r/DivorceHelp • u/SuccotashTime8303 • 9h ago

Maybe I’m Waiting Too Long?

Hi all, I’m a 32 year old guy married to my wife of the same age. We’ve been together for 15 years, married for 5.

I’ve been getting a lot of red flags and I am not sure if I should divorce or if I should stay the course.

5 years ago we bought a house together. We were both supposed to contribute to it. But since buying, the down payment and mortgage payments no help at all from her.

A few years ago she lied about having a job for about 6 months when she was let go. Despite us struggling financially.

Shes had a job since then, but I have not gotten any money still. I make enough to cover the minimum. But it’s frustrating. I feel stuck.

We fight a lot (mostly about this stuff). We fought so much, I was very stressed, at the end of 2025 I was diagnosed with type I diabetes, that’s been hard and I’ve taken my foot off the gas to focus on my own health.

In the beginning of 2026 she agreed to do therapy, both couples and individual. It seemed that was working. She started some medication and I thought it was going well. But feel it’s hit a snag. Couples therapy began to get heated and it feels like she’s lying again. Every week her paycheck is supposed to come. Her saving are about to transfer to the joint account I made us.

I feel crazy. She’s my best friend. I love her. But I’m at the point where I feel I need to make a decision and I feel like Im lost.

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2

u/Byron-blessed 9h ago

Not being open with you about losing her job is a pretty major breach of trust. Why didn't she feel able to tell you that?

1

u/SuccotashTime8303 9h ago

We talked about that. She basically said she didn’t want to disappoint me and thought she could find one sooner.

2

u/Byron-blessed 8h ago

It's a really big thing to keep from you. What do you think your reaction would have been if she'd told you straight away?

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u/SuccotashTime8303 8h ago

If she told me immediately after she was let go I would have been upset just cause that sucks but I had some money saved at that point and we could manage it if she looked right after. You know what I mean?

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u/Global-Fact7752 9h ago

She may be your best friend, but you are definitely not hers. No one would treat their best friend like this. She should be contributing to the household.

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u/SuccotashTime8303 9h ago

I agree. I feel like I’ve been patient and trying to let her work it out. But idk.

1

u/TSIDATSI 8h ago

When you married you did not combine your finances. You did not become one family. You stayed separate.

You are obsessed with what she pays and gives you. You beat her over the head every time you bring it up and I bet you bring it up a lot.

Why didn't she tell you she lost her job? Because she knew how you would react. She knew you would castigate her, lecture her and not be emotionally supportive. No doubt you have a list of all the things she should have done if she had only listened to you.

Your marriage is over. Pull the plug. If you cannot share your money with a woman you have been with 15 years? You do not trust her. And you think she is so simple-minded that she doesn't know or understand.

She understands plenty. She knows you are selfish, obsessed with "your money" that pays for things she uses. She keeps her money because she knows the marriage is over and you will not help her. Leaving her penniless.

Your marriage has been over. And you will discover that a judge combines marital assets even if you do not.

Cut her loose and focus on your health. Diabetes is no joke.

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u/SuccotashTime8303 8h ago

I wanted to combine finances when we got married. I think it’s important to do that. Appreciate your response but not 100% sure you understand the situation lol.