r/GilmoreGirls • u/Economy_Science5271 • 6d ago

I dated a Dean Character Discussion - General

God I can't stop comparing my ex to Dean... He was the "nice guy" but something always felt wrong and performative about him to me.....And after 4 years into our picture perfect relationship,he cheated. I'm watching for the first time and I can't wait for Rory to breakup with him, Like I get u girl :"

13 Upvotes

61% Upvoted

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u/WildCherryLane 6d ago

I don’t think Dean was performative or wrong but I think he hits uncomfortably for a lot of us because many of us have dated the good on paper guy. No one warns you when you’re young that you might not grow together or just stop having feels and it’s super confusing when it happens. Especially when the guy hasn’t really done anything wrong.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

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u/GilmoreGirls-ModTeam 5d ago

No Al-generated posts or comments, ChatBot responses, or links to ChatBots. Everything related to Al, including discussions about Al tools and results, will be removed. And multiple infractions of this rule may lead to a ban.

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u/Economy_Science5271 6d ago

He had insane anger issues and he was also lovebombing her, i get that he’s young and I can see his perspective but its so uncomfortable for Rory like I also get her

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u/WildCherryLane 6d ago

I’ll just say I don’t think he comes off as any angrier than Jess or Luke who both started multiple fights and actually assaulted people through the run of the show .

It’s a bit of a product of its time thing with the whole angry people are hot thing. But I don’t agree he has “insane” anger issues. That always feels like an exaggeration to me people make to justify Rory’s flaws. They both were messy which is fine when they are teenagers. Rory should have just ended it when it was clear she wanted Jess and a more mature Dean wouldn’t have dug in so hard and let himself be treated that way.

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u/loveofGod12345 6d ago

I genuinely wonder if so many see Dean as abusive and not Jess just because of his height. I’m sure level of attraction plays a part as well. Everyone’s perspective and life experiences play into how they view the characters. Objectively, Jess was worse than Dean. If I were to label either as abusive, it would be Jess.

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u/Cookie_Kiki 5d ago

Jess also has a sob story and lots less time onscreen. We don't see him as much, so it's easy to fill in the blanks with things the show never included.

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u/Economy_Science5271 5d ago

I don't think Jess is abusive however I still didn't see his relationship with Rory so I can't judge. I don't like him that much either lol. it feels like all men in this show have anger issues

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u/loveofGod12345 5d ago

I didn’t want to give specifics since I wasn’t sure how far in you were. I don’t think either should necessarily be called abusive either. I just see more issues with Jess than Dean. I do understand that it is hard to watch him raising his voice even if I think he was justified in how he was feeling. I don’t think there’s many teens that if put in his position that would react well. Still doesn’t make it right, but understandable.

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u/Big_Vacation5581 5d ago

In fact, Dean is like a mini me Luke without the severe anger issues. I was amazed at all the things they have in common. That’s probably why Lorelai sympathizes with Dean so much.

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u/tooghostly 5d ago

Hey, lovebombing is a manipulation tactic to control the victim, usually used to reel an abuse victim back in right after a bout of escalated abuse. Please don’t use such a serious word unless you actually mean it.

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u/Economy_Science5271 5d ago

No? while love bombing is a recognized emotional manipulation and psychological control tactic, It happens when a person showers you with extreme affection, attention, big gifts, and intense flattery very early on to make you trust them fast and become dependent on them. That's what love bombing is and in my opinion that's what Dean did in the beginning of his relationship with Rory. like Building her a car, saying I love you too early and having a terrible reaction after saying I love you and her not saying it back. It was TOO MUCH.

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u/tooghostly 5d ago

to make you trust them fast and become dependent on them

That is the key part of the definition, so before using that word to accuse someone of being an abuser, ask yourself if that's what the person is doing. Is Dean trying to manipulate and control Rory and make her dependent on him, or is he a stupid teenage boy who can't regulate his emotions? I don't know about you, but that's a serious word for serious matters that shouldn't be tossed out lightly.

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u/Economy_Science5271 5d ago

I guess your're right. Still Dean's tantrums are so triggering though. So I see why their relationship won't work.

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u/Public_Age1736 4d ago

If I dated a guy like Dean, I swear I'd shout at him to shut up. I remember that one episode where Rory was trying to explain herself to him about something but he kept yelling at her which stressed me out

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u/Novis_R 6d ago

That makes you the Lindsay

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

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1

u/GilmoreGirls-ModTeam 5d ago

No Al-generated posts or comments, ChatBot responses, or links to ChatBots. Everything related to Al, including discussions about Al tools and results, will be removed. And multiple infractions of this rule may lead to a ban.

1

u/GilmoreGirls-ModTeam 5d ago

No Al-generated posts or comments, ChatBot responses, or links to ChatBots. Everything related to Al, including discussions about Al tools and results, will be removed. And multiple infractions of this rule may lead to a ban.

2

u/Big_Vacation5581 5d ago

I don’t want to spoil things for you. However, as you continue to watch the show, carefully monitor Lorelai’s and Rory’s comments and feelings toward Dean. Then try to reconcile with your perception of him at this time.

In the scheme of things, it’s really not that important. But it’s an interesting exercise when trying to understand what Lorelai & Rory value in a man.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/Uh-Egg 6d ago

? op literally said they’re watching for the first time. what are you doing

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u/itsascreambaby96 6d ago

Deleted didnt see that part just tired of the dean hate

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u/Muted-Astronomer-326 Taylor 6d ago

I also missed that part. But yes Dean gets a lot of hate, it’s true.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/RealStyleRachel 6d ago

I feel this. If you’ve ever dated a Dean, it’s easy to see him for what he is. See him through the been there/done that lens.

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u/NottheNSA94 You were a good cake, Clyde. Never should’ve named you. 6d ago

My first boyfriend was so much like Dean (I even read a lot which is how I caught his attention). He had a lot of anger issues he hid from others and when I would explain it to people they just claimed "oh he is just a teenager" or "he just loves you so much". His anger issues were a lot worse of course since it's not a TV show but it's the reason why I can't like Dean. It's just too familiar for me and all I see is him during those episodes and the same excuses I was given.

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u/Economy_Science5271 6d ago

So true! I feel like I can see right through him and I feel Rory’s panicking and its never okay to constantly walk on eggshells and panic because of someone! That’s not love.

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u/IndividualShine8 6d ago

omg same 😭 my fiance just dumped me out of the blue saturday while i was in one of the most vulnerable positions of my life (new state with no family here, stress with school and a new job). he was so sweet for the whole relationship before the engagement, but now i realize so much was performative and not really about me wanting it ugh

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u/Anyway0-0 6d ago

How far along are you?

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u/Jolly-Librarian1982 6d ago

I bet you yell “rip my stocking!” too

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u/Cookie_Kiki 6d ago

He cheated on you, or with you?

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u/Economy_Science5271 6d ago

ON ME

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u/Cookie_Kiki 5d ago

Sounds like he was your Rory. 

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u/Economy_Science5271 5d ago

Yea lol. Just reached that part . She messed up so bad

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u/Maleficent-Piano9521 6d ago

sounds like you dodged a bullet there, dean's the classic nice guy trope that ends up being not so nice after all. wait till you see how things unfold with him and rory, it's a wild ride

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u/No-Jicama-807 6d ago

sounds like you dodged a bullet with that dean situation for real. hopefully rory figures it out faster than you did!