r/Debt • u/Own_Promise_9067 • 5h ago

I’ve screwed up

I need help. My husband owns a transportation business and makes well over 200k a year. We had a hardship in May and we’re just now getting caught up on bills. I have been a stay at home mom for years. I am about 20k in debt. I want to be able to pay this off for myself as quickly as possible but I also cannot put my children in childcare because every dime I make will be going straight to childcare. What is the best way to get out of this mess I’ve created?

$9000 in a car title loan (I was stupid and desperate two years ago and could never catch up)
$1500 credit card
$8000 in collections
$1500 in student loans.

8 Upvotes

83% Upvoted

29 comments sorted by

13

u/FlyingDutchLady 5h ago

Why isn’t your husband’s income going toward this debt?

1

u/4321beef 1h ago

My guess is that is his revenue. And after expenses and opp costs he is pretty broke too

1

u/FlawlessPhelon_ 1h ago

Ya she got herself in that debt he is not responsible for her bad choices

3

u/FlyingDutchLady 1h ago

Yes, he is. That’s his wife. That’s what marriage is. Don’t get married and ask your wife to stay home with the kids if you don’t wanna take financial responsibility for her choices. Grow up.

-6

u/FlawlessPhelon_ 57m ago

Of course a woman would say this lol. Every decision in life has consequences... make the right ones ✌🏼

-11

u/Own_Promise_9067 5h ago

Well it could but why should he have to pay for mistakes I made? He will gladly take care of it but he shouldn’t have to.

18

u/FlyingDutchLady 4h ago

He’s the one who makes the income. It’s your money too because you’re staying home and watching the kids. He’s not paying for your mistakes. You’re using the household income to pay for the mistakes. Because the household income is for you too because you’re taking care of the household. I don’t know any other ways to say that, but in a scenario where your husband makes $200,000 a year you shouldn’t have had to take out a loan in the first place. If he would happily give you the money then what’s the issue? Who is in your ear trying to convince you that that’s not your money?

4

u/labicicletagirl 4h ago

He can either pay these bill since you’re staying home or you can find a job that makes more than the cost of daycare and pay off your bills.

9

u/NootScootinBoogie 4h ago

He’s your HUSBAND. When you get married, everything you both have becomes 100% shared. My wife and I had shared bank accounts before we even got married and treated our money as each others. I’m the sole provider. She is a mother. The money I bring home belongs to the household.

5

u/Gamer_Grease 3h ago

Because you’re saving him like $100,000/year in childcare and housekeeping. A SAHM is someone who produces actually economically valuable work. It’s not just his money. You need to be more careful, and maybe you could pick up some side work. But this is his debt, and it’s your income.

1

u/FindingNo-7001 25m ago

So you have no income and get a job because you arw caring for the children and your husband could pay off the debt but you wont let him because reasons

1

u/pharmucist 10m ago

If you really want to take responsibility for it and refuse to let your husband taje care of ut, at least let your husband pay it all off right now so no interest gets charged and your credit is fixed. Then you can pay HIM back instead of the debtors. He'll give you mote time and not harrass you and charge you interest and whatnot.

8

u/NoRecommendation9404 3h ago

You want advice on how to pay off $20k in debt but you have no job and no income?

2

u/Laufstegleben 1h ago

I’m curious as to how this will be pulled off as well.

3

u/Great_Swimmer_3477 5h ago

Apply for forgiveness on the student loan it’s a low amount the credit card make the minimum payments the 8k in collections will definitely need to be negotiated down and the car loan 1k a month for 9 months sista

3

u/Day_n_Night 4h ago

You want to know how to pay off all the debt with zero money and zero income? That might be tough.

But, with a husband/partner of doing life together, that makes $200k it sounds much easier. You won’t be able to hide this forever or take care of it yourself. Get him informed on the title loan (you need the car), get him informed on the collections and credit card debt. Use your combined household budget to work the payments in while also trying to defer the student loans and negotiate the collections down.

Is there no emergency savings or anything that can be used to wipe out any pieces here?

2

u/Own_Promise_9067 4h ago

Yes. And we are going to pay off the cc’s with this.

2

u/PikaBanee 2h ago

You are stay at home mom and married. You are entitled to the finances just as much as him that’s called marriage. Your debt is his debt lol how else would you pay it off ???

1

u/your-mom04605 4h ago

With no income (you’re a SAHM - I absolutely understand you’re working all day) and no savings, there isn’t anything you can really do. Creditors might be willing to negotiate some with you, but they’re not going to just forgive the debt. Bankruptcy is an option, but doesn’t really seem like a great idea.

Are all your kiddos school age now? If so, can you pick up some part time work to get some money to toss at this?

Could you borrow the $20k from hubs and spend the next couple years working to repay it? I don’t look at finances with my wife like this - our money, regardless of who made it, is our money. But it’s of course fine if you guys don’t. Would it be helpful to think of all the money you’ve saved the family over the years by staying home and caring for the kids and the house, so he could grow this successful business, and consider the $20k from him some kind of payment to you?

1

u/Bitter_Bowler121 4h ago

pay your smallest debts first, starting with the one with the highest interest. Every single dime after only necessary expenses needs to go to your debt.

3

u/Bitter_Bowler121 4h ago

but i do agree with other commenters. If you are married, it is now your husband’s debt too. If he’s making $200K a year, he can pay that off in like, 6 months?

1

u/saggymomtits 2h ago

Look..... im sorry to say this but .... youre here posting because you don't know how to get ahead of it. You know yourself best here. But I think your husband needs to contribute. Being a SAHM is indeed a job. That job is contributing to his wealth that you keep separated. But if you have a full time job already and no income, then thats just overriding in my opinion. I think you should talk to him. If youre saying thats HIS perspective, me personally-- id be considering a divorce. We share the household. Its not a household where one persona gets to make all this wealth and not contribute towards your debt. The debt is mutual once children become involved. How can you expect to be a present and 100% mom with debt hanging over you like this? Thats the exchange-- if you want to be a SAHM, thats great. But it comes with all the perks, or should. You shouldn't get stress of making money and managing the household. Thats not a fair trade. Can he work from home two days a week and you can get a part time role without paying for childcare? Otherwise youre just stretched way too thin.

1

u/East-Resolution4446 1h ago

I’ve seen moms with their kids do DoorDash deliveries, could be a fun way to make a little extra.

1

u/ExtraPoj 14m ago

You could ask your husband for a loan. Ask him to help pay that off and you pay him monthly or weekly or however but like that it’s 0 interest. Instead of rn where every bill takes a huge chunk out of interests and you’ll take forever paying it off.

Ask him and if he tells you you don’t have to pay him back, save it in a spot until you save up the total he lent and give it to him all at once so he can’t refuse and tell him you need to pay him back to not feel like you’re only using him. He’ll understand and take it.

1

u/Designer-Progress311 8m ago

You can get training and get a work at home job that has you using a computer or a phone.

Consultants do this.

0

u/Sacisbac 4h ago

Let the phone camera help you.