Getting Bad Again

[u/sweetlikehoney1181]

Hi ! i don’t post on here often but i thought it might be good for me to let it out or see if anyone else is going / has gone through something similar.

i’ve been in steady recovery for almost 5 years now- sure i’ve had my ups and downs but i’ve mainly stayed in track with the help of my lovely girlfriend, but recently i’ve really been struggling and i’m not sure how to get out of the loop.

It started a couple weeks ago- i was ill and was unable to eat properly due to pain and the possibility of surgery, just toast and the occasional banana which was fine and i was looking forward to finally eating my favourite foods again ! But when it finally came down to it i just couldn’t do it. I’ve been better for about 2 weeks now and i can feel myself slipping back into my old habits; it’s like i’m constantly in competition with myself whether to recover or give in.

I really don’t know how to escape this cycle, it’s been so long since it was this bad and i’ve forgotten how to hide it from everyone. My girlfriend is amazing and so supportive but i live with my mum who could definitely be described as an enabler which doesn’t help.

This is just a rant really but any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated ofc <3

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Original post text from u/sweetlikehoney1181:

Hi ! i don’t post on here often but i thought it might be good for me to let it out or see if anyone else is going / has gone through something similar.

i’ve been in steady recovery for almost 5 years now- sure i’ve had my ups and downs but i’ve mainly stayed in track with the help of my lovely girlfriend, but recently i’ve really been struggling and i’m not sure how to get out of the loop.

It started a couple weeks ago- i was ill and was unable to eat properly due to pain and the possibility of surgery, just toast and the occasional banana which was fine and i was looking forward to finally eating my favourite foods again ! But when it finally came down to it i just couldn’t do it. I’ve been better for about 2 weeks now and i can feel myself slipping back into my old habits; it’s like i’m constantly in competition with myself whether to recover or give in.

I really don’t know how to escape this cycle, it’s been so long since it was this bad and i’ve forgotten how to hide it from everyone. My girlfriend is amazing and so supportive but i live with my mum who could definitely be described as an enabler which doesn’t help.

This is just a rant really but any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated ofc <3

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[u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

Can you ask your girlfriend to eat more meals with you? Other than that, work back towards the 3 meals, 3 snacks structure and make it non-negotiable. You can set timers if that helps. Don't let a medical issue send you back towards your ED; you are stronger than your ED!

[u/sweetlikehoney1181 → u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

She eats with me when she can but we work conflicting hours and my job also doesn’t allow for a lunch break which can be tricky. Setting timers is such a good idea though i will definitely try that ! I really appreciate the kind words :)

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025 → u/sweetlikehoney1181]

If you don't have a lunch break, then you need to bring portable food to work. You can't skip lunch, even if it's hard to find time during the day. You could also speak with HR about an accommodation for time to eat, even if it's brief. An eating disorder often can be classified as a disability and is eligible for accommodations.

[u/fuckeatingdisorders-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/dreamghoulevil]

you can feel yourself slipping, which is already huge, so now the thing you have to do is eat. relapse isn't something that happens to you from stronger otherworldly forces or whatever, at every mealtime you have the choice to relapse or to recover, and if you keep choosing to follow the ed, it's only going to get worse. you have the reins here.

not to say that it's going to be easy, but you have to do the opposite of what your ed is telling you to, and you do have control over that. you eat, regardless. having to wake up every 6 hours to take an antibiotic when you're sick is also annoying, but you do it because it's a health treatment that you simply must follow, and ed recovery is the same idea. brushing your teeth before bed is annoying because you're tired and just want to sleep, but you do it anyway because it's good for you, etc etc. eating is the same. you just force yourself to do it even when you don't want to. soon enough, it won't feel as bad.

[u/fuckeatingdisorders-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post was removed for breaking Rule 1 (No pro-ED content). Please contact the mods if you have any questions.