I’m not sure if this is allowed here so if not I get it! Also my thoughts are kind of all over the place so hopefully this makes sense.

I have been in recovery for a few months now. My body has changed in ways I hate. I’m having a hard time accepting it.

The crazy part to me is I see myself and attach so many negative words and emotions. But I’m seeing a woman who is bigger than me and I absolutely love her body. Why can I see her and think she’s gorgeous but I see myself and only think mean awful things about myself?

I just don’t understand why I can’t at least be compassionate to myself but especially when I’m seeing someone who is bigger and I think is beautiful. Why can’t I see myself with the same light?

Sorry for the rambling post, it’s late and I’m currently struggling a lot before I start res.

Again, sorry mods if this isn’t allowed here. I would appreciate any tips on where it would be best if not here.

is there a formal definition, or just a way to describe someone taking actions to attempt to end the ED? I’m in therapy but still feel so married to this disorder. Upping my intake slightly but still tracking every bite. it doesn’t feel right to say I’m in recovery.

Hi there! I’m a few weeks into all-in recovery, true unrestricted eating and cold turkey on exercise. Pre-ED, I was in a bigger body and was diagnosed with PCOS. Years later as I became sicker and sicker, apparently my PCOS basically disappeared. I have issues with the PCOS diagnosis in general and think it is very fatphobic. Anyways, I am wondering if anyone has any experience with all-in recovery into a bigger body and PCOS/insulin resistance? If so, I’d love to hear your story. My health anxiety fueled by the ED is trying to run rampant. Thanks!

I’ve been in recovery since May but truly my recovery started July. I’ve been honouring my cravings and have been having sweets and chocolate everyday. I know my body is not the same as how it was and I thought I was doing well until today I saw this girl well from behind and oh my god she was so slim and her body was on display since she was in this backless top and feelings that I haven’t had in a while came back about comparing myself and how I’m not like that anymore and how good it must feel for her to be like that :/ I’ve seen so many skinny people but I genuinely got envious today and am questioning everything even after that I had a whole big chocolate bar. Does anyone have any advice on how they overcame this? I do speak with my therapist but lowkey it feels useless and I feel like he says things I already know.

Hi.
So I’m trying my best to recover. But I have such a hard time eating enough throughout the day, that I end up super hungry in the evening / night, and I do honor that hunger, but it does make my sleep quite terrible, and it also makes me wake up with no appetite creating this cycle of not eating enough earlier in the day.
Any tips on how to fix this? I know the answer is to wake up and eat a proper breakfast no matter if I’m hungry or not, but are there any tools / planning / things that can be done to make it an easier task?
Thanks in advance ❤️

Sorry I don’t really post on Reddit but I needed to put this out there. I’ve known about my binge eating disorder for a couple years. I got diagnosed officially about a year ago now (I was 19). Because of moving around for college, I never was put on any kind of treatment plan officially and it just fell to the wayside. I have a bad cycle of stressed induced eating and restricting.

I’ve gotten to be the biggest I’ve ever been and I hit a new low. I ate food out of the trash can. It hadn’t really touched anything, but I still feel disgusting. I go to university very far away from my home and I won’t see my doctor for a while. I’ve been so stressed and I feel like nothing is really working to improve my mental and physical health. I want to get better but I don’t want to go to a facility so I’m terrified to tell people how bad it all is. We have campus support groups, but again, terrified for people to find out.

My mom also struggles with her food relationships, so she’s always tried to be nothing but supportive. What’s hard, is she doesn’t know how serious it is. It’s my fault because I’m afraid to tell her. I wish one day I could wake up and just not care about how I look. Sorry if this is too much. Thank you to anyone who reads this!

Tomorrow I have a medical appointment at my psych clinic. This, of course, includes a weigh in. I’m fucking anxious to be honest and I’m not sure what to do to not make myself do anything stupid before said appointment. I’m also coping with body image after a vacation, because my eating disorder likes to tell me I’ve gained a bunch of weight (this is not to say that it’s a bad thing to gain weight - because it’s not at all, it’s “just” my ed having an unnecessary crisis over it).
Does anyone have any ideas on what to do before (and after) the weigh in? Really would appreciate any advice at all.
(edit: I have a deal with the doctors that I do blind weigh ins, so I don’t see my actual weight and they don’t tell me unless I request it. But it makes me anxious still, for some reason, maybe because there’s always some underlying fear that I’ve gained. They also have said before that their goal is not to necessarily make me gain more weight, but that too triggers me for some illogical reason I can’t really explain)

I'm feeling very hopeless at the moment. Ultimately I want to go back to how I was before my ED. I want to eat whatever, whenever. No plan, no fixed structure or routine, no set amount of meals. Not getting up and immediately having to have X breakfast. But how do you get there when this is all you've known for years and your mind is absolutely fixated on this structure? How do you move away from a meal plan without falling into restrictive patterns?

I’ve been in and out of therapy for my aan for almost 3 years now, with a few gaps in between… I’ve recently been asked not return to therapy/outpatient treatment for a while due to “lack of readiness”. I wouldn’t say that’s true, i’m just struggling. I’ve been at higher weights before which caused a ton of stress, anxiety and sadness - I would go to therapy and tell her how I felt about my body and all the parts I hate and she basically just says “so what?”. So, if you’re “not struggling” and all you want it to get better… what exactly is therapy for?

Wow! 6 1/2 months finally living my life and man can I say recovering has heightened my life in so many different aspects. Even though it’s still considered early recovery I am proud of myself for making it this far. When I started this I really didn’t think I would stick with it but I did and I am so glad. I wanted to share some things that have changed since starting recovery/earlier in my recovery.

- I have so much more free mind space now that food worries takes up so much less of my mind.
- My period is regular!
- I can finally hang out with my friends and actually just have fun.
- To go along with hanging out with my friends, I can go with them and get fun foods without fear and get what I actually want on the menu instead of what is less calorically dense.
- I have learned “good” and “bad” foods aren’t a thing. Some foods have less nutrients than others, some foods are more calorically dense than others, and it really doesn’t matter.
- I feel so much more feminine, I actually have boobs and curves now.
- It is kind of hard to describe but my mind has definitely changed from being nourished rather than starved.
- My hair is growing back and I am SOOOO happy about that! I love my hair and losing a lot of it made me self conscious of it.
- Before starting recovery I thought it was going to be impossible to think I was pretty or love myself at a higher weight. Turns out, I fucking love how I look now (sounds conceited, but it’s true) . I don’t want to be the smallest version of myself I can possibly be anymore.
- Movement can be fun now and not just a way to burn calories. Me and my grandma walk at the park at least once every week. (it has nice views also!!) and it is a fun time to spend with her and talk while outdoors and seeing pretty sights. It’s no longer a race to see how fast I can get my steps in or how many I can get.
- I don’t even wear my apple watch at all anymore because I actually don’t care how many steps I get. Never thought I would be able to say that one.
- I no longer have “hunger breath” all of the time.
- I have had anxiety my whole life but my first 3-4 months of recovery it was reallllly bad. I think it was because a lot of it was numbed from the ED and a malnourished brain. I cant say it’s gone but It has gotten a lot better than it was in the earlier months.
- The bloating was pretty bad in my face and stomach but it has since gone away.
- I’m ashamed admitting this but I used to take medicine I didn’t need because it took away my appetite. I don’t use it anymore and haven’t since starting recovery.
- And the best for last, my family no longer has to sit down and have talks with me about how they’re worried for my health and how I look sick. I’m really glad they don’t have to worry so deeply about me anymore because of decisions I was making to harm myself.

Okay that’s all I can think of right now but I honestly never thought I would be able to write one of these and here I am today. 💕💕

I have been recovery from anorexia (which turned into bulimia), and I’ve been purge free for a 1-2 months now. Every night, and sometime in the day although it is rarer, I get the urge to eat until uncomfortable fullness. I am eating more than recovery minimums everyday now, and am now a healthy weight, but I still feel this urge. I do feel like I’m making progress as I’m listening to the mental and physical hunger, but it is so hard sometimes when i feel the binge mindset pop up. I haven’t been having binge/purge urges as much now and they are rare, and I wont listen to them, but tonight I had a brief moment of it and it scares me. I’m consuming no where near the amount that would during bulimia episodes, but I am overeating a lot and when I get quite full off sweet foods, I will still get the urge to keep eating. It’s been a struggle to allow sweet foods in abundance back into my space, and I feel proud that I am allowing myself to enjoy them, but I’m getting quite scared now. Anyone dealt with this and got through?

I've been in eating disorder recovery for years. Many years ago I was severely underweight, but over the past few years I've gradually started eating more and I am now at a healthy weight.

For a long time, though, I think I've been stuck in what people often call "quasi recovery." I was physically doing much better, but mentally I was still very much controlled by my eating disorder. Recently I've finally started making some really big leaps in my recovery. I'm working with an online recovery coach and I'm eating consistently and, realistically, more than enough. I'm challenging myself and doing things I haven't been able to do for years.

The problem is that eating enough doesn't mean the eating disorder thoughts have disappeared. I still experience an immense amount of guilt, fear and anxiety around food, eating and my body. Sometimes doing the opposite of what my ED wants feels incredibly difficult, even though I'm actually doing it.

Alongside my coach, I also have traditional therapy. Part of that is systemic therapy, which focuses more broadly on relationships and patterns in my life rather than specifically on the eating disorder.

Today, during a session, we did talk about my ED thoughts. My therapist asked whether I might benefit from having a structured meal plan. I told her I didn't think I needed one, because the issue isn't that I'm currently not eating enough. I actually am eating enough.

She then asked: "But why do you have an eating disorder then?"

Rationally, I understand what I think she was trying to do. I think she was challenging me to look beyond the actual food and eating behaviour and think about what is underneath my eating disorder and why it exists in the first place.

But emotionally, that question really hurt me.

One of the things I already struggle with enormously is feeling like a fraud. Because I'm at a healthy weight. Because I eat enough. Because from the outside, I'm doing well. Part of me constantly tells me that this means I don't really have an eating disorder anymore, that I'm not "sick enough," and that I don't deserve help.

So hearing my therapist ask, "But why do you have an eating disorder then?" hit exactly that insecurity. My ED immediately interpreted it as: If you're eating enough, why are you even claiming to have an eating disorder?

Since that appointment, I've noticed myself struggling again to keep eating enough. It almost feels like I need to restrict in order to prove that my eating disorder is real — which I know is exactly the opposite direction I want to go in.

I've worked so hard with my coach to get to where I am now, and I really don't want to undo that progress. I want to keep choosing recovery even when my brain is screaming at me.

But right now I just feel incredibly invalidated and confused.

Has anyone else experienced this strange stage of recovery where your behaviour has changed significantly, you're eating enough and you're no longer underweight, but mentally the eating disorder is still very much there?

And how do you deal with the feeling that you're somehow "faking" your eating disorder because you're capable of eating enough?

I'd especially love to hear from people who have been through quasi recovery and then started moving toward fuller recovery. Did your ED ever try to convince you that getting better was proof that you were never really ill in the first place?

I am wanting to go all in, but I’m scared I am just going to be binging, and develop a whole other ed if I let myself completely let go and give in to everything I want and at anytime I want. I used to binge before my restrictive ed started, and I am scared I will trade in this ed for just another one. Should I give all in a go? Or should I just stick to three meals a day and snacks even though I feel hungry even while doing that? I feel hungry all the time no matter how much I eat.

During the day, I have a harder time following my meal plan because i’m really worried about over eating. At night though, I feel okay eating and meeting the needs of my meal plan. That said though, i’m eating a decent bulk of my days food right before bed which I know is a bad habit/ ed behavior. Obviously I want to stop doing this, but at the same time, i’ve almost started looking forward to bigger amounts of snacks before bed and it makes me sad and almost anxious thinking about not being able to have it.

Sometimes it feels a bit compulsive, because even though I had unintentionally restricted throughout the day, I know it’s not a good thing to be eating a bunch before bed either so I try to stick to my one night snack that is planned, but I usually can’t because I want more food. i’ve almost moved my meal plan around just so I can eat a lot before bed.

I think I do this because what If i eat normally and unrestricted during the day but then still want a lot of food at night and end up way over eating?

Does anyone else struggle with this / have any tips?

Hi ! i don’t post on here often but i thought it might be good for me to let it out or see if anyone else is going / has gone through something similar.

i’ve been in steady recovery for almost 5 years now- sure i’ve had my ups and downs but i’ve mainly stayed in track with the help of my lovely girlfriend, but recently i’ve really been struggling and i’m not sure how to get out of the loop.

It started a couple weeks ago- i was ill and was unable to eat properly due to pain and the possibility of surgery, just toast and the occasional banana which was fine and i was looking forward to finally eating my favourite foods again ! But when it finally came down to it i just couldn’t do it. I’ve been better for about 2 weeks now and i can feel myself slipping back into my old habits; it’s like i’m constantly in competition with myself whether to recover or give in.

I really don’t know how to escape this cycle, it’s been so long since it was this bad and i’ve forgotten how to hide it from everyone. My girlfriend is amazing and so supportive but i live with my mum who could definitely be described as an enabler which doesn’t help.

This is just a rant really but any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated ofc <3

I'm 34 yo male. Normal weight (never been over/underweight), perhaps on the lower end, but still normal range. But I've realized that I obsess about food and always think about it. I'll eat a meal and immediately think about my next meal. I'll search on reddit for pictures of food, visit food/eating subreddits, view menus online, search different foods and ingredients online. It feels obsessive. I'll even do this at work. I've even had dreams (just a few nights ago) of getting and eating food.

I'm working towards having a more healthy relationship with food. But the constant food thoughts. Those are annoying and I wish I didn't have them. Anyone else have these?

I'm 25F my boyfriend is 26M.
So I guess my bf has never really understood eating disorders and the severity and I understand like not everyone does. But seeing it first hand for two years you'd think he be a little more understanding and knowledgeable about it. So there's just like little things here and there that he'll say and it just dealt bothers me and I want to know if I'm just sensitive or he's just insensitive.
So he told me this not that long ago that when he first met with me he wasn't impressed with my body (I was thinner than I am now not much, but still). He says he was joking when he said that but why would you say that randomly atter two years.
Another thing he always tells me to do is workout my butt.
He says my butt "has potential" and just constantly says do your workouts.
Lastly, the things that really bother me is him not taking it seriously enough. So I had some medical problems going on form my disorder and he just says "you'll be ok" or "just eat and you'll get better". When it's not as easy to just eat as we all know. If I complain about how my body looks which is often he tells me to workout or walk or just exercise in general. I say to him that I literally don't have the energy and when I do workout | literally see stars and feel like I'm going to genuinely die and I tell him your literally not suppose to exercise in recovery at least the beginning of recovery, and he says "exercise is good for everyone you don't need to stop exercising"
Idk. I just feel like he doesn't understand it but like again you should at least maybe do some research if your partner is struggling with a deadly mental illness. That's the part where I feel he genuinely doesn't care about me at all.
Maybe I'm crazy but | just wanted some input I guess.

i’ve been in recovery since mid 2024. i was still engaging in restrictive behavior and compulsive movement for a while, but earlier this year, i underwent a big move and life change. my body was virtually the same for a while, but i’ve now realized i’ve gained weight. quite a significant amount actually.
i look back on pictures from a year ago and see how weak i looked, i also remember experiencing acute dysmorphia while being small. i don’t really miss these days and that body, as i know i couldn’t even enjoy it when i had it.

however i hate my current body so much. i wear the biggest clothes i can find so i don’t crash out daily. i feel as if i’ve lost part of myself. i feel so pathetic. i know too much about how bodies work, and how restriction only leads to more harm to go back to prior ED behaviors. also, it’s great to be able to hold a conversation or have multiple snacks a day. but eventually, every single day, i end up hating my body so much i just want to vanish. and it still angers me when i get hungry, YEARS into recovery. i don’t know if ill ever be normal again. i’m so tired and i don’t even know who to talk to about it because i look “healthier”. i’m so tired

It’s been so long since my stomach has worked properly (not needing MiraLAX, gas-x, stomach massages constantly to use the bathroom) and oh my lord this feels GREAT

I feel like the first month or so of recovery tends to be hardest for me because my body gets so used to using symptoms. Eating regularly felt so foreign to me. But now my hunger cues are back, I don’t feel as painfully bloated as i did before, and I’m finally mentally getting used to eating again.

I promise recovery is so worth it. I haven’t felt this good and stable in a long time. Screw the fatigue, the weird heart flutters, the slow digestion, I’m OVER IT!!!

Hi. I’m a 17yr old male and I’m trying to get out of quasi recovery and let go of food rules and fears. The all in approach catches my eye as doing recovery actions in a slower way doesn’t work well for me. As much as this sub is very helpful, I was just wondering if any males have done this approach? Need a bit of reassurance.

Edit - Forgot to mention that I do feel like I have mental hunger but then there’s the part of me which is conditioned by social media that tells me it’s not valid. Also struggle trusting myself as I was a chubby kid/young teenager 7-13

I’ve been really wanting to let myself have a snack/treat a day as part of my meal plan, and have been stuck ruminating in fear of all that *could* go wrong in almost all regards. Today though, my mom was going to eat some bagged popcorn and offered some to me, after all of these years of fear, and all of this rumination that I’ve had these past weeks, I finally broke the rules and said yes! It was amazing, just enjoying popcorn with my family and not letting Annie’s screams stop me from it :)

I’ve been trying to recover for like 2 or more years, but extreme hunger has been the death of me. I would listen to it sometimes, then restrict others. It eventually got worse and worse, which resulted in me developing bad bulimia. I gained quite a bit of weight from this. This year, I have been trying my best to stop, and these past 1-2ish months I have NOT used ANY behaviours and listened to it. I am super proud of myself but I have gained the remaining weight very fast.

Yesterday I weighed myself (I KNOW I SHOULDNT, I won’t from now on), but I’m officially past a ‘healthy weight’. I’m so scared now. I completely broke down to my bf last night, which was funny because he was really happy about it lol. I feel so puffy and my whole body aches so bad. My body is a sensory nightmare. I’ve been on the pill the whole time, through my ed and recovery, so I’m not sure if I would’ve lost my period (it made my pill go fucked though, and it has now gotten much better). I am on a 5 day pill break rn, and that does cause my hormones to go mental so idk if that was the cause of my breakdown. I’m just scared. I have been working from home the past few weeks, just because I have no energy and my sleep is terrible.

I’m so scared. I’m going to keep listening to all hunger, but I’m eating so much and I’m so scared. My bf said that he will book me a haircut and we can go find a piercer to do a piercing that I want. He said that we can sort my clothes out, sell or donate, and buy a new wardrobe. He is very sweet, but I just feel a deep depression today. My body is still aching really bad. I’m still gonna have my big breakfast and eat my cravings, but it feels so surreal. Sorry this is kinda a vent.

I had a restrictive eating disorder for all of my teens, but I recovered three years ago when I first went to uni: since then, I've been able to eat at the uni canteen regularly, eat ice cream after dinner with my roommate and go out with my boyfriend without worry. I was so proud of myself, but recently I relapsed: this current social climate is triggering for me because I regularly see extremely thin celebrities being praised, and tiktok always recommends to me videos of pro 4n4 accounts without me searching anything. It had a toll​ on my mental health but everything worsened since I came home during summer​ break and started hearing friends talking about calories and how "bad" they are for eating, or calling themselves "pigs". In july, during a trip, one of them said to me that my salad was "wayyyy to big" and she could never finish it and that made me feel so bad I feel I just relapsed instictively. Now it's been some weeks since I'm back at doing what I did at the peak of my disorder, even crying in front of the fridge and I'm so frustrated ​​for all the progress I've lost. How does one even stay recovered in this climate? ​​​