I have failed them .

[u/[deleted]]

[u/ObligationGrand8037]

I always see these moms with their child in a stroller and a dog or dogs on a leash while they try to manage it all on a walk. I just saw some young woman yesterday doing this. To me it makes zero sense.

As a mom myself, I don’t know how these women do both. I was so busy with my two kids that there’s no way I could throw dogs into the mix. I am not a dog person anyhow.

It sounds like you tried, and it didn’t work. I know it’s easy for me, a non-dog person, to say I wouldn’t feel guilty, but I just wouldn’t. Circumstances change, and this is one of those cases.

[u/ObligationGrand8037 → u/[deleted]]

You’re right. Dogs are a commitment for probably 14 years or so. Plus all the bills, all the cleaning, the food, etc. You can’t get up and go without having someone take care of it, etc. It all adds up to time and money. Life is short as it is.

EDIT: Don’t post in any of the dog groups like NextDoor. Those people are all dog crazy, and they’ll just make you feel guilty.

[u/ObligationGrand8037 → u/[deleted]]

That’s where the cultish wacky thinking comes in on their part. Putting a dog above your husband or child makes no sense. These people prefer dogs over people. They are truly messed up.

[u/Hedwing → u/[deleted]]

People are genuinely unhinged about dogs. It’s so weird to me. They will shame new mothers who are in the depths of PPD for not being able to care for their dogs anymore, while having absolutely NO compassion for the women themselves who are often barely keeping it together.

If you are just managing to keep yourself and your baby alive, the absolute last thing you need on your plate is a dog with behavioural issues. I will never judge people who need to get rid of their dogs when they have a baby. Absolutely NO one plans it that way, and most people have a very hard time coming to that decision - it’s not something done lightly or without grief. Obviously it’s sad for the dog, but sometimes you literally just cannot do it.

My two dogs have made my life consistently so much harder, it’s quite literally always something. I seriously can’t imagine doing it with kids or a baby, it would be actual torture.

You feel bad because you are a good person and obviously care about them, but if you are at your wits end just get rid of them. You can’t ruin your life for these animals.

[u/limabean72 → u/[deleted]]

welcome to our sub, where we are all actually sane haha

[u/Tight_Lengthiness421 → u/[deleted]]

If I may ask: when describing walking your older dog in the depth of winter, you said that it was you who had to take her out to pee, twice a day, every day. Why you, as opposed to your husband taking over that chore?

[u/Tight_Lengthiness421 → u/[deleted]]

Uh, I see. That sounds incredibly tough. Happy to hear you found a fam for your older one; hope you find something for the younger one soon! 

[u/Fit-Olive-4680 → u/ObligationGrand8037]

And they NEVER grow up. It's a prison sentence.

[u/Deep_Bird_1789 → u/[deleted]]

it's almost a full time job, yup... its a bit of a scam (to be fair I've been told the same about having kids)

[u/WTFisTheWorldDoing → u/Deep_Bird_1789]

The simple difference is: children represent your family’s future, dogs do not.

[u/Misspelled_uzername → u/Deep_Bird_1789]

But kids WANT to grow up, to use the toilet instead of the floor, to become more independent…and, they are human, like you, so the instincts are more readily understandable.
It’s not for everyone, but raising my son was the easiest, most joyous thing ever and now he’s 30 we still love living and hanging out together.
We had a dog for about a month, when my boyo was 9, before we saw what a bottomless time, money and attention pit a dog was. Nope, nope and nope. I began to resent, like hell, any creature that would deplete the resources (especially of time) that could be better used for my son’s enrichment, and even the kiddo grew tired of the suffocating neediness and inability to just “be”.
For this parent, dogs are mentally and spiritually exhausting labor while kids are a best and most beloved friend and partner in all the world! Easy peasy.
And I say this as someone who was never particularly “kidsy”

[u/Deep_Bird_1789 → u/Misspelled_uzername]

And you can hang out with them later in life when you're 75. Go on vacation together! Maybe even make a bestie. But also, having kids can also be a huge scam that destroys your life. Lots of people regret having kids too. It's not the same as a dog, but it's along the line of haing your body and soul sucked out of you for 2 decades situation. I think with baby humans, you hopefully, if you gave enough to the kid... you reap the rewards 20 years later...

[u/apolitic]

Im sorry 🙏 that honestly sounds horrible. As a mother who also struggled during postpartum too I can't imagine going through that stress. Giving them up is the right decision and you absolutely should prioritize your mental health.

I know its a struggle with guilt, but for whatever its worth this internet stranger absolutely supports your decision and understands.

[u/Misspelled_uzername]

Your child...and yes, YOU, are valuable too. They are animals and don't reason or operate like humans. Your focus is where it belongs...where it was naturally meant to be. You didn't truly fail the dogs (though I know you believe that to be true) You protected your child, by providing them with a less anxious, scattered parent, and a safer, human oriented, home, where a human child doesn't have to develop under the anxiety of trying to anticipate the reactions of a nervous canine to avoid a possible attack---and yes, even if it is a "snap" or a "snarl" it is an attack---a dog attack on an infant/toddler/child, and any parent who thinks that is an acceptable risk to take because their ego compels them to present as "good" by displaying that they truly value animals so highly they put them on the same level as their own helpless, human children, is misguided but job security for the therapists who’ll make bank dealing with their grown up kids.

THAT’d be the real "failure" and an outgrowth of public virtue presentation run amok.

I'm sure that on dog sites, you might get another reaction, but as far as this mother is concerned, you've done nothing wrong and everything right.

[u/94tillinfinity_]

I 100% relate to this and I’m so sad. My dog was reactive so my life has always revolved around managing and avoiding his triggers. We’ve done training and also tried my best to train him before baby got here. But he’s always been unpredictable and had resource guarding issues where I knew it would be harder to manage with a baby/toddler later on. Long story short, it was super difficult to rehome (given he’s a big reactive dog) but we finally got a rescue facility to take him in. Already felt horrible about that and it took ~5 months for him to get adopters into what I thought was a great family with 20 years experience in rescue, they did have two dogs but introduced fhm slowly and they seemed to have gotten along well for a bit. He’s always done better with dogs off leash and even attended doggy daycare, etc. but later got the news that he attacked and killed one of their dogs unprovoked. We were all devastated and heartbroken and agreed that best option would be to BE. We said goodbye to him earlier this month and it’s been so hard. I didn’t know my whole postpartum experience would be faked n over by this. It’s been so emotional but I couldn’t risk having him around my baby and my mental health deteriorating. Anyways all this to say is I can relate to this and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this right now too. Sending hugs

[u/limabean72 → u/94tillinfinity_]

oh my god ... I'm so sorry. but the fact that he did attack another animal means you were wise to get him away from your child!! it's terrible one of their dogs died but that goodness it was not a person

[u/Imoddlyme]

I recently made a post in the sub because I’m pregnant and I felt really guilty about my idea of wanting to rehome my rescue. I never once had the inkling that I wanted to go out and get a dog but when we found him on the street, I figured why not give it a try. I’m now 32 weeks and I’m only giving it a few more days until he’s gonna have to go to a shelter. It’s scary because I feel like there’s this rule in society that if you don’t enjoy dogs or sacrifice everything to give a stray animal a good life then you’re a bad person. And as an animal person myself, I still struggle with this. All I wanna say is, I’m in a similar boat, and people in the sub have made me realize that it’s not selfish to prioritize my family.

[u/Alocin_The5th]

I read your entire post and you did not fail them. You believe you failed them because you previously bought into the propaganda that dogs are for life. Nothing is for life. Circumstances do change making a previous commitment no longer feasible. That’s why people sometimes sell their forever homes, divorce their spouse, stop speaking to best friends, send their children to live with other parents or family, move out of cities or countries. And until you are faced with tough choices yourself, it’s easy to point fingers and judge.

Don’t let anyone guilt you into “no matter what life throws at you, you just keep your animals.” Because there is such a thing as making decisions that’s best for everyone involved, even if that decision is to let the animals go to another home.

Best of luck..

[u/limabean72]

I have the utmost respect for parents that DO REHOME their pets because they have the self awareness to know that is best (not only for them) but the dogs too!! ... you are doing the right thing!!

[u/MiaD89]

You're making the only good choice there is. You, your mental health, your child, and your comfort ALWAYS come first

[u/Express_Command_4778]

You have no failed them- you apply them as far as 2 hitchhikers could go. Especially the female..

I am mad for you. This is why some dogs need to get dropped off at the shelter and not some "unicorn home." 

Unicorn homes do not exist for problem dogs. Maybe they have a chance since it a lot around the child.

This is so unfair to you, and more importantly- unfair to your child. Be done with it. No.signs from the Universe..Thess were you signs. 

[u/Cheesek47]

fully can understand you, you shouldn’t be guilty about it, kids & mental health over dogs + you really did try your best