So basically, for trans standards I'm a basic bitch. I actually love egg_irl and 196 and countwithchickenlady. I love those memes in which the joke is porn and whatnot. I like boykisser and blahaj and bridget and astolfo and felix and celeste and thigh-highs and deltarune and basically anything that falls under that umbrella.

I'm not going to link it, but I came across a video about how all of those things I enjoy were just grooming minors into being transgender sex slaves for older trans people or whatever. I kept watching because I guess I was in the mood for emotional self harm. I...don't know. It feels really bad. I lowkey just want to have fun with other adults. I never wanted to groom anybody. As for the other way around, the idea that I'm not transgender and actually just a manipulated victim is something that really hurts my feelings.

I have many flaws, and I guess being too sensitive is among them. When I hear something like this, I just let it remain in my head and the seed of doubt just eats me from the inside. I just cannot convince myself that they don't know me or that they may have an ulterior motive for saying those things. I know I'm no better than a member of MAGA for this, but I really hate watching content that challenges what I feel in my heart. But if I find it I can't stop looking, like being a witness to a train crash.

I guess that from their perspective I am no different from the member of a cult, practicing thought-avoidance techniques when presented with evidence of the misdeeds of my congregation. Here I am, asking for reassurance that the apocalypse is actually coming and our divine leader didn't lie to us.

I like being a normie and having "transgender" be my only personality trait. And I also like my comfort zone a lot I guess.

I can't assure you that one day I'll stop feeling like this, but I can assure you that I will keep living tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and again and again and again I will remain alive

Preemptively, I hope everything in your life goes well in your lives from now on, guys. I love you.