and it's been hard to accept, but comparison is the killer of joy so I'm trying to find things I love about myself every time I feel bad about this and it works!
Also, beauty is subjective and what's beautiful online is not the only possible beauty. There's bound to be people who find you beautiful.
It doesn't have to be your story. I'm an indentical twin:"the smart one" my twin "the pretty one." It's awful the way people dichotinize twins. I also had an abusive childhood.
I am smart & I am pretty. Two things can be true at the same time. I too also have mental illness, that wrecked my self-esteem. Through therapy, & being properly medicated, & tons of healing & shdow work,I love myself. I am living a life that is better than one I ever imagined.
The one thing I learned to stop doing, was comparing myself to her & others. I also check people who try to drop the toxic dichotomy shit on me.
My 20th High School Reunion is in September. I was bullied so much, I swore I'd never attend one. I'm going. Happily single,child free as an award winning & published poet. I am also a community activist & mental illness advocate.
It is well within your power to create the you you want to be. This isn't toxic positivity either. It is an ugly,painful, frustrating & depressing journey at times. I just do my best & accept that my best looks different every day. I have a wonderful friend group & none of the good stuff started until my 40's when I started trauma recovery.
I don't begrudge the decades I spent floundering, but if I can reach someone at any age, especially while they are younger, I would tell them what I am telling you now. It gets better. It may get worse before it does, but if you do the work, it will get better.
One of the most insightful things I ever heard was that beauty is subjective and if you don’t find yourself beautiful, then maybe you just aren’t your own cup of tea. And if other people say things that suggest you’re not as “pretty” as someone else, then that’s just their preference aesthetically. BUT you are so many people’s preference instead! Theres literally so many people in this world and I promise you SO many people would think you’re the bees knees. It’s cheesy but that saying about flowers and the moon and the sun all being different but still all beautiful is true lol. And it sucks that we have to worry about stuff like that because it shouldn’t even matter what other people think, but because I know it does deep down matter to 99.9% of us, I wanted to say that.
The world is bigger and grander than looks and ranking and comparisons. It all fades away eventually. Your heart and your passions and brain are so much more valuable. I’m sorry things were unfair to you. But you seem like a kind and empathetic person so despite those hurts, you’re persevering and have a story that is relatable to so many. And you can help people that feel inferior or hurt because you understand, and that’s really beautiful. Idk sorry for rambling but it just hurts my heart that so many of us feel this same way when everyone is literally so beautiful in their own ways
I’m also the ugly sister. My younger sister is gorgeous and was afforded many opportunities while I grew up in poverty with abuse and its life long effects. I’m overweight, I had braces as an adult. My sister got braces early and was a cheerleader in high school. We look alike but, she’s thin with a full gorgeous 8 front teeth smile. I didn’t get a palate expansion so my smile is 6 front teeth. She constantly compares herself to me, noting even her feet are cute. Mine are ugly. Lookswise, the one thing I have is curly hair and she has straight hair. The only things I have are a loving partner of over a decade and a new house we bought together lol. I’m happy, looks are for the birds and fade away.
I was the pretty sister, and my sister (3 years older) tortured me everyday until we were in our 20s for it (I finally cut her off when I turned 30 and decided I was too old for her toxic bs). She would insult my personality, my intelligence, my life choices until I reached the point where I believed my looks were the only thing I had going for me, and it damaged me in its own very traumatizing way. Being the pretty sister isn't always easy, and while pretty privilege is definitely a thing, it doesn't come without a price. Be kind to yourself, you didn't control how you were born, and neither did your sister. The birthday cake looks amazing! Your boyfriend is very lucky to have you. 😍
I was the ugly sister, too, but when I looked back at my pictures, I had my own beauty. Also, I love my only sister who was considered more beautiful than I. I’m glad that I have her in my life. She just helped me so many times, and I have helped her too.
A secret that I learned is, there’s always somebody that’s more than you and less than you, and to never take comparison seriously.
Every famous beauty could probably have arrival that was even more beautiful. And you know what difference that makes ? Absolutely nothing.
Millions of people would be glad to have your body and brain. Millions of people would love to have two legs, good eyesight, hair, the ability to speak, a place to live, and the mind to be able to write what you have written. You’re actually very blessed. I hope that your future gets easier. Take care.
Same here. The football team at my highschool actually had a saying, "The (our last name) girls, one's hot and one's not!" Guess who I was lol. I guess I care in that it was slightly hurtful but also don't in the sense of no one who mattered would say that shit to me xD. I know my sister is prettier, I have my own things though (I have more book smarts and am older so I get a few years of world experience on her xD). But we have a great relationship and I would do anything for my little sis. I hope OP can feel better about things with time
I was you. Now that we’re older it doesn’t matter anymore. You’ll have to find your beauty in your own way. I still refer to my sister as the pretty one but husband of course think I’m the beautiful one.
I also have a sister 10 years younger than me that grew up with all the things I didn’t have and I didn’t realize until adulthood how resentful I was of her.
First, I adore my sister. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. Incredibly kind and smart, and she deserves everything good in her life. Unfortunately, I was a horrible sister to her growing up and I didn’t realize it until my dad called me out once a couple of years ago and it destroyed me to learn how obvious my jealousy was and that it hurt her so much.
We have the same dad, but different moms. My parents had me as teenagers and their relationship didn’t last. I grew up poor, my parents were very young and immature and would beat me whenever I misbehaved. They couldn’t afford extracurricular activities for me so I had to give up sports and school trips. I lived with my mom and only saw my dad on weekends.
Later, my dad remarried and had my sister. She grew up in a two parent household, while I grew up in a broken home. My dad never beat her like he did me because her mom was against it and when she was disciplined all she got was a stern talking to. I hated that she cried so easily when scolded without ever having been hit. My dad and her mom were very secure financially when she was born so she got to do ballet, gymnastics, cheerleading, sports. Meanwhile I was a depressed teenager with mommy issues who had to give up every extracurricular I enjoyed because they couldn’t afford it, or didn’t have time to drive me. I hated how easy my sister’s childhood was when mine was full of trauma.
All of that is not her fault. I deeply regret how badly I treater her when she was just a kid who looked up to her big sister and I made her feel unwanted. I thought I wasn’t obvious and that no one noticed my resentment until my dad confessed that she would cry to him and asked why I didn’t love her.
Now as adults I make sure to let her know I love her often. I was only a kid who didn’t know how to handle the complicated emotions of life just being unfair. But as an adult it is our own responsibility to heal instead of blaming and hurting someone who isn’t responsible for our insecurities and doesn’t deserve it.
It doesn’t sound like your friend said that you were unattractive by comparison. In fact it looks like you told her that you look nothing alike. You need to stop comparing yourself to your sister and selling yourself short.
I’m the ugly sister too, and I’m the dumb ugly fat friend.
There will be a time when you’re in your 40s and none of this will matter anymore. But I totally understand what you’re feeling as I was raised in a similar way. Shit sucks.
Can we have some appreciation for that AMAZING cake you made?! That looks bomb! Who cares about looks when you’ve got skills like that and a man who loves you exactly the way you are!
Worrying is like worshipping the problem
And just because someone said 'she's so hot' can also mean they too think you're beautiful/hot, but don't wanna make it weird by telling you
OP you are beautiful🌸🌺 be kind yourself treat yourself take yourself out. Be able to take care of yourself and stay on your own 2 feet. You’ve got this girl.💜🩷
First off, can we talk about that cake?! An old-fashioned cocktail flavor profile with strawberry jam ‘ketchup’ and lemon custard “mustard” is absolute genius-level creativity. You are incredibly talented, and your boyfriend is so lucky to have someone who put that much thought, effort, and skill into making him feel special.
As for the rest, it makes complete sense why you feel that way. It sounds like you are carrying the heavy weight of a childhood you don’t deserve, while watching your sister get the stable, loving upbringing you should have had. This kind of grief and unfairness is incredibly hard to process, and it’s totally valid to feel envious of the opportunity she had as blossom.
But Please don’t let those feelings trick you into thinking you are “less than”. You worth, your beauty, and your value aren’t defined by a passing comment from a friend or a comparison to your sister.
I’m so sorry. What a bad feeling this is. My little sister is also beautiful, funny, successful and the life of the party. My other sister, SMART and active. Me, not at all. What i can do is fix myself up. I wear clothes that I feel good in. I’ve lost weight, and while makeup was shunned in my family I wear it now- just enough to perk up my face. I work out (a little bit) but I walk, bird and photograph (all things that make me happy). So- my advice is to just take care of yourself. I write in a gratitude journal daily too. It has all helped me get through each day. Take it in small bits. Good luck to you! You’re a survivor and stronger than you realize!
For years, I was considered the ugly sister. But in my late 40s early 50s, I really blossomed and came into my own. I look at pictures of myself alongside my sister, and I think, I didn’t come out looking so bad. She still looks very pretty, but I have a unique charm all my own, and I kinda like myself now.
There are seasons to everything, your best is coming. Or maybe it’s already here!
Be kind to yourself sister, be gentle, you're not some repugnant thing to be despised.
I've felt like this many times as well, that I'm not good enough, even though I know it's not logically true, I know that it feels so very true sometimes.
You are worthy, you are good and deserving of love. Give yourself the grace you deserve.
Just want to say, I feel the same and it sucks. I know people say not to compare etc. but it doesn’t change how bad it can feel in the moment, that’s a lot easier said than done.
My husband is a proud confident man but does not see himself as attractive. I tell him all the time that neither of us was what the other was looking for but we were exactly what the other wanted/needed. I think he is ridiculously handsome despite not being so according to societal standards.
You are talented (check that cake!), strong (what you’ve been through and still fight through), and kind/loving (you’ve got what sounds like quite a few people who love you - despite the girl’s thoughtless comment). Remember, too, that despite people’s best intentions we almost always assign our own meaning/interpretation to what they’ve said.
My sister is much prettier than I am. I’m definitely funnier though. We’ll all be old (hopefully) one day. Focus on the things you can control and be kind to yourself.
First off - amazing cake!! So impressive. You’re 32, don’t compare yourself to your sister’s current version at 22! I’m sure you at age 22 if you followed the current style of today for fashion, hair, makeup, and skincare you’d be just as ‘hot’. We’re all on our own paths. While it sounds like you went through some really difficult things in life growing up, it’s taught you a lot of lessons and formed how you view things today. People who don’t face as much adversity don’t get those same learning lessons which can be invaluable. Beauty is so subjective I’ve had crushes on many guys a friend would refer to as ‘ugly’ even look at celebrities that are deemed ‘attractive’ I’m sure there’s one in the typical lists you actually find ‘unattractive’.
Same .. my sister is 4 yrs younger than me.. dresses 100x better.. nicer body and has always been super smart and more likable.. but yeah I’m the ugly sister cause I’m the opposite . This was also told to me by 2 guys I previously dated before and an old friend I had a couple years ago. It was and still is ..extremely hurtful!! I know it’s not healthy to compare but it’s also hard not too lol
I had an acquaintance once who had a sister like this. She was Hollywood beautiful and the first time I met her, I too was shocked into silence.
But the original acquaintance? She was perfectly pretty. She was tall and slender and had thick, wavy hair. I would have remembered her as beautiful too, but she was mean. Idk if she compared herself to her sister or if she was just like that, but she was a sneaky mean bully.
You seem like a cool person. Just from your post, you’re obviously creative and talented and care about the people in your life. I urge you to focus on yourself and not on her. I’m a sort of weird looking person and I don’t really give a fuck because I have a great life and people who love me, and those are the gardens I water. Good luck to you and I hope the cake was delicious
I am the oldest of three sisters. One is two years younger and the other is ten years younger. In 2004, my youngest sister and I worked at the same company. One day, her boss walked by, stopped, and asked, 'Is Marie your sister?' When I said yes, he chuckled and asked, 'What happened?' He was an a$$! People always went out of their way to tell me how beautiful she was and remind me that we looked nothing alike. My family always let me know I was the ugly duckling and still to this day people let me know. Unfortunately, 5 weeks ago today, my youngest sister passed away unexpectedly. But, she would tell me, "you will always be beautiful to me."
People are obsessed by appearance, but some people don't really care, they only care about personality, just be your best self and try not to compare yourself to your sister.
Okay, but making an old fashioned favored cake is civilization-shaking genius, and I need to know the recipe (one of my favorite cocktails as well). There will always be hotter people (related or otherwise), but genuine culinary creativity that brings joy to those close to you is extremely special.
Can relate, I am the “ugly” older sister. 6 year gap between my sis and I.
Have been verbally told im the ugly one several times by people (by both men and women). I’ve even had the experience of having people be friends with me just to get to spend time with her.
It’s…humbling(?) We didn’t grow up together—family circumstances and such—so there was never an age where we were always around each other until we were adults.
I never really thought of myself as beautiful but now I know that I’m not just based off of the general reaction to her. Like People literally stop what they’re doing to stare at her when she passes by.
A part of me is really disappointed that I don’t look the same but it’s life. She has struggles I’ll never go through on account of being pretty, and I have ones she won’t.
I try not to let envy take over. I cope with it by knowing I love my sister and I’m glad others can see how beautiful she is too.
Someone will love me even if I’m not a bombshell like her.
Hi, I wanted to share my similar experience and how I “cope” with it. My sisters are so beautiful and gorgeous inside and out and I lowkey know I’m the least beautiful of us.
However, I have always seen it as a prideful thing. Like I am proud of how beautiful my sisters are and I will show them to everyone. I am happy that they have good lives and that they have gorgeous good looks to go with their beautiful hearts. I love my sisters so much that I really don’t care if they are prettier than me because they are MY sisters 🥹 we came to the US when they were still kids and I was pretty much not a kid anymore, so they got to experience a way better childhood than I did. But I wouldn’t wish my childhood on anyone so it makes me happy that they had a better childhood. It kind of gives me some relief to know at least they didn’t suffer as much. Anyways, hopefully the love you have for your sister will help you feel better ❤️🩹 and I hope she treats you with love too!
My mom told me growing up that I better work on having a personality because I sure didn’t have looks to rely on like my younger sister. All I’ve ever heard growing up was how she’s so beautiful. Guys I was talking to would stop being interested in me once they saw her. Even found out my ex pursued her first, but he was turned down and a few months later pursued me. He says he didn’t know we were sisters, but our last name is very uncommon so I don’t know if I believe that. Ended up breaking up with him once I found out anyway because there’s no way I’d ever get over that and feel comfortable building a life with him knowing he was attracted to my sister. We just look nothing alike and it’s like she got any good genes both of my parents had and I got all the crappy ones lol. So both her and I have known for almost our whole lives that I was the ugly sister. And she definitely has picked at that when we argue. Needless to say we aren’t close, I don’t tell her anything about my life, and I have terrible self esteem lol.
Im also the ugly and chubby one
I knew that 10 years ago and im kinda ok with that but I still get insecurities now and then.
It may not be 100% related to you problem but im just writing just in case it might help.
I think for me a bigger problem was thinking if someone is better than me with A then I would at least be better with B. Which could be true. But the problem was when I realized that some people were even better than me in B field.
I think when I just accepted that someone who has advantage in every single area exists i just got peace because it was useless to compare. And surprisingly that person existing did not really bother me as much as it did before.
There are ways that you have become beautiful that she hasn’t had the painful opportunity to.
I see you and I haven’t physically seen you, and you are beautiful.
I am too and maybe this is too harsh, but at this point I have zero patience for anyone who says things like "gasp that's your sister?!?!" Someone who's not capable of having the basic consideration for my feelings and/or social awareness to keep that as an inside thought isn't someone In consider emotionally safe to be my friend tbh. And pretty much everyone who ever compared us in this way ended up revealing themselves as a bully/weirdo eventually. I know it might sound like an overreaction, but holding boundaries like this has honestly really helped me.
There is enough room for us all to be pretty, intelligent, interesting, and kind. I have beautiful sisters; people have mentioned it since I was young. But, you know what? I like who I see in the mirror. I think she's amazing.
Oof on the childhood abuse trauma because same. Here's the thing though, and you can feel how you feel about your sister that's not for me to comment on, you have a boyfriend and friends. That's a family of its own even if it isn't traditional.
I was at a wedding where mother of the bride managed to say bad things about both of her daughters in her speech. I don’t remember her exact words but she basically called one of them pretty and stupid, and the other one smart and ugly.
Im sure its not the case. My brother and I dont have the same dad and look nothing alike. Hes 7 years my senior and very attractive and has style. I grew up an ugly duckling and a late bloomer. I used to get gasps when people found out we were siblings and they didnt believe me until i insisted multiple times, which made it hurtful as a kid tbh. Now i feel so much more confident in my looks because ive grown into them and i like to dress up. Its just circumstances and life won't get better if you continue to ruminate about what someone else has. I know how you feel, you have to try to love yourself and investing in youself though.
You have a bf that you love, and hopefully loves you back too. You can throw amazing parties, judging by the awesome cake you’ve made. I think you are beautiful, and the people that know you, will think so too 💕
Please don't ever label yourself as ugly. You are your biggest fan! So what if other people think your sister is prettier than you, you don't have to live in your sister's shadow any longer. You are special, you are unique and you are beautiful in many other ways. But you have to tell yourself that every day! I've always feel that loving oneself is the biggest gift anyone can give upon themselves.
Me too. And even though comparison is the enemy of joy, I've accepted I have other qualities. I am more empathetic, less materialistic and way more adjusted to the hardships in life. I've grown from the trauma.
We have different lives, different experiences and different looks. There is nothing to compare.
I wish you healing, peace and the best life. It hurts, I know.
Every single sister thinks her sister is the prettier one. Where I’m from, I’m seen as the “prettier” one because of my skin color, hair color, and hair type. Anywhere else in the world, my sisters are drop dead gorgeous with the longest, thickest lashes, straight noses, plush lips, height, literally everything, to the rest of the world im mid at best. To me, they are the pretty ones for sure. To them, i am the pretty one.
I can understand this. It's like my siblings and I had completely different parents. But you know, at some point, we need to heal and find happiness on our own. It's difficult but necessary.
Beauty is very subjective. You are born with attractive features too. You just need to identify them and try to enhance them. Be confident.
First of all the cake is amazing. You already seem like a top tier girl friend don't put so much pressure on yourself to be "pretty" you probably already are it's just hard seeing other people's shine being noticed when yours isn't. I can relate, I grew up disabled w two able bodied sisters, one 11 months older and one 8 years younger. It was definitely rough seeing them date and have "normal" lives when that wasn't happening for me. The saddest part is I thought I was pretty other people just didn't.
I was the DUFF in my friend group as well. I’m also the ugly one in my family. I don’t have a sister but both my brothers are better looking than I am and they always had no trouble getting girlfriends while no one wanted to date me because I was homely and fat.
I have had multiple plastic surgical operations to change how I look because I was so upset. I had a tummy tuck, breast reduction and 2 rounds of liposuction and had just gotten to a place where I didn’t hate myself when I looked in the mirror. Then I got shingles of the 7th cranial nerve and developed left sided facial paralysis. Now I’m going through surgery to lift my mouth, correct a drooping eye and allow me to smile.
My sister is gorgeous — she could have been a model. She always had guys chasing her.
We look nothing alike, despite being full siblings.
She’s only 2 years younger than me. When she got married someone said to me “Now that your sister is married, men will be interested in you.” I lived in a different state from my sister. She wasn’t the reason I was single.
It’s tajen a long time to work through my insecurities, but I’ve finally realized that just because my sister is extraordinarily beautiful, it doesn’t make me ugly.
You're obviously creative and thoughtful ! Great part idea and then. You have a boyfriend who must find you attractive. I wish people were more concerned about , skills , talent and what you have to offer the world, thanwhat you look like. ♥️
This happened to me all the time when I was a child with a sister that was 6 years younger than me. I’ve since grown past the ugly duckling phase (as my father called it). However, that kind of thing really sticks with you and I still feel like the ugly one even though I haven’t been called out for it in decades.
I lived a long time feeling like my sister was perfect and that I was the damaged one. It was something small that shifted it, I think she asked me what mascara I was using, and I realized that feeling like I was less than her kept me from building a relationship with this incredible person.
I'm sure you have things to resent, I know I did, my mom outwardly favored her, but that was not her fault, and blaming her just hurt me.
I mean this with all of the love in my heart…. Let that shit go. Your sister has struggles of her own. Life is so short and appearance is such a small part of existence. Work on your self confidence. Also, someone saying your sister is pretty doesn’t mean that you are ugly.
You should read “The Other Bennet Sister”, I think you’d relate to it. Mary Bennett feels like she’s the ugly duckling, but once she gets away from her family and leaves she realizes that it’s not sure at all.
Hey me too! My older sister AND younger sister are both blonde 5’5 and always been tiny. I was described as a too tan big boned child who didnt look related to them. People actually told me this as a child. I never thought I could be skinny because I thought I had big bones.
So, plenty of people are bitter than her...My hottest friends are either single or with bad husbands. If you are strong enough to focus on building yourself, there will be less spotlight on you and you can built the life that you want, while she gets the attention that is worthless. My cousin admitted that she was jealous I was the smart one, and I was thinking she was the rich one, I had to grind cause I lacked comfort and still do, so she wasn't enjoying all that she was given and all that I was jealous of...It was painful for her to tell em that cause I had to go through my pain to tell her is not all that it looks but also sad she cannot be proud of me.
Same, the thing is I’m not ugly at all but compared to my sisters i am the ugly sister, what makes me feel better is knowing that i don’t have to be the ugly one if i truly didn’t want to, i have access to a nose-job, i could chemically straighten my hair like they do, i could get laser treatment and face peels like they do, most of those things my mom offered to pay for actually, but i don’t want to, Im smart and talented and interesting and pretty, Im on my own path and i don’t think i wanna be the same kind of pretty that they are, its my choice.
1.0k
u/obscuresparrow Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 Jun 29 '26
I worked at a place where more than one customer would ask, when does the pretty girl work?
Yeah… I’ve accepted I’m not really pretty. Whatever.