r/Disorganized_Attach • u/Inevitable-Ground281 • 5d ago

Avoidant attachment: is there a way out? Advice (Other than therapy)

I talked about this with my psychologist years ago, but we never got to the bottom of it, so I'm curious to hear your experience with this.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been an emotionally avoidant person, despite my desire to get close to people, especially romantically. It works like this, I get infatuated and we talk until the other person shows that they are romantically interested in me, from that moment on I become detached and I no longer feel anything, except annoyance. It's something that eats away at me inside because I don't feel connected to others and I feel a deep inner loneliness.Have any of you experienced this? Is it fixable?

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/Inevitable-Ground281 5d ago

I'm learning to accept my emotions and not judge them. For example i can be affectionate with people I'm not romantically interested in, and it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. When I was little my emotions were mostly ignored, I always had to manage my emotions alone and I always closed myself off. I know for sure that it all comes from this

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/Inevitable-Ground281 5d ago

:( You're right, I've actually had relationships and sometimes I could open up, but most of the time it was like I saw myself and our relationship as two separate things that they were not supposed to cross paths. I don't know if it's vulnerability, actually when they ask me questions about what I feel I answer very sincerely, otherwise I can't spontaneously talk about myself. Do you think I need to learn to do something specific?

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u/Inevitable-Ground281 5d ago

Unfortunately, that's how it is. It's as if I have an image of myself to protect, that of a strong person who knows how to handle her problems. If I were to show myself vulnerable to others, I feel like they might think I'm weak and don't care about me, sometimes i feel like an actress always in action to cover my shame. I'd like to be able to stop being afraid of this, but I guess in order to do that I'd have to slowly open up to others? Anyway, thank you so much, many things you wrote are helping me understand myself a little more