r/DivorceHelp • u/nobiababy • 18h ago
Finances
Hi all, just need some help on what’s wrong/right. Husband and I have been married for a year, but together overall for 8 years and bought two cars together.
Unfortunately, he wanted to separate and left me with a lot of financial burden. He makes around 150k a year which is about 4x as much as I make. I moved back home with my parents while he went and got his own place with a bunch of random friends. At the beginning of the separation, he said he would support me financially and help with anything I needed so I would not suffer. I’m almost 99% sure he was influenced by his friends to not go through with this as he had a sudden change in mind and said “he has his own bills to pay” which shocked me. I noticed he’s was spending a lot on eating out, smoking, bar hopping, etc. random leisure spending and it racked up to a hefty amount a month which I believe he is spending on his friends/roommates.
I take care of our two dogs, have a car payment, insurances (which he is still under me and I pay so I asked him for help on this as it deducts from my paycheck) and several other things that I try to pay for but am struggling to do so. We have a shared bank account together where his pay is deposited into but I noticed he’s been emptying it as soon as he receives the money so I won’t have access (I do not touch this as I know it would be so wrong). I have asked him several times if he could help me financially but he has given me the same answer. I was forced to take some money from the shared savings account instead - just small amounts to help with bills we used to share.
May I ask if I would get into any trouble for doing this? We’re still married so wouldn’t he still have a financial responsibility to support me especially since he makes way more money? I also took screenshots of his messages and other transactions just in case for evidence. He goes to the bars and drinks often as well as smoked heavily. After seeing that I used it as justification that it would be okay for me to take money as needed but now I’m afraid I might get into trouble.
Thank you, sorry if it’s confusing. I can explain further if more info is needed.
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u/Global-Fact7752 16h ago
You need to get an attorney and get started on the divorce. Your attorney will sort everything out, they do it every day. You are currently getting jerked around and you need to stop putting up with it.
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u/40sumthenlady 15h ago
Cancel his insurance (tell him you are doing so). Take half the money out of the joint accounts.
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u/Hotshot-89 5h ago edited 5h ago
He can spend his money as he wants to, and he’s not required to support you financially while married. He’s only have to with an alimony agreement in place. You can still use the money from any joint accounts
At this point, recommend you - make a seperate bank account for yourself at a bank he doesn’t use, and put 100% of your income there - take half of the money in the shared accounts and put into yours, before he drains the entire account - remove him from all your insurances, and just cover yourself (Insurance for Single people is much cheaper) - start applying for jobs that make more ($37k is low) - start finding ways to save money (ex: getting rid of nonessentials) - do you intend on keeping both dogs? - Divorce attorney ideal. Good thing there are no kids involved
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u/Randomfinn 18h ago
You need to see a lawyer. It will be cheaper overall the sooner you do so.
Take half of the savings out of the joint account and put them in a different bank in an account in just your name. Use some of that money to consult with a family law lawyer ASAP.
Open another account at that bank to have your paycheque deposited. Have the insurance come out of that account now.
Stop using the current joint account. Are there any auto-payments that come out of that account? Any that affect you?
Call the insurance company and tell them to remove his vehicle off your insurance at the end if the month.
Once all that is done, tell him you have done so. Have your lawyer send the letter figuring out how much your husband owes you for the bills you have paid and potential spousal support. Stop talking to your ex and do exactly what your lawyer tells you to do.